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The Guad answers questions that no one else will touch. There's wit and insight here for everyone, from America's bourgeois bohemians to Africa's pygmy savages

Dear Guad

Dear Guad

Collected Responsa of the Chief Rabbi of Suburban Guadalajara

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Even before the birth of the Internet, the esteemed chief rabbi of suburban Guadalajara had a reputation among cyber-Jews for answering questions that no one else would touch, and doing it with elegance and ease. His sharp-shooting response, profundity of insight, spunky presentation style and eclectic expertise have charmed and enlightened everyone from America's bourgeois bohemians to Africa's pygmy savages.

Is it true that he shall suddenly appear on a main street in Jerusalem, a poor old man spewing forth wisdom and declaring the time of redemption has arrived? If so, why will they not lock him up?
The Not-thing
The other day I realized that I hadn't seen G-d in quite a while -- probably not since childhood... Where did I misplace Him?
I think G-d is also agnostic. He sits there perpetually wondering whether He exists or does not exist. Out of His questioning, a whole world is generated--with beings like us that go around asking, "Is this for real, or what?"
Or: G-d's Sticky Fingerprints
What's the difference between No-thingness with a capital N and vanilla nothing with a lower case n? What makes one Nothing G-d and the other just nothing?
What's really wrong with orthodoxy?
I like Shabbat. I like Torah, especially the Kabbalah stuff and Chassidic stories. I feel a strong attachment to the Jewish people. But I'm a non-conformist at heart -- I just can't see myself following all those regulations
Once we start understanding Judaism in its own language, all the questions dissolve. Not “religion,” but “brit”—meaning covenant. Not “convert,” but “ger”—a naturalized immigrant.
To explain that, I would need a long conversation with you about what is G-d and how G-d talks to people and why....
An Answer to the Controversy
The issue is even more baffling than you think. Most of the guidelines for prayer, we learned from a lady named Chana who lived about 3000 years ago. Yet all the dominant roles in communal prayer are given to men!
. . . and is it kosher to keep just a little bit?
My guru says I must first surrender my ego in order to proceed with his five-day, ten-step path to total enlightenment. Personally, I find my ego quite useful, even neccessary. What do you think? Are egos really as bad as they are made out to be?
In each moment of life, a door opens through which we can step out of the fantasy and plug our world into the realm of reality. Eventually, we create the ultimate interactive game (that’s right, we’re still in beta).
You're right, it shouldn't work that way. The world was not designed this way. The plain truth is: They've hacked the system
Adam wasn't supposed to eat from that tree. Cain and Abel were supposed to talk things out. Everyone was supposed to get along. That was Plan A
I've said it many times and let me repeat: The Master of the Universe not only talks to Himself, He talks to figments of His holy imagination. Not only that, those figments of His holy imagination talk back to Him. And He listens...
Unpredictable + Self-Conscious = Free Choice. Bingo, we have a formula for free-choice figments!
. . . and is it kosher to keep just a little bit?
My guru says I must first surrender my ego in order to proceed with his five-day, ten-step path to total enlightenment. Personally, I find my ego quite useful, even neccessary. What do you think? Are egos really as bad as they are made out to be?