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Why Are Guys So Immature?

Why Are Guys So Immature?

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Question:

It's just a very simple question: Why are males so immature? What is the problem?

Answer:

I can't help but chuckle at your question. The fact is this: G‑d created men and women, and in truth men mature more slowly than women. That's why a boy is bar-mitzvah at 13, while a woman reaches the age of halachic maturity at 12.

A woman is created with more emotional insight, and that's why she often carries the responsibility of the relationship. In Jewish life, it's traditional that she light the candles for Shabbat, creating light and clarity in her home. (Although the mitzvah of candle-lighting is for the home—and certainly a man may fulfill this—when there's a woman in the home it's always been her role to do so.)

Much more, of course, to be said on this subject.

Mrs. Bronya Shaffer is a noted globetrotting lecturer on Jewish women's issues, and serves as a personal counselor and mentor for women, couples and adolescents. Mrs. Shaffer, a responder for Chabad.org’s Ask the Rabbi service, lives with her ten children in Crown Heights, Brooklyn.
All names of persons and locations or other identifying features referenced in these questions have been omitted or changed to preserve the anonymity of the questioners.
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Discussion (11)
May 7, 2014
You don't need to be mature to have children. My word, the most immature out there have kids all the time. I'd like to think my hubby & I have outstanding midoe.
But that isn't maturity I hate lying, cheating & stealing & wouldn't want to. do anything of that nature but tha's not maturity. Maturity is more like understanding why you have to be kind to those you don't like at all. Maturity is knowing when to speak & when not to. But knowing when to speak is more like a social skill...that you learn by a certain age hopefully. No one should wait to be mature or have money or whatever they wait on to be ready for kids. You cannot possibly be prepared for all that comes your way with kids.
Zahava
Boca Raton
September 27, 2013
Women Can Be Immature, Too!
Bronya Shaffer, It's not just men! I never married and had children, because I felt I would never have enough maturity to handle the stress that comes with the territory - especially since I have Asperger's Syndrome and don't drive.

Some people even regret not staying single for the same reason!

I answered your question about a husband having a terrible temper after 5 years of marriage, and not being able to control his temper IS a sign of immaturity, and it was one of my most difficult lessons to learn!
Lisa
Providence, RI
November 15, 2010
Women unappreciated
I think that this feeling of being unappreciated is self-esteem problem. Women ARE appreciated when they act like women and fulfil their roles as women. In today's society, and with the whole feminist approach to women's development, women are working hard and being mothers, but they are not fulfilling their role AS women as they're trying to compete with men. I think that this is a big problem and a factor that has caused unstability to today's society. The Jewish approach to women's role is the Torah approach. Women are very appreciated in the circles where people live according to authentic Jewish values and especially Chassidishe values.
Anonymous
NY
November 13, 2010
women
if we see so clearly that yes, men are immature and women more insightful and caring, why are women treated like second class citizens?
i know i feel like one. we are the ones who do all the work, yet we are unappreciated.
why?
Anonymous
monsey, new york
October 28, 2010
So why men were created?
Anonymous
NY
October 24, 2010
There is definitely a problem with many Jewish women who lack the emotional maturity skills of personal accountability for their actions, self-reflection, and objectivity. Women frequently, to avoid dealing with the negative outside world, often hide behind their men.

I’m chuckling at how women believe it is their entitled right to frequently and irrationally bash men. Yet, occasionally, if men publically direct constructive criticism towards women suddenly the loudspeakers are on full power squealing misogyny.
Anonymous
October 23, 2010
Immaturity
You put into words exactly what I needed to see written. Women, created by G-d were formed to have more emotional insight because they are the primary child developers. So we are called to carry relationships. Brilliant. Just what I needed in my struggle with a difficult family situation. I so often feel like opting out of my responsibility for the relationship. I am corrected. Thank you Bronya.
Rachel Newman
Gisborne, NZ
October 22, 2010
boxes
this "categorization" is not to label everyone and put people in boxes. of course its a generalization, but everyone makes generalizations (i just did!) and its commonly acknowledged that when someone says "boys are aggressive" or "girls are sensitive" etc., it's to make a point. It's not to say that every girl or every boy is like that.
anonymous
October 20, 2010
to Anonymous
thats just the point! they don't need all those mitzvahs to stay connected (mitzvah menas connect) to G-D. .... men do.
lee
fd
October 20, 2010
Why must we put everyone into boxes?The message im getting is that"If you're a male, youre unaware of god , and if youre female you automatically are etc." in our history, there are rightoues men and wicked women, just as there are rightoues women and wicked men.
Anonymous
richmond
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