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You cannot touch the depths of another until you have touched the depths of your own soul.

If you love yourself for your achievements, your current assets, the way you do things and handle the world—and despise yourself for failure in the same—it follows that your relationship with another will also be transient and superficial.

To achieve deep and lasting love of another person, you need to first experience the depth within yourself—an inner core that doesn’t change with time or events.

If it is the true essence, it is an essence shared by the other person as well, and deep love becomes unavoidable.

From the wisdom of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, of righteous memory; words and condensation by Rabbi Tzvi Freeman. Subscribe and get your dose daily. Or order Rabbi Freeman’s book, Bringing Heaven Down to Earth, click here.
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Discussion (20)
January 17, 2016
Divine Spark
The blessing of knowing the "divine spark" make for a truly wonderful relationship with G-d. Once the divine is a part of you, you are blessed to see G-d in the world and others around you. That deep love is possible only after you have struggled and found the "divine."
Linda
Sierra Foothills, CA
January 15, 2016
Putting others first while loving oneself
If you were lucky, your parents loved you for what you are, not for what they wished you were or for what you did for them or for the ways that you reflected honor on your family. Then you did not have to look into yourself to check whether you loved yourself. Your parents had treated you lovingly and so you love yourself (aned others) without pondering the question.

If you were less lucky, your parents gave you a distorted mirror that disapproved of you and rejected you. They taught you to reject yourself and made it difficult for you to love others. But even then it remains possible to learn to love yourself: be aware that GD loves you. accept Gd's love as real. Stop projecting your parents' rejection onto others. This can be very difficult but it remains possible. See Gd as your loving spouse (as in Song of Songs of Solomon) and yourself as Gd's beloved. Do this every morning while praying and every night before sleep. Keep it up. See the godly sparks in everyone.
Susan
Austin
January 8, 2016
Personal Question: Why does a marriage partner walk away from such love once experienced? Mine went to drinking and drugs? Being in recovery for 30+ years (AA) I simply don't understand the choice. Life is once again spiritual and wonderful and I never want it any other way. I don't understand the choice to walk away? Perhaps it's a good thing I don't understand and just leave it alone? That was 2004.
Anonymous
Sierra Foothills, CA
January 7, 2016
Divine Love
There are only two kinds of love 'forces'-
You bond with another for love of what you can benefit from the other. This 'love' comes from using your mind to manipulate the other for your needs.
This bond is temporary as long as you can feed of him. This is an egoistic connection.

Then there is the divine Love - This love connects you through your feelings, your heart. This love does not serve your selfish interests. Instead, you make space in your heart/feelings for another and once there he becomes part of you. In this place you feel the spark of the divine bond between you. You love and treat the other as yourself.
Brenda
Toronto, Canada
April 4, 2015
Negative love versus positive love
Experiencing born I find myself in harmony whichever the wind takes me-.- but deep positive love I would like the wind blow
Wren
December 4, 2011
Hating yourself and the results
If one hates oneself as you seem to say....then one cannot love-The soul must be nourished with love..I believe so too-You know I find love giggily...I know I shouldn't say this but I found love to be gigily-when I feel replenlished with self love and reciprocated love-I gigle alot and behave like a child...then I feel stupid and wonder how could I love....There is fun with love-I believe love is fun-to get rid of self-loathing is defiitely fun...Hating yourself is a drag..and..I donn't find THAT fun at-all...I like to feel positive and find it is about love that a p person feels positive-also...self-loathing comes from being poled and staked by the others-you know those others that that would say anything to see someone give up on love and there are many like that-don't we know it-futhermore I will say once more that love is fun-give it a chance really-once you are hooked-it is the impoasible dream-um-I mean dream come true of course-
Judith L Witten
Brockton, USA
November 28, 2011
Ahavat Emet - True Love
This is the love for no reason, as in the love of King David and Jonathan son of King Saul. Amen
grant (Zehner) gerling
evansvile, in
November 28, 2011
GOD IS LOVE
I strongly agree and appreciate this because it is the way you present yourself that people around you will take you and you can't even give what you dont have....
Ruth
Nigeria
November 28, 2011
Deep Love (everlasting/eternal)
To love another being in a committed, lasting way, a person has to be able to state that he or she is self satisfied with themselves, and is not validated by another living being other than the creater. No other person is to ever "complete us" like it says in the movies, other than our "G-d".....He, and He alone is the author and finisher of us all....We are who we are, because of our personal relationship with our Heavenly Father, If we can't make this statement, we better enroll in a Codependency Group.
Kathleen Ellen McCoy Fox McCoy
Hummelstown, Penna.
chabadchampselysees.com
November 28, 2011
Deep Love
Dear Rabbi, I understand that the commandment to love my neighbor as myself really starts with me. If I do not love myself well I can not love my neighbor well either. Correct? But I am confused a little bit that I thought I am not supposed to look into myself too much, that love is always about reaching out, which I thought I am not supposed to put myself first?
Anonymous
Forest Hills, NY/USA