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The Basis for the Jewish Opposition to Intermarriage
 | Certainly, one of the most worrisome and least understood subjects of Jewish life is that of intermarriage. Why is it such an issue, and how are we to deal with it?
149 Comments Posted
When did judiasm become a nonproselytizing religion? Was it not in the Roman era? And the Jews did so because the Romans were killing Jews if they proselytize. Today what is the reason we Jews do not proselytize?
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Very interesting thoughts on intermarriage on your site today.
Question: what do the sages, commentators, and learned ones say and write about the fact that Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and especially Moses married non-Jewish women?
And what about our great kings, David and Solomon who both had non-Jewish wives?
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Response to Anonymous 2
This may sound strange to you, but were Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Moses (before receiving the Torah) Jewish?
The Jewish people were 'born' through the process of Exodus and the receiving of the Torah at Sinai. It was at Sinai that all those present were converted into Jews. There were no Jews before then.
Before receiving the Torah, there was no prohibition for anyone to marry someone from any specific nation.
We do find, however, that Abraham and Sarah 'converted' people in their times. It obviously refers to ideological conversion, rather than essential conversion, which became possible only after receiving the Torah.
Regarding Kings David and Solomon, their wives had undergone conversion before being married to them.
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WHAT EVERYONE SEEMS TO FORGET: The children of such marriages, like myself, who spend too much time trying to justify our exsistence amongst our fellow Jews. My Father was Othrodox, my Mother Converted before my birth. In the 1960's, that was good enough. It isn't today. I went through a Reform Conversion, a Conservative Conversion, and finally an Orthodox Conversion. Why? There was too much argument whether or not I was considered a "True Jew". So I did what I had to do. Nevertheless, it was not an easy journey. After ten years, lots of money, and lots of Rabbis discouraged by my advancement (abondoning their movement after their dedication) I'm appalled by the lack of consideration. All the other words: Righteous, balshuva (which is never mentioned in the Torah), Ger, Proselyte, and on. Their are many references to proselytes in the Torah and the Talmud. G-d Loves me and I him and his Torah. And my fellow neighbor as myself. Created in G-d's image (likeness). Not created to decide 4 him.
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Thank God for interfaith marriage or I would not be here! My father
was a Jew and he fell in love with my very Catholic Italian mother. The
times were such that many were angry with her for it, she raised us all
(5 kids) as church going non racist people. My dad got very ill, she
stuck by him and took care of him for almost 20 years. The love they
shared was so strong that after he died when mom got ill, she said
she felt my father all around her. He came to her to acomany her to
their final journey. I think thats what marriage should be. I love as
they did, freely and I think they gave me that courage.
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Thank G-d for interfaith marriages?
Isn't G-d the one who forbids a Jew to marry outside of his or her faith?
(It's like saying 'Thank G-d I'm an atheist'...)
I never implied that Interfaith couples cannot have strong, loving relationships. I specifically do point out that they can have strong loving relationships and can even have children and raise a family together.
In spite of all the apparent benefits, one fact still remains: it is forbidden by the Creator of the Universe.
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Beautiful article!! Taking the seven-day week argument a little further, I have often marveled at the fact that in addition to the fact that everyone (to the best of my knowledge) has a seven day week, the week starts on the same day! That is, our Shabbos is not, for example, on Wednesday...
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Although this article address the subject it is superficial in its application to those without ability to have children or who have progeny through a previous marriage. My question is: Why marry?
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Marriage and intimacy is not necessarily connected with procreation.
The Torah declares that a man and a woman may live together only within the framework of marriage. Marriage implies the reunion of two halves of one soul, hence marriage is not applicable in the case of incompatible souls.
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I would find it very difficult to find a person who is not jewish that would agree with the view that the prohibition on a jew marrying a non-jew is not racist.
Given how highly sensitive jewish people are to anti-semistism, it is hard to comprehend that you can so vehemntly oppose any marriage that is not purely jewish.
In these times, you would think that the happiness of your child would be more important than the religion of who they marry.
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I understand Racial discrimination to mean 'you MAY marry anyone BUT......' Saying 'you MAY NOT marry anyone BUT one of us,' is simply a matter of self preservation...
BTW, I am curious to know where did you notice 'vehemence' in my position?
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Thank you Rabbi Shemtov for writing this wonderful article. I have seen so many stories about people converting, and their reasons are never like the ones I feel. Are my feelings wrong? I have wanted to convert since I was a child. Odd, some say, since I never knew any Jews growing up and had little exposure to Judaism, other than what I was taught about G-d as a Roman Catholic in CCD classes. And yet...this intense longing...As I child I joined an organization that helped impoverished children overseas, and insisted that the child I helped had to be from Israel. I felt obligated, but could not understand why. I still don't.
During times of trouble in my life, I would (and still do) have a recurring dream of running to a shul and meeting a rabbi. I would tell him I don't know Hebrew, and he always says "you will learn it." My mother would often joke that somewhere a Jewish family was missing a daughter. Friends would say, "well, your last name does have a hebrew root."
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Dear Anonymous from Buffalo,
I have two suggestions for you:
1) Read the book Finding the G-d of Noah by J. David Davis. I have found it to contain a fascinating analysis of the different motives that people have in their quest to convert to Judaism. More often than not, their - honest - quest can be resolved by respecting the Seven Noahide Laws. Sometimes their spiritual thirst can only be quenched by conversion.
2) After reading the book, may I suggest that you contact your local Chabad Rabbi and discuss the matter with him. Any Chabad Rabbi can be trusted to give you an objective, Torah-true opinion.
You might be interested in reading a more exhaustive exploration of the subject at the following link:
http://www.chabad.org/52814
Good luck in your quest.
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Dear Rabbi:
If a Jew dates a non-Jewish girl who wants to convert to Judaism, but she wants to do it in the Reform Synagogue - why is she not considered a Jew in the orthodox way ?
Secondly, if a Jew dates a non-Jewish girl who wants to convert to Judaism (especially in the Reform synagogue), what harm would be caused to the Jew ? Will he be punished? Can the Beth Dein ostrcize this Jew boy or put out a decree against him ?
Thank you.
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There is only one way to become Jewish and that is through a Giyur according to Halacha.There is no such thing as partial Giyur.
The Reform movement, by their own definition has reformed the rules, thereby defining themselves out of the system. A non Jew cannot be converted into a Jew through a man made system. Only G-d can determine the way it is done. Halacha reflects G-d's will. Reform rabbis, trying to protect G-d against himself, with new, modern, more user friendly systems, automatically disqualify themselves as G-d's representatives and their systems as G-d's will.
A reform 'conversion' will not change her status as a non Jew.
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My mother was ashamed to be Jewish. We were very poor and often my grandparents had to help us financially. My mother wanted more money so she joined another faith where the members were very rich. She worked on Erev Shabbat after sunset and she worked on Shabbat and she worked during every holy day. My parents divorced but neither got custody. I was raised by my grandparents until I was 11 and they died. From there, I was put in foster homes with no religion.
My mother remarried a non-Jewish man and didn't want me around.
I am trying to relearn my Jewish heritage. Sometimes,I feel like an outcast among my own people. I am thankful to Hashem that Chabbad is here to help me remember what I have forgotten in observance of my Jewish faith.
Thank you, Chabad!
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Not at all practical. The truth of that matter is that too many Jews just don't care, and it's too late for them. I have spoken to so many people (Jews and Gentiles alike) who say that they believe in G-d but not organized religion and that as long as they live righteous, they can marry whom they choose and not have to worry about the burden of religion.
I for one, believe in the truth and validity of the Torah and I would never even consider intermarriage. I live with an Israeli girl that has brought me even closer to my Judaism. I have a profound knowledge of Judaism, Jewish history, I read Chumash/Rashi and my Hebrew is improving rapidly. I'd say I'm pretty "Jewish". But at the same time I eat pork (and love it), drive on Shabbat, and do other things that violate Torah law, all becaue of the world I was brought up in. and this is why Jews intermarry, because they are brought up in households that are so assimilated that marrying within the faith just ain't important anymore.
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Though i agree to an extent with Shawn, being raised "assimmilated" is just the tip of the problem. Once our jewishness is recognized it must then be accepted. Being born jewish, no matter how many mitzvos we do or don't do has no bearing on our being Jewish. Born a Jew, Always a Jew. But as we learn what it means to be a Jew, that is, to follow the commandments, then it is encumbant upon us to follow those commandments to the best of our ability. Our "assimilations" may be a reason that we don't, but it is no excuse.
I am far from perfect in my own observance; and some days I take a step back, though those days are becoming less frequent, Baruch Hashem. But, the more I learn, the more I observe, and can observe. The point is. for a jew to reach Gan Edan, or rather a higher plateau in Gan Edan, just as it is encumbent upon a convert to observe all 613 mitzvos to be considered jewish, so should a born jew observe all 613. Assimilation is an excuse for non-observance.
