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Do You Know Where Your Teenager is?--An Ode to All Teens

Dedicated to my three teenagers

You've begun to work for a new company. During your first many weeks, you are learning the ropes, figuring out how to accomplish your assignments most efficiently. You are awed by the range of the company, overwhelmed by its many divisions and the extensive systems in place that execute its vision.

You are the new kid on the block, and like a newborn you gaze with reverential wonder and worshipful submission at your surroundings.

There is resistance. There are raised eyebrows. There are the nay-sayers and there are the know-it-alls.

And then…as time passes, you perceive a change within. You begin to notice inefficiencies in the hierarchy, leaks in the system, mistakes or lacks in the production line. You are no longer so new to the job that you are silenced by the higher-ups, but you are also not so entrenched in the company that you can't see beyond the set infrastructure. You bring new blood and a fresh perspective that visualizes how and where change can be effective. You have ideas and foresight that can revolutionize the old, and the stale.

And so…in your own way, you begin to make dents in the way things are done. At first, it is only on a small scale, but with growing courage, you begin to tackle issues company-wide. You suggest new projects and revolutionary proposals well beyond your jurisdiction. You want to inspire others to sail along with your dreams. What you lack in experience you are more than willing to make up in initiative, energy and exuberance.

And that's when you hit against the inertia. You encounter it at every step of the way. There is resistance. There are raised eyebrows. There are the nay-sayers and there are the know-it-alls. For every two steps of progress, someone is forcing you to regress one.

And soon…despite your convictions, you once again discern a change within. The criticism is having its effect. The sparkle of determination in your eyes has dimmed. You begin to wonder why you are expending so much effort. For the first time you hear yourself saying, "This isn't my department" and "I can't change the world." You've settled down. You've begun to accept the status quo, the easy path—the one with less resistance. You stop tackling new undertakings.

You've just entered into your complacent adulthood.


A baby enters this world. For his first many years, the child is discovering the wonder of his new world. He is awed by his environment, reverent of his elders who provide instruction, infrastructure and guidance.

But then, as time progresses, he becomes a teenager. That's when he realizes that things aren't functioning as perfectly as he originally believed. There are inconsistencies in the system, unfair hypocrisies, incongruities and distorted priorities. He wants change and what he knows he lacks in experience and wisdom, he's ready to make up with his stamina, convictions, enthusiasm and energy.

And then somewhere along the path to maturity, the teen encounters too many obstacles, too many nay-sayers, too many people telling him to mind his own business and stop rebelling against what is. His inspiration becomes quashed, his initiative dies.

To the outside eye, he may have "settled down" and outgrown his impractical idealism or youthful rebelliousness, but intuitively he knows he's lost a part of himself.

The Rebbe saw the years of teens as ones full of an unparalleled idealism and strength that just needed to be channelled appropriately:

The period of adolescence is nestled between childhood and adulthood. Teenagers are overflowing with adrenaline and confidence, feeling:"I want to change the way the world works." Adults burdened by the pressures of everyday life, convince themselves that this is the way it is, but young people cannot tolerate such resignation.

Youth are rebellious. But rebellion is not a crime. It can be the healthiest thing for a human—an energy that inspires a person to not give up easily, to refuse to tolerate injustice, to not go along with an idea just because everyone else is thinking it.


Some of us retain our youthful drive our entire lives; others never experience it.

No matter what our age, though, there is a "teenager" within each of us. In every situation that we find ourselves, we have the opportunity to find the positive aspects of our teenage perspective and harness its power. Bubbling within us is that youthful idealism--that ability to question the status quo, to fight for the underdog and to follow the dreams of our beliefs with undaunted courage and determination.

Let's not follow the nay-sayers. Or become one.


Reader Comments
Latest Comments:
Posted: June 4, 2008
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH teenagers
I was getting really excited thinking this is meant to be.. they are talking teenagers and I have two of them that are in the throws of whatever it is teenagers have. How appropriate I would see this and read it.. But ... there wasn't the understanding compassion of what a parent goes through during this period. No you had to make sense..But... Just the other day i was glad that my teenager was protesting some rules I had made, because it meant that it wasn't just defiance but he was standing up for himself and although I wasn't happy about it, I was happy for him that he was growing and maturing. It's also part of being a Jewish person it's that strength to never give up. Relentless trying to make a point and passion for what you bellieve. Parents of teens are reminded of their faith every day.. they pray it will all end soon. In a good way of course! But we pray and we pray! because we are tested every day.
Posted By Stacey, redondo beach, california

Posted: June 4, 2008
My teenager has been missing for over five years
I saw this subject title and wanted to ask for your prayers. I have been plundered just as Israel and Rachael weeping bitterly for her children for they were no more. Vengence is mine saith the Lord. Please pray for God to avenge the outpoured blood of His servants. And that my work will be rewarded so that my children can come home from the land of the enemy and God's ending for our lives will not be cut off. My baby is fourteen now and her name is Angel. Her brother is missing too. He is 20 and His name is Bobby. Thanks again,
Posted By Anonymous, Richland, Missouri

Posted: May 28, 2008
teenagers vs. hanhala/parents/etc.
Your description of the teenage years is both poetic and profound. The glitch is that some "educators" (meaning the ones that call themselves that) don't understand this process as you've described it Rather than take the time to figure out what these precious souls are trying to say, and sometimes crying out to say,...they hand out labels, "chutzpahdik" "trouble-maker" "ADHD--needs medication" or worst of all, "going off the derech." I hate to sound negative, as I know there are many true educators out there, but sometimes the damage done by those who are "educators" in name only,is immeasurable and hard to repair. We live in a confused and challanging world. These last few moments of galus are so dark and our teens need so much warmth, guidance, & CHESED.
Parents and teachers, please, take care of these precious, growing souls with great care. Daven for the wisdom to reach each teen in the way he or she needs. It's holy work and Hashem is trusting us to do it right!
Posted By M.H., North Miami Beach, Florida

Posted: May 26, 2008
the direction of this d'var torah truly had me fooled! Yasher Koach!
Posted By Anonymous

Posted: May 26, 2008
Advice
Just an idea, that holds true in the corporate world as well as in the endeavors of life:

Find a co-worker or good friend with whom you can share your dreams and visions. It's often hard to fight city hall on your own...

Thanks for an insightful article!
Posted By Yankel

Posted: May 26, 2008
This is so true to life
Wow. Thank you so much for so aptly describing and explaining a beautiful phenomenon. This really gives me chizuk. Thank you so much- God bless. I'm fowarding this one around.
Posted By Mindy F, Brooklyn, NY


 



By Chana Weisberg   More by this authors...  |   RSS Listing of Newest Articles by this Author
Chana Weisberg is a writer, editor and lecturer. She authored several books, including her latest, Tending the Garden: The Unique Gifts of the Jewish Woman. She has served as the dean of several women’s educational institutes, and lectures internationally on issues relating to women, faith, relationships and the Jewish soul.

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