By Sara Esther Crispe
 | On my desk sit the pictures and the invitation. The pictures are of a past generation that never really was, and the invitation represents the future generation that may never be...
31 Comments Posted
Your article touched my heart. My mother-in-law was in Auschwitz. She lost her whole family including her husband and two daughters. When I was first married, we would sit down and talk about what happened in the camp. My mother-in-law has some pictures of her family and we talk about who is in the pictures. I think that it is important for this generation and all generations to come that the stories are pasted down so the stories are never forgotten. My older son said to me that if it was not for G-d, his bubbie would not have survived and his totty would not have been born. We sit down with both of our son's and tell them the stories that my mother-in-law told us. My mother-in-law still has the cup and disk from Auschwitz. I am just sorry that I did not tape my conversations with my mother-in-law when she spoke about what happened in Auschwitz. It is difficult to try and get her to remember because she is 97 years old. We are thankful that she is still with us. Thank you.
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bh
I come from an assimilated family where Shabbat consisted of lighting candles in my mother's two shiny brass candlesticks whenever Mama remembered. School dances on Friday nights were permitted and even encouraged, and my folks eagerly drove me there. I marched proudly in my Drill Team's short skirt at football games on Saturday morning.
I was told about the Holocaust in great detail, including pre-Holocaust stories of the Cossacks chasing my great Auntie Gans barefoot (she was) over the ice and snow because she was a Jew.
I am the only frum one in the family.
My older boy wants to intermarry, after having been educated through grade eight in our local Yeshiva. My daughter, has always attended yeshiva, wants to attend the wedding, Heaven forfend it should ever take place. I will not.
Whenever a Jew marries a non-Jew, Hitler, may his name be erased, lives again. His Master Plan is working lo these many years after his demise: with each intermarriage, there will be fewer Jews.
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Your story is heart-wrenching. I am trying to become more religious and i just returned for a summer in yeshiva in Morristown, NJ. This story reminded me of a short joke. How can "reform" jewish parents be upset when their children want to marray a goy?... They raised their children to not follow Torah and not do Mitzvos. They wanted them to play with the goyish children, go to goyish schools, and move them out of Jewish environments.... if u raise your children to be like a goy, how can you be upset when they want to marry one? It makes me wonder what would have happened i fI did not become religious... I am the first one in my family to step into the walls of a yeshiva in 4 generations. My family went form being repectable rabbis to not knowing the alef-beit, and worse not caring to know. Who is it that was crying for me in Shamiym to make me change and why won't someone up there cry for your cousin?.... It's time for the heavens to start shaking the earth, it's time for Moshiach
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Not going to the wedding was the right thing to do. Sometimes you have to make a decision: concentrate on one thing, or do a little bit of two things. These things are keeping the memory of the Jews of Utena alive, and trying to keep relations with your lost American family.
Well, if your American family doesn't want to keep mitzvos, if they don't want to be Jewish at all, if they don't care, why not just let them? That may be a really hard thing to say when you consider the kids. But kids, once they're 18 or so, become interested in genealogy. They'll ask "mom, dad, who were my great-grandparents? where did they live? where did they come from?". They'll hear the truth, and will dive into the books themselves, finding out that Jewishness is passed down along the maternal line, so that a small surprise awaits them: they.. are.. JEWS!
They'll be fine.
Work for those who gave their lives for Hashem, instead of for those who choose to ignore Him. You know it... Utena, not America.
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My father's family has been living in America for over 120 years and my mother's father came from an area that was not effected by the Holocost. At home all our family pictures were from America of American's. Because my family was nor effected by the Holocost, according to many this does not make me Jewish. The Holocost has become a religious experience replacing Torah and Mitzvot. To me the most important event in Jewish history was the giving of the Torah to the Jewish people on Mt. Saini. The Holocost does not rank in the top thousand. It does not surprise me that what Hitler did to our bodies we have done spritually to ourselves.
