Is There a Cure for Jealousy?

By Malkie Janowski

Question:

I am struggling with jealousy in many areas in my life and in my relationships. Any words of advice for me?

Answer:

Let's analyze jealousy for a moment. You're jealous of your friend's car. Why? Hers is nicer than yours. You're jealous of a colleague's intelligence. Why? It's greater than yours. You're jealous of your sister's artistic talent. Why? You don't have any yourself.

All jealousy boils down to the same thing. They have something you don't, and it's something you want.

Our Sages have a famous saying, "Who is wealthy? He who is happy with what he has." One who is satisfied with his lot in life does not struggle with jealousy, because he does not desire more than what he has. So your friend has a nicer car than yours. But you're happy with your own. Mr. Big Shot at work is smarter than you. You're content with the intelligence G‑d granted you. You lack artistic talent. You have your own abilities.

So let's refocus. Instead of "how can I stop being jealous?" the question really is, "how can I be happy with what I have?"

This question happens to be fundamental. We believe G‑d is all-knowing and good. All knowing means He has full knowledge of what is best for you to have in life; and good means He will grant you what is best for you to have. If G‑d has not seen fit you to give you that car or house, that means that having that car or house at this point in time is not in your best interests. So what's there to be jealous about?

Obviously, it takes a bit of work to make this line of thinking natural. There's no automatic mental switch. But the result is more than worth the effort.

11 Comments Posted

By Malkie Janowski More articles... |

Malkie Janowski, a Florida native, is an accomplished educator who now resides in Brooklyn, NY. Mrs. Janowski is also a responder on Chabad.org's Ask the Rabbi team.

Image: Detail from a painting by Sarah Kranz. Ms. Kranz has been illustrating magazines, webzines and books (including five children's books) since graduating from the Istituto Europeo di Design, Milan, in 1996. Her clients have included The New York Times and Money Marketing Magazine of London

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Latest Comments:

Posted: Nov 2, 2007

Jealousy vs. strengthes

In addition to what you said (very interesting topic), People rarely stop to appreciate and count their stregthes and blessings. We are all here for a reason. Discover your strength=discover something you can do/be well=improve your (and G-d's)world. Than stop again and CHERISH your contribution after six days of creation G-d stoped to appreciate and admire his work. It's a good advise for us to stop everyday rush long enough to appreciate and cherish our dids (or improve them if necessary).

Posted By Sarit Ron, Irvine, CA
via chabadirvine.org

Posted: Nov 2, 2007

Response to but I thought

I like this site too because it is religious in nature and people are here to edify each other. Welcome to the site of weaknesses or shall I say, healing ministry? That sounds good!

If you are struggling with the concept of whether there is a correlation between jealousy and forgiveness or pain and hurt stemmed from jealousy, I would like to make an analysis of these two terms. First of all, pride comes before every action. Due to the prideful nature of man to boost his ego or whatever is lacking, he goes about in search for his needs prior to praying and asking G-d for wisdom. Since he could not fulfill his 'ego' and need, he is hurt and is in pain. Jealousy is a mixture of pain and want and out of balance, it can turn into anger etc.

Forgiveness is vital in order to move on and make a closure to the ill feelings we caused, first. Always blame yourself first and then in no time, you will have no one to blame, but yourself. LOL.

I would suggest you pray for wisdom and may HA-SHEM give you abundantly.

Posted By Elizabeth
via chabadofbakersfield.com

Posted: Nov 1, 2007

but I thought..

First I would like to say, this is my first experience with this site and I am in awe...
I just read a story from the library called 'Forgiveness'. I couldn't help but feel a correlation between this topic of jealousy and forgiveness. Is this a 'coincedence' that I read the story before the article? Maybe the story wiill answer, or point your mind, as it did mine, in a clearer direction. Yet then I question,; Why are we suppose to settle? We are humans, g-d gave us the ability to think! Why settle without trying? No, we don't choose 'the cards we are dealt'. But I thought g-d would want us to use this gift! It's a challange maybe?! It's as if, each of us with jealous thoughts ( I'm ashamed of even having) Have a personal reason for that pain or anger. All of it, heartbreak, heat got turned off, I didn't get the job etc...
All the pain or hurt stemmed from jealousy IS relevant. Now. How do I play this hand when the other guys is better? It was chosen for me for some eason.

Posted By N.S.Guttman, cincinnati, ohio
via chabadba.com