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The thesis that Jews have a soul or essence in common which distinguishes them from non-Jews is a proposition which Judaism shares with the Nazis. The only difference is that Jews believe that essential soul to have good attributes while the Nazis found the opposite. This teaches us that we may adopt any doctrine, even racism, so long as the results are flattering.
The fact that the Nazis echoed Jewish theology in their propaganda should lead one to think about the significance of Jewish doctrine in general, and the meaning of Zionism and other pleasantries the world might well do without.
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I cannot say I agree with everything the author writes, however I would nevertheless like to just write a few words in response.
The Nazis considered Arians to be a superior race, Jews and gypsies to be diseased and others to be befitting slaves to the Arians.
Jews consider themselves to have a mission to be a "light unto the nations" so that all peoples will learn to serve One G_d, beat their swords into ploughshares and live in peace and harmony.
Yes, we do consider ourselves to be a unique people--not due to race, since there is no Jewish race, but due to the mission we have in this world.
And I must add, that we have accomplished much of that mission. As Hitler himself put it, "The Jewish People have left two scars on humanity: Circumcision on their bodies and a conscience on their souls."
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I can say that I agree with everything Tzvi Freeman writes (that I have read), however I would like to add a few words to his response.
The Jewish people accept any member of the human race that is willing to go through the same exact process that all Jews went through when becoming the Chosen People, namely Giyur Kehalacha (Halachic conversion). According to Judaism, ANY human being can choose to become 'Chosen'. Hardly any resemblance to aryan racist doctrine.
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How sad that in this day and age, religion still tries to dictate how people should live their lives. Religion may have served a purpose in the past, but posts such as this one just go to prove how religion is becoming more and more out of step with society and with reality.
And to say this position is not racist because anyone can become a Jew is ridiculous. Imagine is the US government denied benefits to anyone who was not Christian and said it was not racist because anyone can become a Christian? There would be an uproar, and rightly so.
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Judaism isn't dictating; it is merely defining what G-d wants of us.
As far as the the USA is concerned, it DOES have conditions that determine who qualifies for its benefits, albeit not religious conditions. The USA has no official religion. Why would it condition benefits on being Christian?
Judaism has the right to define the terms and conditions necessary to becoming a member as does every group and society in the world.
I don't see a cause for uproar...
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I do not agree PERSONALLY with everything in the article but I respect where the Rebbe is coming from. That is why he is an Orthodox Rebbe and his rules and interpretation of Torah are valid from that viewpoint. I do not necessarily share that viewpoint but then he is not forcing me to accept them either! You can't play baseball with a tennis raquet, go and play tennis- they are both good sports! Get what I mean? Why do people come to an Orthodox site and then criticise the Rebbe for his Orthodox position? All of this is very harmful and perhaps it's time for G-d to tell us all to shut up, read the Tanakh at least seven times over, think about it, pray, meditate and then come back and talk. A wise Beduin told me "Be still and know that G-d is G-d) obviously he used the word "allah"! I am of mixed Jewish-Christian descent and was not brought up religious, I am trying to "get back" to G-d this bickering is non-sensical. If you ask an "opinion" don't complain when it's not what YOU want!
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thanks for everything i read everythig concerning about intermarriage and now i understand better ;but i still thinking that we don,t have any election about who are the person i going to love in other word i just born and is not my fault to not be a jewish please forgive me if i ofend in any manner maybe i can,t find the right wordsto express my self because i don,t speak english very well i just read a little bit i just speak spanish but i so glad to find this web site because i don,t have nobody to share my feellings because i got this pain this pain inside of me from long time ago because is not easy love someone you don,t have to love; thank you for everything .
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After some reflection on the matter I began to think that if an non-jew falls in love with a jew and their love is genuine, perhaps it's part of G-d's plan to bring a soul to Judaism. Perhaps it's part of His plan for that person (the non-jew) and maybe also the jew. jewish history is full of mixed marriages and conversions, what's important is the spiritual motve and the upholding of tradition, afterall Judaism is a "tradition" which comes from G-d, is it not?
This of course does not change the rebbe's stance, but at the same time nowhere here has it been said that conversion is not possible for a non-jew. Seeing as religion, culture and identity are so intertwined in the character of any jewish person, to fall in love with a righteous jew could be an indication of falling in love (spiritually) with judaism? I don'tt know but it was a thought that came to me reading these posts.
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this is a very well articulated piece, I'm sure it is of great help to jews all over.
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How sad it is that more people in the world don't allow their lives to be dictated by the Torah. World society would be in a much better state. You seem to imply by your comments that "in this day and age" we are so advanced and so great that we need only ourselves. It seems that all of human history proves this line of thinking wrong. Man can not and will not control himself if there is no controlling power to determine right from wrong. All human systems have failed miserably to produce a happy society. America is just as unhappy as the USSR. How many pills of Prozac were swallowed today?
Focusing on the self leads to unhappiness. Keeping the Torah leads to happiness. If somebody is Torah observant and is not happy, they're not doing it right.
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Replying to the comment by Elizer from Uruguay that David's and Solomon's wives had converted before marriage - that is not true but i would not use them as examples of good intermarriage: they made Solomon sin and turn to false G-ds, causing Hashem to divide the kiingdom in judgement!
Hardly what one would want to emulate!
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After having read many thoughts on Jewish intermarriage, including those of Rabbi Shemtov, I don't quite know where to begin. I am the product of an intermarriage, and I am currently engaged to a Muslim. From my parents (one Jewish, one Christian) I have learned openmindedness and tolerance; the ability to recognize a human bond that supercedes all. Perhaps there was an argument regarding my brother's circumcision, but compared to the ability to love, honor, and repect a child, this is a trifling matter. I do not need to consult doctrines in order to understand right and wrong. Rather, my parents have taught me to read and explore many ideas as a means of informing my own intrinsic sense of morality. Until my people are able to extend the same love that they share wiith each other to those who are different from them, we will continue to struggle in this world. Although not theologically sound, Judiasm for me is about my family. A family that includes my fiance; a family that loves.
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To reply to Malcolm- I understand that this is an orthodox site; I believe that everyone does. It is, however, also listed as as dialogue. As a religious leader Rabbi Shemtov has a responsibility to discuss and be aware of many differing perspectives. He seems to have embraced this responsibility, and I believe that you do a disservice to Rabbi Shemtov as well as his respondants when you suggest that we stifle our opinions. Have a little faith.
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Consider this. I have a Jewish soul. I rejected who I was and adopted other faiths or took for granted how special it was for me to be a Jew. I died. I performed many mitzvahs in that last life, but still had to return to correct/learn how wonderful it was to be Jewish. I returned in a new body with parts of my soul remaining behind because I had fulfilled those mitzvahs, to a non-Jewish body. My task to come back home. To find my way back, to once again feel apart of and love my Jewish soul and my special connection with G-d. In this case many mitzvahs were already performed so they may not be my task here. I then find a marry my soul-mate who too is in the same place and struggling, but is slower to comprehend who he is.
Question: Does it fulfill G-d's wishes to keep me from fulfilling my charge here on earth to reaffirm my belief in G-d and proudly proclaim my Jewishness by stopping me from full conversion because my Husband is not where I am?
It has been stated that we can live with non-Jews and even have children by them, but not marry them. This defeats the concept of hiding oneself away from others to keep from losing our children to the non-Jewish ways and how is this loving and G-d-like? Why do we make the children suffer?
Must the returning soul be perfect even before the conversion? Who can control when realization is to come to life? Why is the potential convert punished for lack of foresight? Are coverts really supposed to follow the laws even before they are made aware? How can you stop me from coming home because I refuse to harm those around me, just to fulfill my needs? Which is the greater sin?
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I am a Christian with a number of Jewish friends. They are very loving and good-hearted. Some I have known for 30 years. One recently married a non-Jew. It was a second marriage and there will be no children. He is Israeli and did all the "right" things all his life and now he just wants to enjoy his older years. Another of my friends forced her husband to convert. She is very bitter toward Christians and, although friendly to me, she has become almost impossible to be around because of her intolerance. I do see the rabbi's admonition against marrying gentiles as bigotry. Remember the "separate but equal" policy regarding blacks in this country? Any time you exclude people from your country club you are going to hurt someone's feelings and hurt leads to anger and anger leads to destruction and so on. Why not focus on what someone different can bring to the table? A sincere Christian also wants to help make the world a better place. Maybe we could work on it together. Just a thought.
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Of course Jews and non Jews can and should work together to make this world a better place. Intermarriage, however, will serve to make that an impossibility, as it will cause there to be no more Jews left, G-d forbid.
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Should there be no more Jews, the earth would lose a loose much of its talent and genius. We would lose a funny, wise and, to an outsider, slightly eccentric, branch of the human family tree. But I don't believe that would happen.
