Tying the Knot for the Second Time

A New Start

Marriage involves a total commitment whether it is the person's first, second, or seventh time walking down the aisle. A positive attitude, an absolute determination to make this one work, is vital.

Many, many remarried couples experience blissful and loving marriages. It is important to note, however, that the fate of a marriage often depends on the original approach one takes to the relationship. Entering a marriage with low expectations for its long-term prospects can end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is unfair to oneself as well as to the person one cares about enough to consider marrying.

The fate of a marriage often depends on the initial approach one takes to the relationshipSecond marriages often bring unique challenges. The acute sensitivity required of stepparents when dealing with stepchildren; the occasional reluctance of certain family members to accept a second spouse; as well as certain expectations the spouses may have developed in the course of their first marriages. Preparing for these issues by reading up on the subjects, as well as discussing them with others who have successfully dealt with these dilemmas, is certainly a wise step. But bear in mind that with an unqualified commitment, coupled with compassion and the spirit of cooperation, one can weather most, if not all, family issues.

Building upon the Foundations of Ruins

For those who are tying the knot for the second time after experiencing the heartbreak of a failed marriage, there's good reason to be heartened: there are realistic reasons to be optimistic that the second time can and will be smoother than the first go-round. First marriages often bring together two people who driven by the throes of emotion jumped into the commitment of matrimony without properly considering whether their respective priorities, values and dispositions were suited for each other. A failed first marriage causes one to acknowledge that love and passion alone are not sufficient grounds for marriage. This recognition should cause a person to examine any future perspective spouse through a lens of clarity and objectivity, thus increasing the odds of marrying a truly compatible mate.

In the majority of instances, the couple united in a first marriage are "bashert" (predestined) for each other; they share a soul connection since before they were born. While their souls may be a perfect fit, they may have clashing personalities, priorities, and/or ambitions. So why did they marry? Because they were destined for each other. Second marriages present an opportunity to choose a person who is compatible with one's lifestyle and character.

According to the Talmud, the quality of people's second spouses depends on their deeds (as opposed to first spouses which are determined before birth). Thus increasing in Torah study and mitzvah observance greatly improves the odds of finding a quality individual with whom one will find happiness and tranquility.

True Allegiance

The souls of the departed find true peace when their beloved spouses find happiness againThe grief caused by the loss of a spouse is indescribable to someone who has not experienced such an ordeal. The Talmud points out that a man's death is most acutely felt by his wife, and the same vice versa. Often out of a sense of fidelity and allegiance to their deceased spouses, many a widow or widower are reluctant to remarry. The loneliness they endure is but a small sacrifice lovingly dedicated to their beloved spouse's memory.

The thought may be noble, but this is not the path which brings nachas to the departed spouse. From their place in Heaven, the souls of the deceased continue to watch over their families, and gain tremendous satisfaction upon witnessing their accomplishments and achievements. The spectacle of a spouse who is lonely and dejected and refuses to move on with life causes the spouse's soul much anguish. How can souls enjoy their heavenly reward when they see the melancholy state of the one person they so love? After an appropriate mourning period, it's time for the surviving spouse to begin thinking seriously about starting a new chapter in life with another caring individual. The souls of the departed find true peace when their beloved spouses find happiness again.