Stop Kvetching

A guy gets a new dog. He can't wait to show it off to his neighbor. So, a couple of weeks later when the neighbor finally comes over, the guy calls the dog into the house, points to the newspaper on the couch, and commands "Fetch!"

Immediately, the dog climbs on to the couch and sits, his tail wagging furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile disappears. He starts to frown and puts on a sour face. Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy, wagging my tail all the time? Oy vey... This constant wagging of the tail puts me in such pain, you should only know! And you think it's easy eating that stuff you call designer dog food? Forget it. it's too salty and it gives me gas. But what do you care? You try it!"

The neighbor is absolutely amazed. In astonishment, he says, "I can't believe it!"

"I know, I know." says the dog owner. "He's not yet fully trained yet. He thought I said, 'Kvetch!'"

At times we may find ourselves caught up in cycles, going around day after day and constantly complaining about the same things. To our friends it may sound like a broken record. I know some people who have been complaining about the same things for thirty years, "Why is it so hot? Why are my neighbors so loud? Why is my husband/wife so stubborn? Why is my boss so nasty? Why is my mother so demanding?" and so on.

Some people get so used to it that it starts to become part of their vocabulary. If we try to offer them solutions, their immediate reaction is, "It won't work", "I've tried it before", "You don't understand the problem" and so on. They give the impression that if they stopped complaining they would have nothing left to talk about.

A complaint is a message that the brain sends us that something is not right. Its purpose is not to make us go in circles and complain about it for the next 20 years, but rather to cause us to take action.

In his book The Power of Now (Marc Allen, Canada 1999) author Eckhart Tolle suggests a powerful four-point approach to dealing with problems, so that one will never have to complain in his or her life:

1) Fix it. If you don't like what you get, fix it.

2) Get someone to fix it. If you can't fix it yourself, talk to someone who can fix it. There's no point going around in circles complaining to people who can't do anything about it.

3) Walk away from it. If you can't fix it yourself and can't find someone who can, go somewhere where the problem does not exist.

4) Accept it. If you cannot do any of the above -- then accept it. Learning to accept things the way they are instead of the way you wish they were, will take a big burden off your shoulders.

By adopting one of these four options we will serve as a living example to our peers and families. Energy which was previously used for complaining and gossiping can now be directed towards more useful endeavors. And you'll certainly be freeing up lots of emotional space for feelings of love and peace.

Try it -- it works!