Why Can't My Daughter Have a Real Bat Mitzvah?

Question:

I have been very moved after attending services at my local Chabad. I would consider sending my children to their Hebrew school program, but have several reservations.

My wife and I both want our daughters to grow up feeling that they are equal, and able to achieve anything.

We are stuck by the idea that they cannot go to the bimah, read from the torah, or have a bat mitzvah. How do I get past this, or is this just the way it is?

Thank you.

Answer:

Thank you very much for sharing. In Judaism, the roles for men and women are quite clear-cut, there are some things that a man can't do but a woman can, and vice versa. This is no indication that one or the other is inferior.

Women don't have to be like men, and men don't have to be like women, every single creation has a purpose in this world, a purpose which no one else but him or her can accomplish -- a rock need only be a rock not a tree.

Every one of our actions has a spiritual ramification and effect which we don't necessarily see. Why doesn't a woman need a brit milah (circumcision)? Because a woman does not need the spiritual elevation of milah, or a kippah for that matter. Nor does she need an aliyah to the Torah. The word "aliyah" means to be called up, be elevated; a woman does not need the public elevation which comes from being called up to the Torah. This is because she is either naturally elevated due to her unique spiritually sensitive feminine soul, or because she achieves elevation through observing those special mitzvot which are designed to elevate the Jewish woman.

Our woman's site contains many articles which elaborate on and will further clarify this aforementioned idea.

Lastly, a woman definitely can and should have a bat mitzvah, but it should be a bat mitzvah, not a bar mitzvah. As she is celebrating being a woman, not a man... Here are some suggestions on how to celebrate a bat mitzvah:

As bat mitzvah is the moment when a Jewish girl becomes a woman, you and your daughter may want to focus on the mitzvot which are particularly pertinent to women, such as lighting Shabbat candles, and challah. Click here for some inspirational articles on these subjects.

By Chani Benjaminson

Chani Benjaminson is co-director of Chabad of the South Coast, coordinator of Chabad.org's Ask the Rabbi and Feedback department and is a member of the editorial staff of Chabad.org

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April 16, 2012

Men and Women

Men are required to pray because, as men, they feel a constant and overwhelming sense of responsibility for protecting and providing for those around them. This sense of responsibility can lead to a feeling that the world depends upon them. In a minyan, in prayer, a man must tie his strong hand and hang the Torah between his eyes to make him pay attention to the fact that he is not G-d. The world can and will go on without him. He needs to grasp his mortality and his limits.

Women, although they also feel responsible to those around them do not have the pressure that men have. They understand their spiritual self, and they know how to feed that self with prayer. They do not need to be forced to pray with others, to tie their hands, to hang the Torah between their eyes because they know they are not G-d.

Women are more free. They are not equal. They should not accept the ways of men because to do so is to step down, spiritually.

Minyan is not a privledge, it is an obligation.

Anonymous
Atlanta, Georgia

January 24, 2012

Tolerance

This is a word that should be better understood - and then carefully used as little as possible.

I do not want anyone to 'tolerate' me -- to put up with me. I deserve acceptance, just as I accept others who have differing opinions and idea and religions -- as long as their differences do not harm me.

Museum of Tolerance -- what an awful name! Why not Museum of Acceptance??

Hatred is taught in subliminal ways and words used are important.

'should' - another useless word.

Meira Shana
Vista, CA

January 23, 2012

Surprised At the Openness and Tolerance of Chabad

It is refreshing to see a Jewish site where the views of all facets of Judaism are tolerated. Being raised in Orthodoxy and having drifted to Secularism and then into Classical Reform, I have made my way back into the new Traditional Reform and Conservative streams of observance. I was dismayed by the stringent intolerance of Orthodoxy and the way it did would not allow dissent or disagreement. It is amazing that Chabad encourages all Jews, regardless of their current stream of observance to "just strive to be a better Jew each day" without condemnation or defamation. Their tolerance is magnetic and I will try to become more observant. It is sad to see contributors to these questions tell people that their opinions should be off limits in this forum. That seems to go against everything the Chassidim are striving to achieve. More and sincere observance of the law through open and frank discussions and study.

