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When a Loved One Dies, is that the End of the Relationship?


Question:

My grandmother passed away last year. I was always her favorite grandchild and we shared an especially close bond. I'm getting married in a couple of weeks, and I just can't accept that she won't be at my wedding. I am almost embarrassed to say it, but I actually went to her grave and begged her to come to the wedding. I'm not really sure what my question to you is. I guess I just want to know... did she hear me?

Answer:

Your grandmother not only heard you -- she will respond. You may be surprised to learn that what you did is in fact an ancient Jewish custom. Over the generations, Jews have visited the graves of their loved ones to invite them to join in their family celebrations. The most fundamental work of Kabbalah, called the Zohar, says that the souls of departed parents and grandparents come to share in the joy of the weddings of their descendants.

The fact that you went to your grandmother's gravesite to invite her to your wedding, even though you were unaware of this custom, indicates that your soul knew intuitively what the Zohar says.

And the fact that you can't accept that your grandmother won't be at your wedding is because that isn't true. She most certainly will be at your wedding. It will be painful not to be able to hold her hand and see her smiling face, but you should feel comforted in the knowledge that her presence and her love will be right there with you.

And she'll be there whenever you need her, because the soul never dies, and a soul-connection like the one you had with your grandmother is eternal.

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By Aron Moss   More articles...  |   RSS Listing of Newest Articles by this Author
Rabbi Aron Moss teaches Kabbalah, Talmud and practical Judaism in Sydney, Australia, and is a frequent contributor to Chabad.org.
Image by chassidic artist Shoshannah Brombacher. To view or purchase Ms. Brombacher’s art, click here.

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Reader Comments
Latest Comments:
Posted: Feb 10, 2010
When a person dies
G-d created man in His image. G-d does not have a body, nor does He resemble a body. G-d is Fire and Wind. When a person dies, his body goes back to the ground. His existence remains with the wind (soul) and fire (spirit), and this is when we are really in the Image of G-d. Life can never die because the Spirit and the Soul is what gives us life. Since G-d is everlasting, so is our spirit and soul.
Posted By Dr. Ahuva Goldenthal, NMB, Fl

Posted: Feb 9, 2010
To Rivqah in OK. I'm so sorry about your husband.
It sounds as if you two were and still are very much in love. Although his soul will always be there for you, please when you feel free to do so, smile again and enjoy life. Yes, your Lazer is there for you, but not to enslave you in memories. May his memory for you and his connection with you be life affirming and freeing. When you want or need him, his soul will be there with you. When you cry, you can talk to him as well as to G-d. See, you are very much loved. You are G-s family, and now that Lazer is nearer physically to G-d, they can give you double strength to go through life's hardships. Every once in a while, you will hear a song or prayer or phrase and it will remind you of the love the two of you have. If you should ever, in the future, find another man, please don't turn your back on him. Your Lazer would want you to be happy again. May G-d grant you peace, my Yiddishe sister.
Posted By Karen Joyce Chaya Fradle Kleinman Bell, Riverside, CA, USA

Posted: Feb 9, 2010
My soul mate is still with me then?
My husband Lazer passed on last week and I am in so much pain without him. I happened across this article and it reassures me. I have thought that I feel his presence at times, but it is so hard not to be able to see him. We were great soul mates and always will be. Thanks for your answer to the other person's question. So the soul connection does go on forever and I will see him again? I really hope so.
Posted By Rivqah, Lone Wolf, OK

Posted: Feb 8, 2010
re:Afterlife
In reply to the question about a source in the bible or Talmud about the dead being contacted, I am unsure what you mean by contacted. One example would be the episode with King Saul and the witch of Endor (Samuel I 28:3-25) in which the spirit of Samuel was conjured up. And although witchcraft is forbidden, and that was a forbidden act, the point is that we see clearly in the Bible that the dead can be contacted. If it can be done in impurity, how much more so can it be done in holiness.

Additionally, here is a somewhat related article that includes various sources from the Talmud: Is it okay to ask a deceased tzaddik to pray on my behalf?
Posted By Yehuda Shurpin

Posted: Feb 6, 2010
End of relationship
When a person dies, he is still in relationship with his or her loved ones. Even though the deceased body is in the ground, his or her spirit is very much alive. As a matter in fact, people report a much stronger connection with their deceased loved ones than they were when he or she were alive.
Posted By Dr. Ahuva Goldenthal, NMB, Fl

Posted: Feb 6, 2010
End of relationship
When a person dies, he is still in relationship with his or her loved ones. Even though the deceased body is in the ground, his or her spirit is very much alive. As a matter in fact, people report a much stronger connection with their deceased loved ones than they were when he or she were alive.
Posted By Dr. Ahuva Goldenthal, NMB, Fl

Posted: Feb 6, 2010
For Anonymous in Kansas
If your loved one has still a place in your heart, in your home and in your life, the connection is still there. The gravesite is a special place. But so is that place in your heart.
Posted By Rabbi Tzvi Freeman

Posted: Feb 5, 2010
Re: comments
First Druids are not Christians. They were a pre-christian religion in Britain, and people who say they are druids now are just nostalgic posers trying to re-create an Earth-centered religion.
Second: How do you know?". It is harder to prove that something is not true/does not exist than to prove that it is. Each of us must choose reliable sources to trust, accept that some things are only known intuitively and "keep an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out" :-)
On Star Trek when they bury someone, they say "in sure and certain faith that her memory will live in our hearts for ever" If nothing else, our loved ones are with us in our hearts. That's how I think of it.
Posted By Linda, Cincinnati, OH

Posted: Feb 5, 2010
Grandma at the wedding
What you wrote was so kind and sweet.
Posted By Linda, Cincinatti, OH

Posted: Feb 5, 2010
The passing of your Grandmother
My heart goes out to yuo as i am well aware of your feelings. I can only say that in time you will talk to her silently and feel her presence, I did not believe this after the loss of my Mother it has now been 30 years since her passing and i know and feel her presence 24 hours a day but it took a long time for to understand this, my Husband also passed 10 years ago and it didn't take so long for to start to feel his presence.
I wish you well and hope that you stop hurting soon and relax with your silent feelings.
Posted By Thelma, Eilat, Israel



 


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Who Are "The Mourners of Zion and Jerusalem"?
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What's the Story with Reincarnation?
Haunted by Souls of the Past
The Death of a Friend
What is the Torah's View on Abortion?
Jews Without Shoes
What Happens After We Die?
Can Everything Really Be Done With Joy?
Showing 14 - 28 of 29