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I've never thought of the Holocaust as a religious experience, replacing anything at all. And there are a few other things in this posting which I find odd, to put it mildly......"the Holocaust does not rank in the top thousand"......."It does not surprise me that what Hitler did to our bodies we have done spiritually to ourselves."
Perhaps I've misunderstood.
I hope I have.
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I hate to break the news to you sir, but your views are contrary to the very core of Judaism: "Love your fellow as yourself."
If you have the audacity to cold-bloodedly proclaim to the world that "The Holocost does not rank in the top thousand" then you really have reached a spiritual low. Had you been around at the time of your "most important event in Jewish history" your selfish attitude would have most probably compelled you to stay behind in Egypt and would have consequently missed the entire event of Mt. Sinai, the message of which you blatantly disgrace.
I am sure if you would have lost your own brother you would write differently. Is his blood any redder then thoes six million jews who sanctified the name of G-d with their very lives?
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When I just think of a wedding between a Jew and a non-Jew, I always see Hitler and his kind sitting in the front rows of the church. Where the family should be but isn't. That's all I got to say.
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Being Baalei Tshuva, much of my family is intermarried or divorced or not married with no intention of marrying. I try to just be in touch with them and show an example. I have a large family, K'ah, & now grandchildren. When I was engaged, my relatives said "let's see how long this will last," thinking that a religious Jewish marriage was an unstable way to start life. They said less when MY first child married, then more children married....and have children now. Now they email & tell me "we love the pictures of your grandchildren, we can't believe that you're a grandmother."
At the very least, we can improve our lives constantly, be active, proactive, and involved in growing as Jews. I feel that at the very least, they have seen positive examples of Jewish life.
My suggestion to you, and everyone, is to make a family journal with pictures and information. The generations will have SOMETHING to see. Journals are a testament (an inheritance!) that need no words.
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DEAR REBBITZEN CRISPE,
I cannot put into words how I felt while reading your beautifully, sad, thought provoking sharing of a pirce of your life with the world. I live in Monsey & my second to youngest daughter was married on TU B'AV. The day after Sheva Brochos, I flew to Florida to be with my mother , who was ill, but is now B"H better.. Ten minutes before I left, just a few gates away from mine, my new son & daughter left for Eretz Yisroel, where they met just a few months ago. I cried when they left, I cried at the chasunah, I during the Bedecken, I cried while I sat alone with her after the Bedecken, I cried during Shevah Brochos.. But they were tears of pride, happiness and gratitude to HA SH-M.I passed "REMEMBER ME FOREVER" to all who could appreciate it. I am sending the brief introduction I included with what you wrote. Please forgive the chutzpah of adding anything to your beautiful words.
Please consider me a friend & email me if you ever have the time.
"Hi,
Every now and then an article comes. I sit back and am dumbstruck, speechless... This is one of those rare articles which needs no introduction. I just beg that you read it in a quiet, perhaps private place in case, as I did, you don't care to shed a tear in public. Keep this one. Read it every so often. And please daaven a bit harder after reading this.
I particularly want my own children to read this & realize how fortunate we are, B"H.
Love,
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As a non-Jew I have learned so much from Chabad.org website. My question is why would any Jew want leave thier faith! G-d has blessed you with Torah, yes there is hardship from being Jewish, but to know Torah! To be so loved by one's creator is well worth the trip through this tempory hell called daily living.
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The Holocaust is beyond comprehension. But what about the slavery times in the US?
How often were our wives, daughters, sisters raped even though they didn't fight the rapist? Just look at the color of the Afro-Americans here in the US and then at the color of our brothers in Africa and you'll get an idea.
We (yes, I'm black) have been owned, bought, sold, raped, tortured, murdered. Over a long period of time. And after slavery was no more, people didn't exactly put out the red carpet for us.
I don't ever want to forget. But I don't call out to the past and keep inviting it into my heart. I refuse to live with one foot in the now and the other in the horror of what was. Living that way will make me hate and I can't go forward if I hate.
About Jews who don't care about being Jews, you can only do so much. In a way, it's real simple. You do your best and God's going to take care of all else.
Trust Him.
