By Aron Moss
 | If life has a purpose, what is the purpose of such a short and sad life?
40 Comments Posted
The most profound and touching explanation I have ever heard. Thank you for making it all so clear.
|
Yes but... as beautiful as you may think it is I would give anything to have a healthy child. Having a child with special needs can destroy the closest family. There's nothing wonderful about not being ever able to go on a family trip. There's nothing great about being put in very uncomfortable situations in public. We love our child but.. G-d I still feel I need You to clear some things up.
|
Just a pleasure to hear a voice of truth and clarity not apologetic or beating around the bush, also inspiring, keep the enlightenment on such a wide array of topics coming.
|
my god, I love the way you explain in such beautiful details...
|
Dear Friends,
I feel confident that I can speak with a certain authority on this topic as I am an adoptive father of 7 wonder children all born with special needs (some more severe than others).
I have a child that will most likely never walk or talk. So to the woman who posted named "Dolly from Brooklyn". I understand what you are dealing with.
I feel strongly that ALL neshomas are created in the image of the divine and feel it a wonderful priviledge to have been blessed with the joy that has come with parenting these children.
People tell us all the time that we will be rewarded for giving these children a home. But my feeling is that they in and of themselves are the reward. I thank G-d everyday for having these children in my life.
I would not trade a thing. With G-d's help we will be led to another child that needs a frum home.
|
This explanation is beyond beautiful! So proud to call myself a Jew! Thanks,
|
wow, so nicely explained. and so clearly.
|
It is a very rational answer, so much so that I wonder why I never came to the same conclusion.
|
It sound nice and all, like a poem or a fairy tale..
.
1) What about NOT "Severly" Handicapped? are they also "special"?
2) And then again, aren't we all "special"? Don't we all come from hi places - G-d himself?
3) You mean they are like Tzaddikim...or even greater? Or are they like Baalei Teshuvah? Can you have greater people than Tzaddikim or Baalei teshuvah?
4) What is your source for this novel thought?
4) Where do they come from... what's the place called?
5) Have you any handicapped child or any family member with one, can you even talk about this concept?
6) Can you really say " they do not sin" ?! Have they not an "evil inclination"? Purer, perhaps; "no sin", now that's taking it far?
|
Reb Aron, what you wrote is beautiful and genuinely chasidic and I thank you for it.
But we should also remember that the perspective that says that there is suffering is also a true one. These children come also to remind us that no matter how confortable we can try to be in our lives, there are situations that only the redemption will solve.
For when Moshiach will come, these children's souls will be able to descend down here without the handicap.
"And for the Jews there was light, and joy, and happiness and glory", may it be the same for us speedily in our days.
|
Please provide a source for this explanation.
|
Rabbi Moss has a clear understanding of why we are given these special children. Everything that happens on this planet is part of God's master plan and is intended for our learning. Rabbi Moss needs to get this message out to the rest of the world.
|
Rabbi…A beautiful and poetic explanation but... In The Torah that I've read, we are not born innocent and sinless. We are born with curses and blessings - how much of each depends greatly on genetics (“…cursed…even to the 4th generation.”) We and our ancestors made/make the choices that have affected our babies’ health and well being: witchcraft, unclean eating, bitterroot judgments, sexual immorality, abuse, suicide etc.(Dt. 28/29). G-d wills that we choose to bring life into our midst, but remove death from it as well because LIFE is not sick or deformed or diseased. Thus, our babies get the lousy privilege of manifesting in their tiny bodies the bad fruit of Grandpa Joe, Aunt Belle, mom, and me. G-d DOES NOT make anybody handicapped. Sooo… Mikvehs (admition of responsibility and repentance), loving people (AKA seeking G-d) and making life, not death, choices are what will gradually remove these afflictions from our generations.
|
I think it is a two way street. Firstly G-D will only give you what you can handle, its for you to cope "life will bring you pain all by itself your responsibility is to create love"
What about children who pass over with no illness? Would a parent love a healthy child more or less? These tests we are given are of our own choice, though out this and other lives we need to experiance all things good and bad (in a human form). That is why the soul comes here.
|
Your explanation was beautiful. It explained those children who are handicapped and pass at a very young age.....pure souls. But......what about those who are born deformed/handicapped, and live a normal lifespan ??
|
Thank you. Your words warm my heart and brought tears to my eyes.
