The Basis for the Jewish Opposition to Intermarriage
By Eliezer Shemtov
 | Certainly, one of the most worrisome and least understood subjects of Jewish life is that of intermarriage. Why is it such an issue, and how are we to deal with it?
88 Comments Posted
When did judiasm become a nonproselytizing religion? Was it not in the Roman era? And the Jews did so because the Romans were killing Jews if they proselytize. Today what is the reason we Jews do not proselytize?
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Very interesting thoughts on intermarriage on your site today.
Question: what do the sages, commentators, and learned ones say and write about the fact that Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and especially Moses married non-Jewish women?
And what about our great kings, David and Solomon who both had non-Jewish wives?
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Response to Anonymous 2
This may sound strange to you, but were Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Moses (before receiving the Torah) Jewish?
The Jewish people were 'born' through the process of Exodus and the receiving of the Torah at Sinai. It was at Sinai that all those present were converted into Jews. There were no Jews before then.
Before receiving the Torah, there was no prohibition for anyone to marry someone from any specific nation.
We do find, however, that Abraham and Sarah 'converted' people in their times. It obviously refers to ideological conversion, rather than essential conversion, which became possible only after receiving the Torah.
Regarding Kings David and Solomon, their wives had undergone conversion before being married to them.
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WHAT EVERYONE SEEMS TO FORGET: The children of such marriages, like myself, who spend too much time trying to justify our exsistence amongst our fellow Jews. My Father was Othrodox, my Mother Converted before my birth. In the 1960's, that was good enough. It isn't today. I went through a Reform Conversion, a Conservative Conversion, and finally an Orthodox Conversion. Why? There was too much argument whether or not I was considered a "True Jew". So I did what I had to do. Nevertheless, it was not an easy journey. After ten years, lots of money, and lots of Rabbis discouraged by my advancement (abondoning their movement after their dedication) I'm appalled by the lack of consideration. All the other words: Righteous, balshuva (which is never mentioned in the Torah), Ger, Proselyte, and on. Their are many references to proselytes in the Torah and the Talmud. G-d Loves me and I him and his Torah. And my fellow neighbor as myself. Created in G-d's image (likeness). Not created to decide 4 him.
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Thank God for interfaith marriage or I would not be here! My father
was a Jew and he fell in love with my very Catholic Italian mother. The
times were such that many were angry with her for it, she raised us all
(5 kids) as church going non racist people. My dad got very ill, she
stuck by him and took care of him for almost 20 years. The love they
shared was so strong that after he died when mom got ill, she said
she felt my father all around her. He came to her to acomany her to
their final journey. I think thats what marriage should be. I love as
they did, freely and I think they gave me that courage.
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Thank G-d for interfaith marriages?
Isn't G-d the one who forbids a Jew to marry outside of his or her faith?
(It's like saying 'Thank G-d I'm an atheist'...)
I never implied that Interfaith couples cannot have strong, loving relationships. I specifically do point out that they can have strong loving relationships and can even have children and raise a family together.
In spite of all the apparent benefits, one fact still remains: it is forbidden by the Creator of the Universe.
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Beautiful article!! Taking the seven-day week argument a little further, I have often marveled at the fact that in addition to the fact that everyone (to the best of my knowledge) has a seven day week, the week starts on the same day! That is, our Shabbos is not, for example, on Wednesday...
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Although this article address the subject it is superficial in its application to those without ability to have children or who have progeny through a previous marriage. My question is: Why marry?
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Marriage and intimacy is not necessarily connected with procreation.
The Torah declares that a man and a woman may live together only within the framework of marriage. Marriage implies the reunion of two halves of one soul, hence marriage is not applicable in the case of incompatible souls.
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I would find it very difficult to find a person who is not jewish that would agree with the view that the prohibition on a jew marrying a non-jew is not racist.
Given how highly sensitive jewish people are to anti-semistism, it is hard to comprehend that you can so vehemntly oppose any marriage that is not purely jewish.
In these times, you would think that the happiness of your child would be more important than the religion of who they marry.
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I understand Racial discrimination to mean 'you MAY marry anyone BUT......' Saying 'you MAY NOT marry anyone BUT one of us,' is simply a matter of self preservation...
BTW, I am curious to know where did you notice 'vehemence' in my position?
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Thank you Rabbi Shemtov for writing this wonderful article. I have seen so many stories about people converting, and their reasons are never like the ones I feel. Are my feelings wrong? I have wanted to convert since I was a child. Odd, some say, since I never knew any Jews growing up and had little exposure to Judaism, other than what I was taught about G-d as a Roman Catholic in CCD classes. And yet...this intense longing...As I child I joined an organization that helped impoverished children overseas, and insisted that the child I helped had to be from Israel. I felt obligated, but could not understand why. I still don't.
