By Jay Litvin
 | "Jay," my friend wrote in his e-mail, "I don’t think you should go to shul and ask G-d for forgiveness. This Yom Kippur you should stay home, and G-d should beg you to forgive Him for what He's done to you"
42 Comments Posted
The article is very beautiful and very instructive, however, all the forgiving which takes place appears to be a mutual forgiving. What happens, or rather how can forgiveness happen when it is only one-sided?
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Imagine that you're looking at a beautiful sunrise......and then, very shortly after that experience, you're looking at the vista from the top of a high mountain......and then you look at the vastness of the sea.......followed by the loveliness within a forest.......followed by......
If a person has too many such experiences within a short period of time, the ability to feel, or to really even see, diminishes, and tiredness takes over instead.
That's why I read Jay's articles in a spread-out way. I need to find myself inside his writing without overload diminishing what should not be diminished.
As for the subject matter in this article.....as far as I know, no one has ever talked of such a thing before. Imagine, forgiving G-d!
Then again - imagine, NOT forgiving G-d, when that is the needed thing.
Thank you so very much, Jay.
PS. To the person who posted with a question: go to " Contact Us, " top right corner of every page, and you will find helpful people.
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This article really scared me when I first read it. I have a friend who went through some really hard times in her life, to which she said "If G-d's doing all thse bad things to me why should I do Him any favors in return?" She gave an analogy of a girl who was slapped by her mother, and while her cheek is still burning, her mother says sweetly, "Can you please do the dishes?" and she'd scream no, because she's feeling the pain of the slap she just got. It hurt me to hear her question like this because I didnt know what to answer. I didnt know if there was an answer to such a question. SHe didnt want to hear the usual platitudes, that it really all good, she just percieves it as bad - what kind of answer is that to someone whos feeling the pain?
But then i came across this article, and was blown away. And I sent it to her, and all she said was "wow".
Of course we never know the reason for peoples suffering, but I do know that this article's existence actually helped someone. Wow.
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thank you Jay....your article helped me....
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I did not know Jay Litvin but from his writings and especially this one, I consider him a great man.
He has opened up my eyes to understand how to be human and G-dly at the same time.
His legacy lives on through his wonderful teachings. His words from the heart reach into the heart.
Thank you Jay
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A certain notion presented in this article really struck me.
This idea that it actually matters to G-d what I'm doing. He mentions how not only is it better for me to be on good terms w/ G-d, but this is actually something that G-d wants as well.
I know that many Catholics are of the belief that as far as G-d is concerned, it makes no differance how you behave, rather you are merely choosing your own destiny. It's extremely comforting to know that in Judaism we don't hold such.
Thank you. This is a topic which means a lot to me.
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Why do we Jews let G-d off so easy? When G-d tells us, "You ate Traife, violated Shabbos, spoke gossip and forgot My Torah," why don't we reply, "Auschwitz! Babi Yar! Suicide bombers! Dead babies! Widows and orphans!" It's not just Jay Litwin with a complaint (so to speak) against G-d for being afflicted with terminal cancer. After Hitler and six million Jews dead in the Holocaust we are all hurting. It takes Jay Litwin dying of cancer to tell us the true meaning of Yom Kippur: the love between G-d and the Jewish People. We forgive G-d, although we don't understand how He could bring such hurt upon us; and He forgives us, stupid silly mortals, always striving to do better. Jews who had survived the concentration camps with numbers tattooed on their arms and indelible memories of suffering came to shul on Yom Kippur ready to forgive and be forgiven. Just like Jay Litwin, the true Chassid, beating his chest "Al Chayt" on the very last Yom Kippur of his life.
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I can relate to the e-mail about being angry with G-d, I feel so lonely, I don't know if he hears me or even cares about me anymore, and I don't know why I am angry with G-d but I am. I need to know how to forgive him because I know its not G-d fault about my life, it goes back to the sin's of my father, 3 and 4 generations of them that hate him and do not His commandments, well I love G-d with all my heart and want to live my life for him I just don't know how anymore, I don't know what to believe or who to believe or what Bible to read. Can you help?
I want to have a relationship with my heavenly Father at all times, I can not see my life without him. Thank you
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thank you. i felt like i was reading my own story, just in a smaller version... of how I felt this past Rosh Hashana crowning the G-d who caused all my pain... I just don't get why he doesn't end it if He has the power... I hope He will very soon, so that this Yom Kippur I won't have to forgive Him.
