A young woman can and should have a bat mitzvah, but it should be a bat mitzvah, not a bar mitzvah. As she is celebrating being a woman, not a man...
22 Comments Posted
This is the most lucid explanation I have come across explaining the differences of roles of men and women in Judaism. My shul is going through thorws on the question of Egalitarianism. I wish I can get through to people that not being the same doesn't mean not being equal before G-d.
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Great explanation....not only that, your links for further explanations and understanding will enable those seeking a deeper or mor thorough understanding is very much appreciated.
Thanks.
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You must surely know that there are congregations where women are welcome to read Torah. I cound't read Torah---until a woman steped forward to teach me to chant Torah. All the men were to busy i guess. When the Messiah does come things will surely change with gretest respect
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I think I would resent not ever being called to read from the Torah. Can't women somehow publically read from the Torah? Maybe on Sunday or Wednesday, at a time not required by Hallachah?
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I face a similar circumstance with my son. I was raised as a secular Jew, and, like most, married a non-Jew. She is a good woman and I know that I am blessed to have her; however, she has her own culture and beliefs, and sees no need for conversion. Our son had a bris and we are raising our children Jewish, but my son can not be Bar Mitzvah at Chabad because his mother is not Jewish -- unless he converts to a religion he already practices. I am uncomfortable with the situation and, although I love Chabad, we joined a less observant congregation, so that my children may feel accepted, and so that my son may be called to the bima. I know that it isn't going to be a halacic ceremony; but, it will be another step toward, instead of away from Judaism for him -- a journey that I pray both of my children (and my wife) will continue.
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Do you need to make a party?
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What a great and open discussion of the topic.
I think it is important for all Jews to study and learn about their religion, men and women alike. My two girls and became a bat mitzvah, and my son a bar mitzvah, and each one of them are solidly entrenched in their Judaism, and each in their own unique way.
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I belong to a Reform Synagogue, where BOTH genders are treated 100% equal. Reform Judaism is the most lenient branch of Judaism, where you and your daughter can make any decisions about her special day.
Unfortunately, Orthodox Judaism is the strictest branch of Judaism, where girls and women DON'T have the same equal rights as boys and men, because the men are considered to be in charge of the synagogue, and the women are considered to be in charge of the home raising children.
Your daughter deserves the very best, and even if you belong to a Conservative Synagogue, I'm sure you'll be able to find a way to make all your daughter's dreams come true!
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What I would suggest is that everyone here should try to learn Chassidus, the mystical part of the Torah. I think that this will shed a great amount of light and clarify matters.
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Are you a recruiter for the URJ or something? If you want to belong to a Reformed Synagogue, FINE.
But it is QUITE a Chutzpah to come on a website that promotes Torah and Mitzvot and the Torah way, and then suggest to someone to do something that is EXPLICITLY against what the Torah says!
I'm sure this person's daughter will be able to find plenty of meaningful ways to celebrate her becoming a Jewish adult BESIDES just copying what men do...
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Anonymous, I've learned in my life there are MANY ways to do things! This girl deserves the very best, and I'm letting her and her family know that by giving them the information they need to help her make her dreams come true!
My Reform Synagogue is under the URJ Umbrella, and I sincerely believe that a girl's extra-special day should be memorable. Mine was.
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Lisa, what you are advocating seems very cool, but doesn't have anything to do with Judaism. G-d created men and women different with their own particular advantages so they can complement each other. You are looking at the issue in a very superficial way. I think your life will change for the better if you look into Judaism (and maybe your marriage too, if you are not already single or divorced, with all due respect.)
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I've been borne and raised as a Conservative Jew, I had my Bat Mitzvah, but for some unknown reason I felt a little bit uncomfortable when I got called to the Bimah on Saturday morning but I felt special when I lit the Shabbat candles on Kabalat Shabbat in front of the entire congregation.
After I had my children I realized that what I've been looking for my entire life it was a little bit more religious more meaningful, said it I joined Chabad at the age of 36.
Anyway none of my 2 daughters had a Bat Mitzvah at the Shul, neither they were called up to the Bimah, instead we had 2 beautiful Shabatons where their friends spent the weekend at our house, they lit candles, they sang, they told stories, next day we had lunch, play games and ended up the day with Avdalah and a big party for their entire class. Although they were kind of disappointed, they said something was missing, today they grew up to be 2 wonderful young Jewish professionals, who will make their husbands very happy!
