Frogmen

All of creation may be divided into three categories: the good, the bad and the frogs.

There is the good, those creatures that contribute to creation. Amongst animals, an example of such a creature comes with the cow, whose milk is known to do the body good. Then there is the bad, those who detract from creation. Take the snake for instance, good only for inspiring hisssteria. Finally, we have the frogs. Skipping around in some slimy swamp, we are by-and-large indifferent to whether they live or croak.

However, there was a time in history when frogs made all the difference. Those little green guys were key in toppling the oppressive regime of Pharaoh. "Were it not for the frogs," the Midrash asks dramatically, referencing the second plague inflicted upon Pharaoh, "how would G-d have settled His score with Egypt?"

Why, one might ask, of the ten plagues, were the frogs most effective?

Because Pharaoh was himself a frog!

On the topic of the role of G-d in our universe, the non-monotheistic cultures of the world may be divided into three categories: the good, the bad and the Pharaohs.

The good limit themselves to denying the unity of G-d, while acknowledging G-d's supremacy over creation. The bad go so far as to refute the very existence of G-d. Finally, we have Pharaoh. While acknowledging the existence of G-d, Pharaoh stops short of attributing his own existence to G-d's handiwork. "Mine is my river, and I have made myself" (Ezekiel 29:3) is Pharaoh's mantra. G-d may exist, but He has nothing to do with my existence.

Heresy is oft preferable to apathy. The detractor, though opposed to the notion of G-d, strangely contributes to its furtherance. What with his incessant protestations, the mention of G-d is never far from his lips. He may be fighting G-d, but at least he is not ignoring Him. Pharaoh, on the other hand, much like the frog, belongs to the realm of indifference.

To settle the score with Pharaoh, G-d activates his frogmen. Once akin to Pharaoh in their inability to inspire emotion, either positive or negative, on the subject of G-d's presence in our lives, Pharaoh looks on as the frogs are pressed into action. With unsurpassed dedication, these green mayhem machines leave no stone unturned and no oven unburned, as they boldly infiltrate the beds and furnaces of Egypt. With their devotion, the frogs expose Pharaoh's "self made man" claim as a sham, confirming conclusively that there is no aspect of creation apart from the domain of G-d.