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Can a convert be my soul-mate?

Can a convert be my soul-mate?



My girlfriend isn't Jewish, but she is in the process of converting.

In your Kabbalah class you said that everyone has a soul-mate, the missing part of our soul. Before we are born our souls are split in two, half is placed in a male child and the other half in a female, and we spend our lives searching for that one person that completes our soul.

I believe I have met my soul-mate.

Am I correct in saying that according to you, she can't be the other half of my soul (even after she converts) because I was born with a Jewish soul and she wasn't?



Good question Don.

While generally a Jew's soul-mates also born Jewish, there are rare exceptions -- it could also be a convert. Because there's more to a convert to Judaism than meets the eye.

The Kabbalah teaches that a true convert actually always had a latent Jewish soul, which for some cosmic reason had to go through a long spiritual journey in order to find its way back. This is one reason why the conversion process is made to be difficult: we are really just testing to see if this person indeed has a Jewish spark; if they do, then no obstacle in the world will be able to stop them rejoining their people.

So it is certainly possible that your girlfriend is your other half. But there's only one way to find out for sure. If she has been exposed to authentic Judaism, and became attracted to it to the point where she truly and sincerely wants to become Jewish, and is determined to do whatever it takes to get there, then she has a Jewish spark that could be the other half of your soul. And if she feels it's not for her, then you both will have been saved from marrying the wrong person.

There was quite a response to this ask the Rabbi. Below are two examples.


I found your last email offensive. You are essentially saying that only Jews have souls and if a non-Jew wants a soul they have to convert!

Rabbi Moss:

I apologize if you were offended, but that is not at all what I wrote. A non-Jew most certainly has a soul. But not a Jewish soul. We have different souls because we have different missions. A true convert had a latent Jewish soul all along, and his/her destiny was always to be a part of the Jewish people. But this in no way means that a non-Jew doesn't have a soul.


If a male dies at an early age, does that mean his soul did not "split" into male and female, or is there a female somewhere out there who will never find her other half?

Rabbi Moss:

In a case where someone dies young (G‑d forbid), there are a few possible explanations as to what happened to their soulmate: 1) their soulmate also passed away, 2) they met their soul-mate already in a previous life and only came back to finish a specific mission, which had been accomplished or 3) their soulmate married someone else, and they will meet up in their next reincarnation. Whatever the case, everyone will eventually reunite with their true soulmate.

Aron Moss is rabbi of the Nefesh Community in Sydney, Australia, and is a frequent contributor to
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Discussion (35)
February 12, 2017
There is no reason to think that because you have been alone for many years that you have lost the opportunity to meet your soulmate. Additionally, sometimes we don't marry our soulmate, but we can still marry someone who is the closest soul to our soul. For more on soulmates please see here our section devoted to this topic.
Simcha Bart for
January 31, 2017
I am also divorced. I've been alone for decades now. Does that mean I will spend eternity without a soul mate?

Please rabbi. There are many of us out here. I am now elderly but I would still like to connect with my bashert.
December 26, 2013
Do I have a soumate? I was divorced and have not remarried.
Do I have to marry someone?

Or am I doomed to spend eternity without a soul mate?
Shoshana Leibowitz
March 8, 2013
Beth, If you want to truly learn kabbalah, you have to follow the discipline, system and order of learning it properly with a tzaddik.

Yael: a second conversion is more of a clarification of intent, like with Ruth. Just go for it. If it did not work out you would have to go to them for the get, so it is in your best interest and his to just go for it. Also if you go to Israel it would make things easier for your kids. They are protecting you.
February 21, 2013
To Beth
Yes. The basis for sprituality is love. I was disagreeing with you when you said that Kabbalah knows no religion, or something to that extent. Kabbalah is based on a fundamental understanding of Torah and Talmud. If one studies Kabbalah without that base, one is missing out on the fundamentals. It is like studying calculus without first studying algebra - it can be done, but a lot is lost.

Love happens between any two people. The world's amazing that way. When children come, love as well as religion and culture get passed down. Is it an expression of G-d's love that my cousins know little of our family's religion and their children know nothing? Yet, I know that my cousins' mother, my aunt, profoundly loves her husband. Yet something got lost too. True love between two people is an expression of G-d's love, but I don't know if the loss of a culture or religion expresses G-d's love. It is so complicated.
February 21, 2013
Dear Anonymous
Thank you for your reply. To me - the basis of life and spirituality is through a loving God. My God is loving, My God knows no color, religion, sexual preference, My God loves me and my boyfriend for who we are not what we study. I am grateful for the Kabbalah that I study and have come to know and love. I am grateful for a loving God in my life. I am very sorry for those of you who do not know a loving accepting God.
San Diego
February 19, 2013
Dear Beth
As I am replying to something you wrote over two years ago, you might read this. However, I'd like to reply to your post. Kabbalah is not for people of all walks of life. That might be what you were taught, but you were not taught correctly. Not all people who teach Kabbalah necessarily teach it correctly. Kabbalah is meant for people who have an understanding of Torah and Talmud - a solid foundation. So yes, anyone can study Kabbalah, but it is not meant for just anyone to study. Without a solid background in the Torah, then you are missing the fundamentals upon which the Kabbalah is based. For thousands of years, Kabbalah was only taught to men over the age of 40 - because who else would have such a solid understanding of the Torah, as a base upon which to study Kabbalah? So no, it is not meant for anybody to study. But Kabbalah is certainly marketed that way.
February 8, 2013
Interesting subject/article! Controversial as well. As a practicing Noahide who continually feels drawn to conversion I must say it is difficult for me to come to a definite conclusion about the differences in souls. At the end of the day though I tend to agree with Beth. What first attracted me to Judaism was Kabbalah. I learned that everything has a spark of G-d, plants, animals and of course all human beings, Jews and non-Jews alike. The differences were external in terms of their ability to reveal this inner spark of G-dliness. For example, a flower can reveal Hashem's attributes of "Beauty" and "Wisdom" but these are revealed even more when I study the Sheva Mitzvos... The Jewish people are the ultimate revealers of divinity because they have the Torah/613 mitzvos...but does that have to mean that there is something inately different about Jewish souls?
June 4, 2011
soul mates
i hate the concept of a soulmate. it's impossible to find the exact right person, or to know it is him, or to know anything. like it's a joke and it's just depressing. because if thats true, what if i get it wrong? what if i marry the wrong person? or if he marries or gets involved with someone else before he meets me...
London, UK
March 26, 2011
There is no "Soul Mate"
The concept of a "soul mate" is nothing more than a silly superstition. Good marriages exist because both partners make the marriage their top priority. Fate, even when dressed up with spiritual language, has nothing to do with it.

Unfortunately, too many people in the US have become wedded (no pun intended) to this superstition. They ignore excellent potential mates because excellent just isn't good enough for them. They are looking for the "perfect" mate that The Divine has supposedly intended for them. The fact is there are no perfect mates, because there are no perfect people.
Alturas, CA
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