Here's a great tip:
Enter your email address and we'll send you our weekly magazine by email with fresh, exciting and thoughtful content that will enrich your inbox and your life, week after week. And it's free.
Oh, and don't forget to like our facebook page too!
Contact Us

Do Homosexuals Fit into the Jewish Community?

Do Homosexuals Fit into the Jewish Community?



According to Jewish law, how should a person react to homosexual feelings? Do homosexuals fit into the Jewish community?


You ask about feelings and law. But feelings do not fall within the domain of law. A person feels what a person feels. Then he has the power to decide whether he will act upon those feelings or… not. This is the human experience: desire, longing, wanting…and the law. Part of our development from childhood to adulthood is creating for ourselves a moral compass. Something that's internal. That which tells us right from wrong. And that moral compass is comprised of myriad components, but must be firmly grounded, always, in a system of values.

For Jews, the all-encompassing system is Torah law. Torah law governs every single part of living. And from the body of Torah law emerges a system of values - general, societal and personal. Sometimes, it's easy; we feel an affinity, for example, to the laws of tzedaka, or we feel a strong connection to the laws of Shabbat or brit milah. And sometimes, we feel something quite the opposite - we feel estranged or disconnected or personally deeply at odds with a law.

We feel what we feel. Some feelings we can change, and some we can't. Sometimes what we feel is subject to modification, and sometimes it's not. Totally and unequivocally not. And yet, the law is absolute.

As much as we know about human sexuality, we don't yet know enough. We're all, as individuals and as a society, still learning. In the last half century, we've come a long way in our understanding of human sexuality, and in redefining a cultural moral code. Some of what we've come to accept as a society is long, long overdue. And some of what we've come to accept undermines the very dignity of human sexuality. But, we're learning.

We do know this, though: we know that among other sexual behaviours, Torah law expressly forbids the specific act of male homosexuality.

And we do know this: Torah law forbids bigotry; homophobia is prohibited.

And we do know this: too many Jewish girls and boys, Jewish women and men, have suffered too much for too long. And we know that most of that suffering is caused by the environment around them. We do know this: when we become judges of another person, we behave contrary to Torah law.

And we do know this: A Jew belongs in a Jewish environment. Each of us, struggling or not, needs to be in a truly Torah-observant environment. And each of us is responsible for that environment - each of us is responsible for what we bring to that environment. When we bring ignorance, or cruelty or self-righteous judgment of others, we contribute to the sullying of a true Torah environment. When we bring the most ideal principles of ahavat Yisrael, respect for every individual, recognition of each individual's personal relationship with G‑d...when we bring the best of our humanity, as expected by Torah ideals, we contribute to a Torah environment that is healthy and wholesome.

Or perhaps your question is in regard to how we should react to the homosexual feelings of others? Or how we should react to someone who eats on Yom Kippur? Or someone who longs for the relationship with a man other than her husband? On this, the classic work known as the Tanya provides strong advice: Consider what it means to have such burning passions for forbidden fruit. Consider the day to day fierce and relentless battle demanded to conquer such passions. And then ask yourself, "Do I ever fight such a battle on my own ground?"

The Tanya continues to illustrate the many areas in which all of us can improve by waging at least a small battle on our own ground.

On your question concerning community: A Jew belongs within a Jewish community. There are no application forms and no qualification requirements. He's Jewish—that's where he belongs. Period. We all have our challenges, our shortcomings, our feelings...and our failures in battle as well...and with all that, we are a community of Jews.

Mrs. Bronya Shaffer is a noted globetrotting lecturer on Jewish women's issues, and serves as a personal counselor and mentor for women, couples and adolescents. Mrs. Shaffer, a responder for’s Ask the Rabbi service, lives with her ten children in Crown Heights, Brooklyn.
© Copyright, all rights reserved. If you enjoyed this article, we encourage you to distribute it further, provided that you comply with's copyright policy.
Join the Discussion
Sort By:
1000 characters remaining
Chaim NYC June 24, 2017

When you need modern psychology to support your outlook, you are Neo-Chassidic. Reply

Leah Florida July 9, 2017
in response to Chaim:

Perhaps your comment would have been better stated like this: Modern psychology is a living proof of the existence of Torah as it upholds Torah rather than contradicting it.
(You may not like the answer she gave because it does not sound like Torah to you, yet her response does not oppose Torah.) Reply

Anonymous June 3, 2017

I have a strong desire for this forbidden fruit. But that is not my problem. The problem is that all the other fruit to me is rotten. So I'm starving. I have nothing to satisfy my hunger. There is only so long I can go without eating. Jews are not excluded from shule and looked down upon for eating pig with cheese. But intimacy, something that is so innate in human beings, something that I don't have an alternative to replace with, I am shunned for.

