Question:
I know that I should forgive, but there are so many people that have done me wrong. I just can't let go of that. What should I do?
Response:
A friend of mine went to use the restroom in a large department store, where a toilet fell off the wall, landing on her foot and breaking her toe. That's a true story. The moral? If you're supposed to break your toe, G‑d could use anything, even a toilet.
"G‑d has many agents," our sages say. Life may seem to be no more than countless interactions with people, places, and things—yet behind them all G‑d is choreographing events to happen exactly the way He wants them, to the ultimate benefit of all involved.
Let's take an example from our history. G‑d told Abraham, the first Jew, that his offspring were destined to slavery in Egypt before they could inherit the Land of Israel. Joseph, Abraham's great-grandson, earned the ire of his brothers who sold him as a slave to some spice merchants traveling to Egypt. There, Joseph made a meteoric rise to viceroy. When famine hit Israel, Joseph's brothers descended to Egypt to purchase food—and discovered Joseph, who invited the entire family to come live with him.
Had Joseph's brothers not sold him, G‑d would have orchestrated their exile to Egypt in a different way. The brothers, however, did choose to sell Joseph and are therefore held responsible for their decision. Yet Joseph did not hate them. Why? Because he saw G‑d's hand within their actions.
The Baal Shem Tov taught that if someone hurts you, this hurt was meant to happen to you. Yes, the agent of your misfortune has an account to settle with G‑d. And you could sue for damages as well. Nevertheless, be like Joseph. Accept that for some reason this wound had your name on it, and it was for your own good. Then you can shed the grudge and move on.
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