Ron
N. Salt Lake, UT

December 6, 2011

Why my daughter can't have a Bat Mitzvah

Could someone enlighten me what the term Torah torah refers to? I have heard that term used but never been able to find out what it implies.

Dr. Jacques Abourbih
Sudbury, ON, Canada
themtc.com

December 1, 2011

Female at Bimah

Sitting upstairs with my mother and grandmother, looking down to where my grandfather was praying I grew up knowing how special Torah and torah are!

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect to be at a rabbi's side as he read from the Torah, after my aliyah!

I never felt such honor and love and respect of Judaism as I did at that moment.

In a Conservative synagogue is where my Orthodox upbringing came into focus.

I better understood then as now a little tiny bit of what a man can feel at bimah.

I do not want to be a man - G-d honored me by making me a woman. I honor G-d by being the best person I can be, with flaws and good stuff. G-d knows me well and honors me, too.

My little bit of learning trope was amazing, too. Learning and Studying is now fun for me - it was not as a child.

Meira Shana
Vista, CA

August 17, 2011

Problems occur when people don't understand each other's point of view...She was just asking a simple question, I don't think her intention was to bash Orthodox Judaism...It is all a matter of perspective. Learning and studying Torah might change your point of view. It did for me...however, I do not judge anyone... Do your best for your child...

Anonymous
WEST ORANGE, NJ
chabadessex.com

May 25, 2011

Daughter's Bat Mitzvah

A woman can reach a higher spiritual hight than any man. Yes, a woman does not read from the Torah, but they have the ability to do something even more special - bring new life to the world. Everyone is entitled to their opinions though. We just passed Lag Ba'omer - the day that Jews stopped dying from the plague. And what was the plague for? Not respecting eachother. We should respect others opinions even if we beleive differently. As jews, different people have different roles. Cohanim, Leviim,men and woman all have a different role. We need everyone working together for things to work out. Hashem gave every woman many special gifts and we should use them.

Anonymous

February 3, 2011

Bat Mitzvah

As an Orthodox Jew, I took offense to Lisa's comment. Do not denigrate my position in Judaism. The home is infinetly the most important place and women are responsible for what goes on in the home. It is only in a Christian country where we feel that the synagogue is more important that the home because in Christianity the church is the central focal point. Also, women don't need the synagogue requirements because we are already on a higher spiritual plane. Men need those commandments to reach our plane.

I will tell you that I have a PhD and have been educated outside and inside the Jewish world. If you don't believe this way fine but don't dismiss those who do. Thank you.

Beyla
Brooklyn, NY

July 5, 2010

Women Are Not Men Are Not Women, and so on

It seems a great many of the comments here are way off base (while many remain focused as well). As intelligent people of the Jewish faith, we should recognize that the question answered itself. It had been composed as a desperate attempt to place a female before a Torah in an Orthodox Synogogue, yet the tone implied the absurdity in doing so.
Exchanges posted among those who practice different views of religion and philosophy, however Jewish, should respect each other's concerns, not judge them. One particular comment, posted by "As" was just rude. ("... if you are not already single or divorced"). FYI: An Orthodox Rabbi, in the memoir "The Color of Water", raped his daughter, cheated on his wife, and then divorced her in her old age. Not one way is perfect. Flaws abound.
Jews should support each other's concerns to sustain ourselves as a nation, a people and a religion, no matter the denomination!
As for those who belittle the females of the Orthodoxy: Get Over It!

Bar Yakov
Philadelphia, PA

May 21, 2010

Women Reading from the Torah

There is nothing in Halacha that says a woman cannot read from the Torah. It is only (male-dominated) tradition which prevents it. Remember, in biblical times women could achieve the status of prophets, which also proves that there is likewise nothing against women being rabbis.

Ephraim
London, England

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