Contact Us
Read the rules of the Jewish dating game. Building a strong marriage relationship actually begins with a proper approach to dating.

Dating the Jewish Way

Dating the Jewish Way

 Email

Inspired by millennia of tradition and guided by the eternal teachings of the Torah, Jewish communities have developed a unique pattern of courtship and dating. The process is goal-oriented, beautiful and respectful. Read more . . .

The process whereby a man and woman meet, become acquainted with each other and decide whether they are suitable for each other, is not only common sense--it is actually mandated by Jewish law.
Join the Discussion
Sort By:
35 Comments
1000 characters remaining
Deborah White City OR May 29, 2017

Such Wisdom Spoken from Learned Rabbi's! Thank You for reminding All of us What the True Purpose of Dating is! Todah Rabah! Reply

Railssa Alencar Brasilia November 22, 2016

Really good text I loved that part of the Sage's counselling. Reply

Chabad.org Staff September 18, 2016

To Anonymous, Age varies depending on community customs, it is common to start the process anywhere from eighteen and up. Reply

Anonymous September 18, 2016

What is the marriage age for girls? Reply

Anonymous Dallas, TX August 14, 2016

(Continued from above.) Last point: In addition to daily prayer--at home and praying with the congregtion at shul (Orthodox synagogue)-- it is a mitzvah (we Jews are commanded) to study Torah regularly. Chabad will be the best resource (Trust me, I've tried every stream within Judaism and every movement within streams!) In addition to prayer and Torah study, we are commanded to give tzedaka, a Biblically mandated 10% mimimum of our resources. Tzedaka, while often translated as "charity," actually means "justice." As Chabad teaches from the Kabbalah, our spiritual work is to repair our world, "elevate the sparks." Moshiach (the Messiah) tarries until we perform these acts of justice. So get tzedak box at a Judaica website and as the Chabad rebbe taught us drop a few coins in daily. This activates the downflow of blessibgs into one's life. Wishing everyone the best! Just roadtest what I've set forth here for 21 days and see what happens! (It takes 3 weeks to form new habits.) Reply

Anonymous Dallas, TX August 14, 2016

(Comment continued) After meditating, pick up the prayerbook (I daven from the Art Scroll Transliterated siddur which, along with providing an English translation,helps you learn Hebrew. Start with the Modeh Ani prayer first thing each day, praying fervently through the Shmonei Esrei if possble.) This practice is of supreme value because it serves to both guide your search (guide your daily path in general) but also bulletproofs you against erroneous thought patterns, misperceptions, bad judgment, you get the picture. Furthermore, it sends out the signal to the rest of the world to send you the person you need, the beschert Hashem intended. Finally, resolve to approach life in general the way King David did: "Shviti Hashem l'negdi tamid" ("I place the Lord ever before me.") Then, having cultivated the virtue of patience (it grows out of the daily prayer regimen), wait upon Hashem in full confidence that your wish will be fulfilled in His perfect time. Hang out at Chabad! Reply

Anonymous Dallas, TX August 14, 2016

This is the most beautiful, wisest, holiest, most inspiring and most practical article I have ever read on the subject of marriage! I am specifically writing for those who have not yet found their beschert. Do not, under any circumstance, ever even think about giving up!
I've been in your shoes--it took me 68 years to meet my intended!! Some years back, when I was ready to throw in the towel, a relative of mine told me about the improbable engagement of an acquaintance who found her spouse finally at age 85 in a retirement center!! It was then that I knew I had it in me to hold onto my dream of marriage for as long as Hashem required.
Here is an absolutely foundational habit for anyone to acquire, but especially for singles do while in search mode: learn a method of meditating that is compatible with Judaism. (The Talmud tells us that the Sages sometimes required up to an hour to get finetuned to pray with proper kavanna (intention, mindfulness). (Comment continues.) Reply

Anonymous kenya March 23, 2016

This is all inspiring Reply

Yaffit Bolivia January 24, 2016

Kneeling There is no standard Jewish way of proposing, and Jews have an aversion to kneeling, since that is the not Jewish way of worship. However, you will find that many fine Jewish people have indeed proposed on one knee, even if it is not a Jewish practice Reply

