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Why Is Conversion to Judaism So Hard?

Why Is Conversion to Judaism So Hard?


Note: This article replaces a previous article that said much the same, but in a way that was often misunderstood. I hope this version will be much clearer to all.


Why do the rabbis make conversion to Judaism so hard? There are many Jews who don’t keep anything Jewish, yet the rabbis demand full observance to become a Jew. Is that fair?


You have a very good point. Religion, after all, is all about belief. If you believe, you’re in; if not, you’re out. So why can’t anyone who believes in the Jewish religion be considered Jewish? And why are those who don’t believe and don’t keep any of the Jewish practices still considered Jews?

That’s what happens when you view the Jewish people through another people’s lexicon—it all looks very puzzling. What, though, if we look at ourselves through our own language, through the original Hebrew?

Religion versus Covenant

We’ll start with this word religion. Is Judaism a religion? Is that the right word?

Religions generally start when one teacher spreads his teachings to many disciples. The people who accept these teachings are considered coreligionists. Their common beliefs hold them together as a community.

Moses didn’t preach a religion to individuals. He was more of a populist—a civil-rights leader who stood for empowerment of the people. He took his own people, who already had a common heritage, along with many who had decided to join that people, and brought them to Mount Sinai. There he brokered a covenant between a nation and G‑d. G‑d said, “I choose this nation to be my messengers of Torah light to the world.” The nation, in turn, chose G‑d, saying, “Whatever G‑d says, we will do and we will obey.”

The Jewish people, then, are best described as the “People of the Covenant”—meaning that they are a people because of a covenant. In Hebrew, a covenant is a brit—in this case, not a brit between two individuals, or even between an individual and G‑d (as Abraham had made), but a brit between an entire nation and G‑d.

So let’s replace religion with brit and see what happens.

In a religion, you belong because you believe. In Judaism, you believe because you belong.

The brit, as I wrote, is what defines us as a nation—not geographic vicinity, language, government or culture. Even if we live in different countries, speak different languages, establish different leaders and eat different foods, that covenant still bonds us. Most significantly: even if we stop keeping our obligations under that covenant or decide not to believe in it, the covenant endures. A covenant, you see, is a two-way deal. It takes two to make it and two to break it. Just because the people have let go, doesn’t mean G‑d has. That’s why it’s called an “eternal covenant”—because even if the people may be fickle, G‑d doesn’t change His mind.

So there’s the difference: In a religion, you belong because you believe. In a brit (in this case, Judaism), you believe because you belong.

Believing is part of the brit. So are all the other mitzvot—obligations—of the covenant. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in that covenant or those obligations, or believe that G‑d obligated you, or believe in G‑d at all. You can’t fight with history. You are part of this people by virtue of having been born into it, and that’s who this people are and what this people do. A deal is a deal.

Conversion versus Giyur

Let’s look at another word—conversion—and things will become even clearer.

Let’s say you weren’t born into the Jewish people. Let’s say you decide you want to enter into the same covenant as every other Jew. If this were a religion, no problem—you would just accept upon yourself whatever beliefs and rites are expected of you, and you’re in. That’s what people generally mean when they talk about conversion.

But this is a brit. To enter into G‑d’s covenant with the Jewish people, believing and doing is not enough. You need to become part of that people. How do you do that?

In this way, becoming Jewish is very much like becoming an American, a Moldavian or a Zimbabwean citizen. You can’t come to a country and declare yourself a member. It’s a two-way street: aside from you choosing your country, the government of that country has to decide to accept you.

Similarly, if you choose Judaism, you also need Judaism to choose you. Like we said, a covenant is a two-way deal.

So you need to become a ger (pronounced “gehr”). A ger is more than a convert. A ger literally means someone who has come to live among a people to which he or she was not born. A naturalized alien. That’s how the ger is described in Torah, and how the process of becoming a ger is described in the Talmud: “A ger who comes to sojourn among us.”

