What's Your Excuse for Not Attending Synagogue?
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Question:
Rabbi, do you know why I
don't go to synagogue? I used to go, but I started to notice that in my synagogue, the
rich people get more noticed and average people like me are overlooked. So I
stopped going. If you need to be wealthy to be respected, I want no part of it.
Am I right or wrong?
Answer:
You are the third person
this week to explain to me why they don't go to synagogue. This happens to me all
the time. At almost every function I attend, a wedding, kid's birthday party or
communal gathering, someone comes up to me and says, "Rabbi, do you know
why I don't go to synagogue...."
They feel
the need to share with me their particular Jewish gripe
I have never asked anyone
why they don't go to synagogue. I don't even know these people. And yet they feel
the need to share with me their particular Jewish gripe, either about the
unfriendly rabbi or the arrogant cantor, the grandfather who forced them to
pray or the G‑d who didn't answer their prayers.
It's funny, I don't feel the
need to justify to my dentist why I never go to him, or the local gym why they
never see me. And yet when people see a rabbi they are overcome with an urge to
explain their absence from synagogue.
Mind you, the people who do
attend synagogue don't seem to have a good reason why they come. Even someone who
has not been to synagogue in years can rock up to a service, and without any
justification for their sudden appearance, they walk in, take a prayer book and
sit down as if they always belonged there.
Because they do belong
there.I am here because I am Jewish, and
going to synagogue is Jewish A Jew needs no reason to be in synagogue. There is no explanation necessary.
Most of the time, they themselves don't know why they started coming to
synagogue. And so they offer no rationalization. You only need a reason not to go to
synagogue. But to go, no reason is required. I am here because I am Jewish, and
going to synagogue is Jewish.
This is why I love hearing
those alibis people present for not being in synagogue. A Jew needs a reason not to
connect to Judaism. Some may have pretty good reasons, like yours. But they are
reasons nonetheless. A Jew needs no reason to connect to Judaism. It is who we
are.
If you don't like your synagogue,
find another one. Until you do, all the justifications in the world won't
change the fact that you're a Jew, and a Jew wants to be Jewish.
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Latest Comments:
Your letter does not make it clear from what part of the world you come, but if you are jewish, (and even if not) you will be welcome in any Chabad house. If you want to be with jews, that is the best place to start!
At the JLI class last night we learned that it is because we are different and that the light of HaShem is always within us that others may hate us. If the other has a hole in his heart because we exist, they think that they can fill the hole by killing us. It doesn't work.
Talk to a Chabad Rabbi and you will get answers (and even new questions!) Post again and give us more insight into your circumstances and history so that we can try to help you.
With Ahavat Yisrael directed to you...
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At 65 years old, I have felt the same, but you know what? I am realizing I don't care any more. I don't go places to be accepted. I go places where I just want to be, just for my own self. I also joined other groups where it doesn't matter what you are, such as Toastmasters for public speaking. If you are a good person, you help others and do good for the world, then G-d loves you, and the people don't matter. Some people will always like you, some will always not like you and some won't even remember who you are. That's the same with every person on this earth. Unfortunately, vocally negative people seem to abound and speak as if they are the big bosses. Once, I went to a Reform Temple and a bossy woman said to me, "Oh what are you doing here? You're too late. You'll have to go." I said, "Interesting." and walked right past her into the temple. I said hello to people, used the restroom and left. Who cared about that "biddy". She was no one.
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I remember as a child asking my grandma about Jews. She did not want answer me, so I asked again and she asked me what I was asking, did I understand? So I asked why people hate jews and before i could get anything else out she yelled at me and said she never wanted me to say the name Jew in her hearing again. Then a few days later she took me to a house where I stood outside waiting finally she and another woman took me in and told me to stand at a door where I could see a man with clothes and yarmulke on his head after a while he finally spoke and I sat at his feet while he talked and asked questions for a long time.
Since I grew I've been beaten and spit on for being Jewish even when I don't tell people who I am they figure it out. My heart hurts to be around other Jews when I see other Jews in public my heart rejoices to see them but I can't go to a synagogue to be rejected by my own people would be worse than the years of physical and mental torture I have experienced for being a Jew.
