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My son is the one who will spill the milk, spoil the game, and if nothing else, will manage to find something to complain about. Sometimes, I just cannot deal with the constant chaos that surrounds him. 6 Comments Posted
The problem child is always an image of a problem parent --one drop of Deut. 6:4 is more than enough to loosen the knot of the whole world (and certainly enough to loosen your child into his world). SHalom.
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Steve's comment is unfortunate. Problem children are not always an image of a problem paarent. A discredited professional coined the label "refrigerator mother" as the cause of autism. This was discredited as unproven. The Chumash requires parents to teach each child according to the child's needs. Parents have to do their best to raise and love their children. Mirish's message is positive and useful in addressing the difficult child. If a child needs more help, the parent will likely try to get help. But, don't automatically blame it on the parents!
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While the suggestions are applicable to dealing with all children, Kirzner neglected to acknowledge another probable reason for this child's many problems--does the child have any hidden physical defects such as poor eyesight or hearing or neurological or chemical imbalances? A trip to a pediatric specialist--I'm sure this parent has taken care of her son's basic needs quite well--might be helpful.
Also, after say, spilling the milk, perhaps the mother can ask in a non accusatory, calm manner if he is feeling ok; is he dizzy and/or weak. Why does he do what he does?--again asked in a calm manner. Hard, I know.
Does the boy confide in his parents about any problems he is having in school or with his friends?
Boys are boys; even the most well intentioned and loving parent sometimes doesn't know what is happening in her child's life--being open and non accusatory might uncover some hidden problems.
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Goodness me Rivka, apportioning blame was the last thing on my mind.
Life skills are developed in the rough and tumble of life, but sometimes being overprotective can hinder this important stage in a child’s development --particularly with sons.
What I meant in my first post was that the image created by the parents--using words and other constructs-- will not correspond exactly with the image G-d makes of Himself in the child.
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Dear Friends:
I think the "Winning Attitudes" advice will be very helpful for the motherin coping with her son. But I would also advise a complete physical, neurological and psychiatric examination of the child.
I once advised an exasperated mother who complained that her younger son "just didn't listen." A neurological scan disclosed that he had petit mal epilepsy, causing him to "blank out" unexpectedly and repeatedly in the middle of conversations, and literally "not hear" things said to him.
Where a child has persistent "problems," a medical or psychiatric condition should be ruled out first.
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I tend to agree with much of what is said. But there is also something that I would like to point out: It is really negativity which "spoils" children. What we should do in most cercumstances is to ignore the wrongs and appraise the good that children do. Besides they will develop more possitive attitudes if they are told what an alternative course of action should be instead of always being accused of rudeness. Dont tell them what not to do, tell them what is desirable...
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