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I Aborted My Child, I Feel Guilty
Discuss (11)Question:
What's done is done. I had an abortion years ago. I did it to avoid shame, but instead I am riddled with guilt. Even though I can't reverse what I have done, is there some way to alleviate the burden I am carrying? Can I somehow make amends? Am I condemned to a life of guilty feelings?
Answer:
Guilt is to the soul what pain is to the body. Pain itself is not a good thing, but it does serve a positive purpose. Pain alerts you to a problem that requires action, it calls you to seek its source and alleviate it.
Guilt serves a positive purpose too. Guilt that eats away at us is pointless. But guilt can be used as a catalyst for becoming a better person when it alerts us to acknowledge mistakes we have made, take responsibility for them and not blame others - even if others were partially to blame - and then resolve to improve because of the experience. We must turn around the negative feelings so they can propel us to do more good.
In the case of someone who wrongly had an abortion, perhaps one way to channel the guilt into positivity would be to take on a project that will specifically benefit unwanted or abandoned children. The ultimate would be to actually adopt such a child, but that is not always possible. Here are some other suggestions: volunteer time and donate money to an orphanage; become a "big sister" to a child that needs extra support; or help out a friend or family member who is bringing up their children in difficult circumstances, such as a single mother or someone battling serious illness.
Guilt creates a void in our soul. Fill that void with something meaningful. Redirect your energy towards a new venture that will benefit someone in need. That way you don't just alleviate the guilt, you actually transform it into a force for good.
You can't bring back the potential that was lost. But you can reclaim your own potential. Don't let guilt paralyze you any longer. Ask G‑d to forgive you. Then turn your guilt around, and use it as a springboard for positive action. Make what was a negative chapter in your life into the introduction to the next chapter, a chapter focused on love and life.
Please see more on Jewish guilt on The Judaism Website.
By Aron Moss
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yardley, pA, USA
My ex had one abortion in youth due to her parents (they would have frowned on a mixed baby).
Years later she had one that was a medical necessity.
And she has guilt all the time.
But you can learn to channel that into something productive.
McHenry, MS/USA
In my 30s I started reading the Bible and and my heart change. I always knew what I did was wrong, but I was very cold hearted and I did not suffer guilt, but I never forgot what I did. In my 40s I started working with children from broken homes and after a few years at the age of 45 I adopted 2 children siblings my daughter was 6yrs old and my son 17months old. I also was an advocate for 7 other children who were adopted from my home. G-d used me to find homes for them. All the while I did not do it to atone for what I did , It never entered my mind that it would atone for what I did, for one can not atone for oneself for the death of an unborn child. At least this is what I believe. My point is G-d had a purpose for my life here on earth and no matter what I did once I opened my mind to G-ds word things worked out.
Chilliwack , Canada
Dear Slightly Less Guilty,
You are doing the right thing, at least, you are trying your best to redeem yourself. I admire you for doing just that, and with God's help, let us hope that your children will grow with abundance of the Amighty's
blessings. As a Jewish woman yourself, try to save the Jewish nation, because the humanity depends on you, and without you and your tribe to teach the nations of world, we would not be a people today.
May God bless you and your family.
Perry, KS. U.S.A.
New York, NY
There is no double standard. Charity must have boundaries. One can not give everything to everyone. That is not charity, but rather becoming a doormat. Use your mind to decide. Some people help zebras. Some help black children. Some people help chabad. Choices are part of life. Deal with it.
Jackson, WY
In my bible, it is written: "Mistakes are bound to happen, but woe to those who make them happen." In your case, you made a mistaked, because you did it without knowing any better but just to cover your shame. God knows your heart, cry out to Him and ask for His forgiveness and He will make you feel better. Just don't sin no more and don't forget to light your candle every Friday.
Perry, KS. U.S.A.
Even better perhaps, what if the person involved in an abortion actually went on to save lives?
My question then is: To you, does the same consideration apply to Gentile babies as to Jewish babies?
What if a distressed Gentile woman left her child at the door of a Chabad House? What if she choose to entrust you with the soul of her child?
How far would you go to benefit that unwanted child?
But you would go to the ends of the earth for the Jewish mother who would abort her own child, wouldn't you?
What's worse: To abort a child, or to send it out in the world with a racist double standard; that that child has less of a neshoma (soul) then a Hebrew child, and is consequentially less of 'an apple in the eyes of G-d' because of it's race.
Chabad of Brooklyn: Your black neighbors got the same regards from the Ku Klux Klan, who also oppose abortion.
Stop the racism instead
New Haven, Ct.
brooklyn, NY