During times of trouble in my life, I would (and still do) have a recurring dream of running to a shul and meeting a rabbi. I would tell him I don't know Hebrew, and he always says "you will learn it." My mother would often joke that somewhere a Jewish family was missing a daughter. Friends would say, "well, your last name does have a hebrew root."
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Dear Anonymous from Buffalo,
I have two suggestions for you:
1) Read the book Finding the G-d of Noah by J. David Davis. I have found it to contain a fascinating analysis of the different motives that people have in their quest to convert to Judaism. More often than not, their - honest - quest can be resolved by respecting the Seven Noahide Laws. Sometimes their spiritual thirst can only be quenched by conversion.
2) After reading the book, may I suggest that you contact your local Chabad Rabbi and discuss the matter with him. Any Chabad Rabbi can be trusted to give you an objective, Torah-true opinion.
You might be interested in reading a more exhaustive exploration of the subject at the following link:
http://www.chabad.org/52814
Good luck in your quest.
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Dear Rabbi:
If a Jew dates a non-Jewish girl who wants to convert to Judaism, but she wants to do it in the Reform Synagogue - why is she not considered a Jew in the orthodox way ?
Secondly, if a Jew dates a non-Jewish girl who wants to convert to Judaism (especially in the Reform synagogue), what harm would be caused to the Jew ? Will he be punished? Can the Beth Dein ostrcize this Jew boy or put out a decree against him ?
Thank you.
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There is only one way to become Jewish and that is through a Giyur according to Halacha.There is no such thing as partial Giyur.
The Reform movement, by their own definition has reformed the rules, thereby defining themselves out of the system. A non Jew cannot be converted into a Jew through a man made system. Only G-d can determine the way it is done. Halacha reflects G-d's will. Reform rabbis, trying to protect G-d against himself, with new, modern, more user friendly systems, automatically disqualify themselves as G-d's representatives and their systems as G-d's will.
A reform 'conversion' will not change her status as a non Jew.
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My mother was ashamed to be Jewish. We were very poor and often my grandparents had to help us financially. My mother wanted more money so she joined another faith where the members were very rich. She worked on Erev Shabbat after sunset and she worked on Shabbat and she worked during every holy day. My parents divorced but neither got custody. I was raised by my grandparents until I was 11 and they died. From there, I was put in foster homes with no religion.
My mother remarried a non-Jewish man and didn't want me around.
I am trying to relearn my Jewish heritage. Sometimes,I feel like an outcast among my own people. I am thankful to Hashem that Chabbad is here to help me remember what I have forgotten in observance of my Jewish faith.
Thank you, Chabad!
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Not at all practical. The truth of that matter is that too many Jews just don't care, and it's too late for them. I have spoken to so many people (Jews and Gentiles alike) who say that they believe in G-d but not organized religion and that as long as they live righteous, they can marry whom they choose and not have to worry about the burden of religion.
I for one, believe in the truth and validity of the Torah and I would never even consider intermarriage. I live with an Israeli girl that has brought me even closer to my Judaism. I have a profound knowledge of Judaism, Jewish history, I read Chumash/Rashi and my Hebrew is improving rapidly. I'd say I'm pretty "Jewish". But at the same time I eat pork (and love it), drive on Shabbat, and do other things that violate Torah law, all becaue of the world I was brought up in. and this is why Jews intermarry, because they are brought up in households that are so assimilated that marrying within the faith just ain't important anymore.
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Though i agree to an extent with Shawn, being raised "assimmilated" is just the tip of the problem. Once our jewishness is recognized it must then be accepted. Being born jewish, no matter how many mitzvos we do or don't do has no bearing on our being Jewish. Born a Jew, Always a Jew. But as we learn what it means to be a Jew, that is, to follow the commandments, then it is encumbant upon us to follow those commandments to the best of our ability. Our "assimilations" may be a reason that we don't, but it is no excuse.
I am far from perfect in my own observance; and some days I take a step back, though those days are becoming less frequent, Baruch Hashem. But, the more I learn, the more I observe, and can observe. The point is. for a jew to reach Gan Edan, or rather a higher plateau in Gan Edan, just as it is encumbent upon a convert to observe all 613 mitzvos to be considered jewish, so should a born jew observe all 613. Assimilation is an excuse for non-observance.
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The thesis that Jews have a soul or essence in common which distinguishes them from non-Jews is a proposition which Judaism shares with the Nazis. The only difference is that Jews believe that essential soul to have good attributes while the Nazis found the opposite. This teaches us that we may adopt any doctrine, even racism, so long as the results are flattering.
The fact that the Nazis echoed Jewish theology in their propaganda should lead one to think about the significance of Jewish doctrine in general, and the meaning of Zionism and other pleasantries the world might well do without.
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I cannot say I agree with everything the author writes, however I would nevertheless like to just write a few words in response.
The Nazis considered Arians to be a superior race, Jews and gypsies to be diseased and others to be befitting slaves to the Arians.
