When a Loved One Dies, is that the End of the Relationship?

Question:

My grandmother passed away last year. I was always her favorite grandchild and we shared an especially close bond. I'm getting married in a couple of weeks, and I just can't accept that she won't be at my wedding. I am almost embarrassed to say it, but I actually went to her grave and begged her to come to the wedding. I'm not really sure what my question to you is. I guess I just want to know... did she hear me?

Answer:

Your grandmother not only heard you -- she will respond. You may be surprised to learn that what you did is in fact an ancient Jewish custom. Over the generations, Jews have visited the graves of their loved ones to invite them to join in their family celebrations. The most fundamental work of Kabbalah, called the Zohar, says that the souls of departed parents and grandparents come to share in the joy of the weddings of their descendants.

The fact that you went to your grandmother's gravesite to invite her to your wedding, even though you were unaware of this custom, indicates that your soul knew intuitively what the Zohar says.

And the fact that you can't accept that your grandmother won't be at your wedding is because that isn't true. She most certainly will be at your wedding. It will be painful not to be able to hold her hand and see her smiling face, but you should feel comforted in the knowledge that her presence and her love will be right there with you.

And she'll be there whenever you need her, because the soul never dies, and a soul-connection like the one you had with your grandmother is eternal.

By Aron Moss

Rabbi Aron Moss teaches Kabbalah, Talmud and practical Judaism in Sydney, Australia, and is a frequent contributor to Chabad.org.

Image by chassidic artist Shoshannah Brombacher. To view or purchase Ms. Brombacher’s art, click here.

More articles by Aron Moss | RSS

The content on this page is copyrighted by the author, publisher and/or Chabad.org, and is produced by Chabad.org. If you enjoyed this article, we encourage you to distribute it further, provided that you comply with the copyright policy.

E-mail

Sort By:

NewestOldest

January 21, 2013

Proof of life after life

Life is Eternal and it can never die. Fact, each baby that is born profs that life goes on. There are so many dead people, and yet, the world's population is growing.and expending throughout the universe. No natural disasters, no wars, no accidents, no suicides or homicides, and no disease can stop life. The Creator of all creations stores the secrets of life and only He controls life. Therefore, follow the commandments, and learn how God is the only one to give or take life. But He never brings life to an end. Otherwise, the world will stop functioning, and we'll go back to the time prior to creation.

Dr. Ahuva Goldenthal
N.M.B Florida

January 11, 2013

How to survive the ordeal before redemption

Before we correct the world we must create shalom bayt. Inner peace, and peace with our family. Be a light to your spouse, your children, neighbors, and friends. Cover your flesh and dress in royal clothes. Covering our flesh will bring out your light from your spirit, and then we will feel and know God. Don't be ashamed to be Jewish, as it is written, "The children of Israel must be the light for all nations."

Dr. Ahuva Goldenthal
NMB

January 9, 2013

My beloved father passed away October 2011 (between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur). I am so tortured and in such pain over his passing - I can't accept that I will never see my father again. It's been over 1 year and I am still grieving his passing terribly. I cry all the time and talk to him and cry to him all the time telling him how much I love him and miss him. Will I see him again? How can I move on with my life and not cry hysterically all the time. I do see a therapist, but I am grieving to the point where I can barely function. Can someone help me to come to terms with his passing?

Sue Ellen
Bayside, NY

November 16, 2012

Resurection

At this hectic time, our minds, our feelings, and our spirits are dead. As we get closer to the redemption, we are experiencing lots of pain, aggravation, disappointments, fear of the unknown, war, natural disasters, changes in the heavens, and confusion. But hold on a little longer, start waking up, leave your nonsense thoughts and desires aside, open your eyes, wash your hands and eyes, get dressed in festive clothes, pray daily, set a beautiful table, and with all your heart and mind, tune in, and watch how the Eagle, Hashem is hovering over us, and preparing us for our final redemption. Amen!

Dr. Ahuva Goldenthal
North Miami Beach, Fl.

October 23, 2012

When a person dies

What is life and what is death. Is our physical life real or a delusion? Or, is death a continuation of life? A physical body is temporary, but prior to birth, and after death, is the real everlasting life. People mourn their dead because of the lose of their physical contact with the deceased, but the deceased are much closer to their physical living relatives than ever. "Living" people are just a delusion, with missions, commitments,

Dr. Ahuva Goldenthal
NMB, FL

September 23, 2012

My best friend and soul mate just died

Hi, I happened to stumble upon your site and I would like to say thank you for what you are doing. I have a question. Why is it that we don't feel our loved ones presence but they make it clear to us they are around us? In my case, my husband died 3 months ago. At first nothing! complete silence and then almost two months later BOOM! My Cd starts switching to FM radio, a song is playing that answers questions or helps me to deal with whatever I'm going through at the moment, etc,etc.. In other words, he came back but he will not come close enough for me to feel his presence.. Why? Lots of people say you will feel it, but I don't however, I know he is around because of what's happening..

RTWnda1223
Florissant, MISSOURI

February 10, 2010

When a person dies

G-d created man in His image. G-d does not have a body, nor does He resemble a body. G-d is Fire and Wind. When a person dies, his body goes back to the ground. His existence remains with the wind (soul) and fire (spirit), and this is when we are really in the Image of G-d. Life can never die because the Spirit and the Soul is what gives us life. Since G-d is everlasting, so is our spirit and soul.

Dr. Ahuva Goldenthal
NMB, Fl

February 9, 2010

To Rivqah in OK. I'm so sorry about your husband.

It sounds as if you two were and still are very much in love. Although his soul will always be there for you, please when you feel free to do so, smile again and enjoy life. Yes, your Lazer is there for you, but not to enslave you in memories. May his memory for you and his connection with you be life affirming and freeing. When you want or need him, his soul will be there with you. When you cry, you can talk to him as well as to G-d. See, you are very much loved. You are G-s family, and now that Lazer is nearer physically to G-d, they can give you double strength to go through life's hardships. Every once in a while, you will hear a song or prayer or phrase and it will remind you of the love the two of you have. If you should ever, in the future, find another man, please don't turn your back on him. Your Lazer would want you to be happy again. May G-d grant you peace, my Yiddishe sister.

Karen Joyce Chaya Fradle Kleinman Bell
Riverside, CA, USA

February 9, 2010

My soul mate is still with me then?

My husband Lazer passed on last week and I am in so much pain without him. I happened across this article and it reassures me. I have thought that I feel his presence at times, but it is so hard not to be able to see him. We were great soul mates and always will be. Thanks for your answer to the other person's question. So the soul connection does go on forever and I will see him again? I really hope so.

Rivqah
Lone Wolf, OK

February 8, 2010

re:Afterlife

In reply to the question about a source in the bible or Talmud about the dead being contacted, I am unsure what you mean by contacted. One example would be the episode with King Saul and the witch of Endor (Samuel I 28:3-25) in which the spirit of Samuel was conjured up. And although witchcraft is forbidden, and that was a forbidden act, the point is that we see clearly in the Bible that the dead can be contacted. If it can be done in impurity, how much more so can it be done in holiness.

Additionally, here is a somewhat related article that includes various sources from the Talmud: Is it okay to ask a deceased tzaddik to pray on my behalf?

Yehuda Shurpin

Show all comments