G-d bless,
|
What a touching explanation. I live in a town with a very small Jewish community, not even a minion on Shabbos eve! It is articles like this that help me "keep the faith" if you will, till I am able to move to a larger community, and fullfill my religious potential if you all will and continue my Jewish education with a group. Thank you!
|
I was very touched by the article. As somebody who has bipolar disorder and borderline personality, and is also a committed Jew, though not a Chasid, I have always asked from Hashem, why me - I have been lucky through professional help and even more so through the recietation of Tehillim, to understand this as a blessing and I have gotten stronger for it
|
The child suffers, the family suffers . . . and for what? What kind of benevolent deity makes an innocent child suffer?
|
What about disabled babies who live?
What about me, I was born disabled and the doctors all said I would die, but now I'm 24 years old....I'm on a ventilator 24/7 to keep me alive....I've suffered so much pain, isolation, hate and abuse....but I've led a life of such virtue, saving lives by forcing changes in Medicaid. I try so very very very hard to be a good Jew....can't G-d help me lift the pain and lust for life in my soul from all this isolation?
|
a special child needs us , more or less totally. s/he can take but not give.
we can only grow and be challenged by this G-d like power that we have to utilize to the maximum betterment of the higher level soul.
Dolly, greg- it makes for a better and more loving family.
Nick - you are not alone, i would love to be in touch with you.
an "oy" is really a short JOY.
simchat purim to all.
|
Beautiful, well spoken. I have no words, this brought me to tears.
|
As the mother of a nearly 27 year old with cerebral palsy, I applaud Rabbi Moss for his answer. However there is more than just pure love, these children are sent as a blessing to the families in which they dwell. They are sent as teachers, not all of them die young, many live out a normal life span. Handicaps are only as severe as we allow them to be, having faith that G-d will help your child and doing everything you can to allow your child to be his or her best - will not only allow the parent to fully love and appreciate their child's uniqueness, but also teach the parent patience and teach them the ability to celebrate the smaller things in life.
Erma Bombeck wrote a column on how G-d chooses mothers...it's insightful, nuturing and thought provoking. Though I was afraid at first, I feel honored that G-d chose me to have a child who has challenged me to be a better mother, he is my firstborn blessing (there are 2 bio and 2 adopted siblings after him).
|
I never thought of the severly disabled in this way. It's bringing tears to my eyes.
|
I thought this was a terrible article. The birth of this child is a tragedy, and the fact that she will suffer and then die young is even more so. To say that G-d ordained this for any reason at all, or would even desire it, is horrible. The author says she's being punished for having a good soul, which is not the act of a loving G-d, and is a ridiculous explanation to boot.
There is still good that can come from this situation - the family will still have that child to love, albeit for a short time and under extremely difficult times. But please, don't try and justify something that is horribly unfair by saying that she just had too good a soul (lucky her!). Just let them be sad, sometimes life sucks.
|
I can relate to and appreciate everything you've written, with the exception of one word you use. The fact that you used the word "punishment" (in the sentence "The author says she's being punished for having a good soul...") implies to me that you completely missed the very crux of Rabbi Moss' point!
You can agree with what he says (actually, it's not his idea, but one brought down in many books of the great kabbalists and sages) or you could disagree with it, but don't misrepresent what he's saying.
|
I am the mother of a 16 year old with Down syndrome. She is legally deaf and has severe scoliosis. Whoever wrote this response has the Wisdom of Solomon because it completely captures what my heart tells me about my precious child.
I have never looked at her and felt pity or anguish or sadness, just gratitude. I'm so thankful G-d favored me as her mother. I can't look at her without seeing a perfect, precious soul. And if having such intimate contact with a perfect soul means a bit of inconvenience (and I really don't see anything as inconvenient) then so be it. I'll take it! We also have a beautiful little granddaughter (1 year) who was also born with Down syndrome. When she was born, (her parents' first child) rather than cry or grieve or display shock or anguish; they thought of my daughter - their baby's aunt and what joy she has brought into our lives and they turned to the doctor and almost in the same breath said "Baruch Hashem"!
|
I love what I just read. I am my self disabled, I thank hashem every day that gave me family and firends that love. I prey to Hashem to whatch over children of Isreal and my biggest wish is that Moshich comes.
|
Thank you very much, for this answered question I had in my heart. I have a downsyndrom little girl. This has blessed me like you can not imagine.