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The Jewish people have survived -- and flourished -- for so long precisely because we've always had both feet planted firmly in the past, even as we march forward carrying that past into the future and beyond. The trick, I believe, to know your past -- to know its true significance, to know what it is you are embodying and carrying forward.
The Holocaust was a time of unspeakable pain and suffering. It was also much, much more than that. It was a time of kiddush hashem ("sanctification of G-d's name") as the infinite faith, courage and integrity of the Jewish people shone forth into the world. It was a time when Jews walked to the gas chambers singing Ani maamin b'emunah sheleimah b'viat hamoshiach.... "I believe in complete faith in the coming of Moshiach; although he tarries, I await his coming every day..." A time when Jews maintained their morality and human dignity under impossible conditions. As one Holocaust survivor put it, "Every time I felt I could hold out no longer, I would look at our Nazi guards and ask myself: Would you want to exchange places with them for even a single minute? And I would be filled with tremendous joy and gratitude to G-d. 'Thank You, G-d,' I would cry, 'for making me a Jew! Thank You, G-d, that we are we, and not them!'"
That is the true significance of the Holocaust, which is certainly way, way up there in the "top thousand events" of Jewish history (to paraphrase Anonymous from Wellington FL). Remembering the Holocaust is not about inviting hate into your heart. It's about carrying forth and perpetuating that glorious faith until it illuminates the entire world.
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Dan, you say "do your best and G-d's going to take care of all else." That's a very noble attitude, but the question that must be answered is: at what point do I feel that I've "done my best"? It boils down to how much I care. If a stranger on the street asks me for change of a dollar so he can put a quarter in the parking meter, I'll spend ten seconds looking through my purse to try to help him, but beyond that, I'll consider it having "tried my best"; but if my child is seriously ill, G-d forbid, I'll expend allot more time, money and effort before saying, "Well, I've tried my best." The Baal Shem Tov used to say that trust in G-d is wonderful, when it's applied to your own troubles; but when it comes to a fellow's troubles, it's forbidden to say, "G-d will help" -- you're supposed to help.
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I've already sent a comment (to Anonymous, fr Wellington, FL). This time, if permissible, I would like to have a different type comment posted.
To any reader who reads this: I'm a non-Jew, raised as a Catholic. And, you know, there are times I simply loathe Christianity. I find, within it, much greed and something underhanded. Take its missionary programs. Those starving people get aid... and religion. I don't think you can have just the food, or the education, etc., without the religion. Entire cultures can be and possibly have been destroyed this way. Judaism would very definitely be wiped out, given half a chance - and all in the name of love and salvation.
But that "half a chance" won't ever be given. Ever. It hasn't been given in the entire history of the Jewish people.
Jews will be here until time is but a distant memory... and beyond even that.
:)
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I am a Jew that comes from an Assimilated family. I was raised in the Catholic church. But a Jew in the Church never feels at home. I came back to Judaism. It is where I found G-D. This story touched my heart. There should be more like it. My son, who is my oldest married a Gentile. He is a christian. It hurts me everyday. But only Hashem can bring them back. I too look at the pictures from the past. I tell them "I Remember you". And I will not forget. Nor will I let my children.
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Thank you for a very moving and poignant article.
It is shocking to think how fast a family can move from being Rabbis to being completely assimilated. On the other hand, my grandmother married out around 1900 and lived the rest of her life in a gentile environment, and is now buried in the local churchyard. I was 17 and a committed Christian when I found this out. I went on to reject the Christian faith and to live as a religious Jew (with thanks due in a great part to the influence of Lubavitch) and my sons are both studying Torah with great keenness. So it is possible for the trend to be reversed - the Jewish spark lies dormant but does not die.
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"Utena had a Jewish cemetery with tombstones from the 16th century..During the period of Lithuanian independence (1918-39) the town developed considerably and its Jewish population increased: in 1935 their number was estimated at 5,000..The major source of livelihood was trade in flax, skins, and boar bristles. The community supported both a Tarbut and a Yiddish school.
