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Foreword to Vedibarta Bam - Marriage

Foreword to Vedibarta Bam - Marriage

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Humbly I express my thanks and gratitude to Hashem for granting me the physical and mental capabilities to add another volume to the Vedibarta Bam series. The current volume is dedicated entirely to marriage. It consists of two parts. The first part is a collection of derashot — sermon material — for all the Torah parshiot of the year and the second section is a compilation of explanations, elucidations and insights on many of the rituals and customs of a Jewish wedding.

Those who have read the forewords to some of the prior Vedibarta Bam volumes undoubtedly are aware that these volumes are published primarily for a very personal reason. Torah is the link that connects all generations since the day we became a people. Thus, my wife Beracha תחי' (without whose moral support and assistance the Vedibarta Bam series and other accomplishments would not have been realized) and I, hope and pray that when our children, grandchildren and future generations will read these works the bond between us and them will be strengthened and everlasting.

Thank G‑d, we are entering a new phase in our lives. We are witnessing the weddings of grandchildren. It is to this new generation that this book is addressed. Particularly, it was prompted by the upcoming wedding, please G‑d, of our granddaughter Chaya Batya תחי' Fellig of Miami Beach, Florida with Rabbi Chaim Yehoshua שי' Vogel of London England.

In this volume are also included some divrei Torah from my grandfather Harav Tzvi z”l HaKohen Kaplan, and my father Harav Shmuel Pesach z”l Bogomilsky. The Zohar (Bamidbar 219) says that the neshamot of previous generations come from Gan Eden to rejoice at the weddings of their families. We pray that they adorn the wedding with their holy presence and bestow their blessings on the Chatan and Kallah.

Over the years our family has grown considerably. You, dear readers, have become a part of our extended family. It is your encouragement and laudatory comments that provide the motivation and impetus needed to continue this project. I am grateful to you, and hope that you, too, will enjoy and benefit from this volume, as much, and even more than from the preceding ones.


For Whom Is This Book

This volume of Vedibarta Bam on marriage hopefully will serve a multi-faceted group of readers.

In many communities it is popular that the mesadeir kiddushin — officiating Rabbi — address and give a charge to the Chatan and Kallah. Hopefully, the thoughts expressed herein will facilitate that task.

Though there are certain periods during our Hebrew calendar year when weddings are not performed; nevertheless, the book contains a thought for every parshah. This is because there may be a sheva berachot or a L’chaim — engagement party — where it would be proper to say a d’var Torah.

Incidentally, to say a d’var Torah at a sheva berachot or an engagement party one need not be a Rabbi. So, in reality, both the Rabbi and layman can benefit from this volume of Vedibarta Bam.

As a practicing Rabbi for many years כ"י, I have not only officiated many weddings, but also dealt extensively with shalom bayit issues, and unfortunately, some resulted in a divorce. I can state unequivocally, that much heartache, agony and suffering could have been avoided if the partners in the marriage had been spoken to concerning the ramifications of married life. Many marriages could have been saved and the subsequent disrupted lives of unfortunate children could have been avoided had only the right people gotten involved. Existing marriages would be more harmonious if the partners had a keener insight of their roles and obligations.

I am not a practicing licensed psychologist, marriage counselor or family therapist. Nevertheless, the sermons in this book are all based on my years of experience and the good results I often, thank G‑d, have had in my dealing with marriage-related situations.

One need not even be a Rabbi or a layman who needs to say a dvar Torah at a joyous occasion to use and benefit from this volume. Married couples, as well as parents, in-laws and relatives of married couples can hopefully benefit from the insights provided by these sermons.

My greatest reward will be when, thanks to a thought expounded here, the married life of a couple will be enhanced. I recall vividly my efforts to stop a young couple from breaking up shortly after the wedding. My reward came over 13 years later when I received an invitation to a Bar-Mitzvah followed by a telephone call asking me to participate because without me they would not have had this Bar-Mitzvah to celebrate.


