The Meaning of Honor
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21 Comments Posted
This is wrong the word. Honor means respect, not I want to be your servant.
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right, i agree; "everyone must bear their own burdens". I like what the Shulkan Aruch said that one shouldn't be angry at them.
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Even if you used the word respect - you should Respect them enough that if they are in real need that you would not leave their care to a total stranger who might abuse them.
We should follow G-d's example- His love is an everlasting love-no matter what we do. If we really love someone-we care for them in a real time of need.
BUT...to be totally just- G-d will not put up with those that would take him for granted and I don't believe He would want us to either.
That is when you do all you can then put them into His hands and let Him take care if it.
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My wife and I are conservative Jews and our son was Bar Mitzvah'd in our conservative synagogue.
At age 34, he began serious Torah study, joined an orthodox synagogue, and now is Shomer Shabbos along with his wife ( a Jew by choice) and our grandchildren.
While we respect and are genuinely proud of their commitment and the values they instill in their children, neverthless, we feel alienated from their lives.
Because we don't keep kosher, they don't eat in our home and we're seldom invited to theirs - every Shabbos he has guests for meals. We're given limited opportunities to spend other time with our grandchildren.
My wife and I have joined the orthodox synagogue primarilly to be with our grandchildren more frequently, yet still maintain membership in the conservative synagogue.
Sometimes we feel treated as second class citizens for not adhering to their standards of observance. . . we're secure and comfortable with ours.
We love them dearly ! Any suggestions?
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They most likely feel that they are just protecting their ideals and their "state of cleanliness" I don;t think they are treating you that way out of unkindness even though it ends up being unkind.
If it were me, I would pray for their hearts to be softened toward you. Heaven can move in ways that we can not always on our own!
And has for wisdom when you speak with them so that they will see your side of things.
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My father is a genuinely decent man who prays every day. He has a good heart. Yet he has never said more than two sentences to me in my life. There has not been guidance, concern, discussion, counsel, understanding, help, or advice. There has been no preparation for the problems of life, no warnings, admonitions, or the like.
My mother "loves" me but has picked fights with my wife even as she is dying of cancer. She has always been self-absorbed in her own emotional problems while generally causing consternation. She has been sometimes physically abusive, frequently verbally abusive and emotionally abusive.
I have struggled with this commandment for the better part of my adult life. Now my son is facing a major life threatening crises and my parents are not there for me emotionally as they have often been absent in my moments of crises.
"Honor thy father and Mother." I feel lilke I am losing my mind as a consequence of the dysfunctionality of my father and mother.
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Mordecai... Quote: "Honor thy father and Mother." I feel lilke I am losing my mind as a consequence of the dysfunctionality of my father and mother."
I have felt that way my self - my mother has serious mental illnesses and my dad had luekimia for almost 3 yrs.
My greatest comfort usually comes from the Psalms but the one that gives me the most even to this day is from Deuteronomy 31:8.
Shalom, my brother! You have a sister who is praying for you.
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katee;
Thank you for your kind thoughts. Interesting that you should suggest Deut. 31:8 which states that G-D will not forsake me. One of my favorite Psalms is 22 which asks why G-D has forsaken me.
This of course is followed by the famous 23rd Psalm which seems to me to be strategically juxtapositioned after the somewhat harsh 22nd Psalm. Thus succor follows the storm.
I pray each day but not with the "joy" of the Chassidim but with the crying that Isaac Luria felt was indispensible.
In any case I am a work in progress neither holier than thou nor self-deprecating.
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I believe to honor they Father and Mother means to know they Father and Mother.
I have wrestled with how people are to honor their parents when the parents performed the most horrific actions against their children.
I believe you should learn about your parents and come to know your parents, and know your parents’ parents, and on and on. Know your family history, your family tree. Learn how your ancestors treated one another. Learn how they lived and what was happening in the world during their lifetime.
By doing this you will know how, and come to understand why, your parents behave as they do. By understanding them, you may come to forgive them.
Ultimately, what greater gift of honor could you give your parents than understanding them and knowing them.
Know your parents, know where you have come from, and you know yourself… honor.
