The Meaning of Honor - Honoring Parents

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Kibbud Av Va'em - Honor Due to Parents

By Jacob Immanuel Schochet

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What constitutes honor? One must provide them with food and drink, clothing and garments, to conduct them home and take them out, and rise before them. And one must provide them with all their needs cheerfully: even if one should feed them daily the most delectable foods but does so with ill grace, one incurs Divine punishment. And conversely, if one makes his father do hard labor but the intention is good, viz. to save him from a worse fate -- and he appeases his father by showing him that his intention is good -- one inherits the world to come.

Also, one must perform for parents all such services as a servant performs for his master; and one is duty bound to render personal services even at personal expense.

To what lengths should the duty of honoring parents go? Even were they to take his purse full of gold, and cast it into the sea in his presence, he must not shame them, manifest grief in their presence, or display any anger, but accept the Divine decree without demur! [Shulchan Aruch, ibid, 240:4ff.]

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8 Comments Posted

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Posted: Aug 27, 2008

Deut. 31;8

katee;

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Interesting that you should suggest Deut. 31:8 which states that G-D will not forsake me. One of my favorite Psalms is 22 which asks why G-D has forsaken me.

This of course is followed by the famous 23rd Psalm which seems to me to be strategically juxtapositioned after the somewhat harsh 22nd Psalm. Thus succor follows the storm.

I pray each day but not with the "joy" of the Chassidim but with the crying that Isaac Luria felt was indispensible.

In any case I am a work in progress neither holier than thou nor self-deprecating.

Posted By mordecai

Posted: Aug 25, 2008

Difficulty of this commandment

Mordecai... Quote: "Honor thy father and Mother." I feel lilke I am losing my mind as a consequence of the dysfunctionality of my father and mother."

I have felt that way my self - my mother has serious mental illnesses and my dad had luekimia for almost 3 yrs.

My greatest comfort usually comes from the Psalms but the one that gives me the most even to this day is from Deuteronomy 31:8.

Shalom, my brother! You have a sister who is praying for you.

Posted By Katee

Posted: Aug 23, 2008

Difficulty of this commandment

My father is a genuinely decent man who prays every day. He has a good heart. Yet he has never said more than two sentences to me in my life. There has not been guidance, concern, discussion, counsel, understanding, help, or advice. There has been no preparation for the problems of life, no warnings, admonitions, or the like.

My mother "loves" me but has picked fights with my wife even as she is dying of cancer. She has always been self-absorbed in her own emotional problems while generally causing consternation. She has been sometimes physically abusive, frequently verbally abusive and emotionally abusive.

I have struggled with this commandment for the better part of my adult life. Now my son is facing a major life threatening crises and my parents are not there for me emotionally as they have often been absent in my moments of crises.

"Honor thy father and Mother." I feel lilke I am losing my mind as a consequence of the dysfunctionality of my father and mother.

Posted By mordecai