Jews consider themselves to have a mission to be a "light unto the nations" so that all peoples will learn to serve One G_d, beat their swords into ploughshares and live in peace and harmony.
Yes, we do consider ourselves to be a unique people--not due to race, since there is no Jewish race, but due to the mission we have in this world.
And I must add, that we have accomplished much of that mission. As Hitler himself put it, "The Jewish People have left two scars on humanity: Circumcision on their bodies and a conscience on their souls."
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I can say that I agree with everything Tzvi Freeman writes (that I have read), however I would like to add a few words to his response.
The Jewish people accept any member of the human race that is willing to go through the same exact process that all Jews went through when becoming the Chosen People, namely Giyur Kehalacha (Halachic conversion). According to Judaism, ANY human being can choose to become 'Chosen'. Hardly any resemblance to aryan racist doctrine.
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How sad that in this day and age, religion still tries to dictate how people should live their lives. Religion may have served a purpose in the past, but posts such as this one just go to prove how religion is becoming more and more out of step with society and with reality.
And to say this position is not racist because anyone can become a Jew is ridiculous. Imagine is the US government denied benefits to anyone who was not Christian and said it was not racist because anyone can become a Christian? There would be an uproar, and rightly so.
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Judaism isn't dictating; it is merely defining what G-d wants of us.
As far as the the USA is concerned, it DOES have conditions that determine who qualifies for its benefits, albeit not religious conditions. The USA has no official religion. Why would it condition benefits on being Christian?
Judaism has the right to define the terms and conditions necessary to becoming a member as does every group and society in the world.
I don't see a cause for uproar...
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I do not agree PERSONALLY with everything in the article but I respect where the Rebbe is coming from. That is why he is an Orthodox Rebbe and his rules and interpretation of Torah are valid from that viewpoint. I do not necessarily share that viewpoint but then he is not forcing me to accept them either! You can't play baseball with a tennis raquet, go and play tennis- they are both good sports! Get what I mean? Why do people come to an Orthodox site and then criticise the Rebbe for his Orthodox position? All of this is very harmful and perhaps it's time for G-d to tell us all to shut up, read the Tanakh at least seven times over, think about it, pray, meditate and then come back and talk. A wise Beduin told me "Be still and know that G-d is G-d) obviously he used the word "allah"! I am of mixed Jewish-Christian descent and was not brought up religious, I am trying to "get back" to G-d this bickering is non-sensical. If you ask an "opinion" don't complain when it's not what YOU want!
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thanks for everything i read everythig concerning about intermarriage and now i understand better ;but i still thinking that we don,t have any election about who are the person i going to love in other word i just born and is not my fault to not be a jewish please forgive me if i ofend in any manner maybe i can,t find the right wordsto express my self because i don,t speak english very well i just read a little bit i just speak spanish but i so glad to find this web site because i don,t have nobody to share my feellings because i got this pain this pain inside of me from long time ago because is not easy love someone you don,t have to love; thank you for everything .
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After some reflection on the matter I began to think that if an non-jew falls in love with a jew and their love is genuine, perhaps it's part of G-d's plan to bring a soul to Judaism. Perhaps it's part of His plan for that person (the non-jew) and maybe also the jew. jewish history is full of mixed marriages and conversions, what's important is the spiritual motve and the upholding of tradition, afterall Judaism is a "tradition" which comes from G-d, is it not?
This of course does not change the rebbe's stance, but at the same time nowhere here has it been said that conversion is not possible for a non-jew. Seeing as religion, culture and identity are so intertwined in the character of any jewish person, to fall in love with a righteous jew could be an indication of falling in love (spiritually) with judaism? I don'tt know but it was a thought that came to me reading these posts.
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this is a very well articulated piece, I'm sure it is of great help to jews all over.
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How sad it is that more people in the world don't allow their lives to be dictated by the Torah. World society would be in a much better state. You seem to imply by your comments that "in this day and age" we are so advanced and so great that we need only ourselves. It seems that all of human history proves this line of thinking wrong. Man can not and will not control himself if there is no controlling power to determine right from wrong. All human systems have failed miserably to produce a happy society. America is just as unhappy as the USSR. How many pills of Prozac were swallowed today?
Focusing on the self leads to unhappiness. Keeping the Torah leads to happiness. If somebody is Torah observant and is not happy, they're not doing it right.
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Replying to the comment by Elizer from Uruguay that David's and Solomon's wives had converted before marriage - that is not true but i would not use them as examples of good intermarriage: they made Solomon sin and turn to false G-ds, causing Hashem to divide the kiingdom in judgement!
Hardly what one would want to emulate!