I don't know why hashem made me this way. I have prayed for the desire to be intimate with someone of the opposite sex. I really want that traditional life, but it is something I cannot obtain. This is an issue that I need support from my family and community but I can't even have that because people are so afraid of it and how it might affect them that they would rather push me away than deal with it. Reply

Anonymous NYC May 24, 2017

Baruch Hashem for the creation of all kinds of human varieties! Throughout history, the LGBT community has been recognized for their contributions as teachers, human rights activists, healers, peace makers and creative artists. However, there are harmful stereotypes that still exist. One is the notion that because of the presence off homosexuality in the world, the 'human race will cease to exist'. This Loshen Hara--is as harmful as the 'blood libel' rumors that still persist today. This 'bad language' creates hatred and bigotry. If we 'cease to exist', believe me, it will be because of the greedy war mongering male ego run amok. Not because of a lesbian woman pursuing justice for the oppressed or the gay man obsessed with making the world a more beautiful place to live in. Reply

Anonymous June 25, 2017
in response to Anonymous:

I wish we could like comments Reply

Ariel NY April 16, 2017

I don't particularly like the comparing LGBT attraction to forbidden fruit. That would imply that it is wrong. You also make it sound like it is a demon we have to fight. It's not, and I find it personally offensive to refer to it as such. You are either completely welcoming to the LGBT community or you are not, there's no dancing around this subject. I am a proud Bisexual, Jewish woman, and I want a supportive religious community. Reply

Shmuel Canada June 19, 2017
in response to Ariel:

Please reconsider what you are saying.
Can't an observant Jew imply that is wrong for a Jew to drive a car on Shabbat, and that the desire to eat non-kosher food (or to indulge in any other desire that Jewish law prohibits) is a "like a demon that we have to fight", while - at the same time - accepting and embracing every Jew regardless of his or her Shabbat or Kosher observance?
Must Judaism be completely welcoming of working on Shabbat or of eating pork?
If someone chooses a lifestyle that is antithetical to my values, must I embrace their behavior in order to embrace who they are as a Jew?
Jewish unity and love are only possible when we can disagree with each other's choices and behaviors without rejecting the person. Reply

Ariel Silberman Levittown June 25, 2017
in response to Shmuel:

Then you are no different than the Christians that say love the sinner, hate the sin with regard to LGBT's. Not something to aspire too. Reply

Leah Florida July 9, 2017
in response to Shmuel:

Agreed. the greatest relationships are not necessarily the ones where everyone agrees on the same issues. The greatest relationships , in my opinion, are the ones where no one agrees and yet each person treats the other person with respect and warm regard.
Neither you nor I must accept our lifestyle choices. It's not mandatory. However, the Torah says to love one's fellow Jew. One does not have to accept everyone's behavior or preferences etc...because at The End of Days, the world becomes topsy turvy. What is false is touted as truth and what is truth is touted as lies. Reply

Anonymous NYC March 27, 2017

Baruch HaShem Do left handed people belong in the Jewish Community? For that matter, the ambidextrous? People with two different colored eyes? Those with photogenic memories? We know for sure that HaShem makes some people 'not like the others'. Can someone tell me exactly what the problem is with homosexuality then? I've never heard one instance in my whole life where being homosexual harms anyone else. In fact, the exact opposite. The gifts and blessings that this community has bestowed upon the world is enormous. Time to appreciate and include! Reply

Anonymous March 26, 2017

In addition to having urges with people of their own gender, many homosexuals never feel urges for people of the opposite gender. Telling a homosexual isn't just telling them not to do homosexual acts. It's telling them that they can never have enjoyable sex at all, with anyone. Reply

Dan Cleveland, Ohio March 10, 2017

Politically correct response? The author gave us the foundation for the answer but avoided specifically answering the question. Why? I think because the answer is not politically correct and the fears associated with that took control. Reply

Paul cripps Australia gold coast June 25, 2017
in response to Dan:

Quite correct,the essay goes on and on without an answer. Reply

Leah Florida July 10, 2017
in response to Dan:

Reread the article, especially the last paragraph Reply

Anonymous Berkeley January 21, 2017

The Spark of Mashiach The spark of Mashiach--found within everyone--will empower us with the humility to embrace the awe inspiring diversity found throughout creation. Reply

Bubby April 1, 2017
in response to Anonymous:

This was beautiful...and correct. Reply

Leah Florida July 10, 2017
in response to Anonymous: long as it does not contradict Torah laws that call for embracing every whim and desire all in the name of, "I've just got to be true to myself." Reply

Manuel PC Beach FL December 18, 2016

I see this as the aspect to not be judgmental of others with the feelings to do something that doesn't follow the teachings of the Torah. I think when the law clearly expressing male homosexuality was written, it may have come due to not being in the ways of the pagans that in which the men indulged in such acts and may have devoted the acts to their deities. Seeing how nature has both male and female elements and the natural design comes to be heterosexual, it is easy to condemn someone who doesn't follow the "order". In short the Torah prohibits the act and it is against the Torah to mistreat/shun anyone i.e bigotry. Reply