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im sure i cannot begin to understand the pain the author has been going through
However forgiveness implies that G-d himself erred.
Because by by definition forgiveness means forgiving the wrong which has been done.
Instead we should view whatever G-d has done for the best. There is an old jewish axiom "gam zu letova" (lit. also this is for the best). Of course this is very easy for me to turn around to you and tell you this but if we believe that the whole reason G-d put us here in this world is purely do to good to us and G-d loves us then everything has to be for the best.
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As I prepare my mind, body and spirit for Yom Kippur, it is the provokative and genuine soul searching forgiveness that Jay Litvin's words permeate that inspire and encourage my preparation to move forward.
May his memory and his beloved family be blessed with the best of what G-d has to give.
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This article had me crying from start to finish. Actually, to be honest the tears started at the point of the friend's e-mail, and then kept on coming until the end. I was so moved by how much I understood the feelings that were imparted...the anger and the need to forgive, and the need to learn forgiveness from G-d, in order to forgive him. This applies to so many situations, challenges and relationships, and was written so beautifully, and powerfully and with such a delicate, light touch. All I can say is wow!
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Human beings who have internalized G-d can experience the emotions Jay is writing about. I thank Jay for capturing his feelings on paper so that others can gain a deeper understanding what Yom Kippur is all about.
Forgiving G-d?
In Babidbar (Numbers), Chapter 28, verse 15, Rashi mentions the Midrash stating “Bring atonement for me for having reduced the size of the moon.” This atonement was not a one time request from G-d but rather a monthly request.
For reducing the moon, an inert object, G-d beseeches the He be forgiven, how much more so from man - an animate object.
So it seems G-d does need forgiveness.
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I think I finally figured out why I have the feelings that I have. Thank you for your article...its helped me tremendously.
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Great story... which turns the concept of forgiveness around for a different view. I learned a lot. Thanks... and thanks to Jay's family for sharing it.
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this article really moved me. i too started crying, he's complimenting his friend about being good with words, but he as well is great with it. there are mysteries in life and the difficult part is that we need to learn how to deal with it. zichrno levracha.great writer, great person
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This is such an inspirational, humbling story which also reduced me to tears as well as filling me with a sense of yearning to know more. It made me aware of how often I sit in shul and become distracted by what is going on around me. Please post more stories like this that connect on such a human level.
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what a beautiful, inspiring story. thank you.
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I'm not Jewish, but I'll have no choice but to keep this article in mind for a long time, mulling it over.
I can't think of any other faith that would dare such an article. But heck, from what I've read, Abraham had more "chutzpah" in his little finger than most people do in their entire bodies, so no wonder.
But it seems to me that for us humans, there is no such thing as desiring to be unified just for its own sake. Jay wrote that what kept him coming back to forgiving G-d, was existential lonliness. He seemed to have forgiven G-d out of his own necessity. Out of his own desire to keep coming back for more pain. That's still a need/desire.
Is that what a relationship is? If it is, I have no need or desire for it. I can't judge Jay's spiritual journey, it's not my place. However, time has taught me that hanging out with others just because I'm lonely is a complete waste of my time.
I hate to say it, but I refuse to add to my own pain by forgiveness.
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Mrs. Litvin, I feel that we all lost a shining star with the passing of such a great neshama as your husband--that is, we feel the loss down here, but are not able to recognize how much he is accomplishing for us in the Olam Ha'emes--and right here, thru writings like this which continue to reach hundreds, to pierce the arlah around our hearts and burrow through all the garbage and bring us to the real teshuva--the return to our beloved Father who waits for us with open arms, even when he tests or chastises us for our very best. May you be comforted among the mourners of Tzion and Yerushalayim and be reunited with all your loved ones with the complete redemption--speedily!
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I'm a Gentile, bit I am still struggling with the idea of forgiveness. It is difficult to forgive some people for the hurt they have inflicted on others. At the same time I often am angry at G-d for what I see as a terrible injustice to mankind. This article has helped me in my thinking and moved me closer to some dealing with forgiveness and anger. I thank you for it.
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what came to me after reading this is maybe what can help me is a peaceful neutrality:
in other words...step away from blaming/forgiving/anger etc and simply say, o.k. i simply don't know why. i don't know, but i am open to what will help me feel better. about myself and my life.
