Pamela lit the Menorah for the first time that Hannukah, a little Menorah that Mrs. Shaffer brought us. And then she continued lighting her candle for the Sabbath every Friday. Without fail, ever . . .
31 Comments Posted
this is one of the sadest stories that I have ever read it made me cry a lot. it was a wonderful story with a very sad ending.
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What an extraordinary story, and how amazingly kind of you to share it.
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The candle that illustrated the story was most fitting. One could almost see the flame move. It was like the story as light moved in to banish the darkness.
And there was a shadow of this as the story unfolded till finally, when the sole candle was extinguished, strangely there was still light.
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This is an extremely sad story but what's even more tragic are the large number of so called 'Religious' men and women in our communities that tend to JUDGE the non religious Jews, refusing to communicate or pass on their Jewish education, yiddishkeit, love, care and direction to their less fortunate BROTHERS AND SISTERS that were denied any religious Jewish teachings, predominately as quite a large number of non practicing Jews are from Holocaust survivors whose parents suffered tremendous atrocities during WW11 and made the torturous decision to abandon their faith, not pass it on to their children AS THEIR MOST PRECIOUS inheritance, then as a result, we have very sad lost Jewish souls roaming this lonely earth looking for where they belong! Rabbi's and Rebbitzin's, don't turn these souls away in fear that they may corrupt your very own children, rather EMBRACE THEM as tightly as possibly never let them go as before the coming of Moshiach ALL THE JEWS WILL BE RE-UNITED AS ONE!
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While recognizing the value of this story and its emotional content, I could not help being a bit surprised by your relating of and printing a story about a lesbian relationship.
While Bronia, in her wisdom, could make the call and did make the right call, for one party here was a jewess, I was really uncomfortable with the story being printed here. Especially now that there are states allowing for these false "marriages".
Am I wrong?
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I have also experienced first-hand her tremendous sensitivity and love. I think it's incredible how she managed to see past the "don'ts" to enable the Jewish spark to ignite, under any circumstances.
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beautiful story, insightful as well as a sensitive and wise response on the part of Ms. Schaffer - a story with a very unexpected and chilling ending,.
However, am I missing something here? a same sex "marriage"? Pam and Sister P. Morgan?. and why the mention of Ms. Morgan's inability of "not being able to give up her ".."Chr---t"?
very weird. We need to know this? Somehow the poignancy of this letter lost its appeal with Chabad.org's oversight or complacency by printing this story in all of its detail....it just didn't smell right; a more careful perusal and editing of this letter would have been in order.
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I thought it was obvioius that this was a same-sex couple. I don't see anything wrong with Chabad positng this article on the website.
10-15 Thousand gay, lesbian and transgendered Jews died during Shoa. Must we further discriminate members of our tribe?
Thank you for posting this article.
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We want to be compassionate kind human beings and that sometimes can gradually lead to too much toleration.
Personalized heart-breaking stories can lead or manipulate more and more good people to making long-term incremental changes that eventually harm their own community. First comes recognition of the ‘pain’ of others with our empathy and sympathy, then some measure toleration, then more toleration and acceptance, and finally Laws are amended.
The politically-correct liberalization of Judaism in America with Jews re-writing the Laws to fit their modern social and political values and placate their egos has created a Holocaust of Assimilation and brought great damage to our families.
Publishing such a story pushes for some limited degree of emotional acceptance for homosexual couples and interfaith marriages. This is a line that should not have been breached.
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For the first time ever I read a story here and wondered what was the point. Also for the first time i ever i felt my stomach turn a little .. a most unusual response. Every article i have ever read (in ten years) has always had an element of inspiration or learning or just straight up 'feelgood'. This one left me feeling none of those things. I don't understand what I as a Jew was meant to take from this..
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This "letter" seemed quite contrived. It seems they used carefully placed wording perhaps to get a shock value.
It feel flat.
This type of letter seems almost as if it was written by someone who wanted to hurt another.
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Come on Chabad.Org, What were you thinking?!?
Homosexual and intermarried! This is not a letter that belongs on chabad.org! You have a responsibility to maintain a website that promotes Torah-true Judaism! This letter lends credibilty to a lifestyle that is compleatly antithetical to Torah!
I think you overshot your mark this time, and perhaps should consider pulling the letter off.
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... I refer to Chabad.org constantly to help me in my Torah studies, increase my knowledge of the Talmud and learn how to live my new Jewish life according to the Will of G-D.
This article did nothing edifying; except to reinforce the fact that living outside of G-D's commands makes for a miserable life.
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I was thinking about "acceptance" with regard this story. It seems important to ponder this. Acceptance of what exactly?
The key I used to what I accepted in this story, & what perhaps Bronya used also, was the recognition that Pamela was a Jew. This is vitally important. Because there are some implications attached to this.
I accepted that Pamela was a Jew & so should return. There are other things I do not accept but, on reflection, I decided to hand that over to G-d. I accept that Pamela, as a Jew, needed to come home. Bonya helped her do this. That is both correct and compassionate.