By joining this people, the ger instantly becomes part of the same covenant to which the people are part. And although the most essential part of joining this people is to accept the same obligations of the covenant in which they are obligated, it is not by force of his or her acceptance that the ger is obligated. Proof is, if the ger later has a change of mind, it helps zilch. The ger is obligated no matter what, because he or she has now also become “a child of the covenant.”

That’s one difference between this citizenship and citizenship of a modern country: You could always renounce your citizenship of a country. A Jew, however, is a member of an eternal covenant. Once in, there’s no way out.

The details of joining

In short, a ger is an adopted member of the Jewish family. In the words of the paradigm of all gerim, Ruth the Moabite, “Your people are my people; your G‑d is my G‑d.”

The rituals of that adoption are the same as what the Jewish people went through at Sinai: circumcision for males, immersion in a mikvah (ritual bath), and acceptance of all Torah obligations. The crucial element, however, is that all of these are to be supervised by a tribunal of learned, observant Jews—representing none other than G‑d Himself. Their job is not only to witness that the ger was properly circumcised and fully immersed in the mikvah, but also to ensure that the ger is duly cognizant of the obligations of the covenant into which he or she is entering.

That’s another distinction between obtaining citizenship of a modern nation and joining the Jewish People: citizenship is mostly associated with the attainment of rights and privileges, while Jewish citizenship (gerut) is principally concerned with the responsibilities that come along with those privileges.

If the ger-wannabe learns of these obligations and feels they are more than he or she bargained for, so be it. You don’t have to be Jewish to be a good person and to be loved by G‑d. Believe in one G‑d and keep His laws—the seven laws of Noah. Judaism—as opposed to Jewishness—is not just for Jews.

But if the ger does accept, then he or she is reborn as an eternal Jew, the same as any one of us who was born into the covenant. The soul of the ger, our sages taught, stood at Mount Sinai. In at least one way, the ger is yet greater, for the ger is the lost child who has found his way home.

Rabbi Tzvi Freeman, a senior editor at, also heads our Ask The Rabbi team. He is the author of Bringing Heaven Down to Earth. To subscribe to regular updates of Rabbi Freeman's writing, visit Freeman Files subscription. FaceBook @RabbiTzviFreeman Periscope @Tzvi_Freeman .
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Rabbi Aryeh Moshen Brooklyn October 24, 2017

To Angela and Luke I don't know the details of your cases but it is likely that it is possible. It may take some sacrifices on your part, possibly including moving and definitely getting used to more than another religion. Not everyone is able to convert. For many the obstacles are too great. Sad to say, but the young, bright, and wealthy usually have an easier time because they can move into an orthodox community at will. Reply

Helen Dudden United Kingdom October 24, 2017

I still would like to think a way could be found for disabled people to have a conversion. Being visually impaired, does restrict your abilities to read as much as a sighted person.
Accessibility, is an important issue to the disabled.
Yesterday, I went for a meal with my family, the washroom was down steep stairs, my granddaughter suggested I wait until we leave.
Not everything will be so easy for us, but I know the Ruderman Foundation do a tremendous amount in the USA for those who are disabled.
I should have loved the chance to make Boston, but the cost. Reply

Angela Ohio October 19, 2017

I'm a woman in my 30's that was adopted. I really don't know to much of my ancestry but lately, I've been feeling like I want to know more about Judaism.. is that wrong? Not sure what I should do?? Reply

Isaac Boston October 23, 2017
in response to Angela:

Of course it is not wrong.

Look into it. See if you are still drawn to it. If not, it's OK.

If yes, you need to find a synagogue to give you classes.

If you want to be accepted as a Jew by almost all Jews, then go to an orthodox synagogue.

If you want to be accepted by only the reform Jews, then go to a reform temple. Or, to gain a few more acceptances, go to a conservative synagogue.

It does matter, because being "accepted" means, among other things, being able to marry a Jew and to have a rabbi perform the ceremony. What if you meet someone who isn't Reform? Then you'll have to get "converted" all over again, in the orthodox or conservative synagogue.

