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Chabad.org » Learning & Values » Questions & Answers » Ask the Rabbi » Latest Questions » Advice » Can a homosexual be Jewish without losing his or her identity?
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Can a homosexual be Jewish without losing his or her identity?


Question:

I am active in a Jewish student's organization at my college. Lately, several of my fellow students are dealing with whether or not to even remain Jewish because they are homosexuals and feel very rejected by the Jewish faith.

I was wondering what exactly does the Torah say and suggest. How can a homosexual continue to be Jewish and not lose his or her identity?

Answer:

I understand your dilemma; in your desire to approach all Jews with acceptance, you are faced with the question of how to help someone who is Jewish, but not following, necessarily, in the precepts of Judaism.

First, let's talk to the issue of identity. Each one of us wears many faces; each one of us is multifaceted. And one can, no doubt, list adjective after adjective to describe either oneself or someone else. American, vegetarian, skier, intellectual, blue-eyed, tone-deaf, farmer, narcissistic, teacher, morose, healer, nimble, sympathetic, runner, generous, noble...endless, endless adjectives. Do any one of them an identity define? And if I say I'm heterosexual, is that an identity?

So the thing is this: identity is fixed. I am my parent's daughter. I am my children's mother. I am my siblings' sister. I am Jewish. These define me in absolute terms, and these have nothing to do with how I feel about it.

A Jew is a Jew is a Jew. It does not depend on feelings or desires or life-partner choices. It simply is so.

In your position as a Jewish student leader, you must make every effort to see that every single Jewish man and woman whom you encounter understands that every single one of them is entitled to a Jewish environment, to be involved in Jewish life, to be involved in the behaviors of Jews. Period.

Every Jew is entitled to Shabbat. No Jew should ever be encouraged to deny her/himself the authenticity of Shabbat—even if that particular Jewish man or woman is not Shabbat observant.

Bronya Shaffer for Chabad.org

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By Bronya Shaffer   More articles...  |   RSS Listing of Newest Articles by this Author
Mrs. Bronya Shaffer is a noted globetrotting lecturer on Jewish women's issues, and serves as a personal counselor and mentor for women, couples and adolescents. Mrs. Shaffer, a responder for Chabad.org’s Ask the Rabbi service, lives with her ten children in Crown Heights, Brooklyn.
All names of persons and locations or other identifying features referenced in these questions have been omitted or changed to preserve the anonymity of the questioners.

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Reader Comments
Latest Comments:
Posted: Jan 17, 2012
For Rob
Agree with much of what you write. Not so sure of the doom and gloom prospect, however, plenty of men who started off with SSA and now claim to have totally left it behind. After all, isn't that the fundamental thesis of psychotherapy--that a human being can change his or her personality?
Posted By Rabbi Tzvi Freeman
via mychabad.org

Posted: Dec 30, 2011
Clarification, and Compasionate Compromise
First of all, there shouldn't be any need to keep saying that "a Jew is a Jew." That should be obvious. A Jew is Jewish even if he has ham in his digestive tract, drives on Sabbath, or shacks up with someone of the same gender. Even if a Jew is "cut off from his people," that does not mean that he is a Gentile; it just means that he is alienated -- and hopefully not permanently.

Secondly, feeling a certain way, and acting it out are two different things. They might be related in that the first may lead to the second, but they are still distinct phenomena. Therefore, a gay Jew could force himself to live a straight, frum life. The good news in that scenario is that he would be righteous. The bad news is that he would most likely be miserable.

Posted By Rob W., Pittsburgh, PA / U.S.A.

Posted: Dec 18, 2011
tired (continued)
the main reason im here on earth is to be G-d like, and that is to be of the sharing nature for G-d is not a receiver. my personal issues as a gay person are not identical to other fellows.. SIN? what is sin? according to the bible most of what we do is sin! envy, hate, selfishness, desiring for oneself alone.. but there are things we can always do that will bring us close to G-d. and we cant maintain our finger connected 24/7 cuz at one moment it will blow! . too much of G-D in this earthly world is neither good.. a healthy balance would sufice.. anything in excess sex, (homo or straight) eating, etc.. is sin.. so everyone go home and ck out where your excess is and what are you doing about it.. thank you.. have a blessed day... Peace
Posted By Mr. Jorge Rodriguez

Posted: June 21, 2011
Hitler marched the gays to death along with the Jews. Please feel free to continue to validate his actions.
Posted By Anonymous, New York, NY

Posted: Feb 24, 2011
I am OK with this
It has been explicitly stated repeatedly that it is not the orientation, but the act which is prohibited. I am gay gentile. I have been interested in judaism for a long time and feel an affinity for the jewish people, and have no issue with this at all. It is simply the law. In a culturally relativistic world the Torah's absolutes are a precious touchstone, and I have no interest and no support for undoing them. However I will admit to a deep sadness over this state of affairs as it means that if I were to have a sex life within marriage I would be unfit to join the ranks of the jewish people. One does not convert with the idea of following the law when it is convenient. As for the confusion about acceptance of homosexuals, the debate has been settled that it is the act that matters, not orientation.
Posted By NH, Derby

Posted: June 2, 2010
Can a homosexual remain Jewish?
Doesn't the Torah teach that for certain sins a person is to be cut off from their people? If we love our G-d, then we will stand on what his word says and we will do what it says we should do. A Jew who rejects the Law of G-d, is not still a Jew....he/she is cut off from the rest of the people.
Posted By Anonymous, Naples, FL

Posted: Apr 11, 2010
2 Questions about Prohibition
I'm a bit confused about the actual statement found in Leviticus 19, I believe.

"Do not lie with a man as you would lie with a woman"

2 questions:

How is it possible to lie with another man like you would a woman if that 'another man' doesn't have the same parts as a woman?

Does it say anywhere in the Torah that a man is forbidden to fall in love with and live a loving life with another man?
Posted By Dov, Jerusalem, Israel

Posted: Apr 10, 2010
Are you surethe Bible prohibits homosexuality?
Gen.19,5 and they called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may know them."

Well, it's about a flock of men that tried to "know" other men. It's about rape, and not a homosexual action. They tried to rape people, also threatened Lot saying you're a foreigner in our country.

They were not punished for being gay, they were punished for trying ti rape other people, that were GUESTS in the house of Lot.

This story teaches we must be hospitable, lawful, respectful towards others and especially foreigners and guests. But it says nothing of punishing gay men for their gayness!
Posted By Sevak, Yerevan, Armenia

Posted: Apr 9, 2010
BIGOTRY ISN'T INHERITED
It would be helpful to me to know how many of the bigots who would exclude homosexuals from being "natural" are experts in brain chemistry. Take a look at the real world. Some breeds of fish change gender when there area a lack of one gender over the other. Worms are often hermaphrodites, which for you ignorant people who do not know, that means they have the sex organs of both genders.
You bigots think that there are only two sexes and you are as WRONG as you can be. NO BODY CHOOSES TO BE A PARIAH. Do any of you ignorant, bigoted morons think that intelligent people think, "gee, I think I'll do something to make people shirk and hate me."
It is only by the grace of G-d that any of us are "straight." I reserve my anger and hatred for people who are bigots. A Jew is a Jew is a Jew.
Posted By Beverly Kurtin, Ph.D., Hurst, TX

Posted: Apr 9, 2010
Homosexuality and Jewish Identity
All honor to you for the above response. A Jew is Jew is Jew period and every Jew has the right to sit at a Shabbos table and be treated as Holy. Amen
Posted By Roleen Kaplan, Johannesburg, South Africa



 


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