As observant Christians, my husband and I enjoy a deep bond that I am sure Jewish couples enjoy and wouldn't give up for anything. In fact, my Jewish friends have no intention of ever even considering becoming Christian.One of my friends has even accused me of being a pagan because he didn't understand the trinity and won't let me explain.
My Israeli friend who married the non-Jew has had a hard time with his family. They won't see his wife. They won't even acknowledge her existence. This goes beyond bad manners. It hurts him. It hurts her. It hurts those who carry the resentment. It accomplishes nothing. He married his Jewish wife. He raised his Jewish children. Where's the harm?
Thank you for allowing me to express myself in your venue.
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Judaism has been around for a long time, longer than Christianity has. It takes one looking at the situation with a pair of "Hebrew spectacles" to truly understand the view of a Jew and Torah. Although a sincere Christian also wants to make the world a better place, a Christian would read the Torah through a pair of "Greek spectacles" (meaning Greek thought due to Greek influence in the history of Christianity). Understanding the history of the Jewish people and what they have gone through will give one a better understanding of why they are bitter towards Christians. The Torah on intermarriage is a seperate issue from blacks as "seperate but equal". Torah is a guideline for living, and for a Jew to live he must follow the Torah as it is. Torah – not a religion. A way of life. (Refer to Tzvi Freeman's article on "How do I know that I really Believe")
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As a gentile who married a Jewish man, I can see clearly all the points being made. I am seeing this more clear than when my ex-husband divorced me after re-discovering his Jewish roots. He is now practicing modern Orthodoxy and I will be soon converting. This whole article touched me, I would not have been able to read it last year at this time as I was recently seperated from him. I respect my ex-husband so much for what he did, he stood up for his beliefs in a way that didn't make sense to me at the time. I sensed he was more into hurting me and making me pay for his mistake, now I hold him and his decision to follow G-d and the beliefs that have always been his. Thank you for your article and taking a stand in a way that not a lot of people are willing to undertake.
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I would like to point out that Judaism has no problem accepting an individual of ANY race if he or she chooses to convert to Judaism properly. Hardly a racist attitude, dontcha think?
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well, very interesting article. but there are some points that do interfere with each other. i think that there are different dimensions: the dimension of studying the rules in the torah and interpreting it, the dimension of the societical view and the dimension of personal favors. frankly, i think in this article the dimension of the societical view and of the personal favors are dominant. i do accept the authors opinion - but i would go even further. i would see a marriage as an intermarriage even between two jewish people if there is one that doesnt follow the rules respectively doesnt care about his/her jewish identity - one doesnt know if he/she will discover her/his neshamah ever. however, the experience of the progressive part in the jewish community shows that intermarriage often brings the couple near to the jewish life - see also Pesahim 87b.
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Okay, this is my last word. Promise.
Once again, using one of my Israeli friends as an example: “Mike” was born in Baghdad two years before Israel’s creation. He attended a Presbyterian high school in Iran, voluntarily went to chapel every morning, sang the songs, enjoyed the services and never had the slightest urge to convert. When I met him, we were both attending a Catholic university in the Midwest. We loved the school and the curriculum but neither of us had any interest in converting to Catholicism. I guess you could say Mike had quite a bit more invested in his Jewishness than most. He had fought and been injured in the Six-Day War. He had grown up around people who wanted to blow Israel off the face of the earth. In college, he was surrounded by attractive, non-Jewish (gentile sounds like reptile) girls, but he soon met and married a lovely Midwestern Jewish girl.
So, see? All those goyim (another bad word), all that church, and still Jewish.
No worries, dudes.
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Great example to prove the point of how crucial your Jewish mother and Jewish marriage partner are. How about a guy who went to Yeshiva all his life and marries a gentile? Still no worries, Dude?
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Love is the most important asset in life, followed by happiness, well-being and kindness. If all these things prevail in a relationship, the rest will just fall into place.
Each couple is different, intermarriage brings the world closer. More understanding and tolerance between races, religion and culture is what we need.
Tradition is so important, but we must also evolve and adapt to current times.
Just by being happy that others are happy, regardless of their backgroud and faith, we are helping the world to be a more peaceful place.
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You write: "More understanding and tolerance between races, religion and culture is what we need." I agree. Please understand - or at least respect - the fact that our religion and culture does not accept Intermarriage.
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Rabbi
I am a product of an intermarriage. My father was Jewish, mother not. I agree with the idea that we need to think about our children when we marry someone and the problems differing beliefs can cause in a marriage. My father was not a practicing Jew and to this day carries great resentment toward religious judaism, although, as you wrote, when it comes right down to it, he is always a Jew. The funny thing is, that while my mother was pregnant with me she was in the midst of converting, but shortly after I was born my parents separated and didn't go through with it. I was the child who was close to judaism and I converted and am now married, with children and living in Israel...
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I have been married twice. My first a Jewish Sabra. Although all of the mechanics were there, ie, a Jewish partner, our life together was unhappy.
My second wife, non Jewish, yet she helps in every way to support me to continue my Zionist and Jewish beliefs. We participate in all of the holidays, and she even went on-line to find out how to prepare a Rosh HaShanah meal.
Ultimately with a non Jewish wife I can overcome the mechanics, and the happiness is already there.
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Maybe on your third try, you'll get it right.
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"How sad it is that more people in the world don't allow their lives to be dictated by the Torah. World society would be in a much better state." I am very sorry but i dont agree! I think that is sad that people live their lives dictated by the Torah instead of what their hearts tell them. If you love somebody it doesn't matter if it is black, white, older o younger. It might be more difficult to love this person but it can bring you many satisfactions. Religion is Crazy when it makes a command in who to LOVE!
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What happens when you love your sister?
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Our hearts tell us many things. Not all are good. Sometimes our hearts are full of jealousy or hate. Sometimes we have an urge to speak badly of each other or not to help those in need. Sometimes, God forbid, we feel good when abandoning God or by putting ourselves in a position where we will be separating ourselves from our people and violating his Torah. We need to bend our will to a higher will, to God's will, in order to avoid sinking into the pettiness and cruelty that are unfortunately so natural to human beings. That is why we desperately need Torah and not to "follow our hearts" no matter what they say.
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Please explain... Moses married a non Jew. Or did he?
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Please refer to 3rd comment that addresses this issue.
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So... You are saying that Abraham, Issac, Jacob, Jacob's sons and all the children born in Egypt and all who came out of Egypt...were not Jews? That's news to me...Correct me if this is not what you are suggesting, please
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They were Israelites. The full category of 'Jew' and the obligations (Mitzvot) that that implies began at Exodus and Mt. Sinai. The period before Exodus can be considered the 'gestation' of the Jewish People and the Exodus/Mt. Sinai process as its 'birth'.
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So...They were Israelites, but they weren’t actually Jews until Mt. Sinai? That's amazing! I have been duped! Given erroneous information coupled with assumptions...
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I have been following this thread for a whlle and one thing strikes me as unusual. Most blogs seem so ugly and the language is confrontational and personally insulting. But here the messages are well thought out and you are able to enjoy polite discourse even while disagreeing. Rare in this country's climate of hate and fear.
Rabbi, what was the faith of the Israelites? And why suddenly could the men only marry Jewish women? After Mt. Sinai, did the Jews have to divorce their non-Jewish spouses?
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First of all, thank you for your kind observation regarding the nature of the exchanges on this forum. May I return the favor by observing that people usually do not take the time to congratulate and compliment as you did. Thank you.
The faith of the Israelites was the same as the faith of the Jews. Faith does not determine if one is Jewish or not. It is G-d's command to the Jews and their acceptance of it that converted them into Jews.
Maybe it can be explained the following way: there is a difference between faith and commitment. The Israelites believed; the Jews commited.
Being an Israelite had (only?) spiritual connotations; being a Jew has physical ramifications.
Being an Israelite implies experiencing the tension between the irreconciliable spiritual and physical dimensions of reality; being a Jew means being charged with the mission and given the tools necessary to fuse them into one harmonious reality, expressing thereby G-d's indivisble essential unity.
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Regarding your question about when the prohibition against marrying non Jewish (men and) women started, and if they had to divorce their non Jewish wives after Mt. Sinai:
The prohibition against Intermarriage started at Mt. Sinai when the Jewish people received the Torah. At that time all those present attained full status as Jews, including the women and children.
I would like to point out that this matter is not all that simple. There are different opinions regarding what the exact status of the Jewish People was before receiving the Torah at Mt. Sinai.
The definition presented here is the 'entry-level' (Pshat) version.
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I am not Jewish, but rather Orthodox Catholic. I had a dear friend who was Jewish and married a Roman Catholic. They schooled their daughters in both religions leaving it up to them to choose when they were old enough.
I thought it must be very confusing for those children to observe so many different
celebrations and prohibitions. I never learned how they fared because my friend and I lost touch after her husband was killed in an accident and she moved.
