271. All For Your Children

On the idea of:

"Do all you can about it.

Then do more "

We love our children. We do our best. That bottom line tag of advice must be for those parents who are lazy or thoughtless or both. I doubt that it will change them. But even if it helps one, i am all for it.

In conclusion, my point is this : For loving parents, there is no such thing as " do-ing more ". If you are not firing on all cylinders to begin with, like an earlier commenter remarked, find a better teacher than yourself.
And by the way, there is no shame in that. Some people realize that they are not patient, and don't have children. No problem. Some know ahead of time that they will be hiring nannies or tutors. No problem. Some parents had great parents to learn from. Lucky them. Some had lousy parents and they follow the same habits; others change the pattern.

Optimum 1 2 and 3 is a lot of commentary about parenting. I think the dialogue is worth it. Is there a more precious topic for discussion ?

Another concept i try to teach at the same time as love, is optimum. My advice is used as a reminder when children forget :

" Do your best. Don't do less. Don't do more. It can hurt you. Take pressure off yourself and do not become your own worse enemy. Aim for optimum, not under doing, not over doing. "

Despite this advice is there any of us who does not try to overachieve ? i am guilty of it myself. But, everyone comes to terms with their threshold, what works best. Cramming for exams is good for some, and not good for others. If you excel with cramming, it works for you. If you fall asleep during the exam, it is not for you. Again, it is about finding your optimum or at least being aware of the concept. Why do people drink and drive ? They usually figure they can handle it. They can't. Why do people fall asleep at the wheel ? Usually trying to make better time despite their nodding head and bleary eyes.

These ideas in optimum 1 and 2 are suggestions. Optimium 3 is next.

i am not going to argue with you about what you say but your 271 is not for me. Firstly, i tell my children at the first opportunity, at an age they can understand that they should never worry about making me proud. It happens the first time they show me a gold star and say " Aren't you proud of me daddy ?" I explain to them that if they do not get a star, to be sure that i love them. i teach them that pride is a commodity that many parents use for manipulative purposes and make a child feel badly no matter what age.

I tell them that i deal in love. I will always love them no matter what. If they should murder someone for no reason, i would not be proud of them , but i would still love them, and visit them in jail at every chance.

By all means, show me achievements you are proud of, but never be afraid to share the ones that you might not be proud of. The more open i am with my children at a young age, and them with me, should result in their independent good decision making later.

Clearly define a goal & walk toward it carefully. Will obtaining it really make me or my kid content? What do I want 4 my kid? Y? Is that a good reason? Clearly define a goal that will bring true contentment & carefully plan steps that will get me 2 the goal safely. The goal is always peace. People want money, land & marriage because they think money, land & marriage bring peace. Look around honestly. Do money, land & marriage really bring peace? What will bring my kid true peace? Will money, land or marriage really bring my kid peace? Peace exists because I am choosing 2 b the peace. Teach your kid how 2 b peace. If u don’t know how 2 b peace then bring your kid 2 someone who does no how 2 b peace so your kid can become peace by copying that person. Kids r a responsibility, not a commodity. I don’t own my kid & if I mess up badly enough I lose them so b careful with them. Kids become me by copying me so if I want them 2 b gentle with me I have 2 be gentle with them.

Amen,
Many times it is difficult but the reward is great.
My teenagers always tell me thank you for been there and helping us to grow up. My relationship with them is great and thank G-d they share with me what happen during the day and what they are thinking.
I pray every day to G-d to guide them & to help them to make the right choices. Also for me as a mother to understand them by showing them G-d's will, not mine.