Do we dismiss our child's issues as insignificant? Do we reassure him that this "little" incident will pass, without validating what he is experiencing, in this moment?
21 Comments Posted
loving and inspring words here- a good read.
shabbat shalom
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Thank you for this inspiration. It is truely amazing to see what solutions children come up with themselves when all we do is be fully present in our listening to them and provide nothing more than authentic acknowledgement.
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The Zohar speaks of confronting the evil, and Weisberg speaks of confronting and relating to the oppressed party. What's the connection? If this were the intended message for Moses, then G-d would have commanded him to approach the JEWS and deal with their issues. I think the message of ths Parshah is that the child must be taught to confront the bully.
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In order to teach our child how to confront the bully, we have to explore and understand the power and hold of the "bully" on our child. Only after fully understanding what is oppressing our child, can we give him the power or tools to face his bully and liberate himself. That is why Moshe was told to "come to" and behold the power and evil of Pharaoh (the "bully"). This is the first step towards liberation.
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Eli of Brooklyn is wrong. The parent / the adult confronts the evil of bullying. No child should ever be left to confront bullying alone. This is for parents and teachers to do, and to do immediately and authoritatively, as soon as the child reports the incident. Children who have to deal with bullies on their own resort to many different strategies to cope. One, they internalize it, which leads to low self esteem and depression. Two, a child may proceed to bully another child to take the heat off themselves. Three, they try to "act big" – older, so that they are not targeted. Children do this by using tobacco, alcohol, drugs and or sex. Four, they join gangs for protection. Five, if all else fails they take a gun to school and shoot fellow students, teachers, and administrators. Read any national newspaper for details of these examples. Adults who fail to stop the bully are condoning child abuse.
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As parents, teachers, adults, we do NOT teach our child "how to confront the bully." We do not want our children to face any bullying, any one's bullying. It is our duty, as parents, teachers and adults to stop bullying. In your column, you call Moses the "ultimate" parent. As you say, Moses "came to Pharaoh," Moses saw the evil/oppressive power of the bully, Moses thereupon entered the "mindset" of the children (Israel), faced and ended thier obstacles. This is what parents and adults do when their child reports to them an incident of bullying, teasing, or taunting.
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You are correct, as parents or teachers we have the responsibility to ensure that our children are in a safe environment free of any bullying. Our children should not have to deal with the bully on their own. But there is no way that we, as parents, can stop the bullying without understanding the very nature of the bully--the very hold of its oppression on our children. That is the meaning of Bo--G-d instructs Moshe to come and see the essence of Pharaoh--the very nature of the bully in order to help truly liberate the children of Israel. Interestingly, Moshe was afraid to confront Pharaoh--the source of such evil--by himself, and that is why G-d says "come"--come with Me and I will show you that in truth this evil is powerless and baseless.
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Ok, I agree with cofronting the bully, as Moses did time and again. But the bully , i.e., Pharaoh, kept coming after him in a bullying fashion. Ok, so, G-d says to Moshe to "come" with him, so therefore, again, trust in Hashem, just basically, trust, meaning bitachon, right? Hashem will take care of it for you, if you confront, in a politically-correct manner, do not lose your temper or become angry... Trust in Hashem, that's what it is saying, right?
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Whenever confronting any challenge in life, trust in G-d is integral. Without this trust, we could never feel courage or confidence, nor could we ever succeed. That is the meaning of "bo"--G-d telling Moshe to come with Him, that G-d will take Moshe to see the essence of Pharaoh's evil and to see that that too is really nothing and has no hold, because everything is ultimately created by G-d and has no power without Him.
So, yes the message is trust in G-d.
But the message is also--bo--the effort that we must take. Trust in G-d is essential, but it must accompany our first (even small) steps forward, to confronting the bullying challenges or constraints in our lives (or helping our children become liberated from their bully). Once we have taken our steps, with G-d's help, our liberation is underway!
