Get Think Jewish Delivered to your Home or Office
HOME | CONTACT US | DONATE LoginLOGIN Ask the RabbiASK THE RABBI
Chabad.org - Torah, Judaism and Jewish Info Blogs
 
Chabad.org » Inspiration & Entertainment » Contemporary Voices » Blogs » Let's Go For Coffee » Not Satisfied with Women’s Role in Judaism








Let's Go For Coffee
PrintSend this page to a friendShare this
Comment26 Comments

Part I: No, I’m Not Satisfied with Women’s Role in Judaism

Several months ago, I was invited to be a part of a panel discussion on women's issues. The participants were a group of women activist and leaders who had come together to discuss, share and brainstorm on the issues facing us as religious Jewish women. The panelists each gave a presentation on how to respond to questions and critique about the role of women in traditional Judaism.

Following our presentations, a lively discussion ensued. Finally, several hours later, there remained a small group, resolute on continuing. The intimate environment now gave way to greater openness. "Tell me," one participant asked, "in all honesty, are you wholly satisfied with the answers you have presented? Do you ever have a remaining niggling doubt?"

This question comes often, in many shapes and sizes, but basically always asking: Do you feel completely satisfied with your understanding of your role and Judaism's position towards women?

To answer honestly, no, I do not feel satisfied. Yes, I have doubts. No, I am not completely comfortable with the answers I have so far arrived at, even the best and most eloquently voiced ones.

But is Judaism a religion of comfort? Is our goal as Torah-observant, G‑d-fearing individuals to suppress our doubts, to vanquish our questions and feel "satisfied" with our positions and understandings?

If you asked me if I was "satisfied" with my level of parenting, I would respond, no, I am not comfortable with how I parent, but constantly strive to be a better mother, to learn new and better ways to develop my children's innate positive qualities and overcome their negative ones. No, I am not satisfied with my marriage, but always seeking more meaningful ways of sharing and communicating. No, I am not satisfied with my children's educational systems and I am forever rallying the teachers and institutions to better their skills, improve their methods and broaden their horizons. No, I am not satisfied with my relationship with G‑d, or the role that spirituality plays in my life, but always yearn to make it more real.

In fact, in just about every area of my life that is significant, I do not have a "comfort level." So why should I feel a comfort level with my role as a Jewish woman?

It reminds me of a discussion I had with a friend several years ago. She called me on one very rainy Lag b'Omer morning, knowing that I had arranged a big event for our community for that special day—in an outdoor park.

Susan (cynically): "So Chana, what do you say now about your G‑d, ruining our opportunity to enjoy a Lag b'Omer event in the outdoors? How do you defend Him?"

Me: "I don't defend Him. He can better defend Himself."

Susan: "What do you mean? You are a religious woman! You need to defend G‑d and what He did this morning."

Me: "Susan, you are a lucky woman."

Susan: "What??"

Me: "Your greatest complaint against G‑d right now is that He made it rain on Lag b'Omer, you are a very lucky woman indeed! I, on the other hand, have far bigger and greater complaints against Him and how He chooses to run His world."

Susan (aghast): "Chana, how can you talk like that? I thought religious people have no complaints against G‑d. And certainly never ever any doubts!"

But contrary to my friend's impression, I believe that that is exactly what Judaism demands of us. Not that we become robots who have no emotions, personality or opinions. Not that we squelch our questions, thought processes, doubts or problems. That is not faith—it is sleeping through life! G‑d wants us to ask, to question, to research and then to ask some more. He wants us to involve our intellectual and emotional faculties in our religious service. Push your buttons, stretch your limits, expand your boundaries and find the answers that talk to you, personally. And once you discover your answers, begin searching again on a whole new level.

It is precisely because I believe that G‑d has such "broad shoulders," that I don't need to "defend" Him and I do not fear to unload my challenges and doubts on Him. Because I believe in His absolute greatness and His infinite wisdom, I don't fear that there aren't answers to my questions—even when I can not find these answers.

So, it is complacency, not questions, that pose a threat to Judaism. If we don't question, how are we expected to grow and develop as intelligent, emotional and spiritual beings?

Moreover, it is these questions that propel us out of the lethargy of our comfort zones – lay people, scholars and great rabbis alike – to dig deeper and discover the greater truths hidden within our eternal Torah.

Because Torah is not man-made, it contains the greatest infinite secrets for each of us to uncover, to live more connected and meaningful lives. Torah is dynamic and it has embedded within it the unique responses and answers to the pressing questions and conflicts of each generation. The more we push our limits, the more we will cause our society to evolve into what is truly G‑d's will for our world, at any given era.