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Shalom,
ur article was worth reading and convincing too, however many times in r lives, we face such situations that r own closest family members do things deliberately and reflect them as done by mistake, especially after a new members addition after marriage, if the new comer wishes to separate the family members by keeping quite but still doing things in suc a way that u back off and they stay united and the older people in the family still take the wrong side......if this happens evey time u meet and u ve been forgiving since years, still shud u continue forgiving such people who hurt u, who let u down even in public and function.......m sorry if forgiveness does not teach a lesson to the opposite person then i ve stopped forgiving
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I’m saddened to learn of the author’s demise. I’m glad, however, that he left us with the words of wisdom that he did. I too am plagued with chronic health difficulties that until recently lead to intractable, intense pain around the clock.
Me thinks that when we think we are angry with G-d that we are really angry with ourselves, but can’t accept anger turned inside of us so we toss it out into the universe to smolder and stink up the place.
I have chronic coronary and carotid artery disease. Should I blame G-d or my own hands with which I shoved unhealthy food into my mouth? If I am in agony, cannot I turn my thoughts over to our Creator and request healing instead of playing a blame game? I’ve learned that the most important part of forgiveness is forgiving ourselves before we try to obtain forgiveness from others or G-d.
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great article very inspiring , well said
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I am a Christian who has begun to enjoy daily this wonderful web-site. The article on forgiveness and restoration of relationship with G-d is just what I needed today during this season of self-examination. For the sake of love, I can forgive, because G-d forgives through and is even forgiven in me when I surrender my heart to Him. What a wonderful truth!
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It grieves me sometimes to see how lonely people are when G-d is sitting in the same place as they are. I am convinced that G-d is all-present. If you are familiar with the basics of quantum physics, then you’ve a handle on my view of G-d. He isn’t “there” with the angels, sitting on a cloud stroking a long white beard. G-d is right here, right now. We are, if you can accept this image, bathed in the very presence of the One we call upon.
We cannot escape the presence of G-d. We inhale G-d with every breath we take. He is in us and around us at all times. We can talk with G-d on a one-to-one basis without having to feel that we have to raise or lower our heads. The next time you feel lonely, the next time you feel so alone in the world; always keep in mind that we are never alone. Feel the presence and permit yourself to feel the warmth of his love.
The reason most of us don’t hear The Voice is because we don’t listen; that is the purpose of meditation.
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As a youngster, I was savagely attacked by Christian children for killing their god. I could never wrap my mind around how I, a six- or seven-year old little girl could have killed anyone, let along their god. Yet, every Easter, their priests would whip them into a frenzy of hatred towards the Jews who had killed their Jesus. The attacks did not cease until one day I was being stoned (yes, I was surrounded by a circle of Christian children throwing sharp stones at me) and one hit and cut into an artery. I made sure that each and every monster got their share of what they wanted: Jewish blood.
It was bad enough being forced to participate in Christian prayers in public school, but being STONED went beyond what I could or would take. I loathed Christians and Christianity with each atom of my being. I finally matured to the point that I had to forgive them for their tyranny; they did not know any better. If I can forgive that, then I can forgive just about anything.
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I am not jewish, but I read and study about things because I know that you all know more about G-D that I may ever know and with the holidays that people not jewish celebrate are not right and so I don't celebrate them. Also, it put things into perspective that I do believe in. My hope is that, I might in my own way find a medium between my non jewish and goya as you all say. I want to thank you for this opertunity to have my say.
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I am so sorry for the pain you went through as a child -
And you have been an example to me by your act of forgiveness, which has always been a difficult process for me. Thank you, your pain is a lesson to others.
I thank G-d for the Jewish faith, and all the amazing words of wisdom I don't seem to find anywhere else.
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In addition to G-d, I have a constant companion: pain. Most of it is not visible to people, the psoriasis, however shows itself in all its glory ever begging people to ask, "What is THAT?" I've learned to say, "psoriasis, an auto-immune condition" instead of getting all flustered. The rest of the pain is tuned down by pain patches that are 85 times more powerful than Morphine. Still, it hasn't dawned on me to blame G-d. There is no "blame_, it just is...or something I've done, but blame G-d? Nope.