thank you. Mr. Moss
|
we are the parents of twin boys (only one of whom has down syndrome) 18 months old. I believe that God gave us BOTH OF THEM as a gift to learn from and the joy I find in my Jacob (the one with downs) is just so aptly put by the rabbi as pure.... just as my other son's smile. I guess it makes me wonder what is truly worth calling "important". I love them both but this explanation is truly beautiful. We can only hope to live up to the great responsibility that hashem has placed on us. I was injured on the job seriously about 2 months after their birth, but the flip side is that God has let me see them develop and beat the odds that the doctors gave our jacob at the hospital. By the way, the doctor I hold responsible for my Jacobs recovery in the hospital last year was Muslim.
|
my little brother is severely autistic and developmentally delayed... we adopted him when he was 5 years old and he is the best thing that ever happened to our family... i cried when i read this article because even though i think he is perfect the way he is sometimes it still makes me sad that he will never do so many things. the rabbi is right, people always want to judge people on what they can do for us. but sometimes G-d doesnt give people to us for what they can do for us, but for what we can do for them... we should be honoured that G-d would even entrust such a soul to our care
|
Dolly, my heart goes out to you, and those in your situation. And I think that it was never intended that only the immediate family should be involved in the care of these precious ones, but that the wider community ( extended family, friends, and spiritual community)- in so much as the family feels comfortable- will also learn to love unconditionally~ through serving and supporting the familiies that are involved in day-to-day care.
In so much that we fail to do that- and WITHOUT having to be asked first- we fail to share in the wider love and blessing that 'could be'- and we fail the families that we should be loving and assisting.
|
A child is BORN normal. Something terrible happens during the first 2 years. One man put his infant into a hot frying pan, causing crippling burns needing many surgeries. Some perverts rape babies & say they "asked for it". Auto accidents cause permanent disability.
Some families hate a baby. If the papa is smiling, the smile becomes a snarl when his eye falls on the baby, who is sitting quietly. Every day. ALL the time.
The child cannot possibly deserve to spend the rest of its long life thinking of itself as tje scum its parents have said it is. But it does believe this, and in consequence it never achieves anything, never fulfills its life mission.
Trying to help Gd by justifying this is the same as telling a 2-yr-old in the midst of his agony, "Serves you right! Your soul is yukky!" That's the problem: he already thinks his soul is scummy.
What will you say to him to help the CHILD's life (rather than Gd, Who is big enough to help Himself)?
|
Wow ! What an answer ! I could really relate to the last part about handicapped children teaching us important lessons. But I had never even dreamt about the first explanation. It is so precious. I will never view the severely handicapped in quite the same way again: they are not just of inestimable worth because they are people; they are very special people. Thank you for writing this article ,Aron Moss. I am going to give a copy, if appropriate, to any person struggling with this issue.
|
Please respond to anonymous.
How can a child who has been taught to think of itself as evil be a blessing to anyone?
How can such a child serve G-d?
How can G-d have deliberately subjected the child to such abuse that this opinion of itself is beaten into it?
And why must we constantly defend G-d, who is a "big boy" and well able to take care of himself?
Why can we not offer compassion and reprogramming to the abused child and to the parents of handicapped children, instead of preaching at them?
What if the abused child commits suicide? It obviously has been given a burden greater than it can bear. It happens.
Stop defending G-d and start defending the humans--they are the ones who need the help and compassion.
No baby deserves to be heated in a frying pan on the kitchen range, or raped!
It does not serve G-d to tell a 2-year-old-- "OH, it serves you right that you were burned; your soul is yukky! Shame on you!"
|
I would appreciate an explanation of individuals who are not born with handicaps, but acquire them later in life, such as Parkinsons Disease, MS, Alzheimer's disease. How are these individuals different from babies who are born handicapped? Are they lofty souls, too. Is their misfortune based on their actions from this life or from previous lifetimes? Thank you.
|
The Amish believe that God's purpose in giving us sick or disabled children is to teach us to be compassionate.
|
It is an assumption that severely handicapped children are not as precious as the rest of G-d's creation. This is surely a point the Rabbi was making.
They do not deserve to be judged badly or mistreated. They deserve what the rest of us deserve, including love, respect & acceptance for who they are.
I gave up a promising career to look after my handicapped child. It seemed to me that this was what was needed to ensure he was treated well and had the best opportunity to flourish & be happy. My plan worked! But I had to deal with many people who treated my son badly. I also had to deal with those who said it was ok that they did. No, it is NOT ok to treat others badly, or to do things to them that don't make sense or help. And, this is the big surprise to some, these children can actually achieve & give so much if they are given the nurturing & guidance they need. Everyone needs that.
I haven't even spoken of G-d's reasons. G-d is the true judge & we are to fit into His plan.
|
|
| |
|
LOGIN
ASK THE RABBI
Read this article