Since Torah is G‑d's divine blueprint for creation, it teaches us how to elevate our world. Since Torah is eternal, it speaks to a whole variety of people on all different levels with all different value systems in all eras and time zones. The common message throughout is: lift yourself from where you currently stand, just a little higher. Torah cannot and does not demand from us that which is beyond our reach, but it does expect us to push our reach, to stand a little taller, towards its ultimate goal of a perfected, rectified world.

For example, throughout history, even in those eras when in the world at large women were considered not more than mere chattel, in Torah societies, there were mandated laws, a ketubah, or contract, listing a husband's obligations and responsibilities towards his wife's happiness and fulfillment and financial stability on the event of divorce or widowhood.

Or the Torah's view on slavery, something that the modern mind, with today's developed value system considers backward and immoral. Centuries ago, however, due to the economic and societal structure of life, slavery was a mainstay, as much for the masters as the slaves. As such, the Torah does not forbid slavery since the world was not ready for this. Instead, Torah tells us very clearly on numerous occasions that it looks askance at the practice of slavery – "These are My servants," G‑d tells us, "[and are] not [intended to be] servants of [My] servants" – and imposes upon the masters such restrictions and laws that, in essence, created a situation where masters were required to respect and treat their slaves in many ways better than themselves.

Polygamy is another such example. The Torah ideal is "every man shall leave his parents and cleave to his wife"—in the singular, one wife and one soulmate. Different circumstances, however, may have necessitated a man marrying more than one wife. Examples are many and hard to fathom from the lens of the twenty-first century, but include times of war when many males died, to times of economic hardship when single, divorced or widowed women within society were left unable to support themselves. Polygamy was necessary then as much for the woman as the man.

And, when the time came when these circumstance became outdated, embedded within the Torah was the power and structure to then abolish what at one time was needed but now would only serve as something destructive to harmonious family life.

(It should be noted that the above applies to allowances that the Torah gives us – such as slavery or polygamy – that might have been based on the needs of a particular time. With regards to the Torah's commandments – every one of them – they are equally applicable to every era and every location [unless the Torah explicitly tells us that a particular mitzvah is contingent upon certain circumstances that no longer exist]. This is regardless of whether a certain commandment suits our "enlightened" sensibilities.)

Since time immemorial, society has undergone many changes and fluctuations. There were times of plenty and times when it was a battle just to survive. Throughout, Torah has consistently been one step ahead in educating us to live a higher moral code, in encouraging a deeper level of education (for both its men and womenfolk) and in demanding a greater responsibility towards the vulnerable in society. These higher ideals were always reflected in the attitude towards the Jewish woman as well.

Our world today is still maturing and evolving. We live in an imperfect world and we await the time when we will experience the rectified state that G‑d had originally envisioned for our world. But until we get there, and to help us get there, our tools are questioning, researching, digging deeper within the Torah, and within ourselves, to make the necessary changes to make our world better. Complacency and satisfaction with where we are at is never a response.

This is true for all areas of Torah and this is true as well with the Torah's attitude and role for women.

So, where am I getting at? And in which ways would I like to see change in the role of the Jewish woman? Stay tuned for "Part Two: What I love about being a Jewish woman and where I'd love to see change"


26 Comments Posted  |  Post A Comment
Reader Comments
Latest Comments:
Posted: Nov 16, 2011
Womanhood
I enjoyed the article immensely. The way the author wrote the article was very enlightening and helped me to understand our positions as mothers, teachers, and the "moon". There are so many people who need to hear this message. I hope the author can talk to all organizations not only in the Jewish community but the whole community, all PTA's, women's groups, and state educational services. The role of women is critical to society and our country.
Posted By Anonymous, Brick, NJ

Posted: July 15, 2011
role of women in Judaism
Another hit for Chana Weisberg. She must be a very smart lady. i would like to meet her someday.
Posted By jdv, paramus, nj

Posted: July 1, 2011
mothering as secondary
You describe other people that describe mothering as secondary, but that is not the argument in today's world. It is that nurturing is just as important for the father as the mother. If the mother is staying home friday night or saturday with the children, then why isn't the father? The father's role in the family is just as important as the mother's.
If the mother is so important, then maybe she should be accorded seats of honor in the shul, not behind a curtain or upstairs. Give her honors for all that she does.
I ws home for 13 years with children. I returned to the workplace because being a mother is not all that I was, I am more than a mother, more than my career, more than my hobbies, I am a collection of all those things, including daughter and friend. I shouldn't have to define myself one way or have to justify my many sides.
Posted By Helene, Silver Spring, Maryland