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After having read many thoughts on Jewish intermarriage, including those of Rabbi Shemtov, I don't quite know where to begin. I am the product of an intermarriage, and I am currently engaged to a Muslim. From my parents (one Jewish, one Christian) I have learned openmindedness and tolerance; the ability to recognize a human bond that supercedes all. Perhaps there was an argument regarding my brother's circumcision, but compared to the ability to love, honor, and repect a child, this is a trifling matter. I do not need to consult doctrines in order to understand right and wrong. Rather, my parents have taught me to read and explore many ideas as a means of informing my own intrinsic sense of morality. Until my people are able to extend the same love that they share wiith each other to those who are different from them, we will continue to struggle in this world. Although not theologically sound, Judiasm for me is about my family. A family that includes my fiance; a family that loves.
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To reply to Malcolm- I understand that this is an orthodox site; I believe that everyone does. It is, however, also listed as as dialogue. As a religious leader Rabbi Shemtov has a responsibility to discuss and be aware of many differing perspectives. He seems to have embraced this responsibility, and I believe that you do a disservice to Rabbi Shemtov as well as his respondants when you suggest that we stifle our opinions. Have a little faith.
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Consider this. I have a Jewish soul. I rejected who I was and adopted other faiths or took for granted how special it was for me to be a Jew. I died. I performed many mitzvahs in that last life, but still had to return to correct/learn how wonderful it was to be Jewish. I returned in a new body with parts of my soul remaining behind because I had fulfilled those mitzvahs, to a non-Jewish body. My task to come back home. To find my way back, to once again feel apart of and love my Jewish soul and my special connection with G-d. In this case many mitzvahs were already performed so they may not be my task here. I then find a marry my soul-mate who too is in the same place and struggling, but is slower to comprehend who he is.
Question: Does it fulfill G-d's wishes to keep me from fulfilling my charge here on earth to reaffirm my belief in G-d and proudly proclaim my Jewishness by stopping me from full conversion because my Husband is not where I am?
It has been stated that we can live with non-Jews and even have children by them, but not marry them. This defeats the concept of hiding oneself away from others to keep from losing our children to the non-Jewish ways and how is this loving and G-d-like? Why do we make the children suffer?
Must the returning soul be perfect even before the conversion? Who can control when realization is to come to life? Why is the potential convert punished for lack of foresight? Are coverts really supposed to follow the laws even before they are made aware? How can you stop me from coming home because I refuse to harm those around me, just to fulfill my needs? Which is the greater sin?
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I am a Christian with a number of Jewish friends. They are very loving and good-hearted. Some I have known for 30 years. One recently married a non-Jew. It was a second marriage and there will be no children. He is Israeli and did all the "right" things all his life and now he just wants to enjoy his older years. Another of my friends forced her husband to convert. She is very bitter toward Christians and, although friendly to me, she has become almost impossible to be around because of her intolerance. I do see the rabbi's admonition against marrying gentiles as bigotry. Remember the "separate but equal" policy regarding blacks in this country? Any time you exclude people from your country club you are going to hurt someone's feelings and hurt leads to anger and anger leads to destruction and so on. Why not focus on what someone different can bring to the table? A sincere Christian also wants to help make the world a better place. Maybe we could work on it together. Just a thought.
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Of course Jews and non Jews can and should work together to make this world a better place. Intermarriage, however, will serve to make that an impossibility, as it will cause there to be no more Jews left, G-d forbid.
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Should there be no more Jews, the earth would lose a loose much of its talent and genius. We would lose a funny, wise and, to an outsider, slightly eccentric, branch of the human family tree. But I don't believe that would happen.
As observant Christians, my husband and I enjoy a deep bond that I am sure Jewish couples enjoy and wouldn't give up for anything. In fact, my Jewish friends have no intention of ever even considering becoming Christian.One of my friends has even accused me of being a pagan because he didn't understand the trinity and won't let me explain.
My Israeli friend who married the non-Jew has had a hard time with his family. They won't see his wife. They won't even acknowledge her existence. This goes beyond bad manners. It hurts him. It hurts her. It hurts those who carry the resentment. It accomplishes nothing. He married his Jewish wife. He raised his Jewish children. Where's the harm?
Thank you for allowing me to express myself in your venue.
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Judaism has been around for a long time, longer than Christianity has. It takes one looking at the situation with a pair of "Hebrew spectacles" to truly understand the view of a Jew and Torah. Although a sincere Christian also wants to make the world a better place, a Christian would read the Torah through a pair of "Greek spectacles" (meaning Greek thought due to Greek influence in the history of Christianity). Understanding the history of the Jewish people and what they have gone through will give one a better understanding of why they are bitter towards Christians. The Torah on intermarriage is a seperate issue from blacks as "seperate but equal". Torah is a guideline for living, and for a Jew to live he must follow the Torah as it is. Torah – not a religion. A way of life. (Refer to Tzvi Freeman's article on "How do I know that I really Believe")
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As a gentile who married a Jewish man, I can see clearly all the points being made. I am seeing this more clear than when my ex-husband divorced me after re-discovering his Jewish roots. He is now practicing modern Orthodoxy and I will be soon converting. This whole article touched me, I would not have been able to read it last year at this time as I was recently seperated from him. I respect my ex-husband so much for what he did, he stood up for his beliefs in a way that didn't make sense to me at the time. I sensed he was more into hurting me and making me pay for his mistake, now I hold him and his decision to follow G-d and the beliefs that have always been his. Thank you for your article and taking a stand in a way that not a lot of people are willing to undertake.
