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Musings from the Mother of a Newly "Upsherined" Boy
 | Then it was haircut time. I squeezed my eyes shut, half expecting the same cries I heard at his bris, which seems like it was just yesterday. But when I looked up, he was grinning.
26 Comments Posted
I truly identified with Deena Yellin's words. I too have a son with curly (dirty blonde) hair, who everyone thinks is a girl. He will be having his upherin in two months and I definitley see myself reacting the same way when the first snip is taken. My eyes welled up with tears as I read the next paragraphs about how the child grows and becomes more independent and at the same time an active member of the Jewish community. It gave me a little more Menuchat Nefesh (peace of mind) when thinking about the big day!
Thanks again,
P.S. If you have any good ideas about what to include in the party let me know.
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I thought it a most beautiful and interesting article. It actually brought me to tears. I will now send this acticle to my niece who has a boy nearly three next year and has his hair uncut.
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i agree that this is a beautiful tradition. the only thing is i was thinking... the life span of a tree is much longer than that of a man (at least in current times), therefore relatively 3 years in a tree's life is probably one year in a man's. (roughly, i didn't do any sums here!) any ideas?
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I greatly appreciate Deena Yellin's story. It was a total blessing for me, a mere gentile looking into the beautiful window of Judiasm ever thankful for the roots of tradition that continue to spin into the future to illuminate many lives as it did mine today.
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That was the sweetest article that I ever read. It brought many tears to my eyes, mostly of joy!
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fantastic. deena yellin provides a glimpse of Jewish life that transends our historical heritage. thank you for sharing and showing others the way to keep on going. indeed, all Jews should read this and share it with their children and grandchildren. AM YISRAEL CHAI!
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I knew there was a reason I haven't yet cut my son's hair, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Now I know why! The story brought tears to my eyes as I am sure will happen when we have an Upshernish for my son! Thank you!
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I wept reading this article! It made me remember cutting my son's hair for the 1st time on his 3rd birthday. It was the day my "baby" was no longer a baby but a big boy! Afterwards we took him to Baskin & Robbins for ice cream and now it's a tradition every time he gets his hair cut! My son is now 12 and we're looking forward to his Bar Mitzvah...
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Being a Baali Teshuvah at the ripe old age of 50,
I had not heard of this until my 5th grandson had his! What an amazing event. And yes I cried - from "sheer" joy! For the first time we had witnessed firsthand this beautiful tradition.
He was pleased as punch to get so much attention. And when my son-law dipped his finger in honey, placed it on a card written with a posuk in Ivrit, my little grandson licked the card and smiled such a broad grin and said "Torah is so sweet"!. Everyone was kvelling! Thank you for this post. It brought back such beautiful memories.
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What a beautiful story! My son's Chalakah (the Sephardic version of the Upsherin) is on Sunday, and I have not prepared A THING because I'm not ready! He is VERY EXCITED though, and can't wait till he can wear his tzitzit like his Abba!
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what a beautiful story! My son will be getting his hair cut in a few days. I, too, am really anxious. He has gorgeous long hair curling at the botom. No one in either family has kept this custom. We want to make this a fun and meaningful occasion.
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I was moved to tears. But what is there for agirl of age 3?
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While there is no corresponding ceremony for girls, there is another rite Jewish girls are initiated into at a young age – that of lighting Shabbat and Jewish holiday candles. Girls begin lighting candles when they reach the age when they can recite the special blessing recited for this mitzvah—usually around the age of two.
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My son will be having his upsherin in 2 weeks and we are all excited and anxious about our little "tarzan" turning into a "real boy". You story was inspiring and beautiful. We belong to a mixed congregation..small town-only game around! and our Rabbi prefers to do the upsherin at home. The consensus in our family is just to give him a little trim...we don't mind that daily he is called a girl!
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a girl starts lighting shabbat candles at the age of 3
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What a wonderful story! I am also planning my son's upsherin and have never attended one. I didn't realize how this special and holy time in my life would affect me and my family.
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Truly considerate and well thought out decision to wait. There is a lot of value in putting a "Dagesh" (emphasis) on transitions for youth and this seems to be significant for Mendel too, as indicated by his comment. Very cute and a wonderful display of introspection and faith. Looking forward to the Toronto version.
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it is but a custom with virtually no halachik support or reason.
there are a lot more important things to worry about, and, more importantly, it is a distraction from the real responsibility of parents
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This is beautiful. It may be only a "custom" but if it encourages the child and parents to focus on moving forward to Torah training is it not wonderful?
Thank you to whoever spoke of the girls. We have only recently turned to more Torah observance and that was helpful.
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I am not orthodox, but I am the godmother of a child. My friend Daniel is Hassidic and his first born son, Josiah Chaim, is having his third birthday on October 4th - the day of his upsherin. To celebrate, they will come to my hometown (they live in Brooklyn) so that I can be one of the first to cut his hair. Josiah is proud of becoming a 'little man' at last. He said to me , "Now i wait to become a REAL man' (as in reference to his Bar Mitzvah 10 years from now :)
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Maybe I'm just hormonal, but this article made me cry. My son will have his upshirnish in a couple of months and it is a milestone I am looking forward to celebrating, but at the same time I am dreading...as Deena put it so well. The beauty and wonder of watching your children grow up while at the same time wishing you can freeze time... But we and our children have a mission to do. Good luck to all parents preparing our children to be strong, proud, moral Jews.
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Firstly, it is a dangerous thing to make light of a 'minhag' (custom). If it is not your minhag then don't do it, but to make light of it because it is not a halacha, is actually against halacha.
Also, how in the world can such a beautiful event be a distraction from the real responsibility of parents???
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What is an appropriate gift to bring for the child?
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A minhag is not just a custom that immigrated from the shtetel and it is definitely not a distraction. Our sages say "minhag Yisroel Torah hi", a Jewish custom is (to a degree) actual Torah. As commentaries and the Rebbe discuss numerous times, it is in the details and customs that we celebrate and transmit the love of Judaism. Customs are truly the spirit of the Jewish law.
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Deena,
I found your story so inspiring! I am also a more "modern" Orthadox Jew. I grew up Conservative, and the whole upsherin idea was totally foreign to me as well. Just like you, it was my husband's family's custom to do it, and I reluctantly agreed, with the same hesitation that you had. Also, just like you, I have come to enjoy his long hair and the babyhood and innocense it represents. Your story has inspired me to really see the significanse of this coming event (this Sunday!) and to see at as a beautiful beginning to my son's education. Thanks for your story!
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