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Chabad.org » Community & Family » Parenting » Parenting & Education » By Yaakov Lieder » Earn Your Child's Respect
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Earn Your Child's Respect


A company CEO once told his employees: "The firing will continue until morale improves."

It is easy to understand how absurd this statement is. It is a bit harder to understand what's wrong when a parent screams at their child: "Why don't you respect me?!"

Research has shown that children, like adults, respect those who respect them. Even when a disciplinary measure is necessary, it can also be done with respect. Saying to the child respectfully, "This is the disciplinary measure that I have to take for your well being," or, "This is a consequence of your action." There is no need to humiliate the child or speak down to them because they have done something wrong.

When the child is consistantly spoken to with respect, s/he will then learn how to respect others and how to return the respect to the parents. We must remember that respect has to be earned -- it cannot be demanded. Respect extends itself to all aspects of the child's life, such as not opening letters addressed to the child or by knocking on the door first before entering their room as well as not eavesdropping on their telephone conversations to friends, etc.

A child who is well respected has a strong self esteem which helps them to perform well in all areas of their life. Most importantly, they will understand just what respect looks and feels like, so that they know how to give it.

Try it - it works!

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Reader Comments
Latest Comments:
Posted: June 6, 2008
I couldn't agree more, that when our parents respect us, we also respect them back, otherwise, its really hard to respect them when we have to defend ourselves from all the insults and abuses. I've realized how hard it is to actually respect and honor a parent that doesnt respect me. Because it was making me depressed to be quiet and not stand for myself in order to respect my father. and just when I could not take it anymore, and I could not even do anything anymore because of how depressed I got, I decided to stop it. And I started telling my father everything, I staerted answering to him what was bothering me, and that he has to be more sensitive and more considerate. Even though sometimes I was a bit agressive, it was necessary, because otherwise my fear would let him take control of me again and make me depressed again. Ofcourse none of this would of happen if he would respect me. Just as my mother does, and I never had to fight with her to earn my respect.
Posted By Anonymous

Posted: Aug 13, 2007
Earn your child's respect
I totally agree. But it is not as easy as that. We as parents have to be on a constant program of self improvement, rather than correcting spouse and children. Then we are more likely to earn respect.
As a child, I liked and respected those people who were considerate to me. I hated and disobeyed those who were insensitive, made fun of me and needlessly humiliated me.
Posted By Sud, delhi, India

Posted: July 26, 2007
If you treat an older child with respect...that absolutely does not mean you will get respect in return. I have never treated my children with anything but respect..and I have always stood by them and supported them....... I have gone through major cancer treatment ....... They are hatefull and mean to me and they always have been....I do believe it was their Fathers influence.
Posted By Anonymous

Posted: Oct 10, 2006
Earn Your Child's Respect
If ALL parents could see that children are people, too, there wouldn't be so many dysfunctional families! One of the worst mistakes parents make with their children is trying to make carbon copies of themselves instead of accepting them the way G-d made them.
As a child, I had a terrible temper, because I felt most adults ignored me - I LITERALLY hated most authority figures because they gave me the idea that children don't develop brains until adulthood...
Posted By Lisa, Providence, RI



 


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