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I would like to point out that Judaism has no problem accepting an individual of ANY race if he or she chooses to convert to Judaism properly. Hardly a racist attitude, dontcha think?
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well, very interesting article. but there are some points that do interfere with each other. i think that there are different dimensions: the dimension of studying the rules in the torah and interpreting it, the dimension of the societical view and the dimension of personal favors. frankly, i think in this article the dimension of the societical view and of the personal favors are dominant. i do accept the authors opinion - but i would go even further. i would see a marriage as an intermarriage even between two jewish people if there is one that doesnt follow the rules respectively doesnt care about his/her jewish identity - one doesnt know if he/she will discover her/his neshamah ever. however, the experience of the progressive part in the jewish community shows that intermarriage often brings the couple near to the jewish life - see also Pesahim 87b.
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Okay, this is my last word. Promise.
Once again, using one of my Israeli friends as an example: “Mike” was born in Baghdad two years before Israel’s creation. He attended a Presbyterian high school in Iran, voluntarily went to chapel every morning, sang the songs, enjoyed the services and never had the slightest urge to convert. When I met him, we were both attending a Catholic university in the Midwest. We loved the school and the curriculum but neither of us had any interest in converting to Catholicism. I guess you could say Mike had quite a bit more invested in his Jewishness than most. He had fought and been injured in the Six-Day War. He had grown up around people who wanted to blow Israel off the face of the earth. In college, he was surrounded by attractive, non-Jewish (gentile sounds like reptile) girls, but he soon met and married a lovely Midwestern Jewish girl.
So, see? All those goyim (another bad word), all that church, and still Jewish.
No worries, dudes.
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Great example to prove the point of how crucial your Jewish mother and Jewish marriage partner are. How about a guy who went to Yeshiva all his life and marries a gentile? Still no worries, Dude?
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Love is the most important asset in life, followed by happiness, well-being and kindness. If all these things prevail in a relationship, the rest will just fall into place.
Each couple is different, intermarriage brings the world closer. More understanding and tolerance between races, religion and culture is what we need.
Tradition is so important, but we must also evolve and adapt to current times.
Just by being happy that others are happy, regardless of their backgroud and faith, we are helping the world to be a more peaceful place.
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You write: "More understanding and tolerance between races, religion and culture is what we need." I agree. Please understand - or at least respect - the fact that our religion and culture does not accept Intermarriage.
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Rabbi
I am a product of an intermarriage. My father was Jewish, mother not. I agree with the idea that we need to think about our children when we marry someone and the problems differing beliefs can cause in a marriage. My father was not a practicing Jew and to this day carries great resentment toward religious judaism, although, as you wrote, when it comes right down to it, he is always a Jew. The funny thing is, that while my mother was pregnant with me she was in the midst of converting, but shortly after I was born my parents separated and didn't go through with it. I was the child who was close to judaism and I converted and am now married, with children and living in Israel...
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I have been married twice. My first a Jewish Sabra. Although all of the mechanics were there, ie, a Jewish partner, our life together was unhappy.
My second wife, non Jewish, yet she helps in every way to support me to continue my Zionist and Jewish beliefs. We participate in all of the holidays, and she even went on-line to find out how to prepare a Rosh HaShanah meal.
Ultimately with a non Jewish wife I can overcome the mechanics, and the happiness is already there.
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Maybe on your third try, you'll get it right.
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"How sad it is that more people in the world don't allow their lives to be dictated by the Torah. World society would be in a much better state." I am very sorry but i dont agree! I think that is sad that people live their lives dictated by the Torah instead of what their hearts tell them. If you love somebody it doesn't matter if it is black, white, older o younger. It might be more difficult to love this person but it can bring you many satisfactions. Religion is Crazy when it makes a command in who to LOVE!
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What happens when you love your sister?
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Our hearts tell us many things. Not all are good. Sometimes our hearts are full of jealousy or hate. Sometimes we have an urge to speak badly of each other or not to help those in need. Sometimes, God forbid, we feel good when abandoning God or by putting ourselves in a position where we will be separating ourselves from our people and violating his Torah. We need to bend our will to a higher will, to God's will, in order to avoid sinking into the pettiness and cruelty that are unfortunately so natural to human beings. That is why we desperately need Torah and not to "follow our hearts" no matter what they say.
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Please explain... Moses married a non Jew. Or did he?
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Please refer to 3rd comment that addresses this issue.