Anonymous Rio Hondo November 23, 2016

Perhaps we should look back at the times when the righteous Jews were persecuted and killed and the Temple desecrated by Antiochus Epiphanes. It was a time not unlike today; a time of a heavy culture war. A great falling away took place with many Jews embracing Hellenism and all of the pagan worship and sexual practices that came along with it. Do not forget that, in that time, Jew (who became Hellenized) persecuted Jew. In the end, the righteous were slaughtered for what? For upholding the Torah, the Word of God. There is the same culture war going on at this very moment. The righteous are desperately holding on to the Word of God while many Jews have fallen away, holding on to Nationalism instead of purity and righteousness; guilty, like in the day of Antiochus IV, of persecuting their own people for the sake of the lusts of their heart. Reply

Anonymous St. Louis November 22, 2016

That was probably the vaguest essay I've ever read. Thank you for answering my question, Chabad Reply

Anonymous NYC August 30, 2016

Sound Familiar In response to Ben from PA---sounds frighteningly familiar. ".....LGBT run media" "LGBT agenda" "LGBT's powerful campaign"----same classic language used by anti-Semites--just substitute the word 'Jewish'. Our Intolerance is never about the one being targeted---it's about the shadow of hate, fear and self-loathing that exist inside. Use the Torah as a mirror to find your own blind spots. Reply

Ben PA August 24, 2016

When Torah condemns the act, I can't imagine that it approves of what leads to the act. We are forgetting something because the LGBT run media have so cleverly brainwashed our minds, even the minds of the devout. If we want to support so much acceptance and tolerance, why aren't those who respectfully, for clearly religious reasons, disagree with LGBT's agenda get hauled to court, vilified, called names and get held up to ridicule? You'd have to be blind (or running scared from LGBT's powerful campaign demanding total support from everyone under the guise of "tolerance"-or else) to not see how unaccepting, intolerant and actually vicious LGBT people are toward those who simply don't agree. Why do we have to explain ourselves, defend ourselves, and still in the end be called "homophobes" and worse because we do not support LGBT? The tide has turned-it is those who want to support Torah instead of LGBT that are being persecuted, and people supporting Torah are actually afraid. Reply

Anonymous NYC June 29, 2016

The most important commandment Seems like the most important commandment for us Americans today is the, 'Thou Shalt Not Kill' one. Studies have shown that killing does more harm to the health and safety of the community than a 'man lying with another man in the ways of a woman' have ever done. In harm ever reported there to the greater community. Time to focus on real important issues. Reply

Anonymous Rio Hondo June 29, 2016

Nice words but they are your words and not words from the Torah. Thou shall not lie with a man as with a woman and all the teachings regarding the treatment of our neighbor are truth eternal. Said teachings are not there to condemn or to bring shame but so that we may have life from the Eternal One, knowing beforehand that there will be sons who reject the eternal truths from the Father of Lights.To obey is better than sacrifice and to disobey is to reject the wisdom from the Holy One as Korah rejected the authority of Moses. Reply

Anonymous Jerusalem June 28, 2016

Disrobing I am defined by Torah's teachings on 'welcoming the stranger', yes. I am defined by Torah's teaching that we are all (gay, straight, buddhist, Christian, Jew) created in the Creator's image. I am defined by Torah's teachings that I will not do to my neighbor--what is hateful to myself. The 'Truth' of the Torah is the pursuit of wholeness---shalem---from which the word 'shalom' comes from. There is no wholeness where there is no self-esteem, and self-esteem is hard to cultivate when others tell you that you should be ashamed for how the Creator created you. You're not disrespecting me. You're disrespecting G-d's vast diversity of creation .I disrobe and expose myself as the Torah disrobes and exposes herself every Shabbos for all to draw near and listen to the mysteries of Creation. Reply

Anonymous Harlingen June 28, 2016

Jews are defined by Torah. No Torah, no Jews. When you leave the truth of Torah and pursue your own understanding, you have disrobed yourself and have exposed your shame. You nonetheless retain your freedom of choice. Reply

Anonymous Jerusalem June 15, 2016

Peace be Upon You May Abraham, Sarah and Hagar's tent be open to their beautiful LGBTQ Puerto Rican grandchildren who lost their lives in Orlando and all 'others' who are rejected, discriminated against, and a 'stranger in a strange land'. You are welcomed. You are loved. You are part of the Creator's diverse rainbow of diversity. Peace be Upon You. Reply

Jordan Canada June 15, 2016

Wow Many years ago, I gave up on my Jewish roots, partly because of bigotry and sexism.

This message brings me hope that after 5700+ years, maybe soon the time will come to make a few urgent changes. Reply

Anonymous May 3, 2016

After so much scientific research and so many personal testimonies we've heard of and read over the years that same sex relationships are natural and an innate part of human sexuality---how come it is still thought to be an abomination? I understand why incest and relations with animals are forbidden. No child or animal would ever give consent to this if they were able to speak up for themselves. But can someone tell me----what harm is brought about by two men or two women loving each other? Why is it considered an abomination? Why don't gay people think it is an abomination, but some heterosexuals do? Could Judaism go on if we just sacrificed that 'false goat' that causes such huge pain to so many? Reply

Related Topics
This page in other languages