Anonymous Australia January 21, 2016

How does a Jew propose to his girlfriend? Is bending down on one knee appropriate? Reply

Jason northern California January 3, 2016

As a Jewish man in my late 30's and having seldom been in an area with an abundance of Jewish women, I find it unfortunate that geography has keep us apart. It has always been my goal to meet and marry a Jewish woman who as stubborn as myself won't give up on our future together. Reply

Sandra November 26, 2015

I am a Jewish woman by birth and wish to embrace my faith after failing 2 marriages to goyim. Happily Hashem has redeemed me and my spark is shining, so I ask The Holy One to find me my berchet. So we can grow older and. Wiser together. Reply

Anonymous Michigan November 18, 2015

It takes 3 With this beautiful article, words and so much wisdom, and truly is the most perfect plan in life, if all three were in sync with this plan... I am ... G-d is ... but it does not seem to include the third... I was married in this beautiful plan, for 23 years, no children born of this union the first 10 years, the last 13, no touching, no intimacy, no anything for the third was not present with G-d and I...how do I trust marrying anyone again, although my soul continues to yearn for my mate, in all ways. It is hard to think waiting before marriage is necessary any more, when doing the right way caused more loneliness for years. May G-d bring me, show me, complete me in His way as well as all of us who seek and desire such beauty in marriage as intended. Reply

Anonymous miami October 11, 2015

what about second time after a divorce Reply

Benard Ouma March 30, 2015

Very insightful Reply

Anonymous san bernardino mountains November 19, 2014

Dating the Jewish way I needed this at the beginng of my life. When is it too late? I had to go back to basics, truth, the Torah. I knew, then my family was guided by the G-D of Israel.
Thankfully I have Chabad for daily studies like this to feed me, I live on a mountain top with very little Jewish community around me. I am sorry I missed that perfected partnership, but so glad I now know who I am. I so love Shabbat.
Being new all during the week I am learning more and my week is spent preparing for Shabbat. Reply

Anonymous dessau August 10, 2014

...many thanks for your very interesting article. i am retired, divorced, jewish woman and my dream is to find a chassidic soulmate. i come from a jewish east european (lubraniec) family and i am living since many years alone, here in germany, in dessau; i am too reserved and to shy to find...my second half; for ...i am not looking for. i hope ...HE will make the right decision for me.
have a gut woch' Reply

Anonymous February 16, 2014

You will regret it! One of the things i regret more than anything is having premarital relations. I was born a Jew but not raised and one and I didn't see the harm in a causal relationship. I regret it immensely. Not only did I have my heart stomped on but I was taken advantage of by my boyfriend. It is something you cannot get back if you give it/have it taken away to someone other than your spouse. Intimacy in a marriage is a beautiful joining of souls with the promise of little blessings to come. Outside of a marriage, it is just gratification that can go horribly wrong. You will never regret waiting but you will wish you had if you don't. Reply

Anonymous Chatsworth, CA via chabadchatsworth.com February 5, 2014

premarital cohabitation Not only is the current fad for living together without marriage against Jewish law, it is also the dumbest thing a young woman can do. She burdens herself with cooking, cleaning, and giving the sexual benefits to marriage to someone who has no obligation whatsoever to her. And G-d
forbid, she has a child. Be smart, girls. Don't give up your freedom to a man who is not bonded to you by G-d's laws. Reply

Anonymous Alaska February 4, 2014

How to date conservative without a conservative shul? I'm a conservative convert and I'm in an area that doesn't have many Jews. We have a Lubavitch center that is close, and we have a reform temple (where my grandparents went but I'm not a fan of).. I attend things at the Lubavitch center but am not ready for an orthodox conversion yet. I've tried j date and eharmony to little success, but I want to marry a Jewish man because my faith is very important to me. I would really appreciate any advice on how to proceed. Reply

Related Topics
This page in other languages