It is one thing to have friends of different faiths, but it is quite another to marry someone of a different faith. I think it would be too difficult to try to assimilate both into one's every day life. Half the marriages in America end in divorce as it is.
If I married a Jewish man I would have to give up my religion and take his, otherwise I do not believe it could work. I could not give up my religion, but if I did I would have to love the man more than my faith. If I can't be true to my faith how could I ever be true to him?
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I feel that one should always consider the story of RUTH.
For without her 'GER' egg the line of David would never have come to be.
I am in no way stating that every Ger should covert and birth Israel children.
I am saying when a Ger( Gentile) clings to her Mother Israel and gets on her knees and would rather be BARREN then bring forth offspring that are not of a Jewish Bloodline; the Jewish peolpe and authorities should recognize a very special woman who is of great importance to the Jewdaic Dynasty.
May the Blessings of G-d be upon us all,
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Please don't intermarry. It causes a lot of confusion and heartache later., and I speak from experience. Someone always loses, and it is the child.
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I married a wonderful non-Jewish woman. If what I had done is so horrific let G-D judge me.
There are numerous commandments. I do not see rabbis get bent out of shape and have canniptions when people steal and do not honor their parents or engage in adultery. I do not see articles on rabbis who diddle little boy
But when it comes to intermarriage there is a white hot zeal that I find suspect. The talk of Jewish souls being qualitatively differnet from non-Jewish souls comes from the Tanya. Frankly it reminds me of the Nazis.
As I am prepared to have G-D judge me. I feel my dear Rabbi also prepare yourself to be judged.
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I married a wonderful non-Jewish woman. If what I had done is so horrific let G-D judge me.
There are numerous commandments. I do not see rabbis get bent out of shape and have canniptions when people steal and do not honor their parents or engage in adultery. I do not see articles on rabbis who diddle little boy
But when it comes to intermarriage there is a white hot zeal that I find suspect. The talk of Jewish souls being qualitatively differnet from non-Jewish souls comes from the Tanya. Frankly it reminds me of the Nazis.
As I am prepared to have G-D judge me. I feel my dear Rabbi also prepare yourself to be judged.
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Very interesting article...it made me think of my friend. He's has been raised as an orthodox jew and does live within his community. But he is living a double-life. On the one hand he is married and respects his wife - but doesnt love her and on the other hand he is having affairs with non-jewish and jewish (but not religious) girls. He promises to the girls what he cannot give them. So...what is better...to follow the law which isnt clear and to feel unhappy or to break it and feel guilty? Some say that he could find someone he loves and if its a non-jewish person she could convert. But we all know that even if formally conversions are mostly accepted a lot of us have problems with accepting converts. I think...this topic is hot...and especially when looking behing the facade of religious communities.
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This is a response to your heartbreak...
...maybe your grief came from the fact that someone was going to change their views on their faith. That is almost always doomed. You can paint an egg red but it will always be white on the inside.
As for me ...I am Jewess at heart /soul and on paper (conversion) as well. I am prepared to raise HASIDIC children and take on ALL the 613 commandments (exempt the ones w/the TEMPLE worship since the 3rd temple is not built yet). I desire to raise GREEK/ JEWISH warriors(I am a Spartan)for ISRAEL. If I am blessed by HASHEM to do this before I die ......I will be buried in peace and contentment.
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Isn't the judgment of others a sin in itself? If one finds happiness in another human being that no other person can bring them, why should they be judged? I think that rising up against them with belittlement is JUST AS BAD, IF NOT WORSE than what you are degrading them for. People who have been fed this kind of racist nonsense have caused so much hurt, pain and resentment to those close to them who have chosen to intermarry- why is THAT not being judged more harshly? Do the ends really justify the means? Is it really a G-Dly act? Is that REALLY what G-d wants?
With all my heart, mind and soul... I don't believe it is.
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i disagree with the notion that reform judaism made a system of its own, in contrast to the real judaism of the tanach. the tanach was written by prophets and wise man such as ישעיהו. how can we know that all of the rules and claims they passed on, were authentic words of gods?
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I am a product of an interfaith marriage; you really don't fit in either way. You're not true Jew nor true Christian. I have no desire to attend a house of worship although should I want to in the future, I would choose a non-denominational congregation.
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i have been married to a non-jew for 33 yrs., we have two sons, brought up jewish, they were bar mitzvahed and confirmed....they are very proud of their heritage, as am i, being jewish is also a state of mind, that you carry inside of you, you dont wear it around your neck, but inside your heart with pride.
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Some interfaith relationships lend themselves to more harmony than others.
For example, Protestants and Catholics both belief in Jesus and celebrate the same Christian Holidays.
Judiasm and Christianity are much more opposed due to the fact that the Jews don't accept Jesus and are offended by Christmas and Easter-essential Christian holidays. The only way these unions "work" is if each partner does not really care about their respective religions that is- they are essentially secular or atheist.
Other interfaith couples work around holidays successfully, such as Hindu, Buddist, etc. because, unlike Judiasm, these religions, at least are not hostile to Christianity, but neutral. You don't see Asians demanding that Christmas trees be taken down at Christmas.
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It's a good thing; I am a product of an interfaith marriage; I had a Jewish father and a Christian mother. I got to celebrate both Hannukah and Christmas, Easter and Passover; a lot of those holidays have similar principles.
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How can a Jewish soul differ from a non-Jewish soul? Do all non-Jews have the same generic all-purpose "non-Jewish" soul? Or do they vary amongst their different groups? Are their Catholic souls? Protestant souls? Buddhist souls? Shaman souls? Australian Aboriginal souls? Or are they cultural? Are their Chinese souls? Italian souls? Norwegian souls? Or are there mixtures, like Zimbabwean Buddhist souls?
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There are common qualities to all non-Jewish souls and there are qualities common to all Jewish souls.
The short version of the difference is:
A non-Jewish soul seeks self perfection on some, many or all possible levels, while a Jewish soul seeks to be a perfect instrument for G-d's expression.
For the long version of the answer, contact your local Chabad rabbi.
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define a soul for me -if its a level of consciousness in all human beings then how can you attach a label to it-jewish,christian-etc its beyond labelling-that is the ego speaking ,anybody that attaches a label to something speaks from their ego and not from a level of consciousness.
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You Say: "i disagree with the notion that reform judaism made a system of its own, in contrast to the real judaism of the tanach. the tanach was written by prophets and wise man such as ישעיהו. how can we know that all of the rules and claims they passed on, were authentic words of gods? "
Let me reply:
A basic Tennet of Jewish Faith - Along with belief in One single G-d - described in the Torah itself and by Maimonidies is the belief that G-d gives prophecy to humans. There are criteria of who is and who is not a Prophet and not anybody who claims to say Prophecy is automatically beleived...
But if someone DOES pass the test of being a true prophet... then "we know that all of the rules and claims they passed on, were authentic words of G-d"
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Here is my definition of a soul: identity.
A non Jewish soul aspires to be something of value. A Jewish soul aspires to be a vehicle for manifesting G-d's presence in the world.
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the soul is what it is -you cannot label it- the difference comes in the way we are commanded to be a vehicle for manifesting G-d's presence. we were given the Torah which is the instruction manual on how to live in order to achieve this. few people reach that level, they get bogged down in the mind, they create a mental idol of G-d. and ritual becomes so much part of their lives that they can't taste the real message hidden there.
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i strongly believe if a couple is married and they are both happy it does not matter if there is a intermarriage and i believe its wrong that any one should intrude in anyones life
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Apparently G-d thinks differently.
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In response to marrying out: You obviously have little knowledge of Halacha (Jewish Law). Yes, G-d told us (Jews) who to marry, but he also gave us freewill. If you decide to marry a non-jew, you can not be surprised if in a generation or so your children are not Jewish. If you are the non-Jew and not the husband, your children will not be jewish from the onset. I know it's upsetting, but Hashem gave us rules for a reason.
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I have married three Jewish women.My wife is a converted Jew.A Reform Jew.Under your concept she is not a Jew. With all respect. Ido not agree with you teaching.
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It is very disheartening to read so many comments about Judaism and the forbidden nature of intermarriage as being 'racist' or discriminating. Many of these accusations suggest that this ban on mixed-religion couples doesn't take into account love, faith and mutual understanding.
Many will think that I am biased in writing this, as I am in the process of completing my conversion to Orthodox Judaism. However I also have a degree in both Sociology and Anthropology. Having studied these disciplines I can see how some principles of Judaism can appear 'harsh' or 'discriminating'.
It all comes down understanding. The saying goes, 'walk a mile in someone else's shoes'. If you have been brought up to understand all of the Torah, including halachot and mitzvot, and are an observant Jew, only then can you make your arguments, because you understand them completely.
Any attempt to provide a passionate argument without understanding the heart of the issue will ultimately fall flat.
