Sure, there are all those events that happened, the weather, geography, DNA. But we are the ones to string them together with meaning and direction. There is no story to life, until we tell it...
11 Comments Posted
Rabbi Freeman, I liked your answer to this yong adult about empowering him/her to create his/her own future.
However, I feel that you oversimplified the root of the problem. You write "Your father tried to do teshuvah, to return to his Jewish roots. He wanted to be a good Jew, but he failed." But it wasn't so. We don't know if the father tried to be a good Jew - or not. What we do know is that he neglected his family and his child is still reeling from those scars.
As a Rabbi, in a postion of mentorship, I feel that you should be extremely cautionary in assuming the blanks in people's lives. Especially in this situation where the father may - or may not - have used his Judaism as a vindication for being negligent.
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Actually, we do--at least according to his son's testimony. There was much, much more to the original question. We abbreviated it here for the sake of privacy.
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Same way Adam blamed Eve. We tend to blame others for our choices. I like the way you framed it. We don't like what is done to us? Rewrite another ending. I agree, Its not over until the Almighty closes the book or we stop writing!
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Just because your father screwed up doesn't mean you have to. Judaism is a personal experience that you have to discover on your own. Who cares if your father messed up...don't you repeat the same mistakes by walking away from G-d. Run to Him and you will find peace but also perhaps forgiveness. Being observant doesn't mean you become perfect just means you are trying. If you father wasn't nice and around for you that was a human problem not G-d's fault. No one is perfect we can just try our best to follow G-d's laws.
I say become observant, follow G-d and enjoy your ilfe. Forgive your father for his faults and try to find some common ground. Perhaps if you become observant you might be able to help your father find his way back again...and become the dad you always wanted him to be.
Remember "Hurt People hurt People."
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I had a bad childhood and was as well German as Christian. My creator took this longing into my heart to follow into the direction of Israel. Although I thought I am driving the car of my life, it was God, who always put his hands on my wheel. Without him I would never have found my way. But with my trust in him, in the end I reached the place destined for me. Now I am a religious Jew. I came home. It is a wonderful narrative, when I look back. Baruch Hu!
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Thank you -- for your wisdom. It touched me deeply although, not intended directly for me. I am at the end of a three year book written about many people including my own twisted past. This book is co-authored through me written to the end by the killer as only he can tell it. He is serving forty years to life. This book is a different kind of dedication written for my murdered daughter. One which I know she would aprove of. However, many do not think this {duel sided book} is appropriate because, I have come to understand forgivness of the killer not the act itself but of him. What you wrote reminded me that I am in control of my words and that others may chose to lead me away from this but I am following my heart. My daughter wanted to be a book author most all of her nineteen years. It is not up to me to judge this man because - this sort of judgment belongs to
G-d only! Recently under pressure from others opinions- I began to doubt my self. Your words have given me courage
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Thank you, Tzvi. A great answer for many of the problems we face. Feeling guided by our childhood reactions to anything -- family, fears, teachers , bullies -- is limiting and foolish. The reason we become adults is to bring our own strengths and intelligence into the world and make it better. Part of that is making ourselves better.
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Just what I needed to read at exactly this moment.
Best Regards.
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Once again, the author has reponded to a sensitive Q with a sensible answer. A persons' past can only affect their future if they allow it to....
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Amazing. Gave me goosebumps and brought tears of relief to my eyes. Thank you.
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this answer pretty much covers anyones difficulties with their past and especially with their father.
even though we do not have all of the original question i believe it is safe to assume that most people try to be as best as they can. unfortunately some are more chalenged than others. this perspective is important in the first step of forgiving.
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