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Deep Love

Deep Love

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You cannot touch the depths of another until you have touched the depths of your own soul.

If you love yourself for your achievements, your current assets, the way you do things and handle the world—and despise yourself for failure in the same—it follows that your relationship with another will also be transient and superficial.

To achieve deep and lasting love of another person, you need to first experience the depth within yourself—an inner core that doesn’t change with time or events.

If it is the true essence, it is an essence shared by the other person as well, and deep love becomes unavoidable.

By Tzvi Freeman
From the wisdom of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, of righteous memory; words and condensation by Rabbi Tzvi Freeman. Subscribe and get your dose daily. Or order Rabbi Freeman’s book, Bringing Heaven Down to Earth, click here.
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Linda Sierra Foothills, CA January 17, 2016

The blessing of knowing the "divine spark" make for a truly wonderful relationship with G-d. Once the divine is a part of you, you are blessed to see G-d in the world and others around you. That deep love is possible only after you have struggled and found the "divine." Reply

Susan Austin January 15, 2016

If you were lucky, your parents loved you for what you are, not for what they wished you were or for what you did for them or for the ways that you reflected honor on your family. Then you did not have to look into yourself to check whether you loved yourself. Your parents had treated you lovingly and so you love yourself (aned others) without pondering the question.

If you were less lucky, your parents gave you a distorted mirror that disapproved of you and rejected you. They taught you to reject yourself and made it difficult for you to love others. But even then it remains possible to learn to love yourself: be aware that GD loves you. accept Gd's love as real. Stop projecting your parents' rejection onto others. This can be very difficult but it remains possible. See Gd as your loving spouse (as in Song of Songs of Solomon) and yourself as Gd's beloved. Do this every morning while praying and every night before sleep. Keep it up. See the godly sparks in everyone. Reply

Anonymous Sierra Foothills, CA January 8, 2016

Personal Question: Why does a marriage partner walk away from such love once experienced? Mine went to drinking and drugs? Being in recovery for 30+ years (AA) I simply don't understand the choice. Life is once again spiritual and wonderful and I never want it any other way. I don't understand the choice to walk away? Perhaps it's a good thing I don't understand and just leave it alone? That was 2004. Reply

Brenda Toronto, Canada January 7, 2016

There are only two kinds of love 'forces'-
You bond with another for love of what you can benefit from the other. This 'love' comes from using your mind to manipulate the other for your needs.
This bond is temporary as long as you can feed of him. This is an egoistic connection.

Then there is the divine Love - This love connects you through your feelings, your heart. This love does not serve your selfish interests. Instead, you make space in your heart/feelings for another and once there he becomes part of you. In this place you feel the spark of the divine bond between you. You love and treat the other as yourself. Reply

Wren April 4, 2015

Experiencing born I find myself in harmony whichever the wind takes me-.- but deep positive love I would like the wind blow Reply

Judith L Witten Brockton, USA December 4, 2011

If one hates oneself as you seem to say....then one cannot love-The soul must be nourished with love..I believe so too-You know I find love giggily...I know I shouldn't say this but I found love to be gigily-when I feel replenlished with self love and reciprocated love-I gigle alot and behave like a child...then I feel stupid and wonder how could I love....There is fun with love-I believe love is fun-to get rid of self-loathing is defiitely fun...Hating yourself is a drag..and..I donn't find THAT fun at-all...I like to feel positive and find it is about love that a p person feels positive-also...self-loathing comes from being poled and staked by the others-you know those others that that would say anything to see someone give up on love and there are many like that-don't we know it-futhermore I will say once more that love is fun-give it a chance really-once you are hooked-it is the impoasible dream-um-I mean dream come true of course- Reply

grant (Zehner) gerling evansvile, in November 28, 2011

This is the love for no reason, as in the love of King David and Jonathan son of King Saul. Amen Reply

Ruth Nigeria November 28, 2011

I strongly agree and appreciate this because it is the way you present yourself that people around you will take you and you can't even give what you dont have.... Reply