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Max Feinberg wrote in his will that any of his grandchildren who married non-Jews or whose spouse did not convert to Judiaism would be "deemed dead" and not be entitled to inherit from him. The Illinois Supreme Court has just unheld that provision in his will. Of his five grandchildren four have non-Jewish spouses. The result of that provision is that four of the grand-kids hate their brother--they also hate their mother and father. What do you think of that provision--in view that it made the family entirely disfunctional? Would it be OK if the parents would say "You're 'dead,'" but you are still our children/grandchildren and remained a family?
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In what world must you live in to accept the notion that if a mother is not Jewish, the children are no longer your children?? That is absurd by its nature and as a Jew am frankly losing my Jewish identity precisely because of ignorant views like these from 4,000 years ago.
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How about Florida, for example?
Florida law dictates that the mother of a child born out of wedlock is automatically considered to be the legal parent who is required to provide support for her child. However, if a child’s parents are not married to each other when that child is born, Florida courts will not automatically presume a man is the biological father and thus recognize the father’s duties and financial obligations to the child unless paternity is legally established.
IOW, the biological father has NO legal rights nor responsibilities until the COURT establishes his paternity LEGALLY...
Although the criteria for establishing legal paternity may differ betwen one legal system and the next, the concept itself is not novel, unique to Jewish law, nor meshugga...
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If we are to argue Fl law, on this site, then let's add to it. If a man claims not to be a father and claims no legal responsibility, a DNA test can be ordered in court. If it is then discovered that he is the father, he is fully 100% responsible for the hospital bill of the birth, the pre-natal care, and all the other incidentals that he tried to skirt.
If he accepts that he is the father without arguing, then he is not responsible for these bills fully.
Fl law does not allow a man to escape fatherhood and child rearing.
(I am a woman who has accepted that it's time to convert. I have no boyfriend or husband. But I do come from an interfaith family and I was raised Catholic. It is possible that what finally motivated my change in life style over a year ago was a relationship gone bad. I don't want him back, but I am so grateful for that relationship. It brought me to a point where I needed to thank G-d for every second of my life.)
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It is a real comfort that the intellect of man is really limited even though we have done great things. But, i cannot wait until all the mysteries of G-d's plan are revealed. Such hatred, evil and intentional deceit is quite overwhelming. Shame on you all for perpetuating such monumentous falsehoods upon people. Such arrogance and deceit are unfortunately common place in this world. Everyone believing this group is more important than that group. Jews, Gentiles and Christians, we are all in for a huge surprise. How wrong we all are!!!
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Might that mean, perhaps, that you are wrong in implying that we are ALL wrong?
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The striving of the soul is a much higher concept/journey than that of temporal love.
One does not join himself with a soul that will not promote equal goals and bear the same weight.
The overwhelming number of comments implying or boldly stating that G-d's guideline has no business being applied to the lives of His creations only firmly underscores the vital importance of obedience to His will.
It is holy wisdom that encourages one to seek and maintain devotion to the Mighty One. A marriage to one who is not committed to Him may be full of worldly pleasures, but unerringly leads one far from the higher design.
How long will so many dance between knowing Him and denying His will? He is most exalted. Law of G-d is perfect, a gift of immeasurable love! It's provisions are not mere points for discussion, but protections for the soul.
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But what of the child of such a marriage...a Jewish father and a Catholic mother? I am 26 years old the daughter of such a union and I have always felt something was missing I went to church with my mother they told me I didn't belong. I went to temple with an Aunt and they told me I didn't belong either. I was lost...untill I finnaly relized something I belong with G-d. It does not matter what religion is willing to accept me or claim me. I go to Temple because it calls to me unlike anything else i have experianced, I listen to the Torah and find understanding in it's teachings , I go outside and breath the air, because I feel G-d there. No matter who or what my parents are I belong to G-d.
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some divorced. Marriage is hard enough as it is and needs a lot of work and understanding. Mixing in other religions makes it so much harder. Even when one spouse is more observant, and the other less observant while both Jewish requires working it out. Going to a household with a Christmas tree and Chanukah lights or attending a wedding with a rabbi and a priest seems strange and distasteful to a lot of us.
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I am going through a period of huge pain and suffering due to the ignorant and exclusive behaviour of my boyfriends parents. Also after reading your article, I do not find understanding or agreement in your divine quotes. My request in this matter is to all the boys and girls who are living in the view of this jewish separation, do consider your true identity before starting a love relationship with a non jew. It is not fair to play with feelings, identity and commitment and sacrify true love to tradition and culture. Be aware of who you are and stay true to it, do not involve others if you are not willing to accept them as equal. I was open and intrested in the Jewish religion, but honestly the exclusion, the rejection and the hypocritical recall on biblical quotes made me reconsider my views. Whatever devine arguments you suppose, it separates the world rather than unifying it. To my life it added grief and exclusion.Is that is your g-d's will? Is that the base for true conversion?no
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My mother is Jewish and my father wasn't. Before I was conceived it was decided I was to be brought up Jewish. It was my father not my mother who wanted me to go to a Jewish school. My father fasted on Yom Kippur and ate Matzoh on Peasach. We never celebrated Christmas. My father tried to convert before my parent's marraige but because he "wasn't genuine" and was only doing it for my mother he wasn't allowed to.
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This is very troubling.
I am engaged to a woman I love, who is not Jewish. I am Jewish, though not practicing. I have waited a very long time for the right girl, and she's the one.
We would like to raise our children as Jews. She understands that growing up she didn't have much of a religious identity, and she likes a lot about Judaism. So much that she is considering converting. I thought it was a really good thing for me, as a kid, to have a sense of identity and tradition. Even though, as a kid, I wasn't much into organized religion, I was still very spiritual and proud of my heritage.
Apparently, according to this article and others we are S.O.L., and I have to just raise my children without the Temple's help.
I don't think God is as critical as His followers.
So, farewell to thousands of years of tradition, over a technicality? Why, because a Rabbi might not think my Fiancee has a Jewish soul?
We may still pursue the conversion process, but carefully.
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I was born and raised outside of Israel always being aware of my jewish descent and careful not falling in love with a non-jew. Unfortunately going to the synagogue was a once-a-year event and doing the kiddush was even more unfrequent. In my youth I've seen many failed marriages and have always been afraid to commit.
About 5 years ago I started putting on tfilin and reciting the kriat shma. Today I observe the shabbat, I try to pray as often as I can, in other words I'm heading toward being a conservative jew.
I've been experiencing difficulty fitting in the jewish community though. It seems we're either too religious or not religious enough. The only positive vibe I get is from chabad.
I have overcome lots of obstacles in life (being honest, being sincere,...) thanks to judaism. My faith in G-d gives me enormous strenght to fight immorality.
Recently I fell in love with a non-jewish woman. My attraction to her came from her modesty & simplicity, things our communities often lack
My question to you is this. Is it really as wrong as most jews make me feel? I want to show her what gives me strength to be righteous, to show her that jews seek positivity despite diffuclties in life. Is it not possible that G-d sent her to me although she's non-jewish?
I stand by the belief that she's drawn to me for my judaism. That through my judaism she will receive things she can't get anywhere else.
I come to you not for critism nor for acceptance. I merely seek guidance because these past joyful months have been very contradicting.
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Your dilemma is very understandable and clearly articulated. I think the answer is quite simple. Our way of knowing what G-d wants of us in any and every situation is by consulting the Shulchan Aruch (Halacha). When something is prohibited according to Halacha, you can rest assured that G-d does not want you to do it. Why, then, did your paths cross? There may be many reasons, but marriage at this stage is not an option. Were she to have converted to Judaism before meeting you, then it would be different. There is nothing wrong with exposing her to Judaism for her to be able to decide if that is the path that she wants to pursue, either through conversion or as a Noahide, but in order to allow her to evaluate it honestly and objectively, you must free her from the seductive possibility of marriage to you.
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Dear Macabee,
I understand what you're going through. I once fell for a non-Jew. She was gorgeous, perfect, unbelievable in every way. I thought she was my destiny, and I was very uneducated Jewishly, yet somehow something nagged me... she wasn't Jewish. It was in the back of my mind. I went meshugga when I graduated college without her, and then I realized thank G-d later on, that I'm a Jew. 100% you are being _tested_ by G-d in this matter. This is not your job to --- in fact it's your job to _stay away_ from these situations. It is the total opposite of putting on Tefillin, praying... of course she's attracted to your G-dliness, everyone wants deep down to be closer to G-d. This does not mean that you G-d forbid undermine the very teachings of G-d --- to bring them closer, that would actually remove you from G-d, both of you. Not bring you closer. You've come so very far. Stick to the Torah, stick to Jewish Law. The law is there for a reason, because it is really G-d's Will.
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I was in a relationship with a Non-Jew for 2.5 years. The best of my life, I loved her (and to some extent still do) completely.
