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Why Are Guys So Immature?

Why Are Guys So Immature?



It's just a very simple question: Why are males so immature? What is the problem?


I can't help but chuckle at your question. The fact is this: G‑d created men and women, and in truth men mature more slowly than women. That's why a boy is bar-mitzvah at 13, while a woman reaches the age of halachic maturity at 12.

A woman is created with more emotional insight, and that's why she often carries the responsibility of the relationship. In Jewish life, it's traditional that she light the candles for Shabbat, creating light and clarity in her home. (Although the mitzvah of candle-lighting is for the home—and certainly a man may fulfill this—when there's a woman in the home it's always been her role to do so.)

Much more, of course, to be said on this subject.

Mrs. Bronya Shaffer is a noted globetrotting lecturer on Jewish women's issues, and serves as a personal counselor and mentor for women, couples and adolescents. Mrs. Shaffer, a responder for’s Ask the Rabbi service, lives with her ten children in Crown Heights, Brooklyn.
All names of persons and locations or other identifying features referenced in these questions have been omitted or changed to preserve the anonymity of the questioners.
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Anonymous Cricklewood April 26, 2016

Why are guys so immature? Because they want other guys to like them, and they're scared of feeling left out or abandoned. Reply

Shoshanna PA August 9, 2015

In their defense... Without men,y'all ain't getting those kids y'all be caring so much about right? Oh okay. That's what I thought. Reply

Zahava Boca Raton May 7, 2014

You don't need to be mature to have children. My word, the most immature out there have kids all the time. I'd like to think my hubby & I have outstanding midoe.
But that isn't maturity I hate lying, cheating & stealing & wouldn't want to. do anything of that nature but tha's not maturity. Maturity is more like understanding why you have to be kind to those you don't like at all. Maturity is knowing when to speak & when not to. But knowing when to speak is more like a social skill...that you learn by a certain age hopefully. No one should wait to be mature or have money or whatever they wait on to be ready for kids. You cannot possibly be prepared for all that comes your way with kids. Reply

Lisa Providence, RI September 27, 2013

Women Can Be Immature, Too! Bronya Shaffer, It's not just men! I never married and had children, because I felt I would never have enough maturity to handle the stress that comes with the territory - especially since I have Asperger's Syndrome and don't drive.

Some people even regret not staying single for the same reason!

I answered your question about a husband having a terrible temper after 5 years of marriage, and not being able to control his temper IS a sign of immaturity, and it was one of my most difficult lessons to learn! Reply

Anonymous NY November 15, 2010

Women unappreciated I think that this feeling of being unappreciated is self-esteem problem. Women ARE appreciated when they act like women and fulfil their roles as women. In today's society, and with the whole feminist approach to women's development, women are working hard and being mothers, but they are not fulfilling their role AS women as they're trying to compete with men. I think that this is a big problem and a factor that has caused unstability to today's society. The Jewish approach to women's role is the Torah approach. Women are very appreciated in the circles where people live according to authentic Jewish values and especially Chassidishe values. Reply

Anonymous monsey, new york November 13, 2010

women if we see so clearly that yes, men are immature and women more insightful and caring, why are women treated like second class citizens?
i know i feel like one. we are the ones who do all the work, yet we are unappreciated.
why? Reply

Anonymous NY October 28, 2010

So why men were created? Reply

Anonymous October 24, 2010

There is definitely a problem with many Jewish women who lack the emotional maturity skills of personal accountability for their actions, self-reflection, and objectivity. Women frequently, to avoid dealing with the negative outside world, often hide behind their men.

I’m chuckling at how women believe it is their entitled right to frequently and irrationally bash men. Yet, occasionally, if men publically direct constructive criticism towards women suddenly the loudspeakers are on full power squealing misogyny. Reply

Rachel Newman Gisborne, NZ October 23, 2010

Immaturity You put into words exactly what I needed to see written. Women, created by G-d were formed to have more emotional insight because they are the primary child developers. So we are called to carry relationships. Brilliant. Just what I needed in my struggle with a difficult family situation. I so often feel like opting out of my responsibility for the relationship. I am corrected. Thank you Bronya. Reply

anonymous October 22, 2010

boxes this "categorization" is not to label everyone and put people in boxes. of course its a generalization, but everyone makes generalizations (i just did!) and its commonly acknowledged that when someone says "boys are aggressive" or "girls are sensitive" etc., it's to make a point. It's not to say that every girl or every boy is like that. Reply

lee fd October 20, 2010

to Anonymous thats just the point! they don't need all those mitzvahs to stay connected (mitzvah menas connect) to G-D. .... men do. Reply

Anonymous richmond October 20, 2010

Why must we put everyone into boxes?The message im getting is that"If you're a male, youre unaware of god , and if youre female you automatically are etc." in our history, there are rightoues men and wicked women, just as there are rightoues women and wicked men. Reply

Anonymous October 20, 2010

if women are so mature, why aren't they obligated in mitzvos as much as men are? Reply

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