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So... You are saying that Abraham, Issac, Jacob, Jacob's sons and all the children born in Egypt and all who came out of Egypt...were not Jews? That's news to me...Correct me if this is not what you are suggesting, please
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They were Israelites. The full category of 'Jew' and the obligations (Mitzvot) that that implies began at Exodus and Mt. Sinai. The period before Exodus can be considered the 'gestation' of the Jewish People and the Exodus/Mt. Sinai process as its 'birth'.
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So...They were Israelites, but they weren’t actually Jews until Mt. Sinai? That's amazing! I have been duped! Given erroneous information coupled with assumptions...
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I have been following this thread for a whlle and one thing strikes me as unusual. Most blogs seem so ugly and the language is confrontational and personally insulting. But here the messages are well thought out and you are able to enjoy polite discourse even while disagreeing. Rare in this country's climate of hate and fear.
Rabbi, what was the faith of the Israelites? And why suddenly could the men only marry Jewish women? After Mt. Sinai, did the Jews have to divorce their non-Jewish spouses?
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First of all, thank you for your kind observation regarding the nature of the exchanges on this forum. May I return the favor by observing that people usually do not take the time to congratulate and compliment as you did. Thank you.
The faith of the Israelites was the same as the faith of the Jews. Faith does not determine if one is Jewish or not. It is G-d's command to the Jews and their acceptance of it that converted them into Jews.
Maybe it can be explained the following way: there is a difference between faith and commitment. The Israelites believed; the Jews commited.
Being an Israelite had (only?) spiritual connotations; being a Jew has physical ramifications.
Being an Israelite implies experiencing the tension between the irreconciliable spiritual and physical dimensions of reality; being a Jew means being charged with the mission and given the tools necessary to fuse them into one harmonious reality, expressing thereby G-d's indivisble essential unity.
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Regarding your question about when the prohibition against marrying non Jewish (men and) women started, and if they had to divorce their non Jewish wives after Mt. Sinai:
The prohibition against Intermarriage started at Mt. Sinai when the Jewish people received the Torah. At that time all those present attained full status as Jews, including the women and children.
I would like to point out that this matter is not all that simple. There are different opinions regarding what the exact status of the Jewish People was before receiving the Torah at Mt. Sinai.
The definition presented here is the 'entry-level' (Pshat) version.
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I am not Jewish, but rather Orthodox Catholic. I had a dear friend who was Jewish and married a Roman Catholic. They schooled their daughters in both religions leaving it up to them to choose when they were old enough.
I thought it must be very confusing for those children to observe so many different
celebrations and prohibitions. I never learned how they fared because my friend and I lost touch after her husband was killed in an accident and she moved.
It is one thing to have friends of different faiths, but it is quite another to marry someone of a different faith. I think it would be too difficult to try to assimilate both into one's every day life. Half the marriages in America end in divorce as it is.
If I married a Jewish man I would have to give up my religion and take his, otherwise I do not believe it could work. I could not give up my religion, but if I did I would have to love the man more than my faith. If I can't be true to my faith how could I ever be true to him?
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I feel that one should always consider the story of RUTH.
For without her 'GER' egg the line of David would never have come to be.
I am in no way stating that every Ger should covert and birth Israel children.
I am saying when a Ger( Gentile) clings to her Mother Israel and gets on her knees and would rather be BARREN then bring forth offspring that are not of a Jewish Bloodline; the Jewish peolpe and authorities should recognize a very special woman who is of great importance to the Jewdaic Dynasty.
May the Blessings of G-d be upon us all,
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Please don't intermarry. It causes a lot of confusion and heartache later., and I speak from experience. Someone always loses, and it is the child.
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I married a wonderful non-Jewish woman. If what I had done is so horrific let G-D judge me.
There are numerous commandments. I do not see rabbis get bent out of shape and have canniptions when people steal and do not honor their parents or engage in adultery. I do not see articles on rabbis who diddle little boy
But when it comes to intermarriage there is a white hot zeal that I find suspect. The talk of Jewish souls being qualitatively differnet from non-Jewish souls comes from the Tanya. Frankly it reminds me of the Nazis.
As I am prepared to have G-D judge me. I feel my dear Rabbi also prepare yourself to be judged.
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I married a wonderful non-Jewish woman. If what I had done is so horrific let G-D judge me.
There are numerous commandments. I do not see rabbis get bent out of shape and have canniptions when people steal and do not honor their parents or engage in adultery. I do not see articles on rabbis who diddle little boy
But when it comes to intermarriage there is a white hot zeal that I find suspect. The talk of Jewish souls being qualitatively differnet from non-Jewish souls comes from the Tanya. Frankly it reminds me of the Nazis.
As I am prepared to have G-D judge me. I feel my dear Rabbi also prepare yourself to be judged.