"On August 7, 1941, under German occupation, Utena's Jews were deported and then killed. After the war the community was not reconstituted. In 1963 the Jewish cemetery was completely destroyed and its land earmarked for a building project. A monument has been erected for Jews murdered by the Nazis in the nearby forest of Rzhech."
http://motlc.wiesenthal.com/text/x33/xm3350.html
On Yom Kippur 5765 your cousin will marry a non-Jew. And I can't help but wish that, one day perhaps, she will go to Utena and walk where the cemetery used to be-or look at the monument at Rzhech-and hear her people calling out to her.
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As a non Jew, who grew up in a culturally rich Jewish neighborhood ... I thank you for that wonderful piece.
I respect and understand your beliefs.
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Your cousin is marrying an ardent Catholic but they're getting married in an Episcopal church?? Not likely. Something in the story is incorrect.
You wrote (re: your cousin's future children):
"Will their precious neshamas ever experience the love of Hashem?"
Of course they will. This may come as a major shock to you but we Christians actually experience a profound and life transforming spiritual closeness to God every bit as meaningful as that which Jews experience. It's not your experience, so you assume it's worthless. YOUR legacy and heritage is beautiful, valuable, and rich, and gives meaning to your life, but ours is nothing more than a Christmas ("X-mas") tree -- probably a fake one at that.
The "Jewish souls" of your cousin's kids will be fine. "(We don't classify souls by race or religion.)
Just get the wedding in the right church or there might be a problem later on. :
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Dear Nancy,
Thank you for taking the time to write and you have raised some important issues and questions that need clarification.
Firstly, my cousin married a man who had been previously married. Because the Catholic church would not annul his marriage, and does not consider divorice valid, he was not able to marry my cousin in a Catholic church, which is why they were married in an Episcopalian one. Needless to say, my cousin's husband, who considers himself an ardent Catholic, is considered to be living in sin according to his own church, but that is another topic altogether.
In terms of the issues you raise about a non-Jew experiencing spirituality and a connection to his or her Creator, absolutely. In no way did I mean to imply that there was no depth to such a relationship. However, the way for a JEW to connect to G-d is through Judaism, and this is the tragedy that occured when my cousin married a non-Jew: her children will be denied the path and way that they their souls were created to be raised.
Judaism not only acknowledges the importance of non-Jews leading spiritual and meaningful lives with a deep relationship with G-d, but more so, goes to great lengths to explain the importance and necessity of the nations of the world adhering to the 7 Commandments (which subdivide to many more) given to Noach (the Noachide laws.) When both peoples are fulfilling what they were commanded to do, then we are taught that we will rectify the world so that we can be redeemed and taken from this exile through the revelation of Moshiach. However, if a non-Jew attempts to fulfill the role of a Jew or a Jew the role of a non-Jew, then both are doing something contrary to the makeup of their souls and mission in this world. It's like taking another person's medical prescription: in one person it could be life saving, in another, the very same medicine could be extremely damaging.
I very much hope this helps answer your questions and I am sorry for any confusion I caused in my original piece. Again, thank you for having taken the time to write.
Sincerely,
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This story is so amazing. I am personally dealing with this issue in my family - my sister is marrying an non-Jewish man - and i have such internal conflict about it. Your story really brought me to tears; it was beautiful, bitter-sweet, touching, and an example to us all. I wish I could send the same rsvp, but circomstances are different in each case.
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I was raised in the Episcopal church, and can assure you there is nothing "incorrect" here; I can also assure you that everything is wrong! This is why I became Catholic. A true Catholic is obligated to forego attending such a wedding.... especially if it is his own!! The children will NOT be raised in the Catholic faith, because the father is NOT a practicing Catholic... he is "Catholic" when it suits him. Thank goodness G-d is not hampered by the actions of His thoughtless creatures. I pray their children will find Him amidst the chaos.