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said that "they wouldn't understand me" if he goes into a synagogue, please know this....they don't understand each other, either. In fact, a synagogue's service is not interactive on a personal level. It is ONLY prayers and a short story by the rabbi. Afterwards, there may be a social gathering where people ask each other, "Oh, are you Jewish?" That is a rude question, so you don't have to answer. You can say, "I'm a child of G-d, and you?" If you are a Jewish Christian, it is still not their business. If you don't go around trying to convert people, they will accept you. Jews really don't appreciate being told things such as they are going to hell if they don't accept J as their savior, etc. In fact, when a missionary approaches me now, with what I know of Xtianity, etc, I say, "Yes,, I am born again." Why? Because EVERY DAY when we wake up, we are born again. In my Chabad, we often have people from other religions who come to see how people from the "Old Testament" worship.
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Mandy Patinkin is a talented entertainer; but he is not a religious authority. Her Serene Highness Princess Grace didn't substitute being on earth for attending her house of worship and neither do I.
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To answer the Rabbis, yes, but also so that Jews from ALL OVER THE WORLD can converse and feel belonging. The question and resulting answer from a Rabbi or other staff member is not there so we can be robots and just agree, without thinking. The great aspect of being Jewish is we can use an idea as a springboard, and see it as being EXCITING to converse with others. One person says something that clicks with an idea of another person, and that's how we get off on tangents. Yes, the authors probably DO stop reading these comments. However, I know at least one, Tzvi, sometimes answers the comments. Sometimes, I have received PRIVATE responses. So, please don't feel sorry for the authors of the articles that bloggers "go off" the subject or whatever. If Chabad.com didn't want the blogs printed, they wouldn't print them. They WELCOME ideas from all of us. You may not like it, but that's how ALL the blogs seem to be. Open. Welcoming. Accepting of differences of opinion. Wow!
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I enjoy, and learn from, your articles Rabbi. I can see where you would probably stop even reading comments after awhile. I've always felt that the Comment Section was intended to speak to the author, not to pull up a dirty soap box and spew nonsense. Dear Rabbi, Keep up the wonderful stuff for those of us who really read it. Shalom.
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There is a saying "Where two or three are gathered together, there I am in the midst of them", regarding WHERE you can worship G-d. That means that wherever there is a small gathering talking about G-d or issues about G-d, THAT IS a temple/synagogue/holy place. We have a saying to remember and think of and speak about G-d from morning until night. In no way is anyone in a synagogue from morning until night. Not even the Rabbis. So, in effect, that would mean even if you are BLOGGING on this site, you are IN a spiritual type of synagogue. The literal prayers and rules and laws are great, but also, how we live our lives and think and believe positively are also great.
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Dear Sarah in NY: My chances of marrying Royalty are my own affair. To be the "daughter of a King", would be interesting-- but it seems strange you would mention that: if you mean God, then EVERYONE, Jewish or not is "Royalty", (but it's sure strange the "respect" the world has given to it's Jeiwish "Kings" and "Queens" through the centuries. (True, non-Jewish royals SOMETIMES die horrihly...but Princess Grace, whilst she lived, was loved and respected, (and still is, by many-- including me!) Inquisitions & Holocausts are not normally visited on REAL royalty. No-- "ordinary" Jews are not royal, (there was even a Rothschild who was killed in the Holocaust!) Being a scapegoat never appealed to me, sorry.
And Mandy Potankin, inan interview in Hadassah Magazine, years ago said he NEVER goes to synagogue as he regards all of Earth as his synagogue. As for me.well, if there's ever a monarchy in Israel, I'd like to go to synagogue. If there isn't...I'll go to my HRH husband's church!
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I have found that most Jews regardless of their level of observance will want to have a Rabbi officiate at their life cycle events, certainly at their parent's funerals and they would be horrified if none was available. What do they think the Rabbi does the rest of the year ? Waiting for a funeral to officiate at ? He is running a congregation and for a congregation to be running and a Rabbi to be available when we need him, there are economic forces in place just like with any other organization.
Unaffiliated Jews do not realize that a yearly synagogue membership fee, which they would feel is perfectly legitimate if it were for a Gym, a theater subscription, a football season, a country club etc... is something they should include in their budget. If it is too high, there are always discounts that can be arranged. This way they will never have to pay for high Holiday seats. It's interesting to note that most Jews whose parents belonged to a synagogue will and those who don't won't.
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