I suggest you get converted "modern orthodox" and then practice the observances for a year or so while you attend a Chabad synagogue. Then get converted again by Chabad. The fact that you have lived as a faithful Jew for a year will be good evidence of your honorable intent.

That is IF you want to be a Jew. Gd bless you. Reply

Luke August 15, 2017

On my cases, I've been discovered Judaism from younger age (12/13 yo), I don't remember how it started but from that age I'm the ignorant kid in my family when it comes to beliefs, and from that age I already learn about my birth's religion, Islam.

Sorry to say but I feel I don't fit in it, I just don't really think if I really born in these way - so I decide to learn more other 2 religion; Christian and Judaism. Wow that was a lot effort I put into it, I learn that religion almost 10 years; I'm not just reading, I did some research also. And I think Judaism is the answer, answers for my research when it comes to faith and beliefs.

I feel desperate cause I still can't figure it out, I mean, what I felt right now, sometimes I think I need to meet some rabbi to discuss my feeling, but I don't have balls to do it.

I'm growing man right now, I working for company - feel happy for a moment, but I can't stop thinking about my future; what I would do next? - is conversion possible for me? Reply

Jacob Boston October 23, 2017
in response to Luke:

I am sure it is possible. Other Muslims have become Jews.

However, I think it helps to go to the "right" rabbi. Ask around before you visit a rabbi. Hopefully you will find several good rabbis.

Gd bless you! Reply

Luke November 16, 2017
in response to Jacob:

Thanks for the answer Jacob!

Just little update from me, I met a new friend — she's Jewish. After becomes a friend in two month we're now so close like a bestfriend — don't remember what exactly happened that day while we have a little conversation when we take a break — I just share 'story of my life' to her. Then a week after, she invited me for Shabbat in her parent's house, then she told her family about my story. In that moment I'm so afraid about what they think.

Now I'm so close to her family, especially her dad. He ask me if I want learn more with him and I immediately say yes, I did coming every week — that's what he says, he immediately send me a message every Sunday, "do you want join us for today". By the way I learn so much from him, also he teaching me with his 10 years old sons.

So much laughs, stories and some awkward moments when I learning with 'em. This last year was so amazing and rich experience for me, hope God would show me the way. Reply

kay richmond, texas April 6, 2017

Hello Meira,
Does it have to be? What I mean is why do we make it hard for each other? Not disputing scripture or the sages here, but rather making a broad statement and admitting that there may be a reason why that still eludes me. Everyones here has been and is on what seems to be incredible journeys and they ( we) come here with our loved ones/families included ( although they do not post so hopefully what is being conveyed is understood). Admittedly I took my kids with me to a Messianic Synagogue,and we were showed the door. Due to this my kids refuse to attend the Chabad Synagogue we found near-by. The Rabbi there listened to my background of coming from Jewish people on my mothers side from eastern Europe who discarded their Judaism, and he responded ( via phone) that I am indeed a Jew . This was amazing to hear finally! My issue now is getting myself an loved ones moving again. My kids are now teens and young adults ( I have 5). I want and need to bring us home. Ideas? Reply

Pauline Brooklyn April 25, 2017
in response to kay:

For starters, tell your family this fact: the "Messianic Synagogue" is not a synagogue at all. It is a Christian church attempting to lure Jews into its fold.
So I beg of them, please do not be discouraged by the behavior of those people.

Tell them they are seen by all Jews as 100% Jewish because their mother's mother's mother was a Jew.

Do you have a Jewish translation of the Hebrew Bible and of the prayerbook?

