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My heart skipped a beat as I grasped that this child had already internalized a harsh reality, i.e. "To feel is to fail." To be a "man" means to be tough, in full control of one's emotions and immunized against fear, pain and sadness. 11 Comments Posted
I found your article to be very insightful ,however i cannot begin to describe my deeply rooted frustration that this article like many others are most always targeted at women . Articles such as this constantly put pressure on women , citing all the ways in which they should stunt ,or moderate their emotions behavior to "keep" their man . The truth is there are not nearly enough articles geared towards men to show them how to "keep" intelligent , feeling , and beautiful women, who according to articles such as this should take the "martyr" role for the man . Yes understanding ,compromise etc are mutual . It is men who need to be schooled , in order to evolve and begin to appreciate the fierce and beautiful , and powerful beings that women are , in order to stop mental ,emotional, and physical abuse that is so prevalent in culture .
This lets men know that they don't need to work on themselves&that the woman's fear of loosing him only enables him not to change.
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I agree fervently with Anna
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Dear Anna. Thank you for writing. My goal is not to put pressure on women, but only to help them realize tht men process feelings differently and that if women want to help make feelings more accessible to men, then they will have to make it a pleasurable experience.
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Frustration of some men with women is not in women having emotions (men have emotions too) or expressing them, but using emotions (and intuition) to make decisions. Men tend to use facts and ideas to make decisions.
Anna, not all men are the same. :) Some just are not used to living inside a magic ball, without any degree of predictability of behavior.
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Joe, nor are all women the same. I wish you wouldn't generalize. Not all women are irrational and unpredictable, just as not all men are emotionless and cerebral. You know the saying, 'Behind every great man..." Not for nothing.
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So, fine, not all men are the same, not all women are the same. But those who are “not the same” on both sides are hard to come by.
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There are quite a few "F" men, so characterizeing male communication as "T" communication just isn't accurate in many cases. For a much better treatment of optimizing male/female communication, read John Gray's Men Are From Mars, a real classic and deservedly so.
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Women make perfectly nonemotional decisions when it is something they aren't emotional about. Men make emotional decisions about things they are emotional about. Men usually don't have the pride of being emotionally driven to admit that a decision was emotional. Why do so many families have fancy electronics (TV, Radio, etc.)? The men had to have the best, even though a nonemotional selection would have ended with a lower bill for a good enough item.
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I think you'd be very surprised, Joe. The stereotypes are steadily becoming the exceptions.
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Thank you, it opened my eyes!
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B"H
Just yesterday night, I had a conversation with my husband about something very sensive for both and I, being a feeler, was talking and talking about my feelings and wanted him to do the same and feel confortable in doing so. After reading this beutiful article, I discovered that my husband is a thinker and I, being a feeler, get very emotional and didn't understand why he was defensive! It's good to know how to talk to my partner, who happens to be a thinker. Thank you again so much.
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