What Can I Do About My Ego? - Learning & Values

Question:

How can I rid myself of my ego? As hard as I try, it keeps coming back. I have meditated, fasted, taken vows of silence - but after years of work, my ego is still there.

Answer:

Fighting your ego is like trying to think about nothing. The harder you try, the further you get from your goal. As long as you are taking yourself so seriously, you are feeding into your ego. Even if you are fighting your ego, it's still all about you.

A desire to be spiritual can also be self-centered. Fasting can be just as self-satisfying as a good meal. As long as it is you who calls the shots and decides what is high and holy, then you remain under your ego's spell.

There is only one way you can truly transcend your ego: do a mitzvah. A mitzvah is a divine command as communicated in the Torah. Doing a mitzvah means doing something just because G‑d wants you to, and for no other reason.

Whether the mitzvah feels good, like resting on Shabbat, or seems totally weird, like wrapping tefillin on your arm; whether it is as easy as putting up a mezuzah on your doorpost or as hard as honoring your parents, when you do a mitzvah you go beyond the parameters of human and touch the divine - you are doing not what you feel like but rather what G‑d asks of you.

The mitzvah life is about not taking ourselves so seriously, because we are only here to serve others - both G‑d and our fellow human beings. Even self-improvement, in the mitzvah world, is only important because G‑d wants us to refine ourselves.

Do a mitzvah today and focus not on yourself, but on your purpose. When you do, the weight of ego is lifted off your shoulders, and you are free.

By Aron Moss

Rabbi Aron Moss teaches Kabbalah, Talmud and practical Judaism in Sydney, Australia, and is a frequent contributor to Chabad.org.

About the artist: Sarah Kranz has been illustrating magazines, webzines and books (including five children’s books) since graduating from the Istituto Europeo di Design, Milan, in 1996. Her clients have included The New York Times and Money Marketing Magazine of London.

More articles by Aron Moss | RSS

The content on this page is copyrighted by the author, publisher and/or Chabad.org, and is produced by Chabad.org. If you enjoyed this article, we encourage you to distribute it further, provided that you comply with the copyright policy.

E-mail

Sort By:

NewestOldest

September 20, 2012

How can I kn ow what my purpose it?

BS"D

Anonymous, toronto:

If you are Jewish, begin by doing mitzvos. You will find that your soul is attracted to a certain path and if you are amenable you will follow it. As the whole world belongs to Hash-m there is no set preordained path for you except of your own choosing. What delights your soul will propell you onto your own path and what you do will become your purpose. You will be drawn to it by your own actions. If your life is dedicated to doing mitzvos, whatever you end up choosing to do willl be oriented toward the divine will.

The sincere person becomes wise in following his/her path while the foolish one halts somewhere along the journey and becomes a zealot.

Anonymous
Toledo, OH/USA

January 9, 2012

ego

Can my ego be in charge when I am sleeping too? Sometimes I have to believe that any "Light Work" I do must best be done when I am asleep because I get tripped up when I am awake. I just think I can overcome much more in my sleep. Sometimes I wake not feeling too rested though! I am not trying to be odd. I am just very aware how difficult my own will can be. I am not fighting it. In God's hands.

Anonymous
Tacoma, WA

June 2, 2011

need some help

I would like to try to let go of my ego and do something G-d would have me as suggested, but what would he have me do? any suggestion would be greatly appreciated

Michael P
pittsburgh, Pa,usa

September 11, 2010

Very Wise Rabbi

"There is only one way you can truly transcend your ego: do a mitzvah." I am limited in my exposure to the Torah and usually only seek knowledge or wisdom according to my needs as I recognize them. I am not Jewish. The statement confirms some notes I have on working for the enlightenment of humanity and its general welfare. I am beginning to understand more that blessing. Though my life has seemed to be about service and not personal ambition, there have been times when I have felt put upon and not supported when I needed help. I always say, "It's you and me G--D", also thinking it would be nice to be remembered by those whom I have helped. It is becoming more clear to me now with the statement, "doing something just because G_D wants you to, and for no other reason". I always have to let go, while like Jonah with his arms crossed over his chest in personal viewpoint of G-D's judgment, and let G-D: or suffer. Thank you.

Mr. Leon Anderson

January 11, 2010

Thank You

Thanks a lot to the response to that question. I know it will be helpful.

Chanelle McCloud
Cleveland, Ohio/us

December 29, 2009

Feeding starving children means your ego has to rely on the starving children for you to feel good about feeding them, if that makes sense. It may seem kind, and it is, but it's still ego-involved. That's what I read in A New Earth, and it makes sense to me.

Catherine
Sydney

March 28, 2008

I'm not sure if you’re right in asking why this didn’t happen earlier, M.H. I am personally just glad and thankful that the bad memories of my past are behind me. I try to forget about that as well and just bring it back to me when I am repenting. For the remaining time there is all that other stuff about life to enjoy such as eating ice cream on a cone and competing with yourself to finish the ice cream before it drips from the cone, or watching the sunset and the moon rise and noticing how well decorated the planet Earth is in its beauty and learning about how the stuff all being vivified by G-dliness at every moment and that this can all be seen within creation. Figure out how a single plant organism from amongst trillions of many plants, how a single plant can have an affect on the plan of creation now that’s something to think about!

Ari Edson
thornhill, ont

March 24, 2008

starving children

the comment was, "THINKING I was feeding starving children" Of course, it would have been wonderful to have actually been feeding those starving children. What's not wonderful is being involved mentally and emotionally in "causes" but really never affecting any positive change. And for a Jew, being connected to G-d and his Torah, is the only way we can truly and fully go about selflessly improving the world.

M.H.
North Miami Beach, Florida

March 24, 2008

No Such Thing As Wasted Years

How can feeding starving children be a waste of years? Are not acts of kindness mitvahs

RK
Los Angeles, CA

March 23, 2008

Ego? Nah. I want to save the world...

There are so many Jewish, non-affiliated or partially affiliated, saving-the-world type people who would balk at your article. "No, I am selfless in my goals of trying to make the world a "nicer-safer-cleaner-fairer-etc. place." Only under multiple layers of liberalism-new age-whatever brainwashing would they even begin to entertain the notion that perhaps you have a point. A ba'al tshuva who has "been there, done that" can whole-heartedly agree with you...but then would perhas pause and reflect...Why didn't someone tell me this before I wasted so many years, decades, whatever, feeding my ego, and fooling myself into thinking that I was feeding the starving children of the world (or whatever other cause he/she was "committed" to) for all those years?

But that moment, too, is a bit of an ego moment. "Me" "Why didn't someone tell ME about this" "Someone should have warned ME not to waste all those years" etc.

Ah, I guess a ba'al tshuva's work is never done.........thanks!

M.H.
North Miami Beach, Florida

Show all comments