Get one or the other and read it, knowing that every time it says "Israel" it means you and your children as well as properly converted Jews. Reply

kay richmond, tx April 27, 2017
in response to Pauline:

Hello Pauline,
THANK YOU for your response! My children do know they are Jews, and express it at times and in manners that are astonishing as the expression comes from deep inside them and is as natural as their breath. The space provided here does not allow me to detail these. I do have a TANAK and read it, but do not have a prayer book. If I went to the local Chabad you do not think they would look down on me coming alone wanting to connect with my community ( and divorced)? Thank you again for recognizing me , means a lot.
kay Reply

Helen Dudden Bristol April 5, 2017

My thinking now is, why open myself up to criticism of my intentions to become a Jew? Its not achieving anything other than being criticized. Not positive. I feel just do what you can, and be happy. Reply

Pauline Houston April 25, 2017
in response to Helen Dudden:

I am one who admires your efforts.

But I have nothing to offer but encouragement.

All the best! Reply

Helen Dudden Bristol April 5, 2017

I wonder if I will ever be good enough. One Shul totally inaccessible. Another, I have to travel nearly into London, several hours away.

I have been commenting on law for children caught up in bitter battles over access rights. I'm visually impaired!

I know there is much to learn, but then I'm a woman, I don't mind about the situation anymore. I will do Hashems bidding on justice. At times, I feel guilty because its so difficult and ask in my prayers, do you still love and want me to follow your path. I'm still here, that's the answer.

I've little time to argue, as I struggle and need to learn another way of using my computer, this way of using my tablet, still is not enough. Reply

Meira Netherlands March 28, 2017

hah, lol..... I admire those who persevere. nobody ever said that the road to judaism would be easy. Rest assured, it's just the beginning. Reply

Rabbi Aryeh Moshen Brooklyn, NY March 28, 2017

Sorry. I was quoting I am sorry that Craig feels that my remarks were callous. I usually try to be kind even when I must refuse a request. These comments were on a discussion of foreign wives and their children where I quoted from Ezra. They were specifically geared to counter the "almost no mention" of your previous post. Unfortunately we are between a rock and a hard place.

I actually respect Craig tremendously. He's gone through a lot and have proved yourself in many ways. He is always honest and straightforward.

My comments from December 4th, 2014 are:

I'm sorry, but I must disagree. The Book of Ezra is quite explicit that the foreign wives and their children were sent away. If you want to find a commentary who says that the children were not sent away you also must accept the Talmud and commentaries that say that a child born of a non-Jewish mother is a non-Jew... Reply

Craig Hamilton Sandwich, MA April 5, 2017
in response to Rabbi Aryeh Moshen:

Thank you Rabbi Aryeh Moshen. I appreciate your care in contacting me. And, the bridge between that "Rock and a hard place," may be closer than we could ever realize, just as the full redemption could occur at any minute. L'chaim! Reply

Craig Hamilton Sandwich, MA March 24, 2017

Re: Rabbi Aryeh MoshenI don’t believe The Book of Ezra applies to my situation To Rabbi Aryeh Moshen, your December 4, 2012 comment bothers me that you could be so callous to say I must send away my wife to be a Jew. She is more than just a wife to me. She has also been a lifetime companion of mine. She was an acquaintance of mine since I was in 4th grade. Later, we became friends while playing in the same band together. Despite her Christianity, she has stopped attending church, which is a step in the right direction. She is not only a wife to me, but I have considered her to be my best friend for roughly 15yrs. She has never dated any other male; has never even romantically kissed anyone but me. This is not the situation of “The Book of Ezra.” So yes, in my youth I attended a Christian church. However, my dad was clear to me that he did not believe Jesus is his deity that he worships. I don’t know if my mom believes Jesus is her deity either. I think for my mom, to her virtue, Church is merely a way to plug into the community. Reply

Naomi Boston May 20, 2017
in response to Craig Hamilton:

Maybe you and your wife would both like to plug in to the Jewish community.

Or maybe not.

Try attending and see if you like it there.

Maybe you'd like to plug in together.

I'd make you welcome in my congregation or at my dinner table.