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Very interesting article...it made me think of my friend. He's has been raised as an orthodox jew and does live within his community. But he is living a double-life. On the one hand he is married and respects his wife - but doesnt love her and on the other hand he is having affairs with non-jewish and jewish (but not religious) girls. He promises to the girls what he cannot give them. So...what is better...to follow the law which isnt clear and to feel unhappy or to break it and feel guilty? Some say that he could find someone he loves and if its a non-jewish person she could convert. But we all know that even if formally conversions are mostly accepted a lot of us have problems with accepting converts. I think...this topic is hot...and especially when looking behing the facade of religious communities.
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This is a response to your heartbreak...
...maybe your grief came from the fact that someone was going to change their views on their faith. That is almost always doomed. You can paint an egg red but it will always be white on the inside.
As for me ...I am Jewess at heart /soul and on paper (conversion) as well. I am prepared to raise HASIDIC children and take on ALL the 613 commandments (exempt the ones w/the TEMPLE worship since the 3rd temple is not built yet). I desire to raise GREEK/ JEWISH warriors(I am a Spartan)for ISRAEL. If I am blessed by HASHEM to do this before I die ......I will be buried in peace and contentment.
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Isn't the judgment of others a sin in itself? If one finds happiness in another human being that no other person can bring them, why should they be judged? I think that rising up against them with belittlement is JUST AS BAD, IF NOT WORSE than what you are degrading them for. People who have been fed this kind of racist nonsense have caused so much hurt, pain and resentment to those close to them who have chosen to intermarry- why is THAT not being judged more harshly? Do the ends really justify the means? Is it really a G-Dly act? Is that REALLY what G-d wants?
With all my heart, mind and soul... I don't believe it is.
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i disagree with the notion that reform judaism made a system of its own, in contrast to the real judaism of the tanach. the tanach was written by prophets and wise man such as ישעיהו. how can we know that all of the rules and claims they passed on, were authentic words of gods?
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I am a product of an interfaith marriage; you really don't fit in either way. You're not true Jew nor true Christian. I have no desire to attend a house of worship although should I want to in the future, I would choose a non-denominational congregation.
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i have been married to a non-jew for 33 yrs., we have two sons, brought up jewish, they were bar mitzvahed and confirmed....they are very proud of their heritage, as am i, being jewish is also a state of mind, that you carry inside of you, you dont wear it around your neck, but inside your heart with pride.
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Some interfaith relationships lend themselves to more harmony than others.
For example, Protestants and Catholics both belief in Jesus and celebrate the same Christian Holidays.
Judiasm and Christianity are much more opposed due to the fact that the Jews don't accept Jesus and are offended by Christmas and Easter-essential Christian holidays. The only way these unions "work" is if each partner does not really care about their respective religions that is- they are essentially secular or atheist.
Other interfaith couples work around holidays successfully, such as Hindu, Buddist, etc. because, unlike Judiasm, these religions, at least are not hostile to Christianity, but neutral. You don't see Asians demanding that Christmas trees be taken down at Christmas.
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It's a good thing; I am a product of an interfaith marriage; I had a Jewish father and a Christian mother. I got to celebrate both Hannukah and Christmas, Easter and Passover; a lot of those holidays have similar principles.
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How can a Jewish soul differ from a non-Jewish soul? Do all non-Jews have the same generic all-purpose "non-Jewish" soul? Or do they vary amongst their different groups? Are their Catholic souls? Protestant souls? Buddhist souls? Shaman souls? Australian Aboriginal souls? Or are they cultural? Are their Chinese souls? Italian souls? Norwegian souls? Or are there mixtures, like Zimbabwean Buddhist souls?
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there are common qualities to all non jewish souls and there are qualities common to all jewish souls.
the short version of the difference is:
a non jewish soul seeks self perfection on some, many or all possible levels, while a jewish soul seeks to be a perfect instrument for G-d's expression.
For the long version of the answer, contact your local chabad rabbi.
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define a soul for me -if its a level of consciousness in all human beings then how can you attach a label to it-jewish,christian-etc its beyond labelling-that is the ego speaking ,anybody that attaches a label to something speaks from their ego and not from a level of consciousness.
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You Say: "i disagree with the notion that reform judaism made a system of its own, in contrast to the real judaism of the tanach. the tanach was written by prophets and wise man such as ישעיהו. how can we know that all of the rules and claims they passed on, were authentic words of gods? "
Let me reply:
A basic Tennet of Jewish Faith - Along with belief in One single G-d - described in the Torah itself and by Maimonidies is the belief that G-d gives prophecy to humans. There are criteria of who is and who is not a Prophet and not anybody who claims to say Prophecy is automatically beleived...
But if someone DOES pass the test of being a true prophet... then "we know that all of the rules and claims they passed on, were authentic words of G-d"
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Here is my definition of a soul: identity.
A non Jewish soul aspires to be something of value. A Jewish soul aspires to be a vehicle for manifesting G-d's presence in the world.
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the soul is what it is -you cannot label it- the difference comes in the way we are commanded to be a vehicle for manifesting G-d's presence. we were given the Torah which is the instruction manual on how to live in order to achieve this. few people reach that level, they get bogged down in the mind, they create a mental idol of G-d. and ritual becomes so much part of their lives that they can't taste the real message hidden there.