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Re: bullying, there is a time to confront and a time to know that when you do confront you will be safely accompanied, as G-d accompanied Moshe. A parent must always stand at his/her child's side and claculate for the most opportune moment. The gematria of Bo is 3. Three is the number of the child (2 parents produce the child) And, for those interested in more gematria, Bo begins with Bet, and Bet is the House. Again a theme of invitation to come over, enter the house, see what really goes on. For the child, this is the interior life. It might also be home and family conditions that are kept secret.
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Hi Chana,
I used this for a class and it was really inspiring!
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I don't understand Bo as being related to a relationship between parents and children,unless one would feel his children as his enemies, who must have their psyches understood to be well manipulated in order to let parents free of the troubles they may be causing.
I understand that a relation from parents towards their children can also be one in the sense of Bo,but in another context than the present Parshah.
Maybe that’s not Bo,but something else somewhere else in Torah, more appropriate to a relationship of love,what is not the case in the present Parshah.I don’t think Moses and the Israelite Nation could had loved Faraoh in any sense.They wanted to get rid of him and that was it.Correct?
I understand the present Parshah as related to understanding the Psyche of an enemy in order to get free of him.Something to be used towards enemies and not loved ones.
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Chana, once again, thank you for this beautiful explanation
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You missed the point that it was G-d who invited Moishe to come to Pharoah. He was with us all the way.
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Far hotter subject than authored here. How many children are scarred for life by a playground bully. How many teenagers have committed suicide on account of bullying. How many people have been killed by bullies. This is well beyond the intention of the little " Sarah-Deborah " commentary. Bullyism has been around forever. Did Moses understanding of bully Pharoah get him anywhere ? Pharoah finally let our people go. Great ! Lesson learned..
Oops. Pharoah reconsiders. What happens to the bullies ? They drown. Lesson learned.
Looks like two lessons in one shot. If the bully changes, fine. If the bully doesn't change, kill him. The latter lesson is not an option in modern society. But then again, vigilante justice is not always traceable. Some bullies do not outgrow their lawless belligerence, nor does the law deliver justice. If you are ever confronted by such an animal, summon up the courage to deal decisively with it, once and for all, whatever it takes.
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As I read some of the above comments I could only think, "oy oy oy!". The point is so beautiful and true, how could you have missed it and concentrated on the trivia-what we call in Yiddish, the kleilnakite.
The piont is that we have to get into our children"s minds and understand how they feel and then we can help and they will realize that we love them and care for them. And they will feel secure that they have understanding parents to turn to.
It's the real truth so what difference does it make if it fits exactly lin every detail to the parsha of not?
What could possibly be wrong in understanding the psyche of a loved one?
Also, Rav Yisrael Selant, the greatest of the greatest in the mussar movement and in understanding people said, that when you see a small child sailing a paper boat in a little stream of water by the curb, and someone comes along and throws it away, it is as tragic to him as the news of a real oceanliner sinking would be to an adult.
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It is a matter of principles; it is a matter of concept.
Every step, every attitude, even every word, in life should follow the correct principle in order to get to the correct goal. Or, every step and every attitude, and even every word in life should be attached to the core of the concept that supposeddly is the root of one´s action.
If we do not act so, our life is like a paper boat in a furious ocean(of mistakes), which is very difficult not to sink.
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Even bullying is sent from Hashem, as is everything. We need to get the message of the bullying, such as: take the child out of the school/situation, discover what behavior makes the child a target and why, etc.. One of my children was bullied in 8th grade. We homeschooled, then put him in a different school for 10th. He is happier than ever. The whole family learned a lot. The "bully" is now dealing with severe mental health issues; bullying always stems from a mental disorder. Pray for the bully to heal as well.
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Thank G-d it worked out for your child.
I do not believe that bullies are the product of a mental disorder. No two bullies are identical. No two situations are identical. It is easy for a bully to follow his/her prey via the internet. A change in schools is not a universal solution. Mental disorder is not a universal source of the problem.
The outcome of a bullying situation is difficult to predict. i am not so sure that the bully is at fault. In many cases it is a parent who knowingly or unknowingly fosters bullying activity.
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