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Is My Date My Soulmate?

Is My Date My Soulmate?

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Dear Rabbi,

I am seeing this guy very seriously, but one thing bothers me. How do I know if he is my soulmate? How can I be sure that he is the other half of my soul? I am terrified to make a decision without being certain. I have heard of a clairvoyant who can tell you if you are soulmates based on your birthdays and past lives. Should I go to her, just to be sure?

Answer:

Everything has its time. There are times when we should think about who our soulmate is. And there are times when we shouldn’t. The problem is, most of us get the timing the wrong way around.

When you are alone and single, and it seems that there are no prospects for love on the horizon, it is vital to remember that you have a soulmate. Someone out there was made for you, and you for them. They are waiting to meet you. Maybe it will be tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe you already met them and you just have to open your eyes. It is a matter of time before you meet your other half. It will happen.

Without this belief, despair may be a logical conclusion. Maybe I was made to be single, maybe my in-laws decided not to have any children. Who’s to say that I will ever get married? The answer: There’s someone for everyone. There’s always hope. Keep the faith.

The other time in life when the soulmate belief is beneficial is after you are married. Every marriage faces challenges, and every good relationship goes through rough patches. It is at those moments that it is essential to remember that you are married to the other half of your soul. While you think that you chose your spouse, really G‑d chose your spouse, He made you for each other, and He led you to meet and fall in love. The decision to marry was divinely inspired, out of your hands, beyond your control. This is what was meant to be; this is the one.

Otherwise, we can spend our lives thinking what would have been. What if I would have married the other guy; what if I would have left her and found someone else? We need to have the conviction that marriage is divinely ordained. This person beside me is my soulmate, the missing half of my soul, and we belong together; it could be no other way. So we had better work things out.

So, when we are alone and losing hope, or when we are married and losing faith, we need to remember that we have a soulmate. But there is a time when the belief in a soulmate can be distracting and unproductive. And that is when we are dating.

When you are in a relationship already, but you haven’t made the big step of commitment, at that point the whole soulmate thing can confuse you. You shouldn’t be looking for a soulmate then. You need to look at the actual person in front of you. You need to get to know their personality, their character, their values and their aspirations. You can’t see their soul. You don’t even know what your own soul looks like, let alone your soulmate.

So forget about it. Don’t ask yourself, “Is this my soulmate?” Rather, ask whether the human being you are seeing is a good person; do they share your beliefs; is he or she Jewish (if you are); can you communicate; are you going in the same direction; do you want similar things out of life. Who cares when their birthday is, or which star sign they are, or whether they are a reincarnation of your favorite opera singer? None of that will help you in your future together.

Stop looking for signs from heaven. The signs are here on earth. If you have found a connection with someone good for you, go for it, and leave the connection of your souls to G‑d.

Aron Moss is rabbi of the Nefesh Community in Sydney, Australia, and is a frequent contributor to Chabad.org.
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Discussion (36)
June 27, 2013
soul mate
This writing on how to know my soul mate by Aron Moss is the best answer on how to know your soul mate. God must bless Chabad.org
.
Apeh Ephraim Ikechukwu.
Lagos, Nigeria
May 29, 2013
My 50 year soulmate
I have a soulmate..my wife of 50 years ( this sept 8). I cannot believe that G-d had caused me to move from Brooklyn to Los Angeles to find her through a blind date.
At the time I was seeing a counselor..and had met this wonderful person, my wife.
The question I had to answer was do I love and and also do I "like her".
When I answered both to the affirmative it became clear this was the one. Perhaps this is one way to decide if she or he is your soulmate.
Barry Solomon
Redondo Beach, CA
April 25, 2013
Moss
In a way it's beautiful this article returned today with a new comment. Why? Because I was going through old poems and one in particular caught my eye that began with moss, as in the fields where we live. Here it is mossy and verdant, a kind of wildlife sanctuary and I had been thinking about the absorbency of mass as in holding water, so essential to marsh wildlife. Could it be our very names contain a deep connectivity of linguistic meaning which we do actualize, soul to soul, carrying 'sol' which is the light?
ruth housman
marshfield, ma
April 25, 2013
Indeed your post here is an eye opener you guys are really doing a great job.
Neku
Nigeria
December 25, 2012
Absolutely wow...
This article is scary, in a good way. Some articles you come across and a sentence or two speak to you, but this whole thing spoke to me, as if I am the person it were written to.

Such a wonderfully written, eye-opening, reassuring article. Love it.
Abraham
Australia
November 8, 2012
Thanks giving Thank YOU for bringing me to this place at this time
I want to thank Richard, for his kind personal commentary. We all need to feel acknowledged, and I believe, listening to each other, wherever we are, even if we disagree, is an important aspect of life, and often hard, as discussions evoke passions, and we're all different though we do share, aspects of experience and outlook. if G_d had Created us all, as exactly same, then it wouldn't be a world, so filled with glorious diversity. None of us, given the vast amount of knowledge in the world, and so much more to be explored, could possibly contain it all, and so when we meet, and greet, we learn about something we would not have known, without that 'other'. I do know, that G_d knows the contents of every book. We are all of us prisms for the light, and, according to our unique selves, we diffract that light, and so G_d, being the Light, is fully conscious of that process, and is our "guiding Light". All books, have a Divine Signature as all Creation: signature of all things.
ruth housman
marshfield hills, ma
November 8, 2012
you are the best!
Anonymous
November 1, 2012
To Ruth Housman
No one can argue with anything you have written. It's well written and, in fact, truly beautiful.

Nice work! And Thank you!
Richard
Boca Raton, FL
October 29, 2012
Raising the bar on where we meet
I would say, go to places that draw you, and that you never really know, where you will meet your soul mate, that special someone, and it could be, a bar. Even someone, behind bars.Yes, life has its punny moments. but also serious, because I met my soul mate in a laundromat when a most miserable room mate, made me want to leave the apartment, so laundry seemed a viable option at the time.. Life happens, and sometimes it is really strange how we meet. I actually thanked this roommate, for being so nasty because it was her really not nice ways of being, that sent me out into the night, into the arms of someone very special and we're still together. So everything one could say, depends on IF.
ruth housman
marshfield hills, ma
October 26, 2012
to Sherry in coral Springs\
Don't even THINK of giving up hope! I married my first love, we had two wonderful sons. Times were hard; we divorced but remained close an even in my second marriage i supported her financially until her passing years later. My second marriage lasted 5 years; it was a bad match and we parted amicably. I'm now 20+ years into my third (and last!!?) marriage, perfectly happy, peaceful, my mind at rest, and at 82, still healthy as a horse. The harder you "search", the less you'll find. If it's gonna happen, it will. Skip the bars and clubs; you wouldn't want to marry someone you met at a BAR, would ya? Try your chosen synagogue instead. Y' never know. The choices may be fewer, but at least, they won't have beer on their breath!! And if being Jewish means something to you, that issue will not arise.

Best wishes!

RMM
Richard
Boca Raton, , Fl./USA
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