I am recently out of a relationship with a man that I had set my heart on marrying. We had been together for a while and he just couldn’t come to a decision whether or not to marry me...
11 Comments Posted
I had to comment on this. The same thing happened to me. I was dating someone for a few yrs. I wanted to marry him. He did not want to marry me. We broke up around the 4th of July 1991. On July 27, 1991, a friend gave me the phone number of a friend of his. We clicked and now 15 years later, we are married, very happy and enjoying life. To broken hearted: please be patient. G-d has someone out there for you.
|
Consider what happened to you a blessing in disguise. It's always best to get to know someone - even to the point of heartbreak - before rather than after marrying them.
I, myself, could NEVER marry a man who wasn't 100% sure about his feelings for me. Marriage is based on shared feelings. Obviously, this man couldn't "make up his mind" about you, and that's very sad.
Don't blame yourself - it's HIS problem, not yours. He ruined the relationship by trying to find "imperfections" in the relationship instead of enjoying the happiness the two of you shared together. The fact that he had no deep feelings for you and maybe needed someone different from you gives me the idea that he may not even be ready for marriage!
Regaining trust is extremely difficult, but everyone deserves to be with someone they can count on. Don't rush. You will eventually find a man who will be emotionally mature, decisive and will truly love you!
|
Lisa from RI is SOOOO very right, please listen to her... sometimes women are so focused on "getting married" that they neglect the quality of the relationship... I've always felt the same way, that I wouldn't WANT a man who wasn't 100% sure about me. In fact, I've never wasted my time with a man who was busy looking for inperfections. That's so unfair to you.... you deserve the very best, but as with all things in life, we have to demand good treatment early on, or we will not receive it... keep your head up and remember that you are a treasure more precious than pearls.... if a man can't see that immediately, don't waste your time or emotions on him...
|
I agree with everything above, but where is the guarantee that each person will meet his or her soulmate and will find someone who truly loves them? I believe that G-d has a hand in everything - absolutely - but time and again I have had my heart broken and my hopes dashed. I'm considered attractive, I'm kind, generous, sensitive, smart, intelligent, warm, and fun to be with. So is there really someone out there for everyone?
|
Dear Broken-Hearted,
While you are probably now well on your way to being over your ex, and possibly even in a new relationship, I'm so glad you shared your story. I was supposed to be married three weeks ago to a man I thought was my soul mate, and he called the wedding off suddenly right beforehand. It was devastating and shocking, but I am so glad he did me the favor because now that I've had some time to reflect I realize that this experience and break up needed to happen. It has given me the opportunity to see that I almost married the wrong guy, someone who was not healthy or stable, and now I know what I really want, and what I really wasn't getting. It does take two to Tango, so take some time to to work on yourself so that you can get the kind of love you deserve. He did you a favor, and saved you a lot of time and money by not proposing only to leave you down the road. Take it from someone who had the ring, the dress, and everything in between... You are the lucky one!!!
|
Dear Broken Hearted,
I consider you to be fortunate that this man decided to call it quits when he did. How I would have wanted that for me. I married a man who left me for his ex-wife. They both had 3 years to discuss a reconciliation while we were dating. It wasn't until we got married, that she decided that she wanted him back in her life. She confessed to me right before he left me that she told him that he would regret marrying me. And he did and now I am back with my parents. I am humiliated and ashamed. But G-d has been taking care of me. I have grown stronger in my walk because of this and just like Psalm 23 says, "Yeah, though I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil; for thou art with me". I had two choices, I could loose myself in the ways of this world, or I could chose to follow Him. I chose to follow Him. One day (if you haven't already) you will look back and be glad things worked out the way they did.
|
I think we've all been there. After 3 years of dating, I was in the middle of planning a wedding to a great guy (or so I thought). He called and said we needed to talk. When I met him, he told me that he was moving out of state. The wedding was off. He told me he never actually loved me and he thought I knew. He left and I never heard from him again. It took a long time to get through. It still hurts to remember. I am now involved with a wonderful man and am grateful every day that the wedding never took place. You never know what will happen next. Take life one day at a time and you'll get through it.
|
I am so sorry this happened to you but in the long run you are extremely lucky. I got married to someone who didn't have the guts to tell me he didn't want to get married. It lasted three years. Three years of pure heartbreak . Thank G-d you were spared. Enjoy your life, and you will in time meet the right person, the one meant for you, and you only. Hashem (G-d) is way ahead of us, out of my nightmare something positive came out, and out of your terrible ordeal something will too, if it hasn't already. Be glad this happened to you before the engagement or worse before the wedding.
|
You can't allow an event to paralyze you forever. He may had spared you the hassle of a costly divorce in the long run. No matter how much you love this person you have to carry forward for yourself. I always thought of love as power but it's important to also love yourself first. What he did was shady and he should had been honest rather than assume you knew as if by process of osmosis. You'll go through the phases (we all do) the anger the sorrow the feeling of abandonment- all natural but you will heal and you will find the srength within yourself to love again. Been there done that. You're not alone in this. It takes more courage and love to open up yourself again than to stay closed. Best of luck.
|
you comment you are attrractive, warm, loving and yet have had your heart broken time after time. when i look back on the strange, true, sad saga of my schizophrenic husband, my true soulmate, 20 years older than i, and dying unexpectedly less than 2 months after discovering stomach cancer... the only thing that gives me hope is our tradition and study of gilgulim (reincarnation).
it is POSSIBLE that your soulmate is indeed not incarnated at this time. it is POSSIBLE that you will meet him only in the life to come. one thing for sure you do not want to do is meet him whilst he shares the body that also holds someone else's soul -- which is what i honestly have come to realize schizophrenia is.
the medical profession thinks everything must be explained away by microscopes and what we see. there are some things of the soul that remain unseeable, physically.
trust in the plan. this life seems so long. but learn. you may be alone this life but perhaps to LEARN - to be blessed next life.
|
I hope that by the time you read this, your life has become much happier. I really sympathize - I am going through something less intense, but with achingly similar themes. It's hard to realize that the one who seemed to similar to us has all along been like a stranger.
I hope Hashem brings you a soulmate to love and cherish you as you deserve.
|
|
LOGIN
ASK THE RABBI
Read this article
