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Menorah Files, Light I: The Bid

Menorah Files, Light I: The Bid

Major miracle goes up for tender

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----- Begin Forwarded Message ------

Subject: Contract Tender, Menorah Miracle
Date: 24 Kislev 3:29:15.036 PM
From: miracles@admin.hvn
To: MiraclesRUs@engineering.hvn, QualityMiracles@engineering.hvn, OutaNowhere@engineering.hvn, FlamingWonders@engineering.hvn, MikesMiracleShop@engineering.hvn, SeaSplitters@engineering.hvn, MadeInHeaven@engineering.hvn, PhysicsBusters@engineering.hvn, MiraclesUnlimited@engineering.hvn

Background: In direct consequence of the overwhelming success of the Maccabee project, and as a sign of appreciation to the courageous Maccabees who made that success possible, the administration of Heaven Inc. has decided to provide yet another wondrous manifestation of the truth behind the cosmos, a.k.a. a miracle.

As is well known, the Maccabees yesterday regained control of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem from the Greek Army, and spent most of today sweeping away the broken beer bottles and associated mess. In answer to the sincere search of the Maccabees for ritually appropriate menorah oil, Heaven Inc. engaged the services of Hidden Surprises Inc., who were successful in engineering yet another miracle, the discovery of a flask of pure olive oil hidden in the ground and sealed with the seal of the high priest.

Now, yet another miracle is required. The flask discovered contains only one day’s worth of oil. Although it will take eight days to prepare new olive oil, nevertheless, the Maccabees have decided to go ahead and use this oil immediately. In response to this inspiring display of zeal and devotion, the administration has been instructed to perform one more miracle and ensure that this oil will burn for all eight days.

We are presently accepting proposals on the implementation of this miracle. All applicants should prepare a detailed description of the mechanics of their proposed implementation, as well as their qualifications to perform such services.

Note that requirements surrounding this miracle are exceedingly stringent:

  1. Eight Days: All applicants must demonstrate that their proposal will not just burn for eight days, but also provide a miracle on each of those eight days. Since the flask found by the Maccabees already contains enough oil for one day to begin with, some creativity will be necessary to provide this effect.

  2. Fair Compensation: In consonance with a long-standing policy on all heavenly matters, often known as the “measure-for-measure” policy, the miracle should reflect the attitude and acts to which it is resultant. Applicants should ensure the proposal blends smoothly with the general theme of the Maccabee vs. Hellenist episode and the no-compromise strategy of the Maccabees.

  3. Halachah: At least the fundamentals of halachic requirements for the menorah of the Holy Temple must be taken into consideration, with extra points for fulfilling all requirements, and bonus points for extra-compulsory details.

Please submit your proposals and all correspondence to this address. Adjudication of presentations by all bidders will commence today at 3:29:15.536 PM. AV equipment for presentations will be provided by Heaven Inc.

----- End Forwarded Message -----

The story begins: Light II: The Consultant

From Heaven Exposed by Rabbi Tzvi Freeman. For bio, info and more articles by this author, click here. To order Tzvi's books, click here.
Yoram Raanan takes inspiration from living in Israel, where he can fully explore and express his Jewish consciousness. The light, the air, the spirit of the people and the land energize and inspire him. His paintings include modern Jewish expressionism with a wide range of subjects ranging from abstract to landscape, biblical and Judaic.
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reuven green israel December 31, 2016

Incredibly creative! HaRav Tsvi succeeds in making us feel Chanukka in an unbelievably immediate way, describing it as something that is occurring "Here and Now." How bright. How Creative. How Inspiring. I have a gentile neighbor who has converted to Judaism, he's converted inspired -and inspired only- by Rav Tsvis' articles!! Incredible Man. Just Incredible= Believe Me. We have Great people here -that are making Chabad great again!
Thank you Rabeinu Ve Moreeinu: HaRav Tsvi. Reply

jim dallas December 29, 2016

yoram and freeman, what a heavenly duo! both art forms are out of this world marvelous! Reply

Ellen Boston December 25, 2016

Illustration Who is the artist of that lovely illustration? Reply

Anonymous Austin, Texas December 25, 2016

I second Anonymous NYC's suggestion! Reply

Anonymous NYC December 15, 2015

Light of our lives Nu, we need eight miracles to reflect the eight beautiful days of Hanukkah. So...it could easily be done through the miracle of music.... ie: You light up my life, Light my fire, Leave the light on for me, Ray of light, Flashing Light, Trick of the light, Blinded by the light, Into the light.... Reply

Karen Joyce Chaya Fradle Kleinman Bell Riverside, CA, USA January 2, 2012

Jonathan, AMEN to that I wish everyone could read this article. May this 2012 solar calendar year bring us all health (good), abilities to overcome adversity, and peace. Love wouldn't be so bad either. Reply

Jonathan Levy Johannesburg, Gauteng December 29, 2011

CHALLENGE TO RABBIS May all Rabbis learn the ability to put matters in words the way you do Rabbi!! Reply

Avi Baltimore December 22, 2011

:) Very cute. Reply

Karen Joyce Chaya Fradle Kleinman Bell Riverside, CA, USA December 22, 2011

This was laugh out loud FUNNY, and also Creative! Rabbi Tzvi, you are a MIRACLE worker all by yourself! I put in my bid for the payment of blessings on my family and me, and also my friends and neighbors. Payment can be done in a chunk sum or in intervals. So, am I the lowest bidder? Reply

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