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Wow! That is the most powerful piece about love that i have ever read. .....and it's not even fiction!
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This truly came at an apt time: I find myself angry, almost daily, at G-d. For two years of unemployment, broken by a 6 month job where I made mistakes and was fired, but somehow I know G-d could have averted my fate, softened the hearts of my work enemies who stayed to prosper and earn money, while my anxiety rages daily, and I am left exhausted with money problems, health issues and hopelessness. And so I say to G-d, you treat me half-badly, I will observe yoru mitzvot in the same manner. Sometimes, I can't daven for my lividness closes the humility that is needed to pray. Yet each night, I tell myself G-d loves you and will make the bad good in due time; the past held tragedies that turned into positives and led to growth. Shakespeare said it best: Life is told by an idiot (people who don't understand), full of sound and fury"...
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I read JayLitvin's (of blessed memory) story and was swept away in waves of tears. I have been angry at G-d for almost two years now and I realise that is why I feel so lonely. It never occured to me. I lost my job because of illness, then my husband lost his job due to the recession. I cannot accept what I did was so bad for me to deserve this pain and worry everyday. Now I realise that what is happening to me is not a punishment but an opportunity to learn. I hope the faith G-d has put in my ability to gain wisdom will not be wasted but I feel so humble and ashamed that I have left it so long. I fear I have forgotten how to speak to the Almighty but I guess the best place to start is the Siddur.
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So many people struggle with this exact issue of forgiving G-d, maybe for havng an absent parent, or things not gong well for no apparent reason and they feel strange thinking that how can they 'a mere human' be unabe to forgive G-d but its our human fallibility that makes us able to hold grudges in a way that the Almighty G-d is unable to, however G-d teaches us to love and thus teaches us forgiveness which is a very important part of the faith. Many Thanks for this aritcle!
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Thank you for sharing, and showing the Love and Forgiveness of our Lord with such wonderful words of Understanding.
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I was in Israel last year with my 2 sisters, and it was a blessing to us. Now I would like to learn more.
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I've got the "cure" for forgiveness: Open your Torah and read Leviticus 19:17-18. Holding a grudge is a sin! If we love our neighbor as ourselves but we hate our neighbor, then, in truth, we hate ourselves!
The odd thing is that some grudges go back centuries! Families fight for centuries over who stole whose goat!
Carrying a grudge hurts someone but not the person you think is hurt, YOU are hurt. Carrying a grudge attracts more grudges and more...until you are so weighted down with hate and anger you have to go to your bed, exhausted from lugging those grudges around. It has been proven medically that anger and hate can be the genesis of cancer! The mind is where anger, hate and grudges reside...and the mind can and does cause illnesses such as cancer and worse.
When you love someone, how do you feel? How do you feel when you hate them? It is a totally different feeling, so first love G-d with all your heart and THEN you will have to love your neighbor. Happy 5770!
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I have a history of abuse in all forms since I was a small child, which is still with me into my 50+ and I have sought alcahol, drugs, food, and anything to fill the gap caused because of hate and hurt in the back of my soul.
I awoke one morning to a waking dream and heard the Lord telling me He was taking me on a trip to the deepest and darkest place in my soul. I was afraid and angry and wanted to strike out at those that hurt me! The Lord told me to give all those old feelings to Him and I would be free to forgive the ones that have hurt me in the past. I did this on an going thing, and I still to this day see things that I have forgotten and I go and give that pain and hurt to my G--d and He is healing me so that I can finally learn what real love is. My part is to free the ones that hurt me by telling them I forgive them, even if they act like it never happened, so they can confess their sin and be redeemed by the Lord also. I hope this story of my life will help others.
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Good on you, Eula! I'm proud of you.
Big hugs...
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I felt rejected and angry when my marriage dissolved and my children turned against me as a result, despite the fact that all I had hoped and prayed for deeply was a peaceful home and healthy children. After all, it seemed to run counter to what I've been taught, that our deepest desires are granted by the One Above, esp. when they are so lofty.
A year later, as I perceive how I've grown from my experiences, I feel that my anger has dissipated, that I can now accept that G-d is doing this all "for my own good". I still have a long way to go before achieving my own perfection; I too have not been blameless in my marriage and my childrearing.
It is additionally helpful for me to think of forgiving G-d for His "wrongdoing" as I want him to forgive mine.
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