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When a spouse expresses anger, a peace-seeker can learn not to catch the emotion. An excellent strategy is to respond to someone's rage with sincere interest and curiosity...
I had a situation of this sort. I asked my wife to repeat what she had said, and she insensitively responded, "I said... Why don't you clean out your ears!" This caused me to irrationally lash out like she had said the most offensive thing in the English language. I knew she didn't mean anything by it, but I was so upset, I couldn't stop myself. This caused her to be upset which led to a quarrel. When things calmed down and I wanted to rationally explain my neurotic response, I realized that the object of my rage wasn't my wife at all. It was the years of being bullied in elementary school where my uncontrollable ear wax buildup was often a target of ridicule. I had forgotten all about that, but when she said that phrase, all those emotions came rushing back. It wasn't her fault, she didn't know. I apologized for overreacting.
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The artwork and photgraph attached to this article are horrible. I understand that they are intended to send a message but you've gone too far to make a point.
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Short of divorcing, how can one survive intact in a marriage where one of the partners has borderline personality disorder and refuses to go for help.
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I found the article very helpful. When you are in the heat of anger and frustration it only escalates when the other person gets upset and fights back (which is very hard not to do). It will be difficult for me to take a step back and not get upset at my husband, but by reading this I am more aware and can try to not react.
Thank you!
and- the cartoon and pic. aren't THAT bad Gary, that's what anger looks like.
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I'm a newlywed, and am noticing how much my husband neglects his health. I grew up without a father and always had a fear of abandonment. When I get upset about little things, he can't understand why - but all I see are my past fears and am afraid of losing him prematurely. This article beautifully expresses how situations like this can create rifts and total misunderstandings in marriages. Talking about each other's deepest fears is difficult, but necessary to understand what you may think are your spouse's "qwerks", but are actually deep-seeded issues.
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