Posted: May 23, 2011
Roles of women, roles of gender...
To be a mother is more superior to going out to a job or career, as it is far more difficult, involves more devotion, sacrifice & negating of the ego etc - so of course women can be successful in careers (After all, we sing Aishet Chayil every week, about a woman who is a jack of all trades!). The error comes when all things feminine are seen as being on a lower status to all things masculine. What is the tin tacks of that which is feminine? gestation, nurture, nourishment....the world is in the dire state it is in because people see such things as invalid, second rate - the very foundation and mechanics of how the world functions is reliant on the feminine!
Of course a woman can do everything a man does - but she does that, and then more than a man! A man can only contribute but half an idea, it only bears fruit when it is deemed viable when it attaches to the woman's half idea, and that idea can only grow in a feminine environment.
Posted By Rivkah, Perth, WA

Posted: Mar 1, 2011
Roles of Women in Judaism
I truly enjoyed the article. I myself am not Orthodox Jewess myself but I do understand what Chana is saying. Not everywoman has the chance to be able to stay at home and nurture her family in a religious way. I read Womin in Judaism at Torah.Org by Leah Kohn. Mrs Kohn discusses how women in the working world can be effective as Jewish women. Mrs. Kohn is Orhodox but she has a unique take on it all. I believe that whichever way you choose in Judaism there is a place for all women to celebrate being Jewish regardless of which sect you belong to.

Every Jewish woman has a chance to change things in the world we live in, I am sure in a positive way. I applaud every woman who can celebrate Judaism in the way that makes them whole. G-d Bless us all.
Posted By Mrs. Malka Esther Miller

Posted: Feb 22, 2011
To "anonymous", Feb 20th.
You didn't see what I was referring to because the format of this article HAS CHANGED since I commented on it.

This article was not in 2 parts when i first commented on it.

Read part 2, please.

Mrs. Weisberg writes:

"I find it demeaning in secular society that women have to twist themselves into a mold to feel that they can succeed."

A woman that enjoys working is NOT "demeaning" herself, rather she is keeping her skills sharp and paying her bills rather than waiting for a knight in shining armor that, most of the time, will never come.
Posted By rox, Hazleton, PA

Posted: Feb 20, 2011
To rox
Which article did you read?
Not one claim in your comment fits with the information written in the above article.

Posted By Anonymous

Posted: Oct 24, 2010
Lifestyles
Once again, Mrs. Weisberg writes article that paints women that work outside the home with the same palette...as someone who desires to "fit" into the role of a man.

So a teacher who loves to work with children is painting herself as a man because she works outside the home?

And once again, the author doesn't seem to recognize that women nowadays have more opportunities than ever when it comes to being able to support themselves.

A woman who does not have a reserve of finances, and who has NOT found a man to do all the money making FOR her is NOT going to eat for very long without working outside the home. Is this "trying to fit into the mold of a man"?

Mrs. Weisberg is primarily a MOTHER. Not a woman, not a wife, a MOTHER. And that's great...hey, whatever keeps you out of trouble. And I do appreciate the value of finding a good man and the importance of "home base". But please desist from articles that state that the ONLY way to be "feminine" is to stay at home with children.
Posted By rox, Hazleton, PA

Posted: Jan 27, 2010
To Maayan:
I highly recommend How a Daughter of the Enlightenment Ends Up in a Wig, where you can read how one woman came to appreciate and understand the meaning of the hair covering.
Posted By Menachem Posner for Chabad.org

Posted: Jan 27, 2010
everything
I really like so much what you wrote!!! It is so encouraging. I am coming back from very far in my life .and I wish to live a life like that! I am going through a big inner healing process through studying the Torah. The Torah is the most beautiful thing that G-d left us!
Just a question if you say contrary than moslims we do not need to wear a burka, than why some women wear a wig? Do I have to? Why covering all the hair?
Posted By maayan, La Mirada, California


 



By Chana Weisberg   More by this authors...  |   RSS Listing of Newest Articles by this Author
Chana Weisberg is the Director of Editorial Management at Chabad.org. She authored several books, including her latest, Tending the Garden: The Unique Gifts of the Jewish Woman. She has served as the dean of several women’s educational institutes, and lectures internationally on issues relating to women, faith, relationships and the Jewish soul.

The content on this page is copyrighted by the author, publisher and/or Chabad.org, and is produced by Chabad.org. If you enjoyed this article, we encourage you to distribute it further, provided that you comply with the copyright policy.