And, as SHOSHANA SHPRINZE said, bringing tears to my eyes, the sad lost Jews need to regain their inheritance, & it should be so. I know this & I also know the pain of being shunned by those in an "inner circle" who think we are not fit to join them.
I am not a Lesbian. Nor do I think homosexuality is the right choice. I am certainly not a Christian. And I am glad Pamela made it home.
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I too failed to see the point of this. I was not expecting the "surprise" ending of the homosexual relationship, and even failing this I didn't get where the story was heading. I have no "knee jerk" reaction to the homosexuality, and appreciate the effort to bring the deceased protagonist to her yiddishkeit, BUT nothing else in the story mattered. Nothing else in the story has anything to do with Chabad and spreading the Rebbe's message to bring all Jews back to yiddishkeit. So what if she was living in sin with a worshipper of idols (bet you strike that!) It had nothing to do with US. It was a tear jerker but not germaine.
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I first read this lettter over a year ago and I like it very much.
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I am not exactly sure why this story was put on Chabad, as others have mentioned. If the point was that decisions should be made in the light, that is an interesting source of discussion.
I was surprised that this was a lesbian relationship and honestly don't know why this was hidden at the outset of the telling. Why make this a kind of surprise ending? Why not be clear?
Personally I don't believe such love relationships to be in any way wrong, but part of life, and part also of how we are made. I know loving relationships of all kind.
I think decisions as to worship are personal and none are right, nor wrong, nor do I brand people who are Christians as idol worshippers etc.
The world is not going to change if ideas like this, as are written in commentary, in the guise of religious piety, continue. Of course there are other comments that are truly, in my view, accepting and wise.
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This is a wonderful story. I was astonished to see it on Chabad.org. It also speaks volumes about Ms. Shaffer and the Chabad staff, who could have easily suppressed this story about a Jewish-Catholic lesbian couple, where Chabad helped the Jewish woman hang onto her Jewish identity.
I'm guessing the story took place several decades ago, as nowadays there are Jewish gay groups to reach out to such couples. A Reform rabbi today would likely have treated the couple kindly. I am also aware of at least one Chabad outreach shul where the gayness of some members is not made into a public issue.
But date of the story in no way detracts from the remarkable kindness of Bronya Shaffer. Thanks for preserving this story!
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So, Pamela died a Jew. Good. I think this was very nearly a shaggy dog story. Personally, I wish it had not been printed.
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You failed to understand That I was not disparaging the nun for being an idol worshiper, only that it seems so to me as a Jew. Worship of icons do seem idolatrous to me.That's not being super-pious. Further, it was the ridiculously hidden aspect of gayness that I thought was stupid. In the absence of the gay issue this story would never have seen the light of publication, and was done, I feel, only for its shock value. Not worthy of Chabad.
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It is only a matter of time until commentators with progressive-reform agendas start labeling traditional-minded commentators here as homophobes, haters, bigots, elitists, chauvinists, etc. Some reform-minded people already have indirectly. The world needs deep Torah spiritual transformation and not shallow human-devised political change after change that chases after the latest social (read animal soul inspired) value trend.
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I want to clarify. If I misinterpreted anything on line I truly apologize. I don't think the person in question said anything negative about gay relationships so if this was inferred from what I wrote, I was wrong.
From a Jewish point of view, the worship of statues is idol worship, and it's truly within the definition. I could not argue with this.
I was trying to say, that no form of worship is wrong in that we should all of us, not judge others, who do not pray as we do.
We would not have so much art in the world, however, amazing art, if there were not differences in ways people celebrate and connect to the Divine.
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Dear Ruth,
The beliefs and practices of others can bring destruction to people (Jews) who do not worship as they do. Historically, pagan and idol worship has brought great harm to the Jewish people. Consider just two cases: the Babylonians and Romans. The Romans placed a statue of their Roman God-Caesar in our Temple. Both groups conquered, slaughtered, occupied, and oppressed our people and both destroyed our Holy Temple. Then, both groups sent our people into exile.
The Inquisitors (and others) believed they were doing G-d’s work. The pseudo-religious ideology of Nazi Fascism justified slaughtering six million of us.
‘Worship’ can mean more than the popular religious context. Modern political systems can sometimes be practiced as forms of pseudo-religions with political beliefs replacing religion. The ideology of State Socialism, over the past one hundred years has been responsible for the mass murders of their own citizens far exceeding that of international wars.
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I did not intend to consider the negative aspects of idolatry regarding our history, but anonymous is right on...however, I did merely mean that icon veneration borders strongly on idolatry and that we Jews cannot condone idolatry. I do not feel that others need to worship as we do (G-d has a place in heaven for anyone who wants to follow the 7 Noachide laws and idolators are not welcome.) While the art of the west depends strongly on religious themes it is the Christian world that actually venerates icons of Jesus and Mary. There is still a large part of the eastern world that remains idolatrous. Interestingly, they also represent the least danger to Jews today. It is our anti-icon cousins descended from Ishmael who represent a clear and ongoing danger.