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This topic is very helpful. I would like to see something done for the children to understand.
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I shall post this on the back of my daughters door hoping she will read this.
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I am wrestling with a tough decision involving my father and mother. They have given me council, but do not know the full situation. I have been raised to believe honor means obey every suggestion, but after some study on my own it seems like it means something more along the lines of revere, respect, value. I am torn between what I know is right, and what they are telling me to do.
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I think, that this commandment should not be interpreted as the first and only one and its fulfiling must be harmony with all the 613. Of course, the parents are G-d's vessels to become a living human being, but every parent (being not the Creator, but His vessel) has responsibilities toward his or her kid, too. Our first loyalty is to G-d, second to our spouse, third to our children and then, fourth to our parents, etc.. So, we shall do according to these loyalties. We are humans and not machines, our life, our capabilities and means are limited. But we have free choice to do well, if we have freedom. If our parents take away the freedom granted by G-d to us, what will remain our humanity?
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what about parents that have done ill to us through abuse......They were the victims of abuse also,and as a result, they continued a cycle of abuse that i'm trying to break through prayer and counseling....
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How can I honor an abusive parent? Can someone please explain it to me? I wish I wasn't born.
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They are not worthy of honor under jewish law, look despite your parents, feeling like you wish you where not born is something where you should probably get therapy for. But I have one tip: there is much more to your life then your abusive parent, try to find stuff you enjoy doing.
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Honoring parents in your situation is way down the list, far after taking care of yourself and ensuring you have the wellbeing and security your parents were supposed to provide but didn't.
Start with this article and let me know what questions or support you need.
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I'm quite aware and respect the laws of the Torah when it comes to the honor and respect of the ones that gave you life however, what defines a "mother and father" Anyone can conceive a child (unfortunately). What about the innocent children who were abused, neglected, and betrayed by the very ones that the Torah says to respect? The ones the children originally trusted for safety and love, and never got? This law is so misused and especially manipulated by the abusers themselves.
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My martial art teacher used to teach me to obey every single command he gave, which I thought was respect, but after further inspection I realized this is pride and a false sense of honor. Taken to the extreme, if someone orders you to kill a Jew as senior officers did in the concentration camps, would you do it, simply because it is an order from an authority? Honour does not mean to obey everything everyone tells you. Honour means to listen, to try to understand, and to respect others opinions as having value, even if they are not your own. You do not need to believe or listen to what everyone says, including parents, we all have our own will and parents can be wrong. Some parents insults their kids, a kid does not need to listen to that. It is honorable though to try to listen to them to try and gain insight from their words, in the end we need to honor ourselves and think for ourselves, isn't this the same honour you would want others to have as well, to think for themselves.
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Thinking for yourself is a defense tool that is very much needed to survive this world. It is a lesson that a parent must provide to prepare their children however, when one is deprived of this lesson, or is stripped from it (obviously for "control" reasons,whatever it may be) it is very hard to come out of any kind of oppression...after all the victim is taught (by all mean necessary) , like a slave, to never use logic, but only DO as the agressor says. This is obviously not a black and white issue, and is not as "easy as 123." Reducing one into feeling worthless is a very long process, and therefore takes years, if not never to help them recover up to the light from the dark hole they always perceived as home. "Think for themselves"....funny. You should do some charity work at an orphanage some day, and listen to their stories...I bet you worn't last one whole day.
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Yes I agree, "thinking for yourself is a defense tool that is very much needed to survive this world."
I also agree that reducing one into feeling worthless can require help to regain an understanding of our inherent worth.
As far as the comment which mocks my ideas and point, ""Think for themselves"...funny. You should do some charity work at an orphanage some day, and listen to their stories...I bet you worn't last one whole day.""
I would have to think that I deserve more honor and respect then my ideas are wrong, maybe I have valid & great points that you do not understand yet. As to say I won't last one day in an orphanage, I would have to respectfully disagree, and say I do not think you know me to give me advice on where I would and would not thrive. In recognizing my value I know I could give great service in an orphanage. Who knows maybe I could do as great of service in an orphanage as you did. To honor ourselves and others thoughts, our inherent value must be understood
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