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Soul Talk

Kaddish and memorial: aiding the soul's ascent

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What is it that we can give to a loved one who is no longer physically amongst us? With our limited, filtered, compromised, spiritually blind existence in this world, what can we give to the souls who inhabit the transcendent places of the next world?

The answer is, a great deal. We can give them life.

For what is life in its most essential form, life fulfilling the purpose which G-d created it to fulfill? Life, in the ultimate sense, is a soul in a physical body causing the stuff of this world to be revealed as G-dly. This is what we achieve every time we do a mitzvah, a good and G-dly deed. And when our positive actions are inspired by the life of one who has passed on to a more spiritual state of life, and are motivated by the desire and goal that they be in his or her merit--we give life and growth to a soul of the next world. Through our actions, the souls of those who passed on can attain something they could not achieve on their own. They can "live," in the ultimate sense of what life is about--affecting this world, making G-dliness felt in this world.


This is the main idea behind the recital of the Kaddish in merit of a departed soul. While Kaddish is commonly known as the "mourners prayer," a reading of the text reveals that it is not about death or mourning, but the public proclamation of G-d's greatness. By rising from the depths of anguish and loss to offer praise to G-d, we transform the event of death into an act of life.

Even more important than the recitation of Kaddish is the Torah we study, the mitzvot that we accept upon ourselves, the charity that we give, the good that we do, with the intention that it be l'iluiy nishmat, for the sake of the "elevation of the soul." If the desire to give to the one who has passed on is what impels us to learn something we would not have otherwise learned, to do a mitzvah we otherwise would not have done, to go higher and further than we would have otherwise gone, then this soul lives in us. Our hands and feet, mind and heart and mouth become the hands, feet, mind, heart and mouth of the departed soul.

For more about Kaddish -- including a practical guide to the Kaddish, and the "Kaddish Pro," an interactive trainer -- visit our comprehensive Kaddish Site.

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Discussion (9)
April 16, 2012
Prayer
There is no official prayer that is said when lighting the yahrtzeit candle. Some people say 'I hereby light this candle for an ascension of the soul of ___ daughter/son of ___' (the Jewish names of the deceased and his/her father's Jewish name)
Mrs. Chana Benjaminson
mychabad.org
April 13, 2012
I would like to know where to find the prayers for parents to say when lighting my yahrzeit candle. Thanks for including this info on the site or telling me where to find it.
Miryam
Kailua-kona, Hi
March 23, 2010
Re: Women and the Kaddish
Whether or not a woman can/must say Kaddish for her parents remains a matter of controversy. There are those who say that it is better for her to support a needy person, preferably one who studies Torah (such as a yeshiva student), who will say the Kaddish on her behalf. Others say she should come to the synagogue and say kaddish from the other side of the mechitza, along with men who are saying kaddish.

Each woman should discuss with her local rabbi.

For a related discussion, see Women in the Synagogue.
Rabbi Tzvi Freeman for chabad.org
March 22, 2010
Women and the Kaddish
Can (or must) a women say the kaddish for her parents?
Gary Heller
Jerusalem, Israel
March 5, 2010
Yahrtzeit candle
Indeed you do light the yahrtzeit candle on the evening before the anniversary of passing. This because the Jewish day actually begins at nightfall of the day before. For more information on this, please see: Why do Jewish holidays begin at nightfall?
Chani Benjaminson, chabad.org
March 4, 2010
lightning of yahrzeit candle
Do I light the candle on the day of death, or on the evening before the day of death?
Anonymous
October 27, 2009
LIGHTS
I saw an Israeli interview with this woman who had a dream/vision. In it she "saw" these "tents". Some had Lights, some didn't. Some glowed very brightly, some only dim. When she asked what these "tents" where she was told these are departed souls. When she asked why some were dark, she was told that these are the souls no one says Kaddish for.

The Point: Say the Kaddish!!!
Eric S. KIngston
North Hollywood, CA
September 20, 2009
Thank you for reaching out to us to bring us together. My brother has recently passed away. Your connectedness has helped me, and I know it is not a coincidence that I am reading this site, as the poster of the previous commenter has also helped me feel that we are all connected - together, to the Divine, and to his Creation, by having posted on the date that is the honor of my brother's month and day of birth; it is Rosh HaShanah, also the birth of Creation. Todah Rabah, and for the miracles of Divine Creation.
Anonymous
Boca Raton, FL
April 14, 2008
life cycles
Thank you so much for your website. A friend passed away and it was wonderful to have a place to go to understand the traditons and be able to participate with out feeling out of place. Or having the fear of insulting someone.
aleso
Oakland, ca
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