We quizzed me initially about the Jewish issue as she had had a bad experience with another Jewish person and I said it would not be a problem and the kids would be raised in both faiths! Christmas and Channukah = Chrismukah.
One night her passed a comment about me "buggering off to Auschwitz" and it destroyed me. She couldn't understand why I was so angry. I dismissed it and went on with my life.
My sister gave birth to a baby boy and I held him at the Bris. It was a moment I would never forget and I realised what "essence" I had been hiding.
We have broken up and she is desperately hurt with me as I have changed my view of my faith. She was not willing to consider conversion. I cannot describe the pain of the break-up but the pain of not having Jewish children is worse.
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What a powerful description. Thank you for sharing. Perhaps this can give us an insight into what the Rebbe once told someone that was in a mixed relationship: If you really care for him/her discontinue the relationship as continuing it will ultimately only hurt them...
A stitch is time, saves nine...
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My aunt converted to Judaism and became a more devoted Jew than her husband over time. That she was willing to give up Christianity to marry him says that she probably wasn't completely convinced of it in the first place. Perhaps some of you look down on Reform Jews not being Jewish enough, even I can see they are the "light" version.
However, with all controversies throughout the years, it's possible that someone came from an undercover Jewish family an is rediscovering long-lost roots. There were some traditions that my family kept that indicated that they may have been Jewish at one time.
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I just want to clarify that in my opinion there is no difference between an "Orthodox" Jew and a "Reform" Jew for the simple reason that no such creatures exist. In my book there are only Jews and non Jews. A Jew is a Jew regardless of his or her behavior..... One Jew may express his or her Judaism more than another, but that merely reflects on his or her behavior rather than on his or her essence and true identity.
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I find it inconceivable that it is more acceptable to cohabitate than to marry a non jew. Even to have children.
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You misunderstood the point. No one said anything about "acceptable"; simply that it was physically *possible*.
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I guess that Moshe, King David, King Solomon etc. did not get the message about intermarriage? Were their children gentile?
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How did you get to that conclusion?
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the counter argument is simple:
a Jew who thinks Torah is a product of man will not feel bound by it -- culturally they may feel it is right to marry a Jew. Even this is a fading idea.
Rabbis no longer permit a man to have more than one wife. This is an example of Rabbis overturning an "immutable" Torah truth.
Rabbis should overturn the converting out of Judaism rule. It should be permitted. I have studied Judaism for eight years. If I could I would become a gentile.
Any response appreciated.
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Ignorance of the law does not exempt one from it....
Rabbis did not overturn any Torah truth by prohibiting polygamy; they merely prohibited its use because it was being abused. Prohibiting something that the Torah allows is not the same as permitting something the Torah prohibits. Were you ti find a case of that (Rabbis permitting something forbidden by the Torah), then you would have a good argument.
Regarding your suggestion about converting out: I believe it was Gorbachev who said that you can make an omelette out of an egg, but you cannot make an egg out of an omelette...
In any case, I don't quite understand why you need Rabbis to permit you to become a gentile... Why not go ahead and do so by yourself?
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I too have been studying Judaism for some time now. I was raised conservative through an orthodox shul talmud torah. What I have since learned is that rabbis do not just "overturn the immutable truths of the torah." At least not Torah true rabbis. In today's world that would be orthodox rabbis. If you learned properly you would know that no rabbinic laws were enacted without great debate including would it go against Torah Law! Most rabbinic laws are made to make a fence around Torah law so that Torah laws will not be broken any which way. The laws regarding multiple wives were enacted to end strife between a man and his wives, ie: the example of King Soloman's wifely problems. More? How bout 2- 1/2 souls=1 whole. I suggest you ask a Rabbi what the talmud says about this law and the reasons for it! Yes, reform rabbis overturn Torah truths. Reform Judiasm does not keep to Torah Law. It allows what the torah doesn't. Multiple wives is not forbidded by Torah. But family strife is!
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With all due respect,
I have studied Judaism and wondered about it for years. In the end, I would like to have a way out -- because I fear that if I die and find out living by the Torah was true and I screwed up -- well that fear is hard for me to live with in this world.
So I would perhaps like to convert out to ensure I haven't been bound to mitzvot I just can't be sure are real.
I fear Hashem basically. And I don't want to live with guilt if possible -- surely you can see the dilemma.
Many Jews who are not Torah true feel cultural pressure to marry another Jew. It is really in these cases another kind of fear -- not carrying on the ashkenazic, or sephardic, or persian, or yemenite, or what have you tradition.
Yet they may not have belief in Torah from Mount Sinai. It becomes a cultural thing.
But as insurance, it would be nice to officially be off the hook for mitzvot. I think it is a free-will issue.
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In my growing, but still unlearned state as one who was born Jewish and is drawn to becoming a true returnee, one cannot divorce himself/herself from his/her Jewish soul simply by converting out or no longer accepting Judaism. OTOH, becoming a Jew via Gerus (conversion) is not a choice either, it is a reunion of the soul with its corporeal being. Choosing to be or not to be Jewish is a physical world construct. The Torah is a gift from G-d, but it is also the spiritual essence of every Jew. It is the interstitial tissue that connects every Jew to one another. One who is not Jewish cannot simply accept those precepts he/she desires or purchase a conversion from a discount store. It is an eternal commitment. Being Jewish doesn't make us superior to those who aren't, so it's not a racial thing either. Judaism is not just a faith, it is a way of life. We are bound to perfect G-d's earthly world by keeping His commandments. May we merit the coming of Moshiach soon!
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My views on interfaith marriage have changed over the years. Marriage is a bond not only to another being, but also a bond to G-d. The Torah is very explicit on what constitutes a marriage and what is not. It is not merely a union between a man and woman, but a union between a couple, the Torah, and G-d. A non-Jew is not bound by the Torah, so an interfaith union between a Jew and non-Jew is not a marriage in the Jewish sense.
One of the great things about Chabad is it's outreach to Jews regardless of affiliation or background. The other thing I love about Chabad is that it is committed to encouraging practical Judaism (i.e. it encourages the adoption of mitzvot and growth), as well as proper Jewish education.
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Your commentary while interesting is totally off base. The mother has little or no role in determining the Jewish status of the child. Look at Moses and Zipporah. Zipporah was a pre-Islamic pagan from Saudi Arabia. She married Moses - which you say is impossible - and had two sons who became Kohanim in the tribe of Dan - allowed to go into the temple as well. The Torah is very clear that Moses is Jewish because he follows "the god of his father, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob". As is consistent with Semitic cultures of that time and in that region this is the dominant form of societal arrangement. You base your entire identity on one passage - when there are over 500 in the Torah that clearly define the passage of the covenant from Father to Son. The Jewish people have been permanently harmed by Matrilineal lineage. How does one suppose European Jews look different from their Arabian brothers? It is because their Maternal ancestors were Europeans, not Jews...
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I find this so frustrating! I understand your approach to intermarriage and I don't even disagree with you. However, I was married to my gentile husband before I came to this place. I love him very much and we have four children together. He is, justifiably so, not willing to do a meaningless conversion and is not in a place where he is ready to commit to Judaism. So I come here looking for information on what to do. I know I shouldn't go to the mikveh, I know I should be keeping kosher and shabbos, but there are so many other things that I just don't know, and there's no information to be found. Please help those of us who learned a little too late.
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Marriage is a holy union.
For a Jew one must be elevated by marriage to another Jew. If one marries a non-jew it is not a elevation of your Jewish soul. The result is a spiritual problem. However unless the Jew has proper education and family background the Jew is not aware of the the lost soul for the male marrying a non-Jewsih female and the likely Jewish Women marrying an non-Jew inability to properly educaed and have Jewish Family values needed to maintain the Jewish soul in her children. The fact that the women raises the children it is possible to keep Jewish the children of Jewish women, but it is difficult with tne non-Jewish family.
Conversion can overcome this problem, but only if conversion is done which elevates the non-Jew to a higher level. Thia is difficult since most converts do this to make their Jewish spouse happy without the true desrie to develop a Jewish soul. .
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The best thing that ever happened to me, as a Jewess, was marrying a Jew. He understands my heritage, culture and passion and we are, Thank G-d, extremely in sync with one another because of that.
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Do not worry overmuch. Remember, you are not married, you *can not* be married in the eyes of god. Your husband doesn't have a jewish soul, he cannot be your destined mate. Do your best in life, courage!
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Yeah, that's pretty much the extent of the help I get. Thanks. That sort of reply makes me want to go eat a BLT. Seriously, don't you have ANYTHING useful to say? If not, why open your mouth?
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Ok, so what do you do when you realize yes it is bad for a Jew to marry a non-Jew and going back 20 some years you would not have done it-but also knowing nothing happens with out G-d willing it but you have kids and you love the man-who by the way does not practice or influence the children to believe in any other religion? Please tell those of us out here what do we do?
