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We are who we love: self, fellow, and what connects us

Love & Judaism

Can't You Take a Joke?
My wife has no sense of humor. She says I make fun of her in public, and gets all upset and insulted. Shouldn't she be able to take a joke?
Intimacy
You're going to allow someone into that part of you that you're not so comfortable with yourself. And you don't know how the other person is going to treat it. But that's the whole meaning of a relationship
Why Is Torah Law So Restrictive of Contact Between the Genders?
Should any physical contact that is friendly be considered intimate? Hopefully, it should.
Love at First Sight: Five Biblical Examples
In five instances, the Torah describes the phenomenon of love at first sight: in the love of Adam for Eve, of Rebecca for Isaac, of Jacob for Rachel, of David for Abigail, and of David for Bathsheba. These five, in their historical order, are descending examples of how the intensity of love at first sight can be focused into mature, rooted love
The Grammar of Love
Are you searching for love in the present, or in your past? Are you looking for your soulmate or are you looking for yourself?
Growing Pains
Dear Child, you are so tender. A new world is opening before you. I must not let you notice my hesitation. I must not show you my fears
Anniversary
After all these years, I may be less sensitive to your wants and wishes. My guard is down; my words and actions no longer reflect the nuances of care they once did. But you, too, don't give yourself as freely as in the olden days...
A Friend’s Divorce
It had always seemed to me that, for most of us, many of the Torah’s laws restricting relations between the sexes are a sort of collective punishment for the sins of a few. But recently my perspective has changed . . .
Marriage: an Anthology
Whom to Marry... Why Do We Fall in Love... The Kabbalah of Marriage... Yes and No... The Mikvah... Waiting... Moses vs. Freud... Adam & Eve... The Loving Friends.. Ring, Round & Roof... and 20 other articles and stories on marriage
Coffee Break
Masculine and feminine modes of communication reflect our respective arenas of spiritual expertise. Unfortunately, the differences can sometimes result in unintended discord
Men are from Chochmah; Women are from Binah
She'll ask about his day. He'll answer that it was good or bad. If he remembers to reciprocate, he'll soon be wondering when or if she'll ever finish her litany of endless, intricate and irrelevant details and get to the important parts
The Chochmah/Binah Dichotomy II: “Joe, We Need to Talk”
"Joe must be feeling pressured at work," Sara muses. "He's not saying anything because he doesn't want to worry me. Oh, I wish he would just talk about it!"
The Life-Long Marriage
Going through life with a spouse we love is one of the greatest satisfactions in life. A small percentage of us have a natural gift for it -- the rest of us have to learn it. So how is it done?
Stop Kvetching
A complaint is a message that the brain sends us that something is not right. Its purpose is not to make us go in circles and complain about it for the next 20 years
How to Apologize
"If you are lost in a forest," a chassidic master once asked his disciples, "are you better off being lost while walking or while riding on a horse?"
Do What You Want Done
One of the ironies of life is that we do the same things over and over again, but expect different results...
How to Agree to Disagree
It is possible for two people to see and hear the same event and yet each has a totally different experience of what actually took place...
Authentic Listening
Why can't I just skip the "listening part" and go straight to solving the problem?
Productive Communication
An old chassidic saying posits that there are three types of conversations: 1) Everyone talks and nobody listens. 2) One person talks and others listen. 3) No one talks and everyone listens...
Begin With the End in Mind
"We've been married for 14 years, the last 10 of which have been nothing but misery. It will never change!" I asked what they wanted to achieve with counseling. "We want a better future," came the instant reply
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