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Please, not all us shiksa wives are the same! I am RC and married a Jewish man w/very secular background--- family never belonged to a temple, and he was never bar-mitzvahed. He is not interested in any organized religion. So--- who cooks seders, celebrates holidays and has never barred her Catholic daughters from going to services w/Jewish grparents? Not his sister!This Catholic mom does! My older girl converting to Judaism after travel to Israel, and I am OK w/it, because she found G_d there, better than what her dad did not have. When his parents were in hospital, guess who called rabbi at temple they finally joined? Me. While I raised girls as RC, I wanted them to know they had a special heritage, because their dad came from the same people Jesus did. (They also know their Polish and Italian Catholic backgrounds well).BTW, my husband's family loves me alot, as do my many Jewish friends. Like Jews, not all goyim are alike! G_d loves us all, or he would not have created us!
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Just last week I celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary to my non-Jewish husband. I am proud of being Jewish. I am beyond words to express the love for our children (raised Jewish). We were married by a Rabbi which I thought was the kosher thing to do. After 25 years of this man loving me, taking care of our family, with strength, kindness and being a real mensch while I watched other couples (both Jewish) go through divorces and tearing apart families, I cannot say I made "a mistake". If G-d wanted me here and sent other souls, my children, through me and my non-Jewish husband, is this not meant to be? I agree with the tenets of Torah's principles. However, this issue begs the question, for the Jewish woman, would she do it over again if she could? I believe things happen for a reason. Maybe our sustained "marriage" was G-d's way of providing a stable home for our children and show that marriages in this age in a secular world can work if there is mutual love and respect.
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Sara Esther: if they will have children, keep in touch. The children will eventually find their way back.
Anonymous from Montreal: we can see that intermarriages do not work, but, yes, occasionally we hear of stories like yours. Last such story i heard, after decades of happy life together and children somehow educated in the jewish way, eventually the "nonjewish spouse" decided to consider a "reform conversion" and started going to the "reform temple" from time to time. Guess what? It was a good thing that there was no halachic conversion. It would have been a blessing in vain. The "nonjewish spouse", of latin-american descent, was no less jewish than moshe rabeinu.... G-d writes straight, even though we provide Him with a notebook with twisted lines....
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I am 100% Jew: daughter of two Jews, nephew of four Jews and so on, and I have to admit that I met in my life Catholics and Christians who know more of Judaism than I do. So, what is this remembering? What is this Judaism? Is it a DNA thing or is it rather a philosophy of life? Is it a set of gestures or is it a set of values? I think that there are many Atheists that are more Jewish than many Jews (including myself) when it comes to performing Mitzvot and acting in a moral way...
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Thank you for your beautifully told personal story. I'm sure you can get a researcher at Yad Vashem to help you with the pictures next time you are in Jerusalem. You can also have them copied and repaired and send copies to your cousins. You can never tell when someone will discover them at home and remember his/her Jewish heritage. I suggest that you send a Hanukiya for a gift.
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- its in the worst possible taste to have the wedding on Yom Kippur - but the children of this marriage may seek out their Jewish heritage and this is something that the parents will likely be unable to control, no matter how Catholic or Anglican they are. I can understand your mourning though - what they are doing, is the legacy of earlier marrying out and from the soul point of view, yes it is very, very sad. I can understand, given what happened to the family in 'Gestapo Europe', the sense of betrayal that you feel. Shalom, Lizzi in Australia.
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I agree with the last respondent that mixed marriages are not necessarily a bad thing - when you are only half Jewish in parentage as I am, I believe you can have a greater appreciation, than some full Jews, of Judaism and your Jewish heritage. In all countries there are (some) full Jews, who sadly treat their beautiful and precious legacy with contempt. My own father was incredulous that someone with blue eyes could regard themselves as Jewish - their blue eyes being proof of the Ahkenazim trawl through Europe and the distance created from a truly Semitic set of genes. I believe it is having a Jewish heart and soul that matters - and yes I have dark eyes that are not blue! Part bred Jews can still be great Jews.
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What a painful article to read.
The part about the non Jewish cousin was more painful than the part about your grandfather's family who perished in the holocaust. What an unbelievable (actually, too believable) tragedy.
I read it and cried.
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