The Funeral Service

Kavod - Paying Respects

Accompanying the deceased to his or her final resting place is a tremendous mitzva and displays great respect. One even interrupts Torah study to participate in a funeral.

A memorial service is generally held before the burial at the funeral home chapel or at the gravesite. This allows the family and community members to recite Psalms and to speak of the good qualities of the deceased.

The Service

Once the members of the Chevra Kaddisha (Jewish Burial Society) have completed preparing the deceased for burial, the funeral can proceed.

The family and the community gather for the funeral service either in the funeral home, synagogue, or at the cemetery. There should be at least a Minyan of ten Jewish males over the age of thirteen at the service and burial.

The casket is present during the service but remains closed. The Jewish custom is not to serve fancy foods, nor have flowers or music at the funeral. Those items are associated with festivity and joy, and this is a solemn occasion.

The rabbi, or designated Jewish person, begins the service by reciting Psalms, followed by the mourner's Kriah (ritual rending of the outer garments). Some follow this with remarks from family members or close friends. Afterwards, some close the gathering with the traditional memorial prayer "Kel Molay Rachamim" (O G-d, full of compassion).

At the conclusion of the service, the pallbearers accompany the casket to the hearse, and those who are going to be present at the burial proceed to the cemetery.

The order of prayers at a funeral may vary according to local custom. One should follow the custom of his community, or ask a competent rabbi for guidance.

The memorial service is a fitting time to give charity in memory of the deceased.

The Focus at the Funeral Service

The Jewish funeral service is more directed at honoring the deceased than comforting the mourners. Judaism does not hide from, nor try to numb, the pain of mourning.

The Torah views mourning as an important passage for mourners to experience before moving on. As a matter of fact, the Torah teaches that one should not console a mourner while his deceased lies before him. Death, as life, has its important lessons, and we must allow ourselves to hear them. Therefore, festivity, fancy foods, flowers, and music, all have no place at a Jewish funeral (or thereafter).

Thematically, the Jewish funeral emphasizes higher, more spiritual matters. True honor and respect for the deceased are achieved by recalling his or her fine character traits, special values, mitzvot he or she excelled in, and/or by telling short
stories or anecdotes that will inspire the living to increase their commitment to Jewish observance and adapt the fine qualities and values of the deceased.

Sensitivity in Delivering Remarks

Our sages state that until the body is buried, the deceased hears all that is said about him. Therefore, people should be careful how they speak. Mourners and friends should also remember that the deceased is facing his final judgment in Heaven, and that the "testimony" given below is heard on High. Therefore, one should choose his words carefully, and neither praise the deceased excessively nor undeservingly, for an accounting will be demanded of him above.

Beginning the Funeral Service

The casket is present or brought in. All gathered stand. The rabbi or designated Jewish person begins with the recitation of Psalm 16 (below). Some have the custom to recite it out loud verse-by-verse, responsively.

A Michtam, by David. Watch over me, O G-d, for I have put my trust in You. You, [my soul,] have said to G-d, "You are my Master; You are not obligated to benefit me." For the sake of the holy ones who lie in the earth, and for the mighty - all my desires are fulfilled in their merit. Those who hasten after other [G-ds], their sorrows shall increase; I will not offer their libations of blood, nor take their names upon my lips. The Lord is my allotted portion and my share; You guide my destiny. Portions have fallen to me in pleasant places; indeed, a beautiful inheritance is mine. I bless the Lord Who has advised me; even in the nights my intellect admonishes me. I have set the Lord before me at all times; because He is my right hand, I shall not falter. Therefore my heart rejoices and my soul exults; my flesh, too, rests secure. For You will not abandon my soul to the grave, You will not allow Your pious one to see purgatory. Make known to me the path of life, that I may be satiated with the joy of Your presence, with the bliss of Your right hand forever.

Some also recite Psalm 91:

You Who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, Who abides in the shadow of the Omnipotent, I say [to you] of the Lord Who is my refuge and my stronghold, my G-d in Whom I trust, that He will save you from the ensnaring trap, from the destructive pestilence. He will cover you with His pinions and you will find refuge under His wings; His truth is a shield and an armor. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, the pestilence that prowls in the darkness, nor the destruction that ravages at noon. A thousand may fall at your [left] side, and ten thousand at your right, but it shall not reach you. You need only look with your eyes, and you will see the retribution of the wicked. Because you [have said,] "The Lord is my shelter," and you have made the Most High your haven, no evil will befall you, no plague will come near your tent. For He will instruct His angels in your behalf, to guard you in all your ways.