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There is nothing in Halacha that says a woman cannot read from the Torah. It is only (male-dominated) tradition which prevents it. Remember, in biblical times women could achieve the status of prophets, which also proves that there is likewise nothing against women being rabbis.
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It seems a great many of the comments here are way off base (while many remain focused as well). As intelligent people of the Jewish faith, we should recognize that the question answered itself. It had been composed as a desperate attempt to place a female before a Torah in an Orthodox Synogogue, yet the tone implied the absurdity in doing so.
Exchanges posted among those who practice different views of religion and philosophy, however Jewish, should respect each other's concerns, not judge them. One particular comment, posted by "As" was just rude. ("... if you are not already single or divorced"). FYI: An Orthodox Rabbi, in the memoir "The Color of Water", raped his daughter, cheated on his wife, and then divorced her in her old age. Not one way is perfect. Flaws abound.
Jews should support each other's concerns to sustain ourselves as a nation, a people and a religion, no matter the denomination!
As for those who belittle the females of the Orthodoxy: Get Over It!
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As an Orthodox Jew, I took offense to Lisa's comment. Do not denigrate my position in Judaism. The home is infinetly the most important place and women are responsible for what goes on in the home. It is only in a Christian country where we feel that the synagogue is more important that the home because in Christianity the church is the central focal point. Also, women don't need the synagogue requirements because we are already on a higher spiritual plane. Men need those commandments to reach our plane.
I will tell you that I have a PhD and have been educated outside and inside the Jewish world. If you don't believe this way fine but don't dismiss those who do. Thank you.
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A woman can reach a higher spiritual hight than any man. Yes, a woman does not read from the Torah, but they have the ability to do something even more special - bring new life to the world. Everyone is entitled to their opinions though. We just passed Lag Ba'omer - the day that Jews stopped dying from the plague. And what was the plague for? Not respecting eachother. We should respect others opinions even if we beleive differently. As jews, different people have different roles. Cohanim, Leviim,men and woman all have a different role. We need everyone working together for things to work out. Hashem gave every woman many special gifts and we should use them.
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Problems occur when people don't understand each other's point of view...She was just asking a simple question, I don't think her intention was to bash Orthodox Judaism...It is all a matter of perspective. Learning and studying Torah might change your point of view. It did for me...however, I do not judge anyone... Do your best for your child...
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Sitting upstairs with my mother and grandmother, looking down to where my grandfather was praying I grew up knowing how special Torah and torah are!
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect to be at a rabbi's side as he read from the Torah, after my aliyah!
I never felt such honor and love and respect of Judaism as I did at that moment.
In a Conservative synagogue is where my Orthodox upbringing came into focus.
I better understood then as now a little tiny bit of what a man can feel at bimah.
I do not want to be a man - G-d honored me by making me a woman. I honor G-d by being the best person I can be, with flaws and good stuff. G-d knows me well and honors me, too.
My little bit of learning trope was amazing, too. Learning and Studying is now fun for me - it was not as a child.
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Could someone enlighten me what the term Torah torah refers to? I have heard that term used but never been able to find out what it implies.
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It is refreshing to see a Jewish site where the views of all facets of Judaism are tolerated. Being raised in Orthodoxy and having drifted to Secularism and then into Classical Reform, I have made my way back into the new Traditional Reform and Conservative streams of observance. I was dismayed by the stringent intolerance of Orthodoxy and the way it did would not allow dissent or disagreement. It is amazing that Chabad encourages all Jews, regardless of their current stream of observance to "just strive to be a better Jew each day" without condemnation or defamation. Their tolerance is magnetic and I will try to become more observant. It is sad to see contributors to these questions tell people that their opinions should be off limits in this forum. That seems to go against everything the Chassidim are striving to achieve. More and sincere observance of the law through open and frank discussions and study.
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This is a word that should be better understood - and then carefully used as little as possible.
I do not want anyone to 'tolerate' me -- to put up with me. I deserve acceptance, just as I accept others who have differing opinions and idea and religions -- as long as their differences do not harm me.
Museum of Tolerance -- what an awful name! Why not Museum of Acceptance??
Hatred is taught in subliminal ways and words used are important.
'should' - another useless word.
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