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How do I keep a kosher kitchen when my husband still wants to cook shrimp?


By Chaya Sarah Silberberg

Question:

How am I supposed to keep a kosher kitchen when my husband still wants to cook shrimp in it? Both my husband and I were born into a non-observant families. Now, however, I want to start keeping kosher, but my husband has no interest in doing so. What should I do?

Answer:

First of all, know that you are not alone in this dilemma—very often when a couple is becoming more observant, they each move at a different pace; one wants to start keeping kosher, and the other is not yet ready to do so. And it also frequently occurs that one spouse wants to become observant while the other is not ready yet to make such a move.

The best way to deal with this is by negotiating. If you haven't been keeping kosher, you'll obviously need to re-kosher your kitchen. You will probably have some "non-kosherable" pots, utensils, dishes, etc. Set them aside for your husband's use. Designate an area in the kitchen for him where he can cook his shrimp (maybe provide him with a 1or 2 burner unit) or heat up his Chinese carry-out. Ask him to use only this place and these utensils for the non-kosher stuff, and to leave the rest of the kitchen kosher. Thank him for being so understanding of your needs. This way you respect his wants, while he respects yours. Then you cook and prepare such delicious kosher food, that he'll be happy to eat kosher… By not nagging, thanking him every time he cooperates, and giving him his space you'll be able to accomplish a great deal.

May I suggest that you click here for a very comprehensive article on koshering a kitchen.

Good luck with koshering your kitchen!

Chaya Sarah Silberberg,
Chabad.org
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By Chaya Sarah Silberberg   More articles...  |   RSS Listing of Newest Articles by this Author
Chaya Sarah Silberberg serves as the rebbetzin of the Bais Chabad Torah Center in West Bloomfield, Michigan, since 1975. She also counsels, lectures, writes, and responds for Chabad.org’s Ask the Rabbi service.

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Reader Comments
Latest Comments:
Posted: Mar 1, 2011
kosher in non-kosher kitchen
To address the concerns of "too optimistic" above:
I keep kosher, my husband doesn't, guests and visitors don't. So I keep my own pots and knife in a separate storage place, use disposable plates and forks etc, cover the kitchen counter with newspaper when preparing food, and I have my own microwave and counter-top over for my use only. If I want to use the "big oven" I double-wrap (or triple!) in aluminum foil. When I freeze extra portions, I mark the ziplock bag with a "K" with a Sharpee marker, to avoid confusion. It might not work for a large family, but for us it works fine.
Posted By Fay , Los Angeles

Posted: Aug 23, 2010
too optimistic
You have to look at the reality too: is it possible that a few drops of shrimp juice will splatter onto a counter? Of course. Is it possible that someone cooking shrimp will rub their juicy shrimp hands momentarily on their pants which will rub on the doorframe which will get touched by the hands of a child who you'll pick up and kiss? Why not. The reality is that a kitchen where shrimp or pork is cooked is not a kosher kitchen. Accept this reality and take every precaution.
Posted By Anonymous, Montreal, Canada

Posted: Dec 17, 2007
Wash the dishes seperately
an important point to remember especially when having a split kitchen, is that the treif dishes need to be washed separately from the kosher ones, just as the milk and meat dishes get washed separately.
Posted By zal

Posted: Dec 14, 2007
Kitchen
We do something similar .... I was raised conservative and don't eat pork or shellfish, and don't mix milk and meat. My husband was rasied in a small town up north and they only had a visiting rabbi once a month.

My hubby did not grow up keeping kosher. When we moved to our first house, we had some extra dishes and utensils, and typically did not use the back burners on the stove. We used a similar system.

I did the grocery shopping and would not buy pork or shellfish. But if he had leftovers from a meal out, we have these extra dishes and utensils that are available for his use. We took the idea from a college friend who kept kosher but had apartment mates who were not Jewish. It's worked great!
Posted By Mindi

Posted: Dec 10, 2007
Kosher Kompromise
That's a great idea! I would have never thought of setting aside some kitchen space for the preparation of non-kosher foods. I want to kosher our kitchen and my husband does not; however, the majority of food items we buy, even beef and chicken, are kosher so it makes sense to cook it in a kosher kitchen. I'll run this by him. How can he object?
Posted By Andrea Schonberger, University Place, WA
via chabadpiercecounty.com

Posted: Dec 10, 2007
Koshering up shared space
Thank you so much for these good tips. I have a flatmate and have had to color code the kitchen, which is shared. Even my own grandparents, who were observant, had a color coded kitchen. It makes it easier for all who use the shared space, especially for children.

My flatmate has her own cutting board and set of knives and cooking utensils. She knows which pans are for certain foods but prefers to make a sandwich or heat up leftovers in the microwave, anyway. Thankfully she is also sensitive to my needs as far as keeping a kosher kitchen goes and she also reaps the benefits when I am the one doing the cooking.

I have heard of some kitchens having even two dishwashers or two sets of sinks. That is not always possible, especially when one does not own the home or is on a budget as many of us are. Keeping it as simple as you did in your answer gives me hope.
Posted By Kelly Rae, Sydney, AU
via cbdchabad.com



 


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