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i strongly believe if a couple is married and they are both happy it does not matter if there is a intermarriage and i believe its wrong that any one should intrude in anyones life
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Apparently G-d thinks differently.
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In response to marrying out: You obviously have little knowledge of Halacha (Jewish Law). Yes, G-d told us (Jews) who to marry, but he also gave us freewill. If you decide to marry a non-jew, you can not be surprised if in a generation or so your children are not Jewish. If you are the non-Jew and not the husband, your children will not be jewish from the onset. I know it's upsetting, but Hashem gave us rules for a reason.
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I have married three Jewish women.My wife is a converted Jew.A Reform Jew.Under your concept she is not a Jew. With all respect. Ido not agree with you teaching.
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It is very disheartening to read so many comments about Judaism and the forbidden nature of intermarriage as being 'racist' or discriminating. Many of these accusations suggest that this ban on mixed-religion couples doesn't take into account love, faith and mutual understanding.
Many will think that I am biased in writing this, as I am in the process of completing my conversion to Orthodox Judaism. However I also have a degree in both Sociology and Anthropology. Having studied these disciplines I can see how some principles of Judaism can appear 'harsh' or 'discriminating'.
It all comes down understanding. The saying goes, 'walk a mile in someone else's shoes'. If you have been brought up to understand all of the Torah, including halachot and mitzvot, and are an observant Jew, only then can you make your arguments, because you understand them completely.
Any attempt to provide a passionate argument without understanding the heart of the issue will ultimately fall flat.
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Max Feinberg wrote in his will that any of his grandchildren who married non-Jews or whose spouse did not convert to Judiaism would be "deemed dead" and not be entitled to inherit from him. The Illinois Supreme Court has just unheld that provision in his will. Of his five grandchildren four have non-Jewish spouses. The result of that provision is that four of the grand-kids hate their brother--they also hate their mother and father. What do you think of that provision--in view that it made the family entirely disfunctional? Would it be OK if the parents would say "You're 'dead,'" but you are still our children/grandchildren and remained a family?
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In what world must you live in to accept the notion that if a mother is not Jewish, the children are no longer your children?? That is absurd by its nature and as a Jew am frankly losing my Jewish identity precisely because of ignorant views like these from 4,000 years ago.
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How about Florida, for example?
Florida law dictates that the mother of a child born out of wedlock is automatically considered to be the legal parent who is required to provide support for her child. However, if a child’s parents are not married to each other when that child is born, Florida courts will not automatically presume a man is the biological father and thus recognize the father’s duties and financial obligations to the child unless paternity is legally established.
IOW, the biological father has NO legal rights nor responsibilities until the COURT establishes his paternity LEGALLY...
Although the criteria for establishing legal paternity may differ betwen one legal system and the next, the concept itself is not novel, unique to Jewish law, nor meshugga...
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If we are to argue Fl law, on this site, then let's add to it. If a man claims not to be a father and claims no legal responsibility, a DNA test can be ordered in court. If it is then discovered that he is the father, he is fully 100% responsible for the hospital bill of the birth, the pre-natal care, and all the other incidentals that he tried to skirt.
If he accepts that he is the father without arguing, then he is not responsible for these bills fully.
Fl law does not allow a man to escape fatherhood and child rearing.
(I am a woman who has accepted that it's time to convert. I have no boyfriend or husband. But I do come from an interfaith family and I was raised Catholic. It is possible that what finally motivated my change in life style over a year ago was a relationship gone bad. I don't want him back, but I am so grateful for that relationship. It brought me to a point where I needed to thank G-d for every second of my life.)
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It is a real comfort that the intellect of man is really limited even though we have done great things. But, i cannot wait until all the mysteries of G-d's plan are revealed. Such hatred, evil and intentional deceit is quite overwhelming. Shame on you all for perpetuating such monumentous falsehoods upon people. Such arrogance and deceit are unfortunately common place in this world. Everyone believing this group is more important than that group. Jews, Gentiles and Christians, we are all in for a huge surprise. How wrong we all are!!!
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Might that mean, perhaps, that you are wrong in implying that we are ALL wrong?
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The striving of the soul is a much higher concept/journey than that of temporal love.
One does not join himself with a soul that will not promote equal goals and bear the same weight.
The overwhelming number of comments implying or boldly stating that G-d's guideline has no business being applied to the lives of His creations only firmly underscores the vital importance of obedience to His will.
It is holy wisdom that encourages one to seek and maintain devotion to the Mighty One. A marriage to one who is not committed to Him may be full of worldly pleasures, but unerringly leads one far from the higher design.
How long will so many dance between knowing Him and denying His will? He is most exalted. Law of G-d is perfect, a gift of immeasurable love! It's provisions are not mere points for discussion, but protections for the soul.
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