105. Simple Path
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You ask, “How can I be happy if I am not?”
True, you can’t control the way you feel, but you do have control over your conscious thought, speech and actions.
Do something simple: Think good thoughts, speak good things, behave the way a joyful person behaves -even if you don’t fully feel it inside. Eventually, the inner joy of the soul will break through.
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Latest Comments:
From Enivel
I agree completely that what I (or you, or anyone) tells another cannot change that person's feelings. Only that person can change their own feelings.
And that person can choose to be happy, or to be otherwise. Again my fundamental question: Why would anyone choose to be unhappy. I don't have a good answer - the only partial answer that makes any sense to me is many people do not realize that they have the choice to be happy.
Shabbat Shalom
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Rabbi Freeman, I dare to say that I also agree that it takes a decision, a choice to feel what we want, or to have the attitude that we want, NOT time. If it takes time then how much time? How come for some it would take longer time, and for others it may take less? What is being done during the time taken? Is it not a decision that is forming during that time? It's like what comes first, the chicken or the egg. There are times when we are commanded to rejoice. Do we say. "Not yet G-d. I need more time."? Or can we perhaps, if we so choose, go "l'chatchila ariber" and make the choice to be happy? I would like to challenge you, as well as myself, to use this yom tov (festival) as a time to go beyond seichel (our own understanding) in a sense. To be happy by choice . To sing and dance and rejoice from a place of desire to do G-d's will, not mine. L'chatchila Ariber and good Yom Tov!
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Enivel, did your mother ever tell you, "Eat that broccoli, and enjoy it!"
You can tell a person to do something he doesn't want to do. Or to say something he doesn't want to say. Or to think about something he was not thinking about.
But you can't tell him, "Change your feelings, right now!"
Victor Frankl took an idea that was common knowledge among Jews and made it popular: That you can change your attitude and your feelings by changing what you are thinking about. But it takes time. And that's exactly what we are talking about here.
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Of all your postings, and I've read many, this is the first one I've found to be pointing directly the wrong way. We DO control how we feel. It is that simple. Period. That's one thing that Victor Frankl taught us. No one else controls how I feel. I control how I feel. Which leads me to THE question I've pondered for a long time now: Why would anyone choose to be unhappy?
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Faking it until you make it is a lousy path. That is not at all what is written here. You can't fool yourself into happiness.
What we are talking about is having some mastery over your thoughts. You can't control your feelings. You need to acknowledge, "Yes, I am sad. But I don't have to play host all my waking hours to those thoughts of self-pity and misery. I can slam the door in their face and instead focus on all that is good in my life. If my left arm has gone missing, I can think about the fact that I still have my right arm. If I dropped the ball in this play, I can think about how I will catch it and run in the next."
Perhaps that sounds silly to some. But the fact is, it's the only way to break out of depression.
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Your words today were, as usual, perfect in their timing and precise with their insightful wisdom. May G-d bless you greatly - you are a light in a sometimes darkened world.
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let's remember that we are DO BE's we do and we are...Yes, I can just be happy no matter what, if I so choose. A wise man recommended: "go home, bring the cow and chickens and goat into the house, also invite your in-laws....wait a few days...when all are back in their place how do you feel?"
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Taking control of my thoughts, attitudes and actions is how to control how I feel.
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Ah, the old fake it 'til you make it. It truly does work, I've found, if you work it. It doesn't happen in an instant, but over time you realize that you do indeed feel better. Maybe not ecstatic joy, but certainly you start to feel serenity.
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What are considered good thoughts? Are our thoughts good or bad? Perhaps if we saw that our thoughts are all important and have purpose ... then we could see that we too are ALL important and have purpose. Perhaps if we accept our thoughts as they are rather than trying to control them, then we may see that it is the attempt at control that might be making us unhappy.
If we are able to accept ourselves in this same way, without judgement, just as we are ... isn't that the key to being happy?
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