The Last Day of Shiva

The seventh and final day of Shiva is calculated from the date of burial. If, for example, the burial was on Tuesday, Shiva concludes the following Monday, right after the morning services.

We are reminded that "the living should take to heart," i.e., that ultimately everyone passes before G-d, and it is an appropriate time to commit ourselves to improving our observance of His Torah, and the performance of His Mitzvot. This ensures a positive and enduring outcome out of what may otherwise remain only a sad and negative experience.

Formally Ending the Shiva

The term "getting up" from Shiva refers to the conclusion of the Shiva observances. This informs the family that it is time to move on to the less intense mourning period of the Shloshim (thirty days), and they can slowly emerge into society.

On the last day of Shiva, it is customary to begin the morning services earlier than usual. Following the services, the mourners sit on low stools or crates while members of the Minyan or visitors console them. After the consolation, the members of the Minyan or visitors leave the room, allowing the mourners to sit by themselves.

After a brief moment, the members of the Minyan or visitors return to the room where the mourners are sitting and console the mourners again, as follows:

"May the Almighty comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. May the Almighty heal the breaches of His people Israel."

They then verbally "reproach" the mourners, telling them to get up (i.e. "Stand up from your mourning" ), and bless them with "long and healthy years."

After the Mourners "Get Up"

Once the mourners get up, many of the restrictions of Shiva cease and the mourners enter the period between Shiva and Shloshim (the thirtieth day). The mourners change into their regular clothing, and may discard the garments upon which Kriah (traditional rending of the garment) was made. If the Kriah garment was highly valuable and one does not wish to discard it, one should ask a competent rabbi if one may repair it. If the mourner was overly sweaty or dirty, he may take a basic shower.

Various Customs

1. Some offer a L'Chayim (some kosher schnapps or whiskey and cake) after the morning service, in memory of the deceased.

2. It is customary for the mourners to walk around the block of the Shiva home, starting from the right side. One reason given is that with this walk, they accompany the soul on its path. Another is that it symbolizes the family's return to society following their intense mourning period.

3. Some have the custom to visit a non-Jewish store, for the Satan cannot rule over two nations at once, and will thus be compelled to depart.

4. Some have the custom to place a stone on the place where the mourners sat, for a few hours. Others hammer a nail using a stone into the floor where they sat. The reasons for these two customs are not very clear.

Erecting the Tombstone and Visiting the Cemetery

Many erect the tombstone on the day following Shiva (the 8th day). Others wait until thirty days, and still others wait until twelve months (see Setting Up the Tombstone).

Some visit the gravesite of the departed on this day, in order to recite prayers and Psalms. Some specifically do not visit the gravesite for the entire twelve months. One should follow the custom of his community, or ask a competent rabbi for guidance.