Suit yourself, of course. Reply

Helen Dudden Bristol March 17, 2017

What ever the reason we are at this place, we are here. As I said to a friend of mine recently, if I deny my beliefs after 30 years would you believe me? Believing that the world has good too, is important. I blend with Jewish people as a whole, Reform, Masorti, Progressive I apologise for anyone I missed from my list.

Good Shabbos. Reply

Meira Shana San Diego March 16, 2017

Being a minority & Jewish Isn't it sad that when becoming a Jew you find out how the rest of the world treats Jews ...

I wonder how many non-Jews would flock to Judaism if it was easy to become a MOT.

In the good ole days, Christianity has to attract new people - and many were undoubtedly from pagans who had no religion. Back then people knew that Jews were constantly attacked so why become one of 'them' ... it was much easier to become Christian.

And it all continues into the 21st Century and surely beyond.

I feel blessed to be a Jew from birth. Reply

kaaren richmond March 15, 2017

Yosef Congratulations!
I actually envy you as i still cannot get myself to re enter another synagogue. In the end Yosef you are a new person and Chabad is very welcoming so no need for you to be lonely especially after you went through your process of conversion. Also follow up on Rabbi Moshen's suggestion. All the best!
k Reply

Helen Dudden Bristol March 15, 2017

I adapt to those I'm with. When I do eat out I ask how the foods are prepared. Never had problems because I insist on vegetarian foods, not prepared on the same surface.
My family are not kosher, so they understand I am. Over the last 30 years they have coped with me. When I am with Jews I have eaten kosher non vegetarian, so it works, even for a Ger, quite well. Reply

Rabbi Aryeh Moshen Brooklyn, NY March 14, 2017

To Yosef Hi and welcome to The Tribe.

Close to all the meetings or conventions I attended provided kosher food for me, with a bit of advanced warning. Try contacting the members' support service when you book.

I take it that you are not a member of a large orthodox community. Consider Partners in Torah to get a Chavrutha (study partner). Reply

Yosef March 8, 2017

I haven't had any issue yet a convert. Now that I've been an Orthodox Jew for a year I feel like an outcast in the secular world. I went to a meeting conference yesterday, and I was the only one out of like 300 people wearing a kippah. I even had people ask me what I was wearing on my head. Oh also, they had food I couldn't eat at the conference, and everyone felt bad for me. I think the hardest part is knowing you're a new person. You have different guidelines. I thought the process was easy, but ohhh no. After is what gets you. I live being Jewish, but I tell you I'm lonely... very lonely Reply

Adina July 22, 2017
in response to Yosef :

I am lonely too. Are you invited by your congregation to Jewish events and Shabbat dinners? Reply

Helen Dudden March 7, 2017

NK. Thank you, and my sincere thoughts to your relative. Reply

Anonymous March 7, 2017

For Helen Helen
I thank you for your past comment which prompted me to pull out my old notes where I found the Isaiah verse. It must be very difficult for you , I have a family member who needs a text-to -speech application to communicate but even typing is a struggle.
The difference with this kind of struggle and other type of difficulties is that it was not the individual's choice to be in this situation i.e having the disability, and it remains for life.
The person is caged in. But most of them have a better attitude towards life than those of us without disabilities. I hope it works out for you.
So that you don't lose track of me I will use the initials N.K here next time.
N.K Reply

Helen Dudden March 6, 2017

Anonymous. That is more like I understand. Thank you for explaining.

For me to join other Jews perhaps is what is meant to be. It feels a better idea, can I be honest with those who know a little about me? I struggle, like OP maybe I would be better in the situation other than emails. It becomes very difficult even with my tablet. So being honest, how can I read what I should reading? The words are large it is difficult even very close to me.

I'm not suggesting that they are not less observant, but I can only achieve what is possible as my sight complains, it becomes impossible to do more, then listening takes over. They are willing to listen. Reply

Chaim Buffalo March 5, 2017

Helen I do believe you. I wish I could facilitate matters for you. All I can do is to wish you well. Gd bless you. I am confident that Gd loves you very much, because of your faithful devotion among other reasons. Reply