Kathleen Ellen McCoy Fox McCoy Hummelstown, Penna. via chabadchampselysees.com November 28, 2011

To love another being in a committed, lasting way, a person has to be able to state that he or she is self satisfied with themselves, and is not validated by another living being other than the creater. No other person is to ever "complete us" like it says in the movies, other than our "G-d".....He, and He alone is the author and finisher of us all....We are who we are, because of our personal relationship with our Heavenly Father, If we can't make this statement, we better enroll in a Codependency Group. Reply

Anonymous Forest Hills, NY/USA November 28, 2011

Dear Rabbi, I understand that the commandment to love my neighbor as myself really starts with me. If I do not love myself well I can not love my neighbor well either. Correct? But I am confused a little bit that I thought I am not supposed to look into myself too much, that love is always about reaching out, which I thought I am not supposed to put myself first? Reply

Susie Kahn Parker Northridge, CA November 28, 2011

What a wonderful "Dose" today! It reminds me of something my mom always told me: "You can't love someone else until you love yourself." It's so true! I didn't find real love until my adulthood, and it was worth the wait! And, I realized that the depth of my love for my husband is due to the fact that sometime in my 30s I stopped judging myself by my achievements, my work, my clothes and other "superficial" attributes! Yes, I'm so totally and passionately in love with my husband, and I'm convinced it's because I'm able to love myself.

This "Daily Dose" is so remarkably true and relevant! To any readers who don't believe its reality, they should stop and think. It will definitely make a "connection" with them (the reader). Reply

Anonymous +233, ghana November 9, 2011

Deep Love

You cannot reach deeper within another than you reach in your own self.

If you love yourself for your achievements, your current assets, the way you do things and handle the world -- and despise yourself for failure in the same -- it follows that your relationship with another will also be transient and superficial.

To achieve deep and lasting love of another person, you need to first experience the depth within yourself -- an inner core that doesn't change with time or events. If it is the true essence, it is an essence shared by the other person as well, and deep love becomes unavoidable. Reply

keya laurel, MS. October 4, 2010

look just wait about 3 years then say i love you. relationships are deep dont hurt youself telling someone you love them too soon. just be you. Reply

Susan mission viejo, ca January 19, 2009

That reading was extremely profound and exactly what I needed to read.

That is exactly why I had a failed marriage (of course it takes two )and why I cannot seem to find another person to Love.

Thank you for opening my eyes to what I really needed to see. Reply

Neshama Simcha Gainesville, Fl December 6, 2008

This is just what I needed . I'm h aving a difficult time loving myself and the people who mean the most to me. This is my prayer every day..." G-d, teach me to love" Reply

Ann in Texas December 5, 2008

Does that mean that if I love my true core, I am loving my godly soul? Reply

henk Buffalo, NY December 5, 2008

there are two types of love in the world, the ta'nacH reveals this, there is a corrupt love and a pure unadulterated love free from impurities, (this is the love the one seated upon the throne has for mankind, each and every man and woman) this is the love heaven wants man to reflect towards man, (brother to brother sister to sister) to help one another and share, to understand this better, words have been given to those known as neviim, (prophets) and h'sefer h'seforim are for those who search, they can learn how to reflect this love that comes from ones core towards a world that is corrupt with impuities. it has been said over generations that this and that are what sin is and man hs been encouraged to turn from it and do it no longer, yet many continue too and they call it love as their brother lay in the street hungry made poor by injustices. Reply

betsy hunter, n.y. December 5, 2008

I love you Tzvi. You're the best! Reply

Simcha Boston, MA December 5, 2008

what is the inner core? The true you? But how would you know that it is the true you? Aren't people's identities always changing? One day we believe this way and another day we believe something different?
I suppose we would know what we believe about ourselves intuitively, but how can one access that intuition? Reply

Amir Ben Yehuda Singapore, Singapore December 5, 2008

I totally agree...one must love himself before loving others. Reply