Is it true that traditionally, Jewish marriages were arranged marriages? I've also heard that it's still practiced amongst the more religious Jews...
When Abraham's servant Eliezer proposes to take Rebecca back to Canaan to marry Isaac, he is told by Rebecca's family: "Let us ask the maiden." Her opinion was weighed in the balance, but this does not mean she got the final say her arranged marriage, because the final say always belongs to G-d (look at Israel & Leah). Beyond this, most parents obviously want what is best for their children and wouldn't even think of marrying them to anyone they would not like.
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In response to Rev. Painter - This is precisely the meaning of "let us ask of the maiden" - in the context of the verses as they are written in Hebrew and understood by all the classic commentators - that the final say - the "make or break" belonged to Rivkah
Indeed , when she agreed to go, it is clear from the text that at this point there were no more issues to consider, and had she not agreed there would have been no marriage.
Of course we follow G-d --but our feelings, like all of Divine providence also come from G-d and are a factor that should be considered.
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I guess that's how "JDate" began.
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In many ways, the online dating services are acting like personal matchmakers for people of all walks of life, many of whom would rile at the idea of "arranged marriages". Services like match.com work just like a shadchan...you tell them what they want, they give you choices, you decide whether or not to make contact, if you make contact, you decide how to proceed. "Everything old is new again!"
Signed,
Happily married to my online sweetheart of almost 13 years.
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Traditions make the world go round in a comfortalble familiar spin.
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Finding the One may not be just matching so-called compatible partners. Sometimes a pair seems just the perfect: compatible values, likes and dislikes..However, this may not be enough to light up that sparkle between them, that no shadchan can easily foresee. I am not saying that a shadchan should foresee what the future hods, but I understand one of her tools is her own sensitivity, not only the data she has.
Finally, I personally not think that the point of all this is whether or not making use of the shadchan method, but why it has been even more difficult to find the One.
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I don't "trust" the practice of having Jewish spouses chosen for you - especially if you're not allowed to have ANY say in the matter!
No matter how you're raised, you should be allowed to have the right to make SOME of your own decisions about your adult life - this includes having the right to say NO if you feel a situation is not right for you!
Everyone has a right to be happy!
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What i do when arranging introductions is subject singles to a lengthy interview. This weeds out those who want a date and not a spouse. I ask about their values, what they offer in traits, what they are looking for, what their families want (how important that is to the single), and many other questions. Then based on that information and lots of hunches i try to find a match. I am fairly successful and do not charge. I highly recommend JWed, JDate and Saw you at Sinai. I did not use a shadchan for my own marriage and wish i had as she might have asked questions i did not. All the best,
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@ Lisa from Providnce, RI
Did you actually read the article. Sure everyone has a "right" to be happy but look at the number of failed marriages from incompatibility and tell me that people should do everything in their ability to use the available resources in a community to find a good match. Early feelings and puppy love can get in the way and cloud judgement as things are known to change to more serious objectives in life after marriage. A third party with good intentions on wanting to see the marriage succeed should be wise counsel in matters of extreme importance such as choosing a life mate.
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