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The "rites" of worship, if they exclude others or attempt to forcibly include others, causing harm to others, are clearly wrong. But idolatry itself, if in praise of G_d or gods, is not necessarily an offense. After all, who created us all with such a diversity of ways of worship?
How could anyone argue that oppression, tyranny, murder, in the name of any religion is right?
But in order to evolve to the concept of One, as in our deeply beautiful shema, there is a story that brought us, the Jews, and others, to whatever place they do now occupy. And I say that story was deeply determined by this same G_d we worship, by whatever name or names.
In the NOW, meaning our immediate lives, we must work for peace, and oppose all tyranny that comes from any source, and certainly terrorism.
The central paradox, that must be somehow embraced is that all emanates from the Source.
There is a profound learning curve here, but I also say we must celebrate diversity, a diversity of One itself.
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The discussion seems to have veered off into idolatry, terrorism, etc. -- but actual subject of the article is not related to these topics. Perhaps discussing gay Jews in connection with Chabad is too uncomfortable for some of the commenters?
The subject of the article is a Jewish woman who was partnered with a Catholic nun and was considering conversion to Christianity because the Jewish community of several decades ago had no place for them.
Chabad and Mrs. Shaffer reached out to this woman. After her death, her partner wrote a very respectful letter to the Rebbe's office thanking Chabad for its kindness.
The Rebbe's office could have destroyed the letter. Its preservation is greatly to their credit.
Every neshamah (soul) is valuable. If Chabad reached out only to 'perfect' Jews -- how do we determine 'perfect' Jews? -- there would be a lot fewer Chabad Houses.
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There seems to be a paradox in that we are advised by Torah not to reason things through ourselves, but to follow G-d's mandates, & yet we must use discernment, as the Talmud exemplifies. Somehow our task seems to be to negotiate this paradox appropriately.
Unfortunately things are made very hard because, as previous replies pointed out, people with different religious bases (& I would add "none") reason matters through in ways that can differ markedly. And people think, feel & act as a consequence of this. Dreadful consequences can ensue, as we well know.
What is the solution? Perhaps each of us must make up his or her own mind in the light of his or her beliefs. Perhaps each must earnestly, thoroughly & seriously stop & consciously connect with what each believes most centally, & live true to that.
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“Perhaps discussing gay Jews in connection with Chabad is too uncomfortable for some of the commenters?”
What’s next? Perhaps the suggestion that if a Jew does not support full Jewish gay ‘rights’ then that person is homophobic and is expressing deep seated sexual insecurities? That old gay intimidation tactic is really getting outdated.
The subject of this discussion has followed the usual path of the Internet with posters drawing upon and responding to previous commentators and not just the original article. Regardless of how you choose to define what the story is about and spin your agenda, the reality is that Chabad.org is not some liberal Jewish blog.
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Sometimes diplomacy solves problems and sometimes killing is required. Didn't G-d direct Israel to attack and kill the Canaanites who were pagans, idol worshipers, and into many forms of sexual perversity which included homosexuality and bestiality?
One G-d created the Earth and humans with the ability to choose to be many things. Yet G-d also gave us laws to honor and follow. People are born with all sorts of temperaments and drives (and later acquire and learn others) yet that does mean people (especially Jews) can do whatever they just 'feel good' about doing.
America’s Jewish community is facing a population and identity implosion because of liberalization, assimilation, and diversity. Jews embracing their animal-soul and self-worshiping may seem like a pleasant choice and fun to some individuals yet on a community nationwide basis the results are killing us.
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Gavriel,
Thanks for your comments. I agree that others do not need to (or should) worship as we do. There are the Noachide Laws for the nations of the world.
There is a popular PC politically-correct mantra that goes around about how all cultures, religions, and societies are all equal. Wrong, they are not equal. There is also a fine line intermixing cultures and religions. Too much diversity itself is very bad and unhealthy for any society. By the logic system of some people, if humans can think it and do it, it should be acceptable with the exceptions for such actions that the tolerant ones choose not to tolerate based on their human animal-soul inspired logic system and rationalizations. I choose Torah’s logic system and teachings.
Many of these liberalized value calls are simply part of the ongoing calls to reform society based on old Marxist ideology.
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Chabad certainly accepts gay jews just as it accepts all jews. As my rabbi has related more than once, even if you are transgressing with one hand, you can still wrap tefillin with the other. It's not the gayness at issue, just the silliness of the surprise ending and the fact that it is only that which seems to be the reason for its publication. Only the nun involved should be surprised at the inclusiveness of Chabad. No one else aware of the Rebbe's mission should be surprised, and that is why I don't feel the letter was worthy of publication.
My other comments earlier were responses to other commentaries.
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