About This Book

Each of the almost one hundred derashot in this volume is flavored with a Torah insight and a message of relevance to the young couple. To develop these talks, I relied on derashot I delivered over the years and also various homiletical seforim.

Many of the old drush seforim are no longer popular because we live in an era when people don’t have the patience to read through an extended derasha. What has become popular nowadays are the seforim that compile thoughts in an abbreviated capsule form, such as Iturei Torah, Likutei Basar Likutei, etc.

However, my sermonizing capabilities have been enhanced by some Rabbis whose books I enjoy immensely. Some of the sermons in this volume are in fact, thanks to their inspiration. Particularly, I wish to mention the works of Rabbi Aaron Lewin z”l, Hadrash V’Ha’iyoon, Rabbi Dov Aryeh z”l (Bernard L.) Berzon, “Good Beginnings” and “Sermons the Year ‘Round.” “Brimstone and Fire” from Rabbi Yaakov Yehuda z”l Hecht and “Reflections on the Sedra” from Rabbi Zalman I. שי' Posner. Above all is the Likkutei Sichot, wellspring of the Rebbe זי"ע.

Besides the sermons addressed specifically for a wedding, many of the explanations of the rituals and customs could easily be utilized as sermonic material to convey a message to newlyweds.

For the explanations to rituals and customs sources were given. Those lacking a source may be original and in some cases I may have forgotten the source.


Acknowdlegements

The publishing of a book can be compared to the making of a wedding ceremony. The writer is the Chatan and Kallah. They are of course the most important part of the wedding. However, they must have a crew of people, such as the caterer and his staff, the musicians, and florist behind the scene in order to create the ambiance and festivity.

The team that really makes my seforim worthy to enter your homes is Rabbi Yonah Avtzon and his co-worker Yosef Yitzchok Turner of Sichos In English. Yosef Yitzchok Turner actually produces the entire book up to the actual printing and Rabbi Avtzon disseminates it and also gives his invaluable insight and comments. The third partner in the achievement is my editor, Dr. Binyamin Kaplan of Los Angeles, California.

Usually, I compile a book at my convenience and leisure. This particular one is different. It was produced between the time my granddaughter became a Kallah and her wedding, which is around three months.

To accomplish this we all worked under much pressure. The fact that everone adapted to the shortened schedule without complaining is commendable and very appreciated.

Firstly, I again want to thank my good friend, Rabbi Dr. Alter Ben Zion Metzger for introducing me to Dr. Binyamin Kaplan, my editor, whose comments and corrections enhance these volumes. His occupation as a Kashrut supervisor for the O.U. is a full-time responsibility and often requires overtime. The help he extends during the late hours of the night or very early hours of the morning to enhance these publications with his learned comments and editorial skill is greatly appreciated beyond description.

In every volume I sing the praise of Sichos In English, Rabbi Avtzon and Yosef Yitzchok Turner. But somehow there is always something additional to make note of. When we started working on this book, it was known that time was of the essence. However, while preparing this volume for print, Yosef Yitzchok Turner and his wife were blessed with their first grandson, Pinchas Eliyahu שי'. (May the entire family enjoy from him much Yiddishe and Chassidishe Nachas.) For the additional time he put in to compensate for the days he took off for the simchah, may he receive Hashem’s blessings, of which the Midrash (Bereishit Rabbah 61:4) says “Tosfato merubah al ha’ikur” — “The addition granted by Hashem exceeds the principal.”

Thanks is due to my Talmid and friend Rabbi Dovid Zaklikowsky and his wife Chana Raizel for beautifying the cover of this volume with their wedding picture, taken by Omega Photography.

May you, dear family and readers, enjoy a Freilichen Purim and a Chag kosher visamei’ach. May we merit to go from geulah to geulah until the ultimate geulah — the revelation of Mashiach Tzidkeinu.

Rabbi Moshe Bogomilsky

7 Adar, 5767

Rabbi Moshe Bogomilsky has been a pulpit rabbi for over thirty years, and is author of more than ten highly acclaimed books on the Parshiot and holidays. His Parshah series, Vedibarta Bam, can be purchased here.
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