Thank You.
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I am not trying to offend you. You can accept Judaism or you can reject it. You are attempting a middle path. In the end, you must choose one or the other.
Picking what is convenient to you cheapens both. In the end, you must choose one, whether you want to or not.
Love,
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None of us are perfect, we're all on a path toward our goals. Whether it's a matter of trying to learn the basics of Kashruth or learning how to observe the more stringent rules, we're all somewhere along that path.
For the record, after living in a fairly black hat area of Baltimore, it seems pretty inconsistent with Judaism, too. None of us are perfect, whether it's about learning to not eat leavened bread during Pesach or learning to unscrew the mouthpiece of the kitchen phone to brush out the hidden crumbs, there's ALWAYS another layer of observance to learn about.
I'm not asking for somebody to tell me "give up or do it all". I need help learning to be a better Jew starting where I am RIGHT NOW, thank you very much. I totally get that marrying out was the wrong thing to do. But I did it and can't magically change history. My question is how to move forward from here.
I'm not offended, but IMHO if you don't have anything useful to say, don't say anything. Life's too busy
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It appears Sandra that you already are moving foward, since your post was via chabad. A good friend was (is) in the same position. Today she goes to shul (chabad-not a liberal one) attends many Jewish events, keeps a kosher home (with her husbands acquiecsence-though he makes his mistakes, leading to frustration) and sometimes brings her grandkids. All this by learning Torah: How to be a more observant Jew. This was the choice she made while remaining married to her nonjewish husband, a good man.
By being an example today (yesterday is gone) for her kids and grandkids who are jewish, though of mixed heritage and no religious affiliation she gives them a better chance of recognizing their own Judiasm and living by it.
The more Torah you learn will lead you and hopefully your children (your future) to a better more meaningful Torah enriched life. May G-d bless you and yours (and I think he has-you are here writing, reading) with such a future.
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I saw a picture of my great grand father, he had a star of David sewn to his jacket. I also have a very uncommon last name and I found a list of murdered Jews from the war in Germany and my last name was on it. I do believe this person is a blood relative according to my research. Just not sure after reading all of this if I even want to be a Jew. Please I mean no disrespect or wish to offend anybody.
The reason I ask am I a Jew is my daughter is involved with a Jewish boy. His father is very upset
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I am a Jewish woman in my twenties and I've been dating an atheist (Christian background) for a few years. My parents are reform Jews but they sent me to an orthodox school for 2nd-10th grade. I am pretty educated in Jewish law but I follow it very loosely. I always intended to marry a Jew but I went to a college with a small Jewish population and just happened to start dating a non-Jew. I intend to marry my boyfriend and I also 100% intend to have Jewish children. He will not convert because it is meaningless to him but he understands that Jewish culture is very important to me and he is supportive of my raising the kids Jewish and he will comply with anything I want to do. I am very torn on this issue. On one hand I do not want to sacrifice my relationship with the man I love and am very compatible with, but on the other hand I don't want to be the one descendant in my thousand year Jewish ancestry, responsible for possibly ending Judaism in my family.
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Being Jewish is really hard. I never thought this til I was exposed to orthodoxy. I think it is too much. I hope it changes. It is all too much.
And I don’t believe Orthodox Jews are happier, or believe more in G-d than the rest of us.
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Nothing is hard once you are used to it. G-d gave us commandments, which sometimes takes work. Belief in hashem, he who took me out of Egypt means following his commandments. In christianity, they say just believe-have faith in he who they proclaim. You figure it out!
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I am non Jewish and I have one question:
Is it all about religion so intermarriage is not allowed in Judaism? afraid of the children will serve another God?
what about other significant factors such as human basic right to be respected, loved and honoured for who we really are?
and is there any guarantee that children from both Jewish family will stay for his or her Judaism and has a perfectly Judaism attitude?
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Eliezer Shemtov, imagine that you discovered that your wife is not halachically Jewish. Would you be prepared to leave her and your children? Does all the respect that you have for her mean nothing? Does all the love, care and effort that you've made mean nothing?
It's nonsensical to tell someone that they must reject someone merely because that person's not Jewish. It's a chillul haShem. Rabbi's who give this sort of advice are doing something very, very wrong. It's dogamtic ideology that people will follow like sheep. No man worth his salt will leave a woman he loves and cares for. The man who left his non-Jewish wife was either an idiot or he just didn't love her enough. Avraham, the forefather married a non-Jew, Joseph did, Moses did. These were all men that Hashem approved of. If they were good enough for Hashem (non-Israelite wife and all) they should be good enough for Chabad.
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I would rephrase your first question: Ask me what I would do if I were to discover that I am not halachically Jewish. That presents the main issue without the "Cruelty" of sending my wife away because she is not good enough for me... Would I leave her? Would I convert? Easy for me to answer; difficult for me to really know. I did not address the issue from my personal perspective and preference, but based on what I understand the Halachic position to be. Regarding what you say: "No man worth his salt will leave a woman he loves and cares for." Real love and care is doing what is best for her, even though it might be painful. Would you apply the same argument to one that loves 2 women and wants to marry them both? Obviously love does not conquer all. Regarding the precedent you bring from Abraham, Joseph and Moses, I would like to remind you that the prohibition to intermarry began AFTER the Torah was given at Sinai.
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Yes our forefathers,ancestors, etc., who married non-jews did so with Hashems blessings, . BUT AFTER THEY CONVERTED and accepted their betrothed,s beliefs in Hashem. ie: Judiasm, Torah! If a spouse or betrothed will not convert then a Jewish person has a choice. His love for Hashem and Torah or his love for that other. Hashem is always testing us. And in ways we may not like. Such as falling in love with a non-jew, the taste of pork, the effect of emotion changing drugs (which we should not know of anyway-just like we should not give ourselves the chance to fall for a non-jew: but many do allow ourselves to "taste" these forbidden items.) And people wonder why so many orthodox "sects" seclude themselves from others! Try looking at things from the opposite perspective. Of someone who truly believes in Hashems words.
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My grandfather on my mother's side came from the Rhine Valley in Germany when he was eight years old. As far as I can make out they left just before the war started. They were practicing Jews and a Burial Service was performed on them for leaving. What happens when something like this is done to a family? My Grandfather's surname was changed and his first name. He married my mother's mother and I believe she was also Jewish. I only found out the we come from this line about 4 years ago. I am 53 years old. My mother did not know that her mother was Jewish either. None of the family will speak of their Jewish heritage. My mother is still petrified of the fact and will not speak about it. I am just amazed that she actually told us when she did. My mother married a non-Jew. Are my sisters and myself Jewish and are my children Jewish. I married a non-Jew?
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I suggest you contact a local Chabad Rabbi who will be willing and able to help you in your investigation. Good luck.
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Intermarriage:
1. Is a form of disloyalty to Judaism
2. Lowers the Jewish population
3. Causes too many fights
4. Children may be forced to choose WHICH religion to practice
Some people don't care - they believe love is most important, and such people who want to live a Jewish life should either convert to Judaism or have a JOINT wedding ceremony to avoid disrespect.
I wouldn't want to marry a non-Jew, because I wouldn't be able to share a 100% Jewish life with him.
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Preserving a culture and religion is not to be taken lightly and encouraging the preservation of a culture and religion should be commended. However, you cross lines when you define an ingroup and an outgroup not by values or beliefs but by a mythological belief that one bloodline passes down intrinsic character traits, and, ouch, a higher form of soul. Why should this mentality not make me think about Nazis? Are you systematically killing people? No. Are you teaching your children they belong to a master race? Most certainly.
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Independently of the fact that according to the Torah being born to a Jewish mother makes one Jewish, please consider the following 3 points:
1. It is the Bible that considers the Jewish People to be G-d's "Chosen" people;
2. Our "chosenness" implies more responsibilities rather than less;
3. Any human being can convert and become a full member of the Chosen People.
Hardly comparable to the self proclaimed "Master race" you mentioned.
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Is Einstein a Jew to name as one of your people and to be named as one of the jewish heritage in your eyes? What would he had said about your discussion and attitude about the jewish fate and responsability? Isnt it about fostering the human mind and the challenge to live a good life within our race as HUMANS rather than to preserve a myth of the choosen people?
Einstein and Mileva Marić had a daughter they named Lieserl.
Einstein and Marić married in January 1903. In May 1904, the couple's first son, Hans Albert Einstein, was born in Bern, Switzerland. Their second son, Eduard,was born in Zurich in July 1910.
I could add many more Jews which changed society for the better with their brilliant thinking and minds, which all took distance from the narrow attitude I am reading in your posts. Is it about tradition or is it about fostering wisdom and improving society with the spiritual knowledge passed on by history of the human race, and not only by the jewish race?
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How is this teaching that Jews are a Master Race? We don't consider non-Jews inferior, just different.
Comparing Jews to Nazis, especially coming from the mouth of a woman whom I presume is Jewish, is outrageous.
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What do scientific contributions have to do with ethics?
Being a good scientist does not absolve one from the need to be a good person, nor does it guarantee that he will be one.
Good human wisdom does not guarantee ethical human behavior.
Just see what happened in Germany...
Judaism says that human wisdom must be based on Divine values in order to guarantee that it accomplishes what it should, namely a better society in ALL aspects, not just in its physical, technological and material aspects.
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What I do think is the importance of knowledge about oneself and his or her values, a concious identity is the base of this discussion. Everybody can make a choice to marry only within the jewish fate to not have to deal with differences and to share common values, and it is perfectly ok. The problem starts if one finds this decision only later in life while already being involved with a person of different fate. There everybody then has to decide by himself if he can preserve his tradition in the way it is important to him, it is an individual examination and also depends on the understanding of the non jewish partner and his attendance of understanding. Most important I find to use this differences and questions to grow and to examine values and identity, to ally rather than to be the cause of suffering or separation. Every act and every choice has consequences, to love a non jew and then doubt, demands a process and a careful path of consideration and care.
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I am of the belief that we are all people, and we need to respect others. The author has made several points, defining what makes a person a Jew, and disrespect for marrying a christian soul or others. First, the author points to a Jewish soul as the distinguishing element of the soul being the defining characteristic of a Jew. Additionally a Jewish soul has different potentials and needs than other religions. Furthermore the author points to the idea that a Jew corresponds to being a ‘citizen of the universe’, with a clear identity and purpose.
However what means that a Christian or Buddhist cannot have a clear identity or purpose. Additionally Christians and Buddhists have the same human needs as Jews for love respect food and spirituality. Does a christian not need food or a spiritual connection as a Jew does? Does a christian not have the same potential to be a good person that a Jew has? Is my Jewish soul really more loving than humanitarian's like mother teresa?
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I welcome your questions as they show me that I wasn't clear enough in my definition.
Having a "different" soul doesn't mean that everyone else cannot be good, loving or generous. One of the tenets of Judaism is that one does NOT need to be Jewish in order to serve G-d and find favor in His eyes in this world or the next. The basic distinguishing factor of the Jewish Divine soul - as opposed to a Jew's animal soul - is that it yearns to be totally subservient to G-d, whereas one who does not possess such a soul yearns for personal perfection, including spiritual perfection. The difference between the two can be illustrated by the difference between the sun and the moon. Both illuminate the world, the former by radiating its own light, the latter by reflecting light. That is why the Jewish people was commanded to use a lunar-based calendar. Our goal is to live a life that reflects G-d's will, wisdom and greatness to inspire all nations of the world to be as great as they can be.
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I grew up in a Jewish American Home and my husband grew up as a German catholic who moved from Germany to America at five years old. We were neighbors growing up in Queens, New York. We rode bikes together; climbed trees together; grew up together side by side. After high school I ran away to Israel to find out about Judaism. He was so insulted that he was no longer good enough for me. He went to Brooklyn to look for a rabbi. Most of the Rabbi's thought he was nuts but he knocked down doors until someone would listen. His first invitation to Judaism was Yom Kippor. A Rabbi said to him if you come and stay by me and come with me to all the prayers of Yom Kippor we could consider your path to conversion. My husband fasted for the first time in his life and stayed for the entire holiday. It took him four years to convert. Today we have seven beautiful Jewish children who were raised in Israel. We have our first solider in the IDF. My husband loves Yom Kippor and feels blessed to be a Jew.
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I am still unclear on what kind of soul Jewish people have? I recognize that G-d was in covenant with Abraham through Isaac and Israel. I was ignorant to the fact that G-d gave different souls unto the descendants of Israel. Anyone who is seeking a relationship with G-d shoud be familiar with and keeping Torah. G-d's Laws and Ordinances are for all to follow.
I value and keep (sometimes stumbling, but quick to repent) the 613 Laws & Ordinances of G-d keep the Torah & keep the Feast Days. I have a soul that yearns for complete oneness with G-d. I am married to a Jewish man & have not coverted to Judaism. My husband & I raise our children in Torah because that's what G-d wills for all people & not just Jews. Our marriage is fine. We have arguments & disagreements, but that is in any relationship. I understand what you're saying about the difficulites that can arise sometimes in intermarriages, but it is more about being unequally yoked than it is about bloodline, rituals and titles.
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Why would you want to keep laws that are not meant for you?
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I keep the Laws of G-d because as someone who is of G-d and longs for a relationship with HIM, I know that it is impossible to please HIm without keeping HIS laws. If we are to assume that G-d's Laws are only for Jewish people then we are implying that the rest of the human race is sinless and does not transgress against G-d because sin is trangression of the Law. if I am not required to keep His Laws then does G-d excuse me having other gods before him, lying, stealing, committing murder, not honoring Shabbat and keeping it Holy, having sexual relations with my afather, or committing adultery. How can I be guilty of trangressing a Law if it were not intended for me? I follow G-d's Laws because I was made in His image. I am a spirit ( like G-d) that has a soul (mind, will 7 emotions) that lives in a sinful body. My spirit is connected with G-d's and I desire to lpease HIM and keep everyone of HIS commandments. I,like the Jews who follow after Him & keep HIS Laws the reap the blessing
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Your argument explains why you should observe the Seven Noachide Laws which are meant for you. The rest of the laws are meant for Jews and are meaningless for non Jews.
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I do keep hearing about how the Jewish soul is special owing to the number of mitzvot he or she is commanded to keep. Yet the number of people who spend their lives trying to circumvent these rules in a clever manner does not reflect well on the Spirit of the keeping of the Mizvot. Yet many non-Jews have many mitzvot, beyond the basic Noahide Laws and furthermore, keep them. Whilst I can respect the difficulties that intermarriage might produce for both sides, there is a tendency to dismiss the non-Jew as having no sense of Mitzvot beyond the basic laws. this is complete nonense. This is the danger of labelling.
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According to the logic in Yevamot, only sons born from Jewish mothers in mixed marriages can be Jewish.
If you care so much about the sex of the parent in the "he will lead your sons astray", why ignore the sex of the child? It does not say "he will lead your children astray". Therefore according to that argument, daughters from mixed marriages are never Jewish
Actually there are two much more natural interpretations.
1) "he (generic name for either parent) will lead your sons (generic name for any children) astray". Simple. Children from any mixed marriage are Jewish but may be led astray.
2) "he (the Caananite) will lead your child (son or daughter who you married, not grandchildren) astray". In this case nothing is said about the status of the grandchildren.
Both these explanations avoid the grammatical problem of the one orthodox Jews go by today to talk about a mixed marriage without giyur.
Actually until the Babylonian captivity, we see "Israelite" or "not Israelite".
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To add some explanations, the verse (Deuteronomy 7:3-4) states “You shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your [Jewish] daughter to his [non-Jewish]son, and you shall not take his [non-Jewish] daughter for your [Jewish] son. For he will turn away your >son< from following Me, and they will worship the gods of others, and the wrath of the Lord will be kindled against you, and He will quickly destroy you.”
The Torah should have stated "For he will turn your daughter away" for the second verse clearly refers to the injunction, "you shall not give your daughter to his son." Thus, the Torah is referring to the child born to a Jewess and a non-Jew, and is warning that non-Jewish father will entice his child to abandon the Jewish faith.
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Whenever I see the bewildering array of conflicts and division that man engenders through his attempt to embrace the divine, I can't help wondering what the simple light of Ohr Ain Soph would make of all this...in G-dliness and simplicity everything makes so much more sense.
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Rabbi Shurpin, you seem to make a switch when you explain it.
First you emphasize "son", which is the point of my post:
"For he will turn away your >son< from following Me, and they will worship the gods of others..."
Then you explain that >son< really means the grandson born to the couple:
"Thus, the Torah is referring to the child born to a Jewess and a non-Jew, and is warning that non-Jewish father will entice his child to abandon the Jewish faith. "
But then suddenly you say child! No, if you are going to focus on >son< and emphasize it, you can't suddenly ignore the sex of the child in drawing the conclusion: only SONS born to a Jewess and a non-Jew are Jewish. Daughters are not. This is what happens when you interpret things this way. You can't say that ">he<" in the "he will turn" is significant, but the sex of the ">son<" in the "your son" is not. Either they both are generic terms, or neither is.
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Dear Rabbi, Why Can't I Marry Her?
This original and eye-opening new book records the fascinating email correspondences between a rabbi who was answering questions on Judaism and two different non-Jews who were dating Jews. By addressing their questions about Jewish law and intermarriage, Rabbi Shemtov gives important answers on this topic that everyone can benefit from. A must-have for outreach professionals and anyone who wants to help fellow Jews marry Jews.
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