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Why Are Men Always Complaining About Their Marriages?
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Question:
I am in my thirties, a single male who has hopes of having a wife, a loving relationship and children. As I get older though, I hear more and more grumbling from men about how miserable and burdensome marriage is. When I ask men about marriage, a sigh of resignation comes over them, their eyes glaze, and they say, "It's hard work!" Half of the shul kiddush jokes are from male congregants about the burden of being married.
On the other hand, women always seem much more upbeat about marriage. Do they really know what their husbands are experiencing. Is it really such a grind?
Answer:
Here's my advice: Google marriage and longevity. You'll find many fascinating studies. It turns out that, for a man, being married is a more significant factor in health and longevity than income—so significant, that it outweighs the negative factor of smoking.
Yes, everyone loves to kvetch. It's the nature of man to never be satisfied. And even the best of marriages is not heaven. But take a look at the confusion and dullness that strikes any of those men when their wife leaves town for a few days.
Trust the Torah: "It is not good that a man be alone." The game of life is full of risks. If you don't want to take the risks, why bother with the game?
By Tzvi Freeman
Rabbi Tzvi Freeman, a senior editor at Chabad.org, also heads our Ask The Rabbi team. He is the author of Bringing Heaven Down to Earth. To subscribe to regular updates of Rabbi Freeman's writing, visit Freeman Files subscription.
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2)Complaining is expected of men, per one of the previous comments. I agree with this theory. You know, just to show that you're still a fiercely independent mammoth hunter at heart who quite naturally dislikes being kept.
3) Complaining soldier theory. ("The only time you should worry about a soldier is when he stops bitching", says Nick Nolte in the film The Thin Red Line). I agree with this, too. A kvetching soldier implies a busy soldier, and a busy soldier is a happy soldier, is the theory. Nothing plummets morale like idelness.
4) Complaining helps keep things in perspective. So when things happen, you'll really be able to re-assess what it is you're complaining about.
Forest Hills, NY
Brooklyn, NY
East Wenatchee, WA/USA
I honestly believe if both parties try and are kind to each other then there is nothing to grumble about...but you have to want to be kind.
I truly think the "grumbling" is – in part – a mask set to show the world they are men, or in other words, doing what is expected of them. You're a man; therefore, you must grumble and not gush about how wonderful marriage is and how much you love and appreciate your wife.
I myself have grumbled from time to time, particularly with other married men, but the underlying and unspoken reality